September 2017

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Mental health is woefully silent in business conversations. Entrepreneurship is cool. Mental health challenges are not.

According to the National Alliance On Mental Illness 1 in 5 American adults will experience mental illness in any given year. The numbers, both raw and percentages, are staggering when you stop to carefully consider them. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America. It’s the dark, often not talked about, downside ending for too many businesspeople, including business owners or entrepreneurs.

Right now, if you’re feeling that you may be battling that feels too large for you to handle – emotionally or mentally – do yourself, your family, your friends and your business a big, big favor. Reach out to a mental health professional. Make an appointment to see a doctor and keep the appointment. YOU are the horsepower and operating system behind your career and your business. You’ll regularly run software programs to keep your computer working properly. Don’t ignore the work to keep your mind working properly. The baddest computers on the planet need help getting rid of extraneous files and other things that clog up the works. Your brain is no different. It doesn’t mean the computer isn’t state-of-the-art. It means we have to make a wise, smart investment to keep things operating at a top notch level. Make the call right now!

These facts are important because too frequently we’re bombarded with advice and admonition that may be beyond our capabilities. Worse yet, some advice may be dangerous because it assumes we don’t have any serious issues threatening our mental health. I admit that the headline for today’s show could be considered such advice — but it’s not. It’s not intended to pressure you into thinking that anything is easy. Truth is, changing your mind is very difficult. Especially changing your mind to reach out and get the help you suspect you may need. Or changing your mind to at long last find some willingness to talk with somebody about things that may be big hurdles for you. Anxiety. Fear. Depression.

So many things can get in our way and it’s perfectly understandable that we sometimes need help. You’ll quickly engage a professional expert to help you with a variety of business challenges. An accounting firm gets a call when we need to have outside folks dig deeper into our numbers to make sure there’s high integrity in our company, and to ensure that our processes are rock solid. An HR firm gets a call whenever we need help with our recruiting or our dotting i’s and crossing t’s with the legal personnel issues in our firm. An attorney gets a call when we’ve got a big contract to execute. We want protection, for ourselves and our company. So we lean on people with an expertise beyond our own capabilities. I’m urging you to do the same thing when it comes to your own mental health. Exercise the same wisdom with your life that you do with your business.

That’s a big change your mind, change your life action.

Great business operators understand the value of facing realities. Ignoring problems is never a wise course. Facing them, no matter how bad they may seem, is always better. It’s the only way we’re able to effectively confront and address what ails us. Hopefully, with the best possible solution.

Mental health applies to all of us. 100% of us.

We all need to take good care of ourselves. It’s foolish to think we’ll be able to operate our business in the most effective and efficient ways while we’re only operating at a fraction of our best. Success doesn’t hinge on us being perfect, but it may hinge on us being healthy. Both physically and mentally.

You’ve achieved whatever success you currently experience because at critical points in your life you made up your mind about something. You decided something and took proper action. You kept taking proper actions to move your idea, your business, forward. Sure, you battled all kinds of problems, hurdles, obstacles and challenges. You endured whatever you couldn’t overcome. Tenacity helped you get to where you are. And that tenacity started in your mind.

That was then. What about now?

I grew up during the Johnny Carson era of The Tonight Show. Actors of a bygone era would often sit across from Johnny and talk of their early days, living in an apartment in New York City where they shared space with buddies. Stars like Kirk Douglas and others would often tell Johnny about other famous actors who rose to stardom from humble beginnings in a small flat in NYC. Comedians would often talk of the other famous funny men in their lives who battled together to make their way in the world of stand-up comedy. I was always fascinated at how small groups of people would congregate, collaborate and connect.

Music was my thing. During the days of my youth – the mid 1970’s – I would often read of how musicians would spend time around each others. Jackson Browne, Glen Frey, Don Henley, Joni Mitchell, Linda Ronstadt and others lived and created music in a particular area of southern California. Meanwhile, up in Haight-Ashbury in San Fransisco there was another group of people doing the same thing, but producing very different music.

On TV’s Intervention we can regularly see addiction fueled by friends willing to drink and do drugs together. Some congregate to fuel creativity while others congregate to fuel destructive behavior. From one extreme to the other we regularly see the impact people have on our lives. The people in our life have an enormous impact on us. They can lift us up and help us reach success that would have otherwise eluded us. Or they can drag us down and propel us toward the ground faster. It’s why every wise parent of teens urges their children to pick their friends carefully. We know the influence friends have on our kids. Sometimes, we forget the impact they have on us as adult business people.

