Randy Cantrell

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Not everything can be fixed. Some problems have to be endured. Thankfully, loneliness doesn’t have to fall into that category. I believe it can be fixed. Better yet, I believe it should be fixed. We owe it to ourselves and the people who care about us to avoid falling into the abyss of hopelessness prompted by our loneliness.

Admittedly, there are many forms of loneliness. I’m not here to give you dating advice. I’d be more tempted to give you marriage advice. After 41 years of successful marriage, I’ve learned a thing or three. But it feels arrogant to go there. At least for today. So I won’t. Today I’m focused on professional loneliness. The kind of loneliness we feel when we’re operating our business, or leading our team and we feel all alone in the effort. There is a fix for that. More than one.

Understanding The Context

This is a universal problem with loneliness. Finding and connecting with people who really understand.

Watch and listen. To others. To yourself.

Isolation, even professional isolation, can become an easy habit to maintain. I’m reminded how late last year actor Jim Carrey talked openly about his intentional isolation.

Sometime earlier a quote made the rounds, attributed to Carrey.

“Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how peaceful and calm it is. It’s like you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.”

I tried to find out if he indeed did say or write it. I don’t honestly know, but I remember it got my attention. On a number of levels.

For starters, isolation can be dangerous. It’s not necessarily dangerous. We all need some time alone. Introverts need more of it than others. I know because I am one. I’m that rare personality that is introverted, but I appear extroverted. For me, it’s about energy. I have to intentionally withdraw and embrace some isolation in order to recharge myself. It’s not long-term sustained isolation though. And I know when it’s coming, or when I need to do it. That’s because too much interaction with too many people drains me emotionally and mentally. And physically.

For some, isolation may be more dangerous than for others. So it goes with the addictive nature of isolation. I’m sure for some of us this quote is true, but I know other people who would find it nearly impossible to enjoy isolation, much less to become addicted to it. One size won’t fit all. Which is why you constantly hear me admonish you, “You’ll figure it out.” As always, I’m here to help, but in the end…each of us must make up our own mind, and determine to do whatever it is we think is best.

For me, isolation can be peaceful and calm, but it can also – depending on what’s happening with me – be chaotic and filled with anxiety. It depends.

So here’s the deal. YOU have to understand YOU. And that may be the toughest order of the day. Self-awareness is very, very hard for most of us. We have a view of ourselves, but it may be inaccurate. Even grossly inaccurate. The best way to know the truth is to get various outside perspectives. How do others see us? It’s all part of unearthing the context necessary to understand ourselves better.

Loneliness isn’t determined by a majority vote though. We alone determine it. We feel how we feel.

Loneliness isn’t determined by the presence or absence of people either. We can be in a crowded room and be very lonely. We can be married and sleeping right next to our spouse, and feel isolated and lonely. Perhaps there no deeper loneliness than the loneliness of being a foot away from others, but feeling isolated and alone.

Doing Something About It

Recognition is paramount. You already know the truth. Now it’s time to come to grips with the reality of it. The depth of it.

We’re all lonely now and again. It’s normal. But is your loneliness chronic? Does it sweep over you and settle in for days at a time? Perhaps weeks? Months?

Professionally, based on my decades of leadership experience and my years coaching other leaders (or emerging leaders), fear is a major driver. We can easily underestimate the value of fear. Or I should say, the consequences of fear.

We’re afraid people will think we’re weak. Or that we don’t know something. Like what to do.

Ready to hear some irony? I’ll bet you proudly acknowledge that you’re not the smartest person in the room. You likely have no problem telling people that.

But here you are, driven to isolation by your own fear to demonstrate that to people. Meaning, you really do think you’re the smartest person in the room and it’s more important for you to continue fronting that, than it is for you to learn, understand and grow. Is that right?

See what I mean? Fear isn’t always rational. For any of us.

Self-doubt is real, too.

Voices in our head often grow louder and louder. While we get lonelier and lonelier.

I’ve got a 3-year-old grandson. He’s just about fearless. Over a year ago I nicknamed him Road Rash Roy because he’s so fearless he always had some minor scrapes. I know he’ll begin to doubt himself over time. Part of that will be wisdom he’ll learn. Discerning dangers is invaluable. The problem is seeing danger where none exists. Or seeing risk where it doesn’t really exist.

What if you could approach life like an adventurous 3-year-old? He’s confident. Gets lots of attention. Gets lots of encouragement. Okay, it helps that he’s pretty cute. 😉

Road Rash Roy is not lonely. He’s okay playing by himself, even though he’s the youngest of three. But he doesn’t lack much of anything. I’m pretty focused on doing my part to help him keep that momentum going.

I get that we’re not able to go back in time and become an adventurous 3-year-old filled with confidence and curiosity. If we could, we’d be unstoppable. But we’re quite stoppable…and yet nothing has changed except the noise we’ve bought into from all the naysayers who surround us. The voices which have been placed in our head and which we’ve let gain volume. They defeat us. Road Rash Roy didn’t have any of those 18 months ago. He’s got low-level noise in his head now. You can see it in how he behaves. And it’s mostly good. But not always. It’s manifested in timidity.

