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“What’s important?”

The answer can vary from hour to hour. Sometimes, minute to minute.

But that’s business. And while it can consume our life, it’s not our life. Not really.

I missed recording a show Monday because life got in the way. It happens. It’s happened to you. It happens to everybody.

Matt Kearney is a singer/songwriter in Nashville. Some years ago he wrote a song that contains a lyric, “I guess we’re all one phone call from our knees.” If you’ve ever received such a call, you know.

Over the weekend I was watching a documentary about the voicemails and phone calls made from the poor people trapped inside the World Trade Center towers on 9/11. A number of survivors shared their stories and recordings of their family members. It was heart-wrenching to hear these people talk about the value of a 5-second voicemail message left on a machine. These people – each of them with a very important name to their family and friends – gave their families a gift. The gift of being able to remember what they sounded like. As one survivor said, “I was told that after awhile you forget the sound of their voice.” She’s got a recording to remind her.

What’s important?

It’s not what. It’s who!

You do what you do largely for yourself. I know we chase and pursue because we love it. Or we love certain things about it.

But I also know we do it for somebody other than ourselves. At least I suspect most of us do.

In recent years I’ve thought increasingly more and more about inner circles – those people who matter the most. I suspect most of us have a relatively small inner circle. We care about a number of people, but our lives are most impacted by a far fewer number of people.

Look around your life. See if that’s not so.

I lost a lifelong best friend back in 2013. I lost a lifelong mentor earlier this year. My circle is shrinking. It happens as we grow older.

My father turned 96. My mom is 87. Life here won’t last forever.

I’m optimistic that we can enlarge our circle because love isn’t all the same. There are different types of love. Different levels of love.

The Matt Kearney song with that lyric is entitled, Closer To Love. There’s the rub.

What’s important?

The list of names you’re thinking of right now. The people who matter most to you. However long or short that list may be – those are the things that matter to you.

If you had been trapped inside one of those towers on 9/11 you wouldn’t likely call your second in command (no offense to him or her) to review some pressing business concern. Who would you call?

Some of the people appearing in the documentary showed phone company records – the calls made by their deceased loved one. They called more than one person. Some were able to contact family and friends. It was evident that the number one thing on their minds was contacting the people they loved the most.

They wanted to say a few things.

“I love you.”

“Good-bye.”

Many expressed concerns for children. “Tell the kids I love them. Take good care of them.”

“Thank you.”

Most expressed gratitude. They were thankful for these people. Thankful for the love, support, and service these people had provided. Thankful for the mates who said “Yes” to the question, “Will you marry me?” Thankful for the children. Thankful for mom and dad. Thankful for their lives and these important people.

As I watched I thought of who I might call and it’s a very short list of “must call” people. But it’s short for you, too.

That sounds like I’m downplaying the role people serve in our life, but I’m really going in the opposite direction. The people who matter most can be expanded with increased intentionality. And that intention is based largely on something different than you’re thinking.

Who do we matter to? Who do we serve? Who might be impacted by our absence?

Some grow increasingly focused on who can help them. I’m thinking of how we might expand the number of people we’re able to help. That subject is complicated. Mostly because we’re skittish on being helped. Largely because the kind of help people want to provide is harsh judgment and telling us what we should do. That ain’t the kind of help we need. Or want.

Watching and listening to these 9/11 stories reinforced what I already knew to be true. The phone calls were made to the people who mattered most to the victims. They were people who they knew loved them. People who had their best interests at heart. People with whom they felt a deep, strong connection.

How can we live so we’re that person for others?

Who would call you in the face of inescapable death? Why would they call you?

For the same reason these people called. Because you were important to them. Because you mattered more than others in their life.

Now flip it around. Who would YOU call?

Don’t put off saying what needs to be said. Or saying what you’ve not said in awhile.

Don’t put off doing what needs to be done.

THE reason you do all this – chasing all these sales, focusing on increasing profits, trying like crazy to grow this business – is because there are people who matter.  Let them know how much they matter. Today.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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Feeling all alone is a serious ailment. It’s not fatal. Not necessarily. But it can be if you don’t get unstuck from it.

