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You don’t want anybody to tell you what to do. But sometimes you may secretly wish they would. Tell you what to do. How to fix something. 

Running a business can be daunting some days. Especially when we’re up against something unfamiliar. But in the last few years, I’ve learned quite a lot from my grandkids. Especially the youngest one who I long ago nicknamed, “Road Rash Roy” because he’s always got a mark on his face as proof that he’s figuring things out. Bumps and bruises don’t slow him down. No, his real name is not Roy, but I do call him that. 😉  (his real name is Cason)

We’re business owners. A lot like 3-year-0lds. We don’t want to be told what to do. We don’t want others to do it for us. We want to figure it out for ourselves.

Like 3-year-olds we also are smart enough to know sometimes we need a little help. More than that, we need encouragement. Because we enjoy showing off. In all the best ways. 

Like Roy, we’re climbing. Finding the next handhold. Or foothold. Doing our best to not fall. 

Sometimes we’re gonna get a knot on our forehead. Or a scrape on our chin. It happens when you’re doing things you’ve not done before. Or when you’re doing things that you haven’t mastered quite yet. And when you’re pushing hard to achieve something that’s tough.

We need that curiosity and bravery of a 3-year-old climber. We need the freedom and encouragement, too. Roy does better when he’s got an audience. It can just be his mom with her iPhone. An audience of one is enough when it’s the right one.

But we’re not 3-year-olds. And as much as we may be able to learn from Roy, we’ve got far more experience and know-how. Questions abound. Our curiosity isn’t limited to physical feats like Roy. We wonder about things. We wonder how to address a challenge. Or how to deal with a problem to prevent it from getting bigger. We wonder how to fix things. And how to make something that’s good even better. Our days are driven by ambitions to get better as we grow our enterprise. We want more revenues and profits. And more sanity in our lives, too. That’s why we’re aiming to hit that trifecta of business building – getting new customers, serving existing customers better and not going crazy in the process.

Roy sometimes needs a boost. It can come with words from those of us who love him. It can come with a helping hand to steady him. Sometimes we just show him so he can figure out how to do it for himself. 

Business owners aren’t 3-year-olds. We’re in our head a lot more than Roy. Which is why adults are required to keep him safe. He’s unaware of real dangers. Impulses drive him. 

We’re driven by data, information, and instincts. There’s quite a lot to think through. A lot to see. What may look like a good place to grab as we’re climbing may actually be a dangerous handhold. If only somebody could help us see what we don’t. 

Men and women. Roy needs all of us. His dad (my son). Me. His mom (my daughter-in-law). My wife. And there are others in his life. He’s got an older brother. They’ve both got an older sister. Males. Females. Those points of view matter. They serve Roy to learn a perspective he may not otherwise have. It’s insightful for him. Helpful. 

What about YOU?

Roy has safe, trusted people who aren’t preoccupied with themselves at his expense. We’re all serving him to be his very best. As family, Roy had no choice. He’s stuck with us and we all love him very much.

As business owners, we have to be more intentional about it. We have to work harder to put the right people around us. People we can trust. People who are safe. People with whom we can vulnerable. But also people who get what we’re going through. 

Like Roy we need men and women so we can gain as many insights from as many different viewpoints as possible. That helps us eliminate blind spots. It gives us the courage we sometimes need to pursue our questions. And our answers. Like Roy, it all works to help us figure it out for ourselves. 

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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I checked today’s Ballard Street daily cartoon and here it is. Fitting. Given that this weekend I’ve been thinking of how sometimes people think our vision of the future is nonsense. We come up with ideas, plans, and strategies that we’d like to execute only to find somebody (maybe a whole bunch of somebodies) who don’t think our idea has legs.

In the last few years, I’ve spent a considerable amount of time thinking about how important our beliefs are. Beliefs that our idea is valid. Beliefs that our execution will work, and if it doesn’t, that we’ll figure out a better execution that will. Our beliefs in ourselves and what we’re pursuing. 

Small business owners aren’t immune from caring what other people think. Generalizations about every group or segment of the population abound. But the truth is, we can’t lump everybody in the same pile by ascribing the exact same traits to everybody. 

Entrepreneurs come in every possible shape and size. Physically, emotionally, personality and any other way you’d like to measure folks. Introverts. Extroverts. Highly educated. Quite undereducated. From happy childhoods. From abusive childhoods. For every measuring stick you can find (or think of), there are successful business owners at each end of the spectrum. What binds us together is our humanity. In show 5053 I talked briefly about being human. A good human.

