I’ve been part of many communities or organizations. Back in high school lots of guys wanted to be in different clubs because if you were accepted into certain clubs you could get good looking dates. Some clubs had strict criteria for admission. The National Honor Society required good grades, and solid recommendations from teachers. The sports teams required some athleticism (unless your high school teams weren’t very good).
All of the clubs and organizations had various requirements for admission. The more difficult they were to get in, the more exclusive they were – and typically, the more people wanted inside. The brainiac club (whatever name it was) was the likely exception.
It’s been said that people can only maintain about 150 meaningful connections. That is, we may find it difficult to manage personal connections with more than 150 people. I know some people who find it hard to connect with 1 person. And I know others who can’t seem to stop connecting. So, I’m unsure about that number, but I do tend to think most people wisely limit how many people they truly trust, rely on and consider “close friends.”
But then, there’s the “casual friend” or acquaintance. People we know. People who know us, or know of us. But it’s all virtual, or distant or quite casual. These are not people we’d call up to bail us out of jail if we ever got in trouble. Okay, bad example. These aren’t people we’d call up to borrow their pick up and ask if they’d help us move. That’s pretty personal. Or rude.
Enough beating around the bush. Community. Groups. Clubs. Call them whatever you’d like, but the other day I started thinking of all the groups that are part of my life. Some of them are paid groups. Some are free. At least in dollars. And I have a confession to make. You’re likely to think badly of me when I tell you my confession, but I can’t help it. I won’t lie to you about it.
Most of the groups to which I belong are utterly worthless. Hate me if you want, but it’s true – at least as I see it. Let me explain, if you’ve not shut me out by now.
Do you know how many forums you’re a member of? How many forums have you registered for? How many of them did you abandon over time? Me, too.
How much value do you get from all the groups to which you belong? Have you ever tried to quantify the value?
Well, I have. And I found that almost all the groups to which I belonged were…well, worthless. Now don’t get me wrong. Some of them were terrific time wasters. A few might even have offered some occasional entertainment value. But the time/money to reward ratio was ridiculously low in almost ALL of them.
No, I won’t list them, but I will tell you that I have unsubscribed to quite a few lately. I’ve canceled some subscriptions. I’ve exited the worthless groups to which I was joined. And it wasn’t just “low value” that caused me to do this. It was listening to the lemmings that started my self-examination. I realized that the mass group-think had begun to erode my creativity and productivity. I kept seeing the group collectively applaud the group’s rockstar. I suddenly realized that I was in a group, which necessarily made me just like the others in the group – I had become a GROUPIE.
Can you believe it, me a groupie? It’s true. And I hated myself for it. Come on. I know you can’t be remarkable and be a groupie. You can’t follow the herd and be unique. But in too many instances I found I was spending too much time (and money) doing just that. So, I decided to step out. Yep, I literally and virtually stepped out.
I quit. And it felt very, very good.
I unsubscribed from forums. I unsubscribed from RSS feeds. I canceled some paid forums. I canceled paid memberships. I decided I was going to be more selective with my time, attention and money! And it felt terrific.
You know what it felt like?
It felt the same way you feel if you make up your mind to not check email for a day or two. You just think it’ll kill you, but it doesn’t. In fact, once you embrace it – it feels quite good, doesn’t it? All that stuff you’re afraid you’re missing…you don’t miss at all. Life goes on. Sometimes a better life goes on.
I know your fear. Silence. Not knowing what’s going on. Being out of the loop. I also know why you won’t likely become remarkable. You won’t step out. You won’t say “good-bye” to the crowd. You love the crowd. You love knowing what everybody is saying on Twitter. You crave reading everybody’s Facebook update. You’re terrified that somebody somewhere will say something and you won’t hear it. And you’re petrified that your life will be meaningless without it.
You want to hear what everybody else is saying. Sometimes you want to chime in and tell them how wonderful they are for saying it. And how you agree. You always want to voice your approval of the rockstars in your life. You’re a lemming and you want to run full speed off the cliff. It’s fun. Everybody’s doing it.
YOU ARE WRONG.
So was I.
Most conversations aren’t worth hearing. Most aren’t worth participating in. Most information isn’t profitable in making you better, or in helping you become remarkable. Not every link on Twitter is worth following. Not every Tweet is worth re-Tweeting. Not every book is worth reading. Not every podcast is worth hearing (except for mine, of course). Honestly, sometimes mine aren’t worth hearing. Not every video is worth watching. Not every blog post is worth scanning. It’s a fact and you know I’m right – MOST communication and MOST groups are just not worth your time. Remarkable is scarce!
But, what if somebody says something and I don’t hear it? That’s your fear, isn’t it? Sure it is.
Well, here’s the sad truth. Even if all the conversations were worthwhile (and they aren’t), you couldn’t possibly hear them all anyway. Turn off the TV for a week. Don’t read any blogs for a week. Don’t read anything for a week. I love to read, but I’m telling you – go cold turkey for a week. Disconnect. Step out. Step away. Climb inside your head, with your own thoughts and your own ability to THINK. Write. Craft. Be creative. You won’t miss a thing. Your world won’t stop turning either.
But wait, Randy, what if I had done this when the Apple iPad came out? I wouldn’t have heard all the buzz about it.
So?
Keep following all the social media stars. Keep following all the gurus. Keep buying every offer from your favorite Internet Marketing SuperStar. Keep joining every community where people are gathering. Keep reading all the Twitter feeds. Keep chasing more followers. Keep looking for the secrets, formulas and blueprints. Keep failing. Please, do it…
Because when you refuse to step out from the crowd it makes it easier for the rest of us to become remarkable.
Update Monday, April 26th: You might enjoy this blog/podcast from Remarkable Retail if you’re rather fond of the idea of stepping out. Thanks!