All this affects us and our loneliness. I know that “Roy” will battle the same things we all do because he’s living in the same world we are. He’ll be influenced by the idiots who surround him, the naysayers and doubters. All those folks who will judge his every move. But I’m optimistic. He’ll also be influenced by those of us who are wise. I’m battling hard to make sure he embraces the wisdom that surrounds him.

What does all that have to do with you fixing your loneliness epidemic? Courage. Just courage. Which is everything.

Courage to connect.Courage to communicate. Courage to collaborate.

I’m a guitar nerd of sorts, which is really super crazy because I don’t play. I’ve always wanted to, but evidently not enough to devote myself to it. And I’ve owned a guitar – that’s right, one at a time – for a long time. I’m 8 feet away from one right now, sitting over there in a nice hardshell case. I know way more about guitars than any non-guitarist should. Well, the other night I’m watching a YouTube video on a new guitar produced by Fender. The short video tells the remarkable story of guys who love guitars connecting, communicating and collaborating to create a guitar that’s never existed. Until now. Until they came together to build magic.

Maybe your loneliness isn’t epidemic. Maybe it’s off and on. But I can guarantee it’s problematic because when it’s on – when you’re most alone – it’s damaging. It’s holding you back. Sticking you. Eroding what could have been. Maybe even what should have been.

Greatness is the result of collaboration. I intentionally put two other C’s in front of it because without them you can’t get to collaboration.

Connect. Communicate.

All three C words are verbs. Action words. And that’s how you fix your loneliness epidemic. You take action. Meaningful, purposeful and intentional action.

All of these are preceded by that other C word I used. Courage. Without it, the others can’t happen.

The dictionary defines courage as “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.”

Some think courage is fearlessness. I don’t believe that. Rather, I believe courage is the willingness to venture on in spite of fear. It’s the drive to do the thing, even though you’re afraid. Because the need is so great. Or because the desire is so strong.

It’s the ability to act like a confident 3-year-old. To move. Quickly. Toward what you most want. Without concern.

I know the next dilemma. Who? With whom do I connect? That’s for you to figure out. Look around at the possibilities. Aim at making a connection and give it a go. If it fails, then it wasn’t meant to be. Move on and try again. Road Rash Roy tries lots of things. He doesn’t succeed at first at all of them. Sometimes he does, and that fuels his confidence to try something else. Follow his lead.

Be purposeful and intentional.

Communicate. Share whatever you want to share. Offer whatever you’d like to offer. If you’ve connected with the right somebody, it’ll resonate with them. They’ll be empathetic. Helpful.

Collaborate. That doesn’t mean you do business together necessarily. It just means it’s a mutually beneficial relationship. You give something to them of value, too.

I know how hard this is, which is why I’m launching The Peer Advantage by Bula Network, an intentional place where 7 entrepreneurs can come together online, using a video conferencing platform, to get to know each other, help each other, and grow great together and individually. Because they’re courageous enough to connect, communicate and collaborate. Because they’re curious enough to want to achieve more. In their business and their life. That’s somewhat easier to do when you all know THAT is why you’re there. And when you know everybody in the room is in a very similar position. It provides the common context we need for safety, security, and growth. Road Rash Roy feels safe. It’s largely why he’s got the courage he does. Here he was over a year ago! Proof that I’m not just telling you some story. 😉

If you’re a US-based entrepreneur ready to grow your business, your leadership and your life, then visit ThePeerAdvantage.com. I’d like you to join. I’ll be forming 2 groups of seven and you can read all the details at that web address.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Confession: I’m really tired of hearing people bally-hoo happiness. “I wanna be happy. Don’t you wanna be happy?”

Don’t get me wrong. Yes, we all want to be happy. But happiness is such a short-term objective. Nobody is happy all the time. Happiness isn’t even appropriate all the time.

The quest for happiness presupposes that it’s a higher value than any other feeling or emotion. It’s not. We need it, but we don’t need it all the time any more than we need sadness, or laughter all the time.

I begin talking about this because almost daily I encounter people lamenting how unhappy they are. They incorrectly think happiness is the goal and their failure to achieve it makes them miserable. More miserable than they might have otherwise been if they’d been reaching for something more appropriate. The result? Disappointment and in many cases, increased loneliness.

Social media, smartphones, and the Internet are part of a grand irony – we’ve never been more connected to more people more hours of a day, but many of us have never been so lonely!

I bring up happiness because it’s such a culturally imposed pursuit – be happy – that we’ve collectively fallen for it. We think it’s a worthwhile pursuit. Maybe THE pursuit we should be aiming for.

People chase it. The other day I was reading about how people are buying clothing from online retailers and returning it. Turns out, many people are buying clothes they can’t afford, putting them on, taking photos for their Instagram, then returning the clothes.

Hypocrisy. Fronting. Faking it.