Leaders too often get stuck in loneliness because the team isn’t a team any more. Maybe they never were. Not as much as they should be. They may have once been but lost their way.

You could be you once had a culture that you thought would last forever. Everybody was high energy. Everybody was an integral part. That was then. This is now. Now, people are going their own way. Most of all. You are.

The alone feeling is crushing. You want to find a way to get it back together. To get everybody in the same boat, rowing in the same direction.

You’re sick of this “everybody makes up their own rules” mentality. There are some great individual performers. Sure, some of them likely need to go, but you’ve lived with them so long you never thought they were as toxic as you now know they were. All along.

This isn’t like herding cats. That’s child’s play.

This is like pushing water uphill. It feels impossible.

And you’re feeling as bad as you’ve ever felt. Sales might be good. Profits, too. But those don’t help you feel better. Because you’re smart enough to know that the numbers won’t always go in a positive direction. Not with things rolling this way. You need to figure this out. You need to fix this.

Tendency One – the wrong one

Command and control. You’re so tired of people doing their own thing you decide to clamp down. With all the panache of a tyrannical dictator, you impose your will on everybody around you. “It’s high time I took control,” is your overriding thought. So you do – take control.

You replace loneliness with something perhaps even worse. Higher stress of thinking you have to touch and handle every single thing. It’s impossible. Logically you know you can’t do this. Worse yet, you don’t even want to do this. Not really. You want to get things on track. Right motivation, wrong strategy.

Stop yourself. Curb your enthusiasm for control. Free yourself and think about the loneliness. Lean into not isolating yourself even more and elevating your paranoia – something every dictator does! It goes with the turf.

Tendency Two – the right one

Review my 5 C’s: Compassion, Connection, Communication, Collaboration, Culture.

First, look at your talent. To right the ship and remedy your own isolation…you need the right people. Be vulnerable enough to realize you may not have the right people.

Circle the wagons with the most talented, trusted team members. If that’s just one or five, huddle with the team you trust most. The objective isn’t to form groupthink where everybody agrees with you – or with each other. The objective is to surround yourself with people for whom you can openly display compassion and with whom you can most easily connect. It’s the only way you’ll have deep enough – clear enough – communication to get out of this mess.

Foster debate among this group. Assign a contrarian in each conversation if you must. You need people able to push back and challenge so you can craft the best strategy.

Second, get really clear on the values. It’s soul searching time. You have to lead the ways with your values. But you also have to be considerate of your trusted team members (those talented ones who can help you move forward) and listen to them. Everybody needs to be able to buy into common values. This has to feel right to everybody! It also has to be natural to everybody. This is going to provide the answer in one simple phrase: “This is how we do things around here.”

Third, all communication is congruent with the values. This isn’t like America where we enjoy freedom of speech. This is your company. You have to control the communication, making sure it’s in keeping with the values. That doesn’t mean you don’t allow dissenters, but you only allow it when it’s appropriate and respectful. When it comes to building a high-performing culture you’re in control. You tell the story the way you need to tell it. Period.

Four, value the truth. Team members can’t whitewash or beat around the bush. Plain speak is the antidote needed. Truthfulness. Evidence-based dialogue. This is best done when you lead the way. Stand in front of your team and be candidly honest.

Five, manage the politics…which simply means managing the conflict. People get into disagreements over positions (relationship) and over the work (the actual tasks that happen). Conflict isn’t necessarily bad, but it can become very corrupt. Keep it honest and above board. Shut down bad behavior. Shut down selfish behavior. You’re all in this. Behave like it and make sure everybody else behaves like it.

Six, praise and encouragement. Reward what you want. Punish what you don’t. Focus on rewards though. Focus less on punitive actions. Cheer on great behavior and great performances. It works. You only doubt it if you’ve never tried it.

Alone isn’t permanent. Don’t live with it any longer. Fix it now. Otherwise, you’ll grow increasingly accustomed to it, convincing yourself that it’s just the way it is. No, it’s not the way it is – not if you want to grow great!

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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Dog chases car.

Dog catches car.

Dog has no idea what to do with car.

Success can be like that. We spend so much time pursuing it that once we achieve it, we’re not sure what to do next. Yeah, I know – it’s a great problem to have. But it seems that no sooner does momentum swing toward success, then something happens to implode things.