Last night on 60 Minutes there was a story about Elizabeth Holmes and the Theranos deception. It’s a story of greed, lies, and boldness to appear as something other than what you truly are. Raising millions and millions of dollars, the founders took the company to a one-time valuation of $10 billion. Today, it’s worthless and facing an avalanche of lawsuits and government investigations. It’s a story of intentional deception to orchestrate what people think so they’ll invest. To say it’s poor human behavior is a gross understatement. It displays the depths some people may go to in order to foster a persona that is completely fabricated. Dishonest.

Contrast that story with you. Not raising any money or looking for big outside investors. Working hard to build a profitable sustainable business that you and your family can be proud of. Serving your employees, customers, and community. Committed to doing the right thing. Overcoming all the hurdles presented by the market, regulators and whatever else would kill your enterprise. A good human being. Battling whatever odds are against you. Because YOU believe. Deeply.

And now somebody – somebody you care about and who cares about you – is expressing their disbelief. We all have people in our lives who love us – or claim to – but they don’t really believe in us. Or our idea. Or our execution. 

We’re business people. Sure, we’re dreamers, but we’re not *just* dreamers. Like Neal in that Ballard Street cartoon, we take action. Okay, I don’t advise any of us to follow Neal’s choice, but he’s making the point pretty well. He stops thinking about what other people think. 

Because we’re good people we care what others think, especially the people closest to us. That doesn’t mean they dictate our lives, but they may – more than we’d like to admit. It certainly means thoughts creep into our head when they express hesitation or outright disagreement with our plans. We can begin to doubt ourselves. Or not.

But there’s an even more practical daily application in our businesses. Thinking about what other people think can negatively impact our daily work. Not that others disbelieving in our work isn’t practical. There’s a big impact. Doubt is always an enormous enemy. I’d argue it’s THE enemy! But our day-to-day operating can be impacted, too. So it’s a double-edged sword that can cripple us.

Do you have an employee who is underperforming, but you’ve not done a good job of confronting the issue? You’re unsure how to approach it and how to coach it?

Do you have fears when you face a big negotiation?

Are you sometimes fearful to share any bad news with people who may be able to help you…because you don’t want them to think badly of you?

We’re business owners. With feelings, thoughts, ideas, emotions…and whatever else makes us US. It’s disingenuous to say, “Just don’t worry about it.” That can make us worry about it more. 

Fear is a big, big deal. Fear of what others think is a large elephant in the room for many of us. Just today I read a story posted by the World Economic Forum about being popular at work. There’s status popularity and then there’s likeability popularity. Some of us are driven to be liked. We care what people think of us. 

I’m not going to kick this week off busting your chops. Telling you how stupid that is. I get it. 

I don’t get the Elizabeth Holmes way of life. I can’t imagine living life every day knowing that you’re only growing bolder in your lies. So don’t expect me to throw rocks at you for caring what others think. She should have cared a bit more. I’d like to think somewhere she just lost her way, but I don’t know. 

Here’s what I want to leave you with today – it’s not that what others think about us, or our choices, doesn’t matter. It’s simply that you and I can’t allow what they think to matter more than what we think. It’s OUR LIFE. These are OUR CHOICES. This is OUR BUSINESS. 

Then how can we accomplish this – this caring less what others think?

1. You know that you must deeply believe in what you’re doing. That’s what has helped you get to where you are. It’s also what will take you further into the Land of Success. You know this. You believe this. Don’t stop believing this.
2. Give grace to others who express disbelief in you or your plans. They’re not you. They don’t know what you know. They don’t feel what you feel. They’re as uniquely them as you’re uniquely you. And some may not be able to express themselves clearly. Be empathetic toward them, but don’t forget that you aren’t them. 
3. Eliminate toxic people. Some people who disagree with your plans or work don’t come from a place of caring. Some want you to fail. Others are jealous. People who habitually tell you what you should do, and what you shouldn’t do are too judgmental to allow close proximity. Shove them to the outer circles of your life if you can’t kick them to the curb altogether. I’m in favor of banishment, but I realize it’s not always possible. Severely limit your interaction with these people (at the least).
4. Replace those people with people who will help you – not by agreeing with everything you plan, or do, but by helping you think more clearly. We need people who will ask us questions. Not in a judgmental way, but in a way to help us think through things we may not be seeing. Gather people around you who are capable of helping you gain insights. Safe, supportive people. But people willing to challenge us so we can grow and move forward.
5. Never forget that you control your life. Others only have whatever control we surrender to them. Do what you must do. Great leaders see the future first. Don’t expect others to always see what you see. Some will. Many won’t. You have to deeply believe in what you’re doing so you actually can visualize and feel as though it’s already been achieved. Guard that as ferociously as you’d guard and protect your family. Don’t let others penetrate the sanctity of beliefs. If they’re so easily influenced then you may want to spend time thinking more deeply about how much faith you’ve got in them (your ideas, strategies, plans, actions or whatever else). Increase your faith. That’s why step 3 and 4 are so important. 