What makes us happiest and content in life? Is it stuff like clothing or fancy cars or big houses? Nope. Is it more followers on Instagram? Or more listeners to our podcast? Or more subscribers to our YouTube channel? Nope. Nope. Nope.

Surveys overwhelmingly show that friends and family are the real prizes. Even though our need to connect is hardwired, some of us are always alone. Conversely, some people who are surrounded by others, still experience deep and pervasive loneliness.

So what are we doing? We’re faking happiness and it’s making us more deeply dissatisfied and unhappy!

Entrepreneurship is being held up as the end all, be all. It’s the path to happiness. Quit that 9 to 5. Ditch that job career. Start your own thing. You don’t have a side hustle? You’re a moron, a loser. Entrepreneurship is about spending 90% of your time working, chasing, pursuing, hustling. Sleep 4 hours or less, then work, work, work. It’s what all the cool kids do. Don’t you wanna be cool? Don’t you wanna be able to call yourself an “entrepreneur?” What’s wrong with you?

Then, there’s YOU. And me! People out here doing real stuff. Every day. People churning out the work, making payroll, managing inventories or manufacturing, managing budgets, putting out fires, building cultures that will perform at the highest level we can possibly influence. Some days we eat the bear, and some days the bear eats us.

We’re surrounded by employees, suppliers, stragegic partners, customers, and prospects. But we’re very lonely. Often feeling like we’re serving everybody, but nobody is serving us.

Sometimes we feel guilty because we feel that way. So we power through it. But it’s still there.

The loneliness.

I saw that posted online this past weekend. I laughed, but the more I thought about it the more I realized how true it is. And I don’t mean the $5 million part. Sure, that’d be nice, but the encouragement would be terrific, wouldn’t it?

About a year ago I developed a fascination with ENCOURAGEMENT. It directly speaks to the power of loneliness.

I’d ask people about a time when they were really encouraged. I noticed something. People would always harken back to some encouragement they received long ago. Nobody – and I mean NOBODY – would mention encouragement that was recent. I wouldn’t say anything. I’d just listen and drill deeper on occasion, trying hard to understand why that particular act by somebody had impacted them so heavily.

As I’d listen to people recount the story of a time when they were most encouraged I’d see it in their eyes. A yearning to have that experience again. A craving. A strong desire to not be so alone. A strong desire to have somebody recognize the difficulties of their life and somebody to express belief in their ability to endure it, or overcome it. Perhaps an even stronger desire to have somebody do for them what they remember being done years ago – somebody who cared enough to go the extra measure. To challenge them in the most positive way.

From Psychology Today –

Not surprisingly, feelings of isolation can have a serious detrimental effect on one’s mental and physical health. Loneliness can be a contributing factor to heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, arthritis, among other critical diseases. Lonely people are also twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease. At the root, isolation compromises immunity increases the production of stress hormones, is harmful to sleep, and impacts cognitive abilities. All of this feeds chronic inflammation, which lowers immunity to the degree that lonely people even suffer more from the common cold. Loneliness can be a chronic stress condition that ages the body and causes great damage to overall well-being.

There are many prices paid by our loneliness, compelling reasons to conquer it. But I’m focused on it for two main reasons. One, because of the total negative impact it has on your life and every part of your life, including your business. Two, because you’ll never be able to grow as great as you could – never be able to grow your business as great as it could be – if you’re lonely. Coupled with that, you’ll never climb higher by yourself as you can with some help. But I also think of the people whose lives can be enhanced by your also helping them overcome their loneliness! And people whose lives will be better if you’ll just let them serve you.

The intrinsic benefits to all of us are immeasurable. To know we have others who care enough about us to help us, to know we have others who trust us enough to let us help them – can you put a price tag on that? I can’t. I can’t properly calculate the value of that any more than I can calculate the value of my wife or my family. Can you?

The challenge is how to fix it. We’ll talk about that tomorrow. For now, I’d like to give you a virtual hug and encourage you to make up your mind to open up yourself – to helping others and letting them help you. To join forces in fixing the loneliness epidemic by finding and implementing a remedy so you can avoid remaining part of it.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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“All of us need to understand the importance of branding. We are CEOs of our own companies: Me Inc. To be in business today, our most important job is to be head marketer for the brand called You.”   – Tom Peters

Do you agree? That marketing is your most important job as a CEO/entrepreneur?

“A brand is the set of expectations, memories, stories and relationships that, taken together, account for a consumer’s decision to choose one product or service over another.”      – Seth Godin

“A brand for a company is like a reputation for a person. You earn reputation by trying to do hard things well.”       – Jeff Bezos

Branding works exactly the same way those stories work – the ones you can create versus the ones you let your employees create. People are forming opinions about you no matter what. So if you’re not branding yourself and your company, then others are doing it for you. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Jack Welch.

What is marketing anyway?

Google it and you’ll find 9.7 BILLION results.

Getting someone who has a need, to know, like, trust, contact and refer you. That’s as good a definition as I’ve seen. Some add a step between contact and refer, BUY. I omit because you can achieve effective marketing without ever making a sale.

In 1995 a book was published, Up The Loyalty Ladder by Murray Raphel and Neil Raphel. I bought the book when it was first published even though I’d never heard of this father/son combo, but I read the book with interest. It distilled better than I ever could what I had always believed to be true. You can take a person from prospect to advocate without them ever becoming a customer. That’s the power of marketing.

Sometime around 1982 I had developed a marketing circle, not a ladder. I drew it out and regularly talked of it with the salespeople of the company I was running at the time. It was a common sermon I preached often.

I was running a retail company so I began with the shopper. First, there’s the general public. All the people out there who we think may need or want what we’re selling. But people have to self-select. They have to figuratively raise their hand and declare, “Hey, you’re talking to ME.” For our purposes those were shoppers.

Shoppers became prospects whenever we came in contact with them. I’d use tire shopping to illustrate the point.

This morning, somebody is going to get in their car and the last thing on their mind is shopping for tires. Their tires are fine. Or so they think until they have a blow-out on the way to work. Now, suddenly they’re shopping for tires. If we’re operating a tire store we don’t know anything about their shopping until they contact us. When that happens, they’re now a prospect (short for a prospective customer). It means they’re a potential buyer.

Just here I’d interrupt my sermon and draw a line connecting PROSPECT to ADVOCATE. I’d get puzzled looks, but explain with a true story.

It was a grand opening of a new location. I was walking about the showroom floor. Greeting people. Watching and making mental notes. I stepped behind the cash counter. An elderly gentleman walked up to the counter. I asked how I might be able to help him. In his hand was an automobile fuse. “Do you sell these?” he asked. “No, sir,” I replied. “But let’s see if we can find you some help.”

This was umpteen years ago when everybody had a Yellow Pages. I knew of a nearby gas station that had a mechanic on duty. I’d never done business with them, but they had a good reputation as an honest place for small repairs. I suspected they may have fuses in stock. I looked up their phone number, took the fuse from the gentleman so I could tell what kind of fuse it was, then called them. They confirmed they did indeed have a good supply of that fuse, and I asked how late they were open (this was an evening grand opening). I hung up, returned the fuse and told the gentleman the name, address and phone number of this station, which was merely 2 blocks away. I came from behind the cash counter and walked him to the door. At the door, he shook my hand and apologized for not needing anything we carried. I said, “That’s quite alright, I’m glad that little fuse brought you by to see us. Now you know we’re here and we’ll be happy to help with anything we do sell.” He replied, “Shoot, you helped me with something you don’t sell. Thank you! I’ll be referring my friends to shop here.”

I sold him nothing. I gave him less than 5 minutes of my time. I never got his name, but for years he has served to illustrate how we can take somebody straight from PROSPECT to ADVOCATE.

From PROSPECT we go to CUSTOMER. That is, we take somebody from looking to buying. They actually do business with us. Now here’s the sad truth. Too many of our customers never become advocates.

Marketing includes – I think it especially includes – the experience we provide people. No matter if they’re prospects or buyers (customers). Don’t be transactional. Don’t just focus on getting a sale. It’s important that we focus on creating a customer who is happy enough to tell other people about us. You don’t see referral listed on my circle, but every ADVOCATE refers people. That’s what advocacy is all about. Telling others about it.

I grew up in the era of negative advocacy. Somebody in the neighborhood would buy a new car. We’d all go oggle it. The husband would likely tell the other men how much he loved the car, but how much he hated the dealership where he bought it. It was word of mouth alright. Bad word of mouth. They got his business, but the experience was so dreadful he couldn’t tell a good story to his friends and neighbors. That’s bad marketing.

I gave a gentleman shopping for a 25 cent fuse something to talk about. Something good to say about us.

My objective – and what I think should be every objective of marketing – is always to create ADVOCATES. Anything less is a failure. I know you can’t convert everybody, but you can try.

In my circle, the next stage was CLIENT. Back in the 80’s when I first crafted this circle I just meant somebody who is now a repeat customer. We wanted people to buy from us, then keep on buying from us. A transactional mindset doesn’t focus on that. Transactional operators just concentrate on making a sale. They worry about making sales every hour, every day, every month, every year. The lifetime value of a customer isn’t much of a priority to them. They’re playing for the short-term gain. Do that if you want, but don’t expect to build a super strong customer base because you won’t. I’m a big believer in customer base!

Note that I also believe a person can become an ADVOCATE before they ever make a second, or repeat purchase. One encounter with us should be enough to make people HAPPY. Not satisfied. Happy!

Satisifed people don’t ADVOCATE for you. Only happy – supremely happy – people do. And there it is. Our most important job. To make our customers happy. But first, we have to make our employees happy because they’re the ones serving our customers. It’s all marketing.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Faith is a female entrepreneur in a male-dominated industry, drywall. She comes from a long line of tradesmen. Both grandfathers. And her own dad. She’s accomplished in the trade specializing in high-end residential construction, but she’s also an accomplished business operator. She knows her stuff. But she’s struggling with something she thinks should come more naturally. Celebrating when her company achieves a victory.

“It just feels fake,” she confesses. “I’m just not the cheerleader type.”

It’s not uncommon. Many leaders and business owners don’t know how to celebrate victories. It’s like everything else. You have to learn how so don’t shy away from figuring it out. Let’s talk about some things you can consider.

You don’t have to be the birthday clown!

Too many entrepreneurs endure the pressure of being the birthday clown of the celebration. Get that out of your head. You’re not the focal point. Nor are you the entertainment. You’re the leader, responsible for making sure the celebration happen. You’re the leader, the one leading the parade to show gratitude to the troops for achieving victory.

You likely had birthday parties thrown by your mom when you were little. Your folks did the work. They showed they loved you. And okay, maybe your dad dressed up like a clown. So nevermind. 😀 Listen, the hired birthday clown doesn’t love you. Your parents do. You knew that. This isn’t much different.

Herb Kelleher of Southwest Airlines passed away some weeks ago. Herb was a grand birthday clown. He was a tremendous celebrator of victories. It was one of his strengths, but it was just who he was. His personality was ideally suited for big, audacious celebrations. And for the smaller, everyday acts of recognition, too. Read about Herb. Don’t do the heavy drinking he did 😉 but there may be something to his ability and willingness to celebrate the people of Southwest Airlines. I’d argue that it was a big contributor to the culture that created such a successful airline.

Some of you are comfortable showing off in public because you’re very extroverted. Others of you are like me, more introverted. The good news is that no matter how you’re wired, you can lead the celebration. You can be like your parents were during your birthday parties – the ones making it happen because they loved you. You can be like Herb – the one making it happen because he loves you and because he loves a party!

Be yourself. Find your own path.

Victories have to be defined. Else it’ll be just another old hat, meaningless celebration.

Faith’s challenge is pretty ordinary. “What exactly should be celebrated?” she wonders.

Sidebar — rant alert — it drives me nuts that some companies have regularly scheduled celebrations. They pigeonhole things to celebrate into the calendar based on the schedule. Employees aren’t impressed. It’s too forced. Too disingenuous. Don’t do that!

Here’s my viewpoint – big achievements deserve celebration, the extraordinary and remarkable accomplishments. Great effort with a willingness to fail in the effort to grow is worthy of celebration, no matter the outcome. That’s it.

I’m being honest. That’s it. Now, let’s define a few things though so you clearly understand. We’re talking about CELEBRATIONS. I make a distinction between celebrations and acknowledgments, or recognition. Well, kinda sorta.  I believe strongly in constant recognition and acknowledgment. I believe strongly in a culture of celebration. These can be private or public. Sometimes it’s appropriate and powerful to simply let a person know you’re aware of their success and contribution. Other times it’s better to shine a spotlight on somebody in front of their peers. Read the situation and do whatever you think is best.

Yes, you can overdo it.*

*Give a kid a birthday party every day and it’ll become ordinary very quickly. You’ll end up with a ruined kid who is entitled. My preference is that celebrations remain extraordinary. Something special. I also like them to be unexpected, or at the very least, to be conducted only when warranted. I hate scheduled celebrations. And I don’t mean something is achieved so you plan a celebration in advance. I mean calendared celebrations that just always happen, then the company finds things to celebrate. Foolish!

Did your company’s fiscal year end December 31st? Then when the final numbers come in and you figure out that the team hit the goal and exceeded it, then it’s a BIG victory worth celebrating.

One of your sales teams lands a major deal after months (perhaps years) of work. The deal gets signed. Time to celebrate. Time to recognize that victory publicly I think.

Celebrations vary based on the victory.

Just like real life, huh? Birthdays are great, but getting married trumps an ordinary birthday. So does having a child. Think over the milestones of your life: birthdays, wedding days, births of children, births of grandchildren, new jobs, job promotions, launching a business, and so on. I get that we can celebrate something every day. I celebrate waking up alive every morning. 😉 But we need and want these to be special events that shine a light on remarkable events, not ordinary events.

Faith wonders if she should throw a companywide party. Maybe. Maybe not. Celebrations based on the victory aren’t all the same. And owners or leaders aren’t the same. Herb celebrated in ways I never would because, well, because he was Herb. I’m not. I’m not a party animal like Herb was.

I can tell you some things I personally would never do. I don’t share these as truths you should embrace. These serve to illustrate how personal these decisions are for leaders, and how your beliefs impact things.

One, I wouldn’t impose on people – and if I did, I’d include their significant other or a plus one. We spend so much time together it just never made sense to me that all the employees have a big blowout and spend more time together without including the one person who is important to each employee. Let me include my wife, for instance, and that’s different. Now we’re able to enjoy the celebration together.

Two, I wouldn’t provide alcohol. I don’t drink. Never have. Yes, it’s a religious conviction. I don’t judge people who choose to live differently, but I would never budge on this. This isn’t nearly as controversial as it once was. There was a time when open bars were commonplace in most company events. Due to liability issues and safety concerns, it’s grown increasingly less common. My decision isn’t based on any of that, but it may be worth considerating for you.

Three, I wouldn’t likely conduct some big company-wide blowout during off hours. It’s just not who I am. I go back to point one, I wouldn’t want to impose on people. I’d much prefer to do something during hours so people’s lives aren’t disrupted.

So how would YOU celebrate?

That’s for you to figure out.

Sometimes all hands on deck and let’s recognize some special accomplishments. That’s the order of the day.

Other times it’s a private one-on-one conversation with an employee who has or is overcoming some adversity and they’re still performing at a high level. “I want to let you know I notice how exceptional your work is, even under these circumstances. Thank you for what you do.”

Sometimes it’s a memo that goes out informing the company that our sales team has just landed a major piece of business and we name the team members.

Sometimes it’s a bonus paid to people for performance above the goal.

Sometimes it’s an unexpected gift card with an acknowledgment of special effort or achievement.

Don’t celebrate ordinary. Don’t celebrate just for the sake of celebrating. Challenge people to perform at celebration-worthy levels. When they do, don’t hesitate to get too wrapped up in how you go about it. Always remember the objectives. To make them feel appreciated and respected. To shine the light on their accomplishments. To let the entire organization know you care. About them as people and about the work they produce.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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I’ve been asked versions of this question, and this direct question, many times. Other than employee engagement I don’t think another topic dominates leadership conversations. But they’re very related. When employees are disengaged, culture isn’t going to be highly productive. Not for long.

Let’s begin with the fact that culture can be broken and it can also be fixed. And we must acknowledge that no matter what you do as a leader or business owner, a culture exists in your organization. I sort of approach this the way I do those stories our people create. We can give people an accurate, truthful story or they can write their own. Leaders can create a better, more accurate picture so why leave it to chance. Ditto on cultures. Leaders should be busy creating and fostering the most productive, high performing culture possible.

I’d love to give you some standard “I know this will work” kind of an answer, but I can’t. Without knowing the context of HOW a culture is broken or what a person means by “broken” – it’s impossible.

I once knew a CEO who was a lifelong autocrat. An autocrat is defined as a ruler who has absolute power or someone who insists on complete obedience from others. Autocrats are domineering control freaks. It’s all about them. Well, this particular autocratic CEO didn’t like the culture of his company in the least. He felt it was broken because people didn’t always do exactly what he wanted when he wanted or in the way he wanted. Sometimes they actually made decisions without him. How dare they? Talk about a bunch of hellions. Can you imagine employees who actually made decisions on their own? 😉

Yeah, that was about how I reacted to him. Truth was, the culture wasn’t broken. He was.

Let’s look in the mirror as leaders. Why do you think your culture is broken? What’s broken in your opinion?

Describe it. In detail.

You can do that by writing it down, recording it into the voice memo app on your phone, or you can talk with somebody who has an unbiased viewpoint. This is the best starting place.

It’s not a challenge to your notion that the culture is broken, but it’s an attempt to get to the heart of what’s happening. If you’re the top dog, the number 1, then this is a crucial exercise because YOU have a major impact on the culture. It’s rare to see a culture impacted some somebody more than the top dog. It’s possible but rare unless…there’s a personality among the leadership team that is prominent or dominate. And unless the top dog has acquiesced presence and authority to somebody else. So we have to consider those possibilities.

Do those situations apply? That’s for you to determine.

So with that, let’s dive into what constitutes a high performing culture where employees are committed to doing the best work of their lives. Sounds too good to be true, huh? Well, it’s not. It’s fully within reach if you’ll make it a priority and do the work without compromise. So I encourage you to believe.

I’m going to take a simple 3-prong approach to this. You can make your own application.

Belief.

What you believe is the foundation of the culture you’ll create, tolerate and foster. If we refuse to start here, then we’re just dealing with tactics and strategies. They matter, but only if they’re coming from a place of honesty and truth. Namely, what you believe to be true.

Your culture will reflect your beliefs. And the collective beliefs of your organization. So these matter a lot.

If you’re displeased with the current state of things – your present culture – then spend time looking closely at what you believe. And what your leadership team believes. It may be helpful to pull the team together and have some deep discussions about it. Wrestle this down. Do whatever it takes because until you get this ironed out, there’s not going to be any positive movement. My suggestion is that you instill the fact that this work is a priority for you and your leadership.

Craft a statement that collects your beliefs. These are like fuel for the culture engine. All decisions, discussions, and behaviors are going to stem from these beliefs. They’ll all be congruent with the beliefs. You will not make any decision, or have any discussion, or behave in any way that isn’t in agreement with what you believe. You can act, but you’re not that good. If you were, you’d be in Hollywood. At the end of every day, we’ve been who we truly are. We can improve that, but it has to begin with our commitment to what we believe. Change what you believe and your behavior will change.

Last week I talked about this in episode 134. It was an episode on leadership, particularly on our expressions of belief. Go back and give it a listen.

Communication.

“After all is said and done, more is said than done.” Somebody said that and I suppose it’s true, but it incorrectly minimizes what’s said. And what is heard and understood.

Messaging is important. We’re creatures who communicate. We talk. We write. We draw. We watch. We’re computing a zillion little signals to read situations and people. It’s all communication.

What you communicate and how you communicate contribute to the culture. You can communicate the same thing in a variety of ways that will produce different emotions and thoughts. The situation and context matter, too.

Be yourself. Be your BEST self.

Being an authentic jerk and communicating that isn’t going to help things. GROW GREAT isn’t focused on just making money, or achieving financial success. It’s deeper and broader than that. Plenty of jerks achieve financial success, but that doesn’t make them good people.

Let’s assume you’re good people and you’re working to be even better. Good. No, GREAT!

Communicate well. Improve your communication.

a. Communicate the beliefs
b. Communicate how those beliefs will become reality inside the organization.
c. Communicate how everybody will leverage those beliefs and how they’ll benefit from them.
d. Communicate what you’ll do, then do it.
e. Communicate when you fail and promise to fix it and do better. Leaders who can’t apologize when they’re wrong aren’t worthy of the role.

Action.

What you do matters. But first what you believe matters. And what you say or communicate matter. In short, it all matters.

Your culture is a direct reflection of these 3 things. I’ve simply put them in the order in which they naturally occur. First, we think (or believe). Then we communicate (if only to ourselves). Then we act based on those things.

Organizations focus mostly on the output. Too rarely do they give due consideration to beliefs and communication though, the precursors to actions, which directly give us the output.

Are you anxious to change the actions inside your company? Then get busy changing your beliefs and communication because if the actions you want don’t mirror current beliefs and communications, then it’ll never happen. You need alignment of all three in order to correct any culture killers.

It’s the big disconnect. We say we believe something, but we make decisions and take actions that aren’t congruent with that. The workforce is confused, trying to resolve the obvious differences they perceive.

I would NEVER advise it, but tyrannical leaders would be better off owning their tyranny. “Yep, we’re going to take every advantage of you we can. We’ll get every last bit of life from you that we can because we only care about one thing – bottom line profits. We don’t care about your quality of life, or how fulfilled you feel. We care about our expensive homes, our expensive toys, and our luxury lifestyle. So dig in and get this work done so our incomes will soar this year!” The honesty would at least be refreshing.

We all know why this doesn’t happen. Nobody would work for such a person unless they were money whipped with an income that trapped them. It happens. Not commonly, but it does happen.

So the tyrants have to fake being good people. They have to con their workforce. They pretend to be one thing, but they’re really somebody different.

Sometimes these tyrants have an interest in company culture because they know the game. Feign interest in the things best for the company and the people. Workers know when the leader is a fake. My best advice, “Run!” Don’t convince yourself they’ll change and suddenly become a good person. It’s possible but highly unlikely. Don’t risk your life and career. Not a safe bet.

On the flip side, there is no excuse for good people to fail at creating a good culture. 

Sometimes leaders read too much. It’s not the reading that problematic. It’s that leaders start trying to execute what they just read. The problem is the reliance on a tactic or strategy instead of relying on your deep beliefs to drive communication and action. So you’re tempted to hop around from the latest, greatest, coolest, trickest culture building tactic to the next. And it exhausts your people. They never know what’s coming next. They all know you’re reading, or listening to somebody, or attending another seminar. And they’re dreading the result. It doesn’t stick. Nothing sticks until you start getting in touch with what you firmly believe – the things you just won’t waver on.

So, grab the mirror. Look intently at yourself. Take responsibility for the culture you now have and the one you want to build. Be accountable to every person inside your organization. Be accountable to every person served by your organization. Welcome to leadership. I know it’s lonely, but I’ve also got an answer for that if you’re a US-based entrepreneur. Check out ThePeerAdvantage.com.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Today let’s talk about the things that can ruin higher human performance inside your organization. These aren’t in any particular order. And it’s only a few things to get you focused on what may be hindering your organization from reaching new levels of higher performance. As leaders, it’s highly likely we could keep adding to the list all our lives. These are the constraints to high-level employee engagement.

Let’s start with selfishness or people who seek their own attention at the expense of the team or company.

As the leader, YOU should be concerned with the individual and what they most want. It’s important for you to figure out what your individual employees want, then serve them by helping them achieve it. Yes, you’ll want to foster their highest performance, which means you’ll do what you can to help them achieve what they want in the context of the organization. And if you can’t, then you’ll help them find success elsewhere. It’s the only way you can properly lead growth!

When individual people put themselves first, ahead of their teammates or the organizational objectives, then you’ve got selfishness. And that’s unacceptable. A culture like that will result in disengaged employees who seeking only their self-interests. Admittedly, it’s easier for that culture to exist where leadership doesn’t know or care what the individual employees want or need. That’s another reason why your leadership has to be scaled at the individual level. When leadership demonstrates genuine care and concern for people, they have no reason to be selfish. You can’t tolerate it.

Ineffective, unclear or ambiguous communication can ruin success.

Go back and listen to the prior episodes this week if you’ve not done that because I’ve already spent some time talking about how important it is for you to provide congruency. This particular constraint is often at the heart of that problem. Employees and team members have to understand and be in on what’s real. The truth matters.

More than anything this problem, which exists in too many organizations, fosters doubt, fear, anxiety, and wonder. And it’s not the kind of wonder that’s productive. It’s people who wonder what bad thing may be going on that they don’t see, or aren’t being told about.

You think you’re being clear. You think people understand. The problem are your blind spots. Sometimes your blind spots exist because you know more than the team. Those hidden facts or feelings provide context for you that they lack. This is why feedback – honest, truthful feedback – is critical. It’s also why you may not be able to merely ask, “Do you understand?”

When people leave the meeting and are busy talking among themselves trying to figure out what was just said, or what is really going on, then you’ve got a problem. That scenario is played out millions of time every single hour across the planet. Some leader stands in front of a small or large group, says what she feels she must say. Gives whatever directives she wants. Everybody nods knowingly, then the meeting ends and nobody has a real clue what was said, how it impacts them, or what they’re now supposed to do.

Just because you’re the leader doesn’t mean you’re a clear communicator. You can learn it though. First, I suspect many leaders need to better understand their failings. Next, they need to learn how to improve. We’ll talk more about that later. For now, just make sure you’re shouldering the responsibility to be understood. And make sure what you say matches with what you do. Be congruent.

Minimizing contributions, or ignoring work will wreck high performance.

Years ago a buddy was telling me about being on a road trip and stopping by a Burger King for a quick bite. When we walked in the counter staff informed him they were out of beef. They had no burgers. We laughed at the irony of a place called BURGER King who ran out of burgers.

I don’t know who may have been responsible for making sure that Burger King had enough burgers, but until it was a problem I’m betting nobody thought much about that job. They likely took it for granted. Until it was a problem that essentially shut them down.

What about inside your organization? We take all kinds of work, and the people who perform that work, for granted.

Most often it’s the basic, foundational stuff – like the person responsible for making sure we have enough burger patties if we’re leading a Burger King restaurant. Don’t do it. Or do it at your peril.

Leaders who pay close attention to the individuals and focus intently on how those individuals fit into the bigger picture are more impactful on fostering higher performance than those who don’t. From the custodial staff to the IT person who keeps the Internet connections going, it all matters. That high paid SVP you lean on may earn more money, but when you’re Internet connection goes down, crippling your business, he’s a worm compared to the person who can get you back online quickly. 😉 Keep it in perspective and show everybody respect. Make it a daily habit to show them the proper love by reinforcing how invaluable their contribution is to what’s going on around there.

Familiarity doesn’t breed contempt, but distance will.

It can be humorous as I walk about an organization and get a sense of how the rank and file view the leadership team. It’s very common to hear things like, “Yeah, the folks on the 7th floor…(fill in the blank).” The executive team which occupies the 7th floor become known by the floor where they office and not much else.

Then, when I go to the 7th floor I’ll sometimes hear similar language about the rest of the organization, making me aware there is a 7th-floor bias that works up and down the food chain inside the organization.

That disrupts employee engagement. It’s a culture killer.

Most often I find the 7th floor doesn’t get out much. Oh, they wander around a bit when they have to, but mostly they stay to themselves. From their high perch, they can more easily assess the problems. Sort of like that camera on that high-wire during NFL games. It’s an overhead perspective they think serves them well. You know why the networks don’t show you an entire game from that perspective? Because it would annoy the snot out of you and because it doesn’t show you a clear enough perspective of everything going on. It’s just one camera. NFL games have about 20 cameras (the SuperBowl has many more). They’re constantly switching to give the audience the most engaging view. Does the NFL know something you don’t? Likely.

They know one view isn’t enough to keep the audience engaged, but sometimes leadership and executive teams think that view from the 7th floor is all they need. The result? They grow increasingly less familiar with the work and the people who do it. Over time they develop – mostly unintentional – contempt for the people doing the work, especially the ones they don’t feel who do the work very well. And the people on the floors below also develop contempt – again, not always intentional – for the 7th floor because they feel their leaders don’t understand or appreciate their efforts.

This monumental disconnect destroys what might have been, a major uptick in performance!

The more familiar leaders are with the individual people, the better. The more familiar people are with their leaders, the better.

This means you have to be willing to be familiar, which means you’re going to have to commit to being more vulnerable with your people. The best way to get to know them better is to allow them to know you better. I know you want them to think you’re invincible, but they already know you’re not. You will NOT lose by letting them see how human you are. And if you’re a good human, then you will really win by letting them see how human, and how good, you really are. Or at least how good you are trying to be.

Be a good human.

I think I’ll end the week there because I honestly can’t think of a better place to end any week where we’ve been talking about leadership. Be nice. Be kind. Make your mama proud. Make your grandmother proud. Behave yourself. Treat other people well. No matter what.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!