Mental toughness has long been a popular area of study for me. It began years ago as I coached little kids. One player with fairly limited skills and abilities would battle through all adversity until he succeeded. Undeterred by difficulty, defeat and failure – this player seemed quick to recover and get on with his pursuit of success. Contrast that player with a much more skilled player who allowed the smallest challenge to defeat him. He’d quickly give up and want to quit. Success just didn’t seem as important to him.
I’d find myself devoting more and more time to the skilled player hoping to encourage him to battle through the tough times. Encouraging this player to not give up sometimes became job one. It had nothing to do with the player’s skill. It was all about this child’s apparent need to learn that adversity is just part of life – and that it must be managed. Sometimes it can be overcome. Sometimes it can avoided. But sometimes, it just must be endured. And it was equally important for me to demonstrate to these young players that we all face challenges. Our success isn’t determined by the size of our adversity, but rather by the size of our willingness and determination to overcome it.
I bought books on mental toughness. I talked with veteran coaches. I even visited with professional coaches. I developed relationships with coaches from all parts of the country. I even tracked down coaches from European countries. I was looking for techniques and strategies that might help young children learning to play a game. The bigger lessons were almost always in the art of tenacity. It was a noble quest – the quest to teach children how to conquer their fears, overcome adversity and keep moving forward.
I despise the “everybody gets a trophy” notion. It robs our children of resolve. It hinders their ability to properly deal with adversity. It gives them artificial expectations. It does not elevates a child’s self-esteem. I’ve looked into the eyes of too many kids to know the futility of sending every child home with a trophy.
No matter what our age there is a simple, profound answer for chasing down a dream – for making sure we endure until our dreams are realized. It’s simply this: make up your mind to outlast your adversity by just one moment!
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