As with many things, sometimes it’s addition by subtraction. The people who influence us in destructive ways have to be eliminated from our lives. And we have to concentrate on eliminating serious doubt from our lives. It can be done, but it takes a sober, thoughtful, ongoing approach. And some patience. It’s like developing an underused muscle. Start flexing it and it’ll get stronger. 

And add others who can be supportive. It’s the old empty and refill principle. Get rid of some stuff. Replace it with other, more useful stuff. Start today!

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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The title is a line from William Faulkner’s 1930 novel, As I Lay Dying. I don’t know if you believe in an afterlife or not. But the line Faulkner wrote during the 168 or so odd hours he spent writing this story, from the hours of midnight to 4 am over the course of six weeks, captures not only our imagination but our emotions. It’s not lost on me that 168 hours is also the number of hours in one week. Nor is it lost on me that this work was produced in 1929 while Faulkner while worked night shifts at the University of Mississippi Power House. I suppose keeping tabs on a power plant at night isn’t arduous enough work to prevent a writer from writing. But then again, perhaps nothing is powerful enough to prevent a true writer from writing. He’s just gotten married and was only 32. 

I’m well past 32, but the line he wrote in the wee hours of one night in 1929 provides sober notions of what really matters in our life. And provides some sense of urgency about what we must do with life in this sphere. 

In 2016 a TED talk was published featuring Robert Waldinger, the current director of a 75-year study on adult development. In the presentation, Dr. Waldinger, a psychiatrist, asks and answers the question, “What makes a good life?” I only take issue with the lack of spiritual considerations, but you should take about 13 minutes and watch it. Spoiler alert: it’s relationships!

It’s not money. Or fame. Or power. It’s people. It’s connection. 

From a work perspective – and even a personal perspective – our lives are largely measured by the people in our lives. Those we surround ourselves with. Those who allow us to surround them. 

“Memory believes before knowing remembers.” 

That’s another line from the novel. Brilliant enough to make me envious of Faulkner’s wordsmithing talents. 

Hitting the trifecta of business building is hard work. Doable, but hard. 

Sometimes getting new customers seems impossible. Or it seems like we just can’t accomplish it with any measure of predictability. 

Sometimes serving existing customers is the hard part. No sooner have we gained a customer, but we face challenges to perform as we should. Systems and processes sometimes fail us. And our customers.

But today, I’m focused on the third leg of the trifecta – the not going crazy in the process. Some CEO’s and owners think it’s the froo-froo stuff they don’t want to think about, much less talk about. If that’s you, I empathize with you, but I’m not talking to you. Growing great is for more open-minded, and open-hearted business people. People willing to acknowledge that sometimes their business drives them nuts. But people unwilling to accept the notion that “that’s just how it is.”

This is about living. It’s about living in a way where we have far more great moments than not. Where we’re impacting people by helping them achieve levels of success unlikely without us. Where our suppliers, customers and employees – and their families – are all benefiting because of the business we own and operate. It’s the two words I admit drive me today: legacy and significance. 

I don’t consider Faulkner’s words to be so morose.  I consider them challenging. Challenging us to get to the heart of the matter. To face the reality of why we started our businesses, or why we currently own and operate them. Of all the things we could be doing instead of whatever it is we’re doing — we’re choosing to do this. Why?

Death is the end of life here. If we assume we’ll live to be 80 or older, it’s not a lot of time. You’re likely between the ages of 27 and 70. Maybe you’re younger. Maybe older. No matter. You’re either statistically ahead of the “death curve” or behind it. Meaning, you’ve either got more future in front of you than past, or you’ve got more past behind you than future in front of you. This timeline of life is always moving us further up the road toward the end. It’s our reality. All of us.

What Are You Doing With Your Time?

The crux of my work with CEO’s, business owners and leaders isn’t time management. For starters, I don’t believe in it. Not for myself anyway. I prioritize on the fly. Always have. I scan what’s happening and immediately (with speed) put the urgent and important thing up at the very top. Urgent but less important things tend to not be considered urgent for me. I have trouble labeling anything urgent that isn’t important. Illustration: I was out and about and my gas light came on. I pulled into a gas station and fueled up. The morning 38-ounce water bottle I had emptied was catching up with me. I had the urge, but the gas station was one of those cashier booth only kind of places. So I fill up and head toward home. By the time I got home it was urgent. Might not seem so important, but tell my bladder that. It was URGENT. And it was IMPORTANT. I guess somebody may be able to convince me there’s a way something can be urgent without being important, but I don’t live like that. So, I prioritize in real-time. Always have. 