You can scan the political landscape worldwide and see many examples. Look no further than 2016 when America appeared to tire of the career politicians. “Drain the swamp” fever grew. Now the opposition is calling for impeachment. Many revolutions have been won only to fall apart shortly after the victory party ended.

Success is more tenuous than failure. Failure can be easy to sustain. Success? Not so much.

Homeostasis is a real thing. Homeostasis is the ability or tendency to maintain internal stability in an organism to compensate for environmental changes. In short, it’s the power and influence to keep things the same. It’s the enemy of growth, improvement and progress.

Along with apathy, entropy and a host of other combatants, homeostasis works hard to bring you back down. It’s quite effective, too. It explains why it seems the forces against your success double down their efforts at the first sign you’re winning. Mostly we think it’s the power of others who don’t want us to succeed. Or maybe they’re jealous of our success. I rather think it’s just the universe forcing us to prove how badly we want success. Testing that burning desire I talked about in the last episode.

Become The Success You’re Chasing

It all starts with a single step. One goal. One objective.

Some problem to be solved. Some wrong to be righted.

It doesn’t start with some comprehensive, all-encompassing mission. Just one thing prompts the entire ordeal – the start of the revolution. The seeds of success are frequently quite small. But powerful.

Fake it ’til you make it is largely steeped in really solid evidence. It works. Because it’s less about fakery and more about embracing the feelings and emotions of success. Whenever we become the success we’re pursuing before we actually achieve it, then we’re experiencing the same feelings we’ll experience when success happens. That helps us change our behavior because those feelings drive us to do things we wouldn’t otherwise do. And those new behaviors deliver different outcomes for us. Success.

Do it long enough and you’ll experience transformational change. That is, the change will be deep and broad. So will the success.

Then it gets harder.

Common values. Common mission.

Here’s the heart of today’s lesson for your leadership. The troops need a shared vision if success is going to be sustained.

Did you realize it was 5 years after the British were beaten in the Battle of Yorktown when colonists in America constructed and adopted the Declaration of Independence and the US Constitution? The fight for independence from England would have likely failed miserably had the colonists not recognized the need to be on the same page, fighting for the same causes. They needed shared values and these documents provided that, uniting people to muster up the courage and determination to defeat English rule.

From then until now our country has been embarked on this grand experiment at having a democratic republic. There is no finish line in this work. It’s a process and a journey that will just keep going. And it’s always been fraught with ups and downs. Like right now we’re hearing daily about IMPEACHMENT.

We keep on pressing. Struggling. Battling. For what? Greater success. More growth. Bigger improvement.

No sooner do we think we’ve got it figured out, then something changes. Sometimes happens to show us we don’t have it figured out. Or we don’t have it figured out quite as well as we thought.

Surviving success mostly means not growing satisfied with the current state of things. I think it’s less about complacency and lethargy and more about the loss of enthusiasm for curiosity and growth. People can become satisfied when we stop looking for ways to improve. When we feel this is good enough or whenever we question if it can even be made better. Yes, it can always be improved. There are things that can always be made better. Our job is to maintain and enhance our curiosity to discover HOW.

The best way to survive success is to achieve greater success.

Be well. Do good. Grow great.

Randy

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It’s ancient advice for earning wealth. And I use the term “wealth” very loosely. Financial gain.

It’s effective advice for accomplishing most things. Just about anything.

A definite plan. A burning desire.

“Anybody can wish for riches, and most people do, but only a few know that a definite plan, plus a burning desire for wealth, are the only dependable means of accumulating wealth.”

Napoleon Hill wrote that in his classic book, Think And Grow Rich. But it wasn’t an original thought. It was a creative wording of an old truth. A definite plan answers the big question, “How?” A burning desire answers the other big question, “Why?”

People can wrangle about which one should come first, but I won’t waste your time with that debate. Instead, let me encourage you to lean into both of these. And I also want to encourage you to help your associates lean into it, too.

I’ve heard the idea that the super successful don’t fret about HOW. They focus on WHO. Rubbish. Everybody focuses on HOW. And for good reason. It helps us move forward. It helps reduce anxiety. It gives us confidence. On and on go the value of having a definite plan.