That’s where changing your mind can completely change your life.

There may be no deeper loneliness than the loneliness when you’re surrounded by lots of people. Being alone in a crowded room is a real thing. You likely have a long, long list of people in your contact list. Some are closer than others. Others aren’t close at all. But you’ve got some sort of connection with each of them. Suppliers. Vendors. Service providers. Professionals. Other business owners. Company leaders. Front line people. C-Level people. All kinds of people. The list is extensive. It’s broad and deep.

But you may be very alone.

Wishing you had somebody who would just listen to you.

Somebody willing to understand what you’re going through.

Somebody who may be able to offer you their experience so you could better figure out what you should do.

But you’re not that open. With anybody. You figure it’s your problem and you’re unwilling to share it with anybody. That’s a vulnerability you don’t enjoy. Your dad told you, “Never let ’em see you sweat.” So you don’t.

The loneliness can be devastating though. You push through.

Or you try.

Anxiety. Loneliness. Fear. Dread. Depression. Panic. Sadness.

You figure they just go with the job. Of being a business owner. An entrepreneur.

There’s a reason why successful people can readily tell stories of others who came up with them and how those relationship continue as they work to stay on top of the mountain. There’s also a reason why the alcoholic or drug addict who never gets better continues to surround himself with people who embrace the same destructive behavior. People make the difference. Particularly, the people we intentionally put around us.

Change your mind, change your life.

Courage is the willingness to share your problems. Courage is the willingness to be vulnerable. Courage is the tenacity to grow, improve and transform.

It can be scary to change your mind. But it’s far scarier to refuse. And to stay the course as you struggle with the things that can destroy you, your family and your business. So today, as we’re on the verge of entering the 4th quarter of 2017 I’m encouraging you to change your mind about how you go through life dealing with your issues – whether they’re challenges or opportunities. I’m pleading with you to consider reaching out to people who can serve you – people who can be there for you, and people who will let you be there for them, too. Improve your mental health. Improve your life. Improve your business. Protect all these things that really matter to you. Invest in them and don’t ignore your need to make up your mind so you can continue to grow your life.

P.S. Visit The Peer Advantage – a mastermind group of just 7 business owners from around America who meet regularly to help each other grow as leaders and as business owners.

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ponder (verb) – to spend time thinking carefully and seriously about a problem, a difficult question, or something that has happened 

But it’s really broader than that. It also includes spending time carefully considering things you may have learned, or things you’re trying to learn. Activating things we’ve learned often requires a certain degree of pondering.

It’s not getting any easier. Every business owner, CEO or leader will quickly tell you how busy they are – always pressed for time. The ones who enjoy reading lament how little time they have to do “serious” reading, instead having to be satisfied to scan articles, blog posts, white papers and whatever else crosses their desks. Some people claim “the average CEO” reads as many as 60 books a year, but I certainly see no evidence of that. I know many CEOs who’d tell you they’re lucky to read a handful a year. Still others who declare they hate to read. No matter — business leaders experience a barrage of information and data. Internal and external. Reading and listening. Watching. We all live in a content rich – and content heavy – world. Whether we feel we have time or not, we’re consuming input during almost all waking hours.

Reading. 

Listening.

Watching.

Consuming information and content.

Something more important is happening here.

Learning.

Learning things like leadership and other business skill requires execution, but first – they need time to take root in our mind. That’s why we so frequently attend seminars and conferences without any lasting results. We hear things – learn things – then go back to work and resume our normal life. Nothing changes. No improvement. No growth.

Human beings have a magical ability to make up our minds. That is, we can decide something in a moment. And it can change everything.

Forgiveness. Bitterness. Hatred.

These are just examples of what I’m talking about. You can make up your mind to be rid of any of these, or all of them. It can happen in a single moment. But getting to that moment is going to require some thoughtful consideration. There are likely things you need to resolve in your own head. Pondering is needed.

Devoting time to sober considerations is how we grow to reach these decision points in our life. Then, we put them into action.