And I get stuff done, then move on. My objective is to fix it the first time, if possible. I’m not interested in patching it up so it’ll hold for a bit to buy me more time. Why would I want to come back and mess with it again if I’m here right now messing with it? It’s a point of view. You can have a different one and I won’t think less of you. 

It all speaks to how we deal with TIME. I’ve just given you a glimpse of how I deal with it. It’s important for us to think more deeply about it because it’s all we’ve got. Our hours, days, months and years make up our lives. And the lives of the people who matter to us. 

People.

What are you doing with your time and the people in your life? 

I’m very involved in church work. The other day somebody asked me about that work and I told them how there are many young adults in my life (my favorite people). Right now, I’m completely focused on serving them to see who may be able and willing to one day serve in leadership. In short, I said, “I’m working really hard to grow future leaders.” First, I had to – and I still have to – invest in myself to become a better leader. And I do. 

I spend time with myself. I spend time with other people. I’m much less focused these days on some specific work product as I am the people producing or helping produce the work product. Yes, the work product matters, but a funny thing happens when you put the attention where it can serve you best – on the people (and this includes yourself). The work product dramatically improves. Problems get solved more quickly. More permanently. Opportunities get spotted more quickly, too. And taken advantage of. People gain energy. And enthusiasm when we begin to understand that they’re the horsepower behind the engine that is our business!

We’re all gonna be dead much longer than we’ll be alive. That is, we’ll be on this planet for a brief time. The world will go on without us much, much longer than it will go on with us.

That’s urgency!

That’s important!

It’s also why the third leg of the trifecta exists. Can we operate our businesses without losing ourselves? Can we operate our business and enhance ourselves? Can we operate our businesses in a way that drives success higher than before…while at the same time finding greater joy? Yes, yes and yes.

“Memory believes before knowing remembers.” 

You have to think about it. Then you have to believe it. That it’s possible. And you’ve got to feel it deep down where you really live. 

When you do, it’ll change everything. For the better. Your actions will be congruent to make it so. Lord willing, somewhere down the line, you’ll be able to look back with fond memories of how well you did. And it’ll happen because of the people you decided to give your attention to, and the people you allowed to give to you. 

Be well. Do good. Grow great.

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A large part of effective leadership is being a good human. Which may explain why some people don’t get it right. 

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Maybe the most powerful 2-word question you can ask. Or be asked. 

Also maybe the most painful for many entrepreneurs. And certainly, one that is sure to make some folks angry. 

So what? 😉

It’s among the most universally applicable questions. Test it.

“We’re not hitting our sales projections.”

So what?

“We’ve got to find a suitable Director of Marketing.”

So what?

“Our chief competitor just bought another competitor and managed to double their size overnight.”

So what?

It’s not “so what?” in that it doesn’t matter. It’s “so what?” as in, “What are gonna do about it?”

We love to figure out who’s at fault. Blaming somebody is job one for many companies. It’s a defeatist culture. So what? So what if you finally do figure out who’s at fault? Now what? Which is likely the second most powerful question. Actually, they’re one and the same. I often use them interchangeably. 

Sometimes we love to assume an excuse. We say “making excuses,” but it’s more appropriately assuming excuses. Looking for ways to explain a failure. Ways that will deflect responsibility away from us. Ways that will give us an out. Okay, list them. Assume every single excuse you can name is legit. So what? Now what?

Nobody remembers Harold Geneen, the tyrannical leader of ITT, the original conglomerate. But they should. He would say, “Managers must manage.” Translation: Find a way. We simply have to find a way. Or not. We win. Or we lose. Period. 

When I sit down with an entrepreneur of top-level leader and they begin discussing their calendar, I’m almost always amazed at the talk to action ratio. Or we could term it the meeting to doing ratio. It often feels like our federal government in D.C. Committees, meetings, discussions, thinking, blah, blah, blah. Not nearly enough doing. But lots of preparation to do something. For too many business leaders it feels like you’re strapped into a space rocket ready to launch, but the countdown seems to get stuck on repeat somewhere around the number 7. 10, 9, 8, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7…leaving us wondering if we’re ever going to take off. 

Hesitation. Delay. Procrastination. Overthinking.

Anything to avoid facing the truth that we’re responsible and we can do something to fix it. 

We all know something about this stuff because at some point in our lives, in some circumstance…we did it. Maybe we’re still doing it. 

So?

So what?

Now what?

Whatever challenge or opportunity facing you right now — be bold. Have courage. Ask yourself the question. 

Now, answer it.

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