That doesn’t mean that a definite plan is foolproof because there’s no such thing. Every plan can be fooled. Most will be.

In addition to HOW a definite plan provides DIRECTION. It helps clarify things. And that, kids, builds confidence.

Every successful business leader finds a path toward higher confidence. Not just for themselves, but for the entire team. It’s best accomplished with a definite plan. One the troops can and do believe in. And that usually comes from the conviction or belief of the leader. Enter burning desire.

If you have the strongest desire to achieve something and that desire has provoked you to devise a plan you believe in just as strongly – hence the description, “definite plan” – then you’re building a high-performance culture.

People often talk about not having a plan B. Then there’s that old garage idea of “burning the boats.” it all sounds reasonably wise, but in the real world it fails miserably. The corporate landscape is littered with insanely profitable companies who operate using plan B, or C or K. Far more than those who have a winning plan A.

For good reason. Learning. Improvement. Growth. Smart and wise leaders can devise a plan in which they have strong confidence. That doesn’t mean they’re infallible. Or that the plan is sure to work. It DOES mean the plan is based on evidence. A definite plan isn’t some last-minute trumped-up affair. It’s been thought through. There’s been deliberate conversation and debate employed to help devise the plan. Leadership believes this is the best method of achieving the next level of success.

Now it’s time to unleash burning desire. The plan alone isn’t good enough. Ever. Plans are only as good as the execution. And execution is heavily influenced by preparation. Preparation is fueled by desire. So don’t minimize how hot the desire needs to be. As a leader, how can you heat it up? Busy yourself fueling it hotter and hotter. That’ll drive people to more fully prepare…which will lead to improved odds at great execution.

How can we create a definite plan? I’ve already hinted at it. It’s something you’re not going to do alone. Leveraging the power of others includes the 5 C’s I talk about often: compassion, connection, communication, collaboration and culture. That last one is largely an outgrowth of the prior four. They all play a role.

Compassion drives you to understand differing viewpoints. You’re able to extend enough grace to people to listen for understanding. And you’re going to avoid shutting people down by imposing on them your preconceived ideas.

Connection motivates you to find common ground with the team. That connection creates rapport which improves how well (effectively) you can work together. Without it, communication won’t be as effective. Or as clear.

Communication is our ability to properly convey what we’re thinking and feeling. When the environment is unsafe, communication suffers. But let’s be fair — unsafe environments occur when compassion and connection are lacking. Which is why I put them both upfront.

That all leads to collaboration, which is exactly what you must have if you’re going to devise a great plan. Everybody working together to make it happen. In this case, working together to devise a definite plan that everybody can believe in.

When it’s all done well, the culture is built fostering more and more of all the C’s. It’s one reason great cultures are so difficult to build. And it’s why great cultures tend to keep growing great. We love being part of systems that work so well. It energizes us.

That energy is our burning desire. It’s like enthusiasm. It’s contagious. And it grows. Especially when leadership is intent on feeding the beast continuously.

You play a pivotal role, but it’s not about you. It’s about the definite plan you help your team craft and it’s about the energy you give to provide a burning desire. Do it well and you’ll achieve and accumulate wealth in a variety of forms within your company.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 12:10 — 11.5MB)

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No, it’s not passion.

No, it’s not some willy-nilly dream.

No, it’s not some mythical north star.

It’s who and what you are. It’s the essence of YOU.

Lately one of the most common conversations I have is about what Donald O. Clifton, the father of the StrengthsFinder movement, called “soaring with your strengths.” Simply put, it’s about leveraging what you’re best at and not obsessing so much about what you’re not very good at.

In their 1992 book, SOAR WITH YOUR STRENGTHS, Donald O. Clifton and Paula Nelson begin with a parable entitled, “Let The Rabbits Run.” It’s the story of a rabbit attending a school where there are lots of classes in everything from running to climbing to swimming. As you can imagine the rabbit isn’t too good at swimming. So he’s instructed that it’d be best if he were to stop running (cause he’s already really good at that) and just take swimming courses (because he’s not very good at that). He vomits at the thought of giving up running. Thankfully, the rabbit encountered the wise old owl after he saw the school’s counselor. The wise old owl told him life didn’t have to be that way. He envisioned a place where the squirrels climbed and jumped through the trees. Where the fish did nothing but swim. And where the rabbits just ran. Just the thought of it made the rabbit happy.