None of that can happen when we’re busy jumping from content to content, from conference to conference, from seminar to seminar, from book to book – or podcast to podcast. It’s a fascinating merry-go-round we get on. We go round and round looking for the easy button, the fast answer, the quick solution. The addictive nature of acquiring information fosters a growing desire to get more. And more. Hopeful that somebody, somewhere will have just the thing we need to make it all come together.

There is no such thing!

It’s our fantasy. Or a lie told by marketers.

Right now, without much thought, you can likely identify a couple of things you wish you’d already incorporated into your life as a business owner or leader. Go ahead. Take a moment and jot them down. Do it right now. If you’re driving or doing something where that’s not possible, then open up a recording or voice memo app on your phone and record them.

STOP. Hit the pause button your information consumption. Give yourself some time to consider what you want to improve. Knowing isn’t likely the problem. You already know what to do. Doing is the problem. You’ve not yet made up your mind to incorporate it into your life. Sit down. Take a few deep breaths and figure out how to make it happen in your life. Learn. Do.

Make that your new habit.

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 14:11 — 6.6MB)

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Consumerism isn’t just about buying products. It’s also about buying ideas, notions, suggestions and advice. I know. Because I’m in what some call “the advice giving” business. But that’s not at all what I do.

Most of us are surrounded by people who should us. “You should,” is very often the beginning of the sentence we hear after sharing some challenge or opportunity with others. And before we can throw rocks at them, we have to be mindful that we do the exact same thing to them.

Linkedin, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and other social interaction platforms are filled every minute with platitudes, advice and wisdom telling us how to behave, manage, lead, work and live. For those of us who read – my hand is in the air – massive volumes of words are published annually exhorting us to embrace a variety of ideas, concepts and strategies to achieve higher performance. I’ve contributed my fair share to the noise. Are podcasts your thing? Mine, too. Millions of hours of podcasts and video are produced cheerleading, coaching, teaching, exhorting and admonishing us to do this, avoid doing that and try this other thing. The noise that surrounds us is growing louder every day, adding to the collective wisdom of how we’re not doing what we should…and urging us to change.

Late last year I began to collaborate with Leo Bottary, co-author of the book THE POWER OF PEERS. We launched a new podcast, YEAR OF THE PEER, featuring Leo’s tagline, “Who you surround yourself with matters.” One of the guests some months ago was Scott Mordell, CEO of YPO, a peer advisory company that helps young entrepreneurs join forces to elevate their own performance, and help each other do the same. During that interview Scott commented that so many situations exist in our lives where people “should us.” They tell us what they think we ought to do. Under his leadership YPO has focused on avoiding that, instead choosing rather to concentrate on sharing experiences so members can learn from one another. It’s a dramatic, but perhaps subtle shift in thinking and learning. Some have called it documenting versus preaching or telling.

Years of coaching professionals – mostly with a focus on leadership – taught me that questions are vastly superior to the process. As opposed to directives, suggestions or any other variation of advice. Helping people think through the things they needed to think through always seemed to me to be the best form of service. Mostly because my clients aren’t me. And I’m not them. It always seemed inappropriate to impose myself on clients, or to inject myself in their situations. This is their life. Their career. Along with it, are their fears, concerns, worries and anxieties.

I’m a lifelong reader and learner. The fact that you’re here suggests you likely are, too. I enjoy hearing of the experiences and expertise of others. The stories are often compelling, sometimes moving. And I work to figure out what I’m able to use for my situation.

I know why things are as they are. Many people want to be told what they should do. They may lament, “I don’t want anybody telling me what to do” or “I’m tired of people telling me what to do.” But the fact that so many people are attempting to tell us what we should do likely speaks to the desire many people have to just be told. I think I know why. It feels easier. Simpler. It’s why we love those clickbait headlines, “10 Things You Can Do To Get The Job Of Your Dreams.” We want simple, easy – done for me – solutions.

Life is more complex. Our history littered with scars, hurt and pain. Our heads often filled with the racket of past failures and missed opportunities. Our lives are anything but quiet.

Then, we go adding to that. Inserting more noise into our lives. Listening to every guru who resonates with us, searching for somebody to help us make things easier. Simpler. More straight forward. We hop from pundit to pundit, reading their blog posts, listening to their podcasts, watching their videos and reading their books. Maybe we buy their courses. Adding to the cumulative noise in our heads and our lives. Like the serial dieter, always searching for the one key that will unlock the door to our highest potential. Frustrated that the last one didn’t work. Hopeful that the next one will.

We’re hamsters on a wheel. Running for all we’re worth. Going nowhere fast. Sold on a notion that somebody else out there has the answer we most seek. Believing we lack what others have. And if only we could find it, then our dreams would come true.

What if we’re wrong?

What if things aren’t at all as we think they are?

Last week I sat with somebody and reminded them of the Genesis record in the Bible. Yes, I believe God created the world. And I believe what the Bible says, that God created mankind “in His image.” This person sitting in front of me also believed that.

As we talked about a variety of issues in their life, I had to remind us both that God created us in His image. God was able to speak things into existence. We’re not God. We’re not nearly as important as we sometimes think we are. And often not nearly as powerful to overcome our challenges, but we are made in God’s image, which means we can think. And it means we can make up our mind.

My friend and I were discussing resolution. Moving beyond conflict. The question was, how do we go about that? The answer is simple, but difficult. We make up our mind. Just as God was able to make up His mind, we make up our mind. No, I don’t mean in some law of attraction or the “secret” kind of way where we simply think something and it suddenly is manifested in physical life. But I do mean that we can do an awful lot of powerful things first in our minds. We can forgive, repent and change. We can be glad, sad and worried. And we’re capable of any and all of these things in an instant, in our head. Sometimes we can hold many of these seemingly contrary thoughts at the same time. We have an amazing capacity when we stop to consider it.

One of the most powerful challenges I’ve ever encountered is one I continue to urge others to consider.

What if you’re wrong?

What if it’s not as you think it is? What if it isn’t as it appears?

What if your life isn’t enhanced with a choir of people telling you what you ought to be, and what you ought to do, and how you ought to do it?

What if your business or career aren’t improved by the latest, greatest, coolest advice of the day? You realize the so-called “best” advice of 2012 has been surpassed at least 5 times in the last 5 years, don’t you? And 2018 will bring yet more advice – different advice. The Bible itself talked about how such things would work.

Ecclesiastes 12:12 “And furthermore, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.”

But it’s not just books. Or blog posts. Or podcasts. It’s human interaction. It’s our need and desire to want to tell others what they should do. In short, it’s judgment. It’s our judgment as we look at somebody else’s circumstance or situation. As one business owner client many years ago said to a man who was critical of how he was running things retorted. “You know the difference between you and me? I’m betting with my money that I’m right.” Nuff said.

Critics abound. Advice givers, too. Experts. Thought leaders. Authors. Pundits.

If you want to be one, just give yourself the label. Change your Linkedin profile to include whatever you’d like and presto! Now you are one.

Yet there is a truth to Einstein’s quote. “The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.” And here’s the real kicker. It doesn’t have to happen alone. In fact, it may be best served by surrounding yourself with others who are also seeking a quiet life where they can find higher achievement. A life not filled with advice givers, or experts, but with people who care enough to ask meaningful questions. A quiet life surrounded by friends who have our best interest and therefore refuse to impose on us what they might do if put in our place. Because they know they aren’t us. A life surrounded by people who respect the fact that they’re not us and we’re not them, but a quiet life where we all understand the value we can bring to each others’ lives because of our different experiences.

Famed humorist Erma Bombeck once said, ““It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.” She was absolutely right. And it also takes courage to help somebody achieve their dreams without imposing on them yours.

I’m not going to tell you what you should do because I honestly don’t know. I know that I’ve got questions. Questions about my own life and career and business. Questions about the things in the lives of my clients. And I also know that by sharing our experiences and what has happened – and is happening to us – with others, we can help them figure out some things for themselves. I know it doesn’t happen as organically as we’d like. We have to intentionally put ourselves in circumstances where we can experience solitude and quiet. Sometimes it means we’re alone. Quite often, it doesn’t. Solitude and quiet can often best happen when we’re surrounded in the comfort and security of trusted people who are unfailing in their desire to help us become our very best — and they respect us enough to let us decide for ourselves what that looks like.

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If you have a chance, please leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes by clicking Review on iTunes. It’ll help the show rank better in iTunes.

Thank you!