So it goes when you find it – that thing that just comes easily and naturally to you. That thing that you excel at. That thing that defines who you are – in your most natural, comfortable state.

Get out of your comfort zone!

Everybody preaches that, but it’s moronic advice…at least as most people apply it. Should we push ourselves? Should we embrace those who will help push us? ABSOLUTELY. But the question is, “In what direction?”

The rabbit loved to run and he was good at it. His inability to swim as good as the fish wasn’t important. Slight improvements in his swimming skills weren’t going to make a lick of difference in his life, or in what he’d be able to achieve. Yes, he was uncomfortable swimming. It was stupid to think he should devote more time to this weakness in hopes he’d grow more comfortable in the water.

But push the rabbit to get out of his comfort zone in running and that’s an entirely different prospect. If the rabbit had a certain speed that was some mentally self-imposed limitations, don’t you imagine he’d be served with a running coach who pushed him and coached him in ways to run even faster? Of course. He’s be energized at the challenge.

Those are 2 drastically different comfort zones. One is counterproductive. The other? Very productive.

The battle is wanting to be something you’re not, or wishing you were great at something that’s beyond your greatness.

It’s about accepting who and what you are, but that doesn’t mean it’s about complacency. No matter your strong points, they can be improved. There’s still the ideal self that you’ve not reached. That you’ll NEVER reach. But you keep working to improve…like the rabbit could work on getting faster and quicker. Always working to be the best version of himself possible.

Too often we spend our time wishing we were different. When a better use of our time – and our time as leaders who are trying to help others excel – would be spent helping them lean more fully into who and what they are.

I’m a college football fan. Every season it’s interesting to me how some kid coming out of high school where he’s played a certain position for years, ends up in a college program where coaches spot something unique about him. Maybe he was a wide receiver all of his younger days, but now that he’s in college and maybe during year 2 of his college career where’s he’s barely seen the field…coaches ask him to move to cornerback or safety. Now he’s on the other side of the ball going from playing offense to defense. And it can be remarkable the difference. A kid unable to start at a position he’d played for years is now a stud because he’s been moved to a different position that demands much of the same skillsets he’s already learned. It doesn’t always work out, but it’s remarkable how often coaches – like the wise old owl – can spot the physical prowess of a player and help them leverage that in ways they never would have otherwise.

Don’t you wish somebody would do that for YOU?

Imagine if we each had people capable of doing that for us. People like the wise old owl courageous enough to encourage us to be who and what we are – just better! People capable of recognizing we may be misplaced…yet people able to encourage us to find our place.

I’ve sat across from numerous executives who declared they wanted to be better leaders. After a while, it was obvious they weren’t that interested in leadership. They were far more interested in being the boss. Which is okay. They’re just not the same thing. Sometimes as we dig deeper into who and what they are I can help them see that whatever vision they’ve got of being a good leader – which is frequently a flawed vision anyway – would make them miserable. Many of these people are terrific operationally. They just need a solid number 2 who has what they lack. Somebody who is more naturally bent toward leadership than authority. I’ve encountered people willing and able to make that shift mentally and find themselves supremely happier. They’re like the rabbit. They can now just run without fretting about having to ever swim again.

What about you? Have you found it yet?

Put in the work. Talk to people who really know you. Ask them for feedback. What they see you being naturally great at? When they think of you what do they think?

What gives you energy? What robs you of energy?

Like the rabbit who threw up at the thought of just having to swim…what makes you want to vomit?

Lean away from the energy suckers in your life and lean toward the energy sources. Find it. Follow it.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:41 — 11.1MB)

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Curiosity and common ground. Those are two ingredients for helping prospects break their autopilot behavior. How?

Storytelling.

Help them imagine what your product or service will do for them. You put them into the story and have them experience it. We’re all able to project ourselves into some future circumstance. As we imagine it, we begin to feel it. It becomes our new experience. New thoughts and beliefs can begin to form, too. Consider all that when you’re thinking of connecting with your prospects.

Marketing and sales (yes, I know they’re different, but for our purposes I’m lumping them into one big bucket because this is all about storytelling AND it’s about establishing a relationship of trust with people) – is largely about being able to predict the future experience for your prospects. You want to help them imagine themselves in the story. The more you can make that story come alive, the easier it will be for them to see themselves experiencing your product or service. The experiences generate real feelings and emotions that will drive people to choose your offer. The more valid and real those emotions, the more the prospect (now customer) will believe it.

The process isn’t easy, but it’s fairly simple. We have to get the prospect’s attention. If we’re unable to break the autopilot experience of the prospect, then we’re doomed. But once we do that, we have to tell our story involving the prospect and let them buy.

Stop pushing water up the hill.

Anybody with any sales experience has done it. Tried too hard. Pushed too hard. We’ve also done the opposite. Failed to push at all. Neglected to even ask the person to buy. We’re making it harder than it has to be.

Each of us tells stories. Let’s think about the stories we tell ourselves. In our head. We all do it.

These stories determine how we see the world and our place in it. So as we’re approaching telling a story to our prospects we must keep in mind they’re telling themselves a story before we ever arrive. What story are they telling? You should know. Or at least have some idea.

It’s ideal to get the prospect to share their story. This is where marketing and sales are very different. Marketing is your story being told to people. Usually at some scale. Selling is you listening to the story of your prospect, sharing your story and finding out what really matters most to the prospect so you can dazzle them with a positive experience with your product or service.

Questions. Those are among the most productive tools in selling. How else are you going to learn about the prospect? How else are you going to hear their story?

You can devise your own series of questions, but they can be best summed up with one phrase: tell me more. If you haven’t put in the time to devise great questions for your sales process, then you’re failing to achieve all you should. Don’t leave it to chance. Don’t leave it to an individual team member’s prowess. Craft an effective process that produces predictable results.

Questions like, “Give me a bit of background. How did you get here?” can get the prospect in storytelling mode. It can begin a good dialogue, which is what you’re after. So when you ask, LISTEN. Carefully.

“Tell me more about what you want to accomplish.”

“What are the hurdles you need to clear before you can execute?”

Figure out the best questions that can help get your prospects sharing their stories. Coach and train your employees to listen and effectively engage in sharing your company story by incorporating the prospects’ stories. Your story has to be congruent with the story the prospect tells. If there’s a disconnect, you’re done. And there might be valid reasons for that. Not every prospect is fit for our stuff. Nobody sells everybody. It’s okay.

Paint the picture. Lose the technical jargon, except as it relates to the audience – engineers can speak effectively with other engineers, etc. Your story can’t be some sterile affair. It’s got to convey emotions. Don’t be afraid to go deeper into explaining how decisions like these need to be made, and how others are making decisions successfully.

Share how others have benefited. Social proof is important.

Good stories have a moral. Have one. Make the ending where there’s a logical next step – one your prospect can clearly see and agree with.

Attention. That’s the name of the game. It’s about getting the attention of your prospect, but it’s about showing them the attention they crave. To understand how people buy is to understand that we’re all telling ourselves stories. Everybody craves being able to tell themselves a better story. That’s what creates our desire for something different, something more or something else. Spend whatever time you must to craft better stories that involve your prospects. Get better at helping your prospects see themselves having a better experience.

Are you an entrepreneur – a business owner who proudly wears the label, “operator?” Maybe you’re sick and tired of going it alone. This much is sure, you don’t want anybody telling you what to do. That’s largely why you became an entrepreneur in the first place…so you could do it the way you wanted. The way you believed would be better. That’s how it should be.

The problem is going it alone isn’t the fastest path to growth and improvement. Your company can grow much faster and go much further if you can leverage the power of others. That’s exactly what The Peer Advantage by Bula Network does. It helps business owners like you leverage the power of others so you can grow your business, your leadership, and your life. This is an intentionally small, intimate group of just 7 SMB owners from around the United States who come together using a video conferencing platform so we can share insights, experiences, and know-how. Learn more by visiting the website, ThePeerAdvantage.com. Click the big orange APPLY NOW button today.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy