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Five little kids call me, “Papa.” They’re my grandchildren. This summer the oldest will turn 11 and the youngest will turn 3. 

When Max, the oldest, joined a soccer team when he was very young…he was paralyzed with fear. That was 7 years ago. I talked about it at the time so I’m not going to relive it here. You can go check it out for yourself. 

I’ve seen displays of fear in each of these kids. What some are afraid of, others are not. Just yesterday one of them picked up a little snake without hesitation. The youngest probably is the most fearless, but he’s even afraid sometimes. 

Type the word “fear” into a Google search and within a second Google delivers about 592 million results. Type in “fearless” and you get about 90% fewer results. Fear is a big player in our lives. Every time I hear somebody preach how we shouldn’t be afraid or I see various motivational sayings about having no fear I think of that line uttered by Robert Duvall’s character in the 1969 classic True Grit. The line was delivered to John Wayne’s character, U.S. marshal “Rooster” Cogburn. “I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man.” 

Only fools are fearless. We’re all afraid sometimes. Of something. Listening to folks brag about having no fear is reminiscent of whistling in the dark. Something else we all do, in one form of another. 

This isn’t about me as much as it’s about us. Our collective humanity. The fact that no matter who we are…we’re afraid, too. Just like my grandkids sometimes are.

My tribe has heard me confess that I’m sometimes fearful. I’m not about to humiliate anybody – especially a small person I love – about their fear. Rather, I choose to acknowledge it. When Max was fearful of joining in on the 4-year-old soccer game we had no idea what he was afraid of. He didn’t appear to know either. He just was. And no about of coaxing him was going to change it at the moment. He had to process it. And he had to mature a little bit. Out on the field, filled with kids running around without a clue what to do, we pointed out how much fun it appeared to be. Didn’t matter. He wasn’t about to join them. Over time I’ve developed some theories on what scared him, but who can be sure? He’s a smart, confident kid (sometimes downright cocky), but we’ve learned he really wants to know what he’s doing. While others might dive in and give something a go…that’s not how he rolls. He needs to know about it first. Figure out as much as he can before jumping. When he was 4 I don’t think we fully knew that. 

Like my sign in The Yellow Studio says, “It is what it is.” But we didn’t know that at the time.

Peel back who we are and our fears likely make more sense. Even the fears that seem beyond understanding. I’m not trying to dissect your fears, but I am speaking up today to declare to my grandkids – and you – that it’s okay to be afraid. I’m afraid, too. 

Today is Monday, May 7th. It also happens to be my birthday. I’m not 4, or 11. Yep, I’m old enough to have grandkids that age. And I’m still afraid sometimes. Maybe more often than you. Maybe less. Doesn’t matter. It’s not a competition. I’m afraid plenty. 

Fears change. Max isn’t afraid of playing soccer anymore. Now he has different fears. 

I used to be afraid of the dark. I conquered that fear. Now I’m afraid of more serious things, but I can be afraid of stupid things, too. Just like you. 

I can be afraid of rejection, not making a sale, failure and a host of other things. Declaring that doesn’t make me powerless to manage my fear. Instead, I think it takes the steam out of it. That’s what I’m telling you today. All this chatter – this ridiculous noise – declaring that we should live, or must live without any fear only gives fear more power. It’s delusional. And I can’t seem to find value in being deluded. Or deceived. Fear does not deceive me. I know it exists. And I also know that it’s mostly harmless, but sometimes it’s valuable. 

In the past few days my son and I have talked about somebody in his field – he has a property inspection business. You know, the folks who do that home inspection before you buy that house. An inspector in another state was apparently trying to use a metal pole of some sort to take a picture while up on a roof. The metal pole came in contact with a power line and killed him. Three of my grandkids call my son, “Daddy.” I want him to be fearful of some things so he won’t harm himself. 

My wife will text me that she’s on her way home. 100% of the time I’m going to text back that I love her and I’m going to tell her “be safe.” I want her to be fearful enough while driving so she’s careful. And she always is. 

Does that level of fear prevent taking action? No. My son still does his work. My wife still drives. The proper fear compels them both (I hope) to take proper precautions and avoid being reckless. It does the same thing for us. 

Even irrational fears – which admittedly may be the biggest player in our lives – have some basis in our own head. Telling us to not have them is empty advice. Instead, I have found value in people opening up about them, discussing them without feeling judged for having them (the most judgmental people likely are people unwilling to face their own fears). Every time I engage in a conversation with somebody about our fears we help each other figure out what’s really going on and we’re able to logically walk through our thoughts, our beliefs, and our actions. The more we face them by diving into them, the better able we are to overcome them, or at the least manage them so they don’t stall us, or paralyze us. 

People think that’s wimpy I guess. I suppose too many think that strong declarations against fear are the best methods for dealing with it. Just don’t acknowledge it, ignore it and maybe it doesn’t really exist. Nope. Won’t work. That magnifies it making us think something is wrong with us because of all this talk about not having it. Forces us to think, “Well, I’m not supposed to be afraid, but I really am. Something must be wrong with me.” Nothing is wrong with you. You’re human. 

Maybe it’s time to deal with that so you can better deal with your fear.

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 14:35 — 7.5MB)

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The world no longer cares about who you are, where you came from or whatever has (or hasn’t) happened to you. ZZ Top sang, “I’m bad, I’m nationwide.” Well, the good news is we’re all bad and global (if we want to be) now…thanks to mobile technology. The bad news is, we can’t hide anymore. We just need to put in the work.

Today’s show is for those who want to be entrepreneurs because you think it’s cool. It’s for those who love keeping up with the exotic vacations, fancy cars, big houses and whatever else jazzes you about people living the good life. It’s also a reminder that excuses don’t work. Ever. Not like we should. 

In front of me sits a young man who in his early 20’s. A good student. Who didn’t work during high school. Didn’t have to. Parents supplied him. I tell him they meant well, but he’s disadvantaged. His brow furrows in bewilderment. I press on, as I am wont to do. “You haven’t learned how to put in the work yet,” I tell him. He bristles. And begins to extol his academic career. He’s studied hard. He’s earned good grades. I get it. But he doesn’t. Not yet. But he will. I’m confident.

He’s got big plans, lots of accomplishments he’s fully expecting to come his way by the time he’s 24. I know life is going to hit in in the mouth and knock his teeth down his throat. I want him to be ready. And to be able to give himself the best opportunity for success. This time next year he’ll graduate from college and he’s got no idea how to do battle in real life. He’s soft. He only knows what he knows. And it’s what he doesn’t yet know that may kill him unless I’m completely truthful with him. It may still kill him. 😉 

Once he does the usual, “lots of people work hard, but they’re not successful” routine…and along the way points out guys working outside doing lower wage manual labor…I wait until he comes up for air. “Forget about the people you don’t want to emulate. What about the ones you admire…the ones you’d like to become like?” I ask. Earlier he whipped out his phone showing me various Instagram accounts of folks in spectacular places, doing cool things. He didn’t’ seem to realize that photos of us doing the work wouldn’t likely make for exciting photographic experiences unless we’re a rock star, pro athlete or celebrity. For the rest of it, pictures just can’t capture the magic of hard work. 

I’m not in unchartered water in this discussion. It happens often. And I know I’m not alone. But I also know I’m not going to embrace negativity or pessimism because of it. Honestly, I’m not trying too hard to convince this young man of something he’s not likely going to instantly believe just because of anything I say. Mostly, I’m challenging him to think. Consider. Maybe he’ll come around. Maybe he won’t. Time will tell.

This young man isn’t all that unusual. We all see what we see. We all fail to see what we fail to see. He sees wealthy people displaying the results of the best times of their wealth. Would you Instagram your drug addiction, or your kids’ drug addiction, or your crumbling marriage, or your sleepless nights? How about your reliance on alcohol? Or your declining profits? Probably not. 

We’re attracted to the look at the top of the iceberg. That’s where the beauty is. We all know the stuff below the waterline is responsible though. A very basic lesson this young man – and countless others – fail to understand. 

The work is mostly private. The results aren’t. 

“You’ve had a longstanding excellent academic career,” I observe. “Did those good grades just happen?”

“No, I worked like crazy,” he replies.

“Tell me what that looks like – and what it’s always looked like. What kind of sacrifices did you make?” I ask.

He goes on to tell me about a variety of social activities, hobbies, relaxation and entertainment endeavors that took a hit sometimes because his grades meant more to him. “Man, look at the fun you gave up though…just to get good grades.” I point out how his friends knew he wasn’t living it up with them while he was back in his room studying, but mostly he was accomplishing that work alone. In private. Griding it out week after week. Because he made a choice to pursue good grades over a good time. It was his priority so he could achieve the outcome he most wanted. 

“Was it worth it?” I asked. “Of course,” he said. “I wish I could go out with my friends all the time, but I can’t.”

There it is. The choice to work hard. The decision and effort exerted to accomplish something important. The willingness to sacrifice something desirable so something more significant can be achieved. 

He hopes to get into a great graduate program. He’s not lazy. He’s not delusional. He crazy smart, but lacking insight. 

Uncompromised hard work is necessary. It’s not glamorous. It’s not often public. It’s arduous. Sacrificial. 

And worth it.

Passion has been a hot topic forever. “Do what you love and the money (or success) will follow.” Not necessarily. But here’s the deal about passion – and I’m defining passion as finding that thing you’re good at, and that you love. Passion is important to keep you moving forward, doing the work when others don’t. This young man’s willingness put in the academic work while his friends partied. Because he cared about it. Sure, he’s a good student too – he’s got the brain power and whatever else is necessary for the work. That’s important. But talent or ability without the willingness to put in the effort is just sad. Look at your favorite professional sports team and I guarantee you’ll be able to think of an example. 

As we wind down the conversation he asks me about my career, especially the beginning. I tell him how I entered retailing as a high school kid, working every free hour I could, including weekends when it was tempting to join friends doing fun stuff. I tell him how 70 plus hour work weeks were the norm for me for more years than I care to remember. But I tell him how many other people working around me were doing the same thing, but not achieving what I was. I wasn’t looking for any admiration from him…but rather was hoping to demonstrate to him that putting in the work, no matter what was simply the thing he could control. 

I had some natural aptitude for some things. Early on I knew I had some qualities that translated well into success in retailing and being an operator. I was a good problem solver and I knew how to execute. So my hard work, including the long hours, coupled with my drive to achieve more (and take on more responsibility) led to opportunities. I didn’t decide what my natural talents were. I had to become more aware of them. Then I had to refine them. Hard work, no matter what, was the one element – I told him – that I knew I could control. As a teenager, I determined that nobody I worked with would outwork me. That was my choice. 

“You wanna know the secret?” I asked him.

“Through all the years you’d think I would have encountered somebody who would challenge me, or beat me. I never have. That’s the magic of YOU making up your mind to put in the work, no matter what.”

He smirked. Smiled. And nodded his head. 

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I’m a longtime fan of the music of Ry Cooder. In 1979 he released a record entitled, Bop ‘Til You Drop. One of the great songs on that record is, “Trouble, You Can’t Fool Me.”

Here’s the first lyrics of that song…

Trouble you can’t fool me I see you behind that tree
Trouble you can’t fool me trying to get the ups on me
Trouble you can’t fool me I see you behind that tree
You want to jump on me

Every owner experiences trouble. Sometimes it’s our own fault. We made a poor decision. Or we failed to execute very well. Or circumstances changed for us to foil our chances for success. It happens.

Sometimes it’s got nothing to do with us, but it’s the market or somebody else with an agenda that may not be aligned with ours. Trouble happens. It tries really hard to fool us. It’s our job to make sure trouble doesn’t fool us or wreck us. 

It’s impossible to tell you to do this, not that when trouble hits. Trouble just takes on too many forms to help with unknown specifics. However, there are a few things skilled business owners have figured out that can help every business owner during whatever problems crash into your day. 

Let me start by acknowledging that wisdom in dealing with trouble hinges on two fundamental things: your personality (that includes your communication style, how you’re wired, etc.) and your ability to exercise self-control. The good news is that to effectively handle trouble won’t require you to be somebody else. Be yourself. But prepare to be the best version of yourself. Trouble is no time to toss aside self-discipline and restraint. It’s THE time when you most need to deploy those. 

I realize some business owners enjoy going off on people and situations. I’ve seen owners who regularly “went off” on people for the slightest things. If that’s you, you’re not likely listening to a guy like me. But if you happen to stumble across this podcast or website, then I’ll encourage you (although I’m certain you won’t do it), to seek some help in dealing with the rage. Rage is never a good response to trouble. That’s right, I used that absolute term, NEVER. Rage doesn’t help you think clearly. It doesn’t bring out the best in others. It only fuels negative results, but in the short-term, it may make you feel better. That ROI isn’t large enough. 

What to do when trouble hits is simple, but often very difficult. However, as the owner – the number ONE – you have to be the leader. 

Step One – Control Your Thinking

Let’s say you’re negotiating a lease renewal. The landlord wants a substantial increase. The increase is a deal-breaker. You just can’t possibly go that high, but the area has blossomed. Rent rates in the area have increased dramatically since you last negotiated, five years ago. But your business model simply won’t support the kind of increase. 

You can immediately let your blood pressure soar, growing increasingly more angry at the landlord. You can throw up your hands and declare surrender. “Well, we’ll just move!” There is any number of responses you can have at the moment you find out the landlord’s demands. It’s crunch time. Time for you to tap the brakes and control what you think. 

There are some more micro things you can do to help control your thinking. Exercise empathy for the adversary by not immediately considering them the adversary. If you were the landlord, would you be doing the same thing? It’s possible, if not likely. The landlord wants to increase his revenues and profits just like you do.

Empathy can drive us to consider things that will help us control our thoughts, which will also contribute to help us control our emotions. Remember, our goal is clear thinking. We’re chasing insight…so it’s urgent we give ourselves every advantage at the moment. Well, that’s actually important for every moment though, right? I mean, is there a time when you don’t want an advantage?

A frequent culprit when trouble hits – especially when there’s another person on the other side of the table – is taking it personally. Rage hits. Emotions boil over. We take it personally. This person is treating us unfairly. They’re conspiring to hurt us and our business. Rarely is that true. Mostly, they’re doing for their business what we’re doing for ours. 

It may be that you and your current landlord will have to part company, but at the moment you can’t necessarily know that. Nor should you assume it. 

Another micro thing you should do is add optimism to your empathy. Control your thinking to avoid going to the most negative outcome. Instead, choose (that’s right, you get to choose what you think) to be optimistic that whatever happens will be good for your business. It’s a free country. You can move your business if that ends up being the best alternative. You can negotiate with your current landlord if that ends up being the best alternative. Whatever happens…you’ve got choices. Commit yourself to make the best decision possible. Empathy and optimism are your allies in this battle against trouble. 

Step Two – Surround Yourself With Known Clear Thinkers

There are certain members of your team who are known, clear thinkers. These people are unafraid to tell you what they think or to ask you hard questions. Maybe there’s one. Maybe more. If you have nobody on your team who fits this bill, then you’ve got work to do. But that’s another topic for another day. 

The temptation is to surround yourself with people who will listen to you rant and complain about this new demand by your landlord. Complaining makes us feel better, but it won’t last. And it’s not helpful for making better decisions. Besides, it creates a victim mindset you don’t want. Every moment is a leadership moment for you, but when trouble hits it’s a big opportunity for you to show your entire organization how to think, decide and behave. Don’t blow it!

Find people capable of helping you see what you may not be seeing. You’ve got a lot going on. It’s not possible for you to see everything. You need other eyes and ears on the trouble. This example of trouble involves a specific area – commercial real estate leasing. Lean on your commercial real estate expert. If you don’t have one, find one. Or find a few. 

Think through the trouble with the clear thinkers who surround you. Weigh options. Consider as many of the outcomes as you can. Be open to the ones you may have yet to identify. That leads to my next suggestion…

Step Three – Consider All The Possibilities

It’s likely you had an expectation prior to getting the new proposed lease rate. Don’t box yourself into whatever you were thinking. Expand it now. Consider what you currently know, but look for figure out what you don’t yet know. 

For example, find out what alternative locations may be available and what their cost may be. Consider and ask the best questions you can (yet another reason to be surrounded by clear thinkers who can best help you do this). Trouble is like any other business decision — the better our intel, the more data, the deeper our insight, the better our decision. Right now, that’s who you must be. The General marshaling the resources you need so the very best decision can be made. 

Don’t be quick to discount ideas when trouble hits. Now is the time to slow down your thoughts in order to prevent going to the worst-case-scenario thinking at the cost of considering a more positive outcome. The one idea you quickly dismiss could turn out to be your best option. But if in the moment of trouble hitting, your rage blinded you to its value, then you’ve let down your business. Don’t do it.

Part of this step is to foster dialogue and debate. Let the group surrounding you debate the possible fixes. Don’t shut down the conflict. Just keep it respectful. And don’t horn in constantly. When trouble hits teams need time to think through things, vet possible solutions and bring their viewpoints to the table. Remember, all eyes are on you. They’re watching you for cues. Give them permission to speak up, speak out and defend their ideas. Hint: If you want the best possible solution, then avoid publicly falling in love too quickly with one over the other. The moment the team realizes where you’re leaning, they’ll react to be on the winning side of your choice. It’ll rob you of what’s possible. 

Step Four – Give Your Team Power

This is congruent with step 3, but it’s deeper. You can be King and just make the decision. Or, a better option is to be the final decision maker after the team has been thoroughly engaged and part of the process. This doesn’t mean you have to do what others suggest. You own the joint. You can make whatever decision you want to make. 

Do you want your team to be better at facing the next trouble when it hits? Then give them the power to own this problem and be part of the solution. They know you’re the owner. Unless there is 100% consensus on what to do (which may indicate problems you should address – is there no conflict or debate?), then people are going to realize your choice may be different than their suggestion. This isn’t about making everybody happy. It’s about making the best decision. It’s also about helping your team grow and become better at handling trouble. 

Thank them for the debate. Show your appreciation for counter viewpoints, especially when people respectfully offer you counter viewpoints to YOU. Encourage them to not take your decision – whatever it may be – as a sign that you didn’t appreciate what they brought to the table. Reinforce the truth that alternative viewpoints help us clarify the view we opt to take. 

Your team must be part of the solution for trouble. 

There are many specifics that are impossible to address, but years of experience and countless hours of coaching business leaders have shown me the value of these four steps. Incorporate these into the process and you’re sure to improve solving the troubles that arrive. Be well. Do better. Grow great!

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 31:21 — 14.7MB)

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What’s driving your KPI’s? Why do they exist? How are you managing them?

Let’s chat about how KPI’s can kill our chances to be remarkable.

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 15:58 — 7.7MB)

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Three intersecting circles with a single spot where they all overlap. The sweet spot. That ideal place where the magic happens! 

For our business, it’s a place we may not often reach, but we aim for it. And sometimes we hit it. When we don’t, we’re like surfers always looking for that perfect wave. 

It’s the trifecta of business building. Those 3 things we all need, working in tandem, to give us the most efficient and profitable business possible.

Getting New Customers

This is the first because until we have customers…we don’t have a business. Some companies raise millions of dollars before ever getting a customer. Some companies aren’t able to get enough new customers to even warrant staying alive. 

Customer or client acquisition is a hurdle that can stymie the best of us. We quantify it by attaching a cost to it. How much does it cost us to acquire a single customer? It’s important to calculate, but more importantly, we have to be able to land clients. Some companies find out the hard way that they’re unable to land a customer…at any cost! According to CB Insights, 42% of startups fail because there is no market need. Quite simply, nobody wants what they’re selling. It’s the number reason for startup failure, pointing to why I’ve always listed “getting new customers” as number 1 of the trifecta. 

Every seasoned business owner or leaders knows that what may have attracted customers in the past…eventually stops working. Or it stops working as well. Yet we all get stuck in the actions we take to acquire new customers. For example, according to Magna, the research arm of media buying firm IPG Mediabrands, just last year (2017) digital advertising exceeded TV advertising on a worldwide basis. In 2017 digital advertising accounted for 41% of the market at $209B with TV accounting for 35% at $178B. The stunning reality is that you can look at your own media consumption and quickly figure out that there is a disproportionate number of people avoiding TV advertising (fast forwarding their DVR, etc.) than ever before. Yet, marketers are stuck with doing what once worked. To the tune of almost $180 billion annually. Can there be any doubt that TV advertising isn’t nearly as effective as it was a decade ago? Then why are we still spending insane amounts of money there. Because it used to work. So marketers continue to hope it’ll still work.

I’m not picking on advertising. It’s just an easy way to see how very smart business people can behave foolishly by failing to understand the present reality. And it illustrates the need we all have to get new customers! Mostly, it should generate a curiosity and creativity so we find new, better ways to attract the customers we need.

The ocean is no longer blue in some areas. It’s red with blood. We have to make sure it’s not ours.

Serving Existing Customers Better

I’ve been fanatical about this my entire career. Mostly because I’m practical. I know how hard it is to get a customer. And how foolish it is to lose one due to our own neglect. 

Yes, things happen. Customers move away. They die. Their circumstances change to take them out of the market. There are many reasons why we may lose a customer through no fault of our own. 

But…

The exodus of customers caused by our stupidity, neglect and lack of concern is staggering. Every company gives it lip service. I don’t know any of us incapable of talking a big game. We do the same thing about our employees. We brag about how much we care about our people and our customers, when in reality not nearly enough of us truly do. Care. We want to convince ourselves that we really do. But when the spreadsheets open up we quickly trade them both away. Especially when we look out at the next 30-90 days. Our nearsightedness is killing our company. 

How we think determines how we behave. And it determines the choices we make. All our decisions are fueled by what we think. And how.

Years ago while attending a rather informal small gathering assembling to meet and greet GE Chairman Jack Welch, I heard him tell us about the bullet train in Japan. He was showing us the difference in thinking. 

Here’s the problem: how do you build a train that will go 200mph? 

Welch correctly pointed out how American engineers would immediately to go to work on how to make the train go 200mph. They’d be thinking about the type of locomotive necessary for the chore. 

But in Japan the mindset is different. Perhaps sparked in large part by their history and realization about quality, thanks in large part to Dr. Deming in post-War World II sent to help them rebuild their infrastructure. Welch said the Japanese engineers would think about the bed upon which the track would rest. Not the track itself, but the bed under it. What kind of bed would be required to support a track that could sustain a train, safely, at 200mph? 

Quite a different viewpoint, right?

The difference in thinking long-term…and seeing what really matters. 

Too many business owners don’t seem to fully understand how important existing customers are to their longer-term success. They’re transactional. Make today’s sales number. Nothing else matters. It’s often too much focus on top of the funnel activity. Focused on getting new customers to the exclusion of considering the value of the people who have already said, “Yes.” 

Disregard for existing customers is the fast path to erode the customer base that supports all business. Like the bed under the track of the Japanese bullet train, it’s important. All our success hinges on taking care of existing customers. 

It’s not entirely about serving customers after our initial service either. It’s largely about doing what we say we’ll do and dazzling customers after they agree to buy from us. With social media reviews rampant today, so many businesses are busy either gaming the system or ignoring the feedback. Or trying to figure out ways to suppress negative comments/reviews. How about we just figure out ways to deliver remarkable service and make people happy? How about we just make up our mind that we’re going to walk the talk!

Not Going Crazy In The Process

Business leaders are people, too. 😉 

We can lose our temper and sometimes our minds, too. The pressures of keeping it all together can overwhelm us. Then there’s always that “out of the blue” problem that hits us. Like one of our main leaders resigned suddenly, leaving us to ponder how we’ll possibly fill this gap before they walk out the door. Stuff happens, right? 

This isn’t something any MBA class is going to talk about, but you and me – we know how real it is. It’s the pain of business. The dark side nobody wants to discuss or think about. 

Do you have any business problem that is best handled by ignoring it? Then why do we so often ignore this one. 

Instead, we may go home and want to kick the dog. Or take it out on our family. Or some employee, or a rep who books a meeting with us. 

The pressures of leadership can cause us to react to people (even situations) that have nothing to do with our frustrations. And it’s not just emotions and feelings. 

It’s sometimes the challenge of trying to figure out how to best handle a dilemma or an opportunity. When we think our plate is full, somebody or something happens to dump another gob of hot mess on our plate. And we think, “Today I just can’t get a break.”

Besides, what good is it to get new customers by the boatloads and to serve existing customers great if we’re growing increasingly frustrated and anxious? 

BIG QUESTION: Do you think it’s even possible to hit the trifecta – that sweetest of spots – where we can get all three of these working in tandem? 

That’s where it starts. Too regularly I encounter business owners who doubt it, or just outright don’t believe it. And the weird thing is they don’t think the first two are impossible, but they often think the first two come at the expense of the third. Whenever I’m called in and allowed to take a closer look in order to help them, I nearly always find that the first two aren’t quite happening as well as they thought – or would like! 

What we believe limits or enables our possibilities. You know this because you believed in going into business. Something gave you the confidence (the belief) that you could succeed. And you did. 

This is no different. You’ve just become stuck. We all do. Which is why we have to be jolted to think differently. To expand our possibilities. It’s not easy. Doable, but not easy. We can dig in and devote ourselves to trying to figure it out for ourselves. Or, we can surround ourselves with some folks who can help us. No matter how, we have to do it because the trifecta is worth fighting for and figuring out. I want to be at least one person urging you on in the task. You can do this. You can hit the trifecta of business building success. 

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Hank Williams wrote the song in 1949 due to the troubled marriage he had. It’s a sad refrain and I suspect it grew popular (even though it was a B-side record, meaning it wasn’t intended to be the song it became) because it’s such a universal feeling. Loneliness. 

In recent years more and more research is being done on the high cost of starting and owning a business. Entrepreneurship is the sexy term for it, but it’s deceptive. It’s often anything but sexy or appealing. Notions of grandeur, fierce independence, never being told what to do, or how to do it give way to realizing we’ve willingly stepped into a slavery from which we can’t escape. We can’t quit. We can quit a job, but we can’t quit our business. Many business owners suffer a loneliness of being trapped.

The mental and emotional health of business owners is critical because, without it, everything falters. Our personal lives are impacted. Our business is certainly impacted. 

Just this morning I saw a young lady post a long message on Instagram explaining her two-week absence from social media. Not because she was off doing something awesome, but because she suffers clinical depression. She’s been struggling for weeks. It sparked my memory of so many people I’ve seen over the last 20 years or so of life with the Internet (no, I’m not about to go slamming the Internet or longing for the “good ol days”). We just have a vehicle that enables our deception. We can portray ourselves as something we’re not. 

Over a decade ago an Internet marketer who appeared to be knocking it out of the park (big cars, fancy homes, extraordinary lifestyle) went dark. Turns out his life was completely fabricated. And he was a wreck. He’d built his business and life on lies and the chickens came home to roost. That story has been repeated often as we’re tempted to show off to each other. But the business owner has a unique challenge. She’s built a business – one that may be filled with people – where she must appear strong, for the sake of the enterprise. She can’t go dark. She can’t retreat. She must grin and bear it.

But what if she’s so lonesome she could cry? 

And there are plenty of business owners of every demographic – both age and gender – who are anxious to be able to do the same. We’re surrounded – I’m convinced – by as many (perhaps more) people wanting to cry than those wanting to celebrate. The celebrations are the outliers where life is depicted as being so awesome nobody would be able to stand it if it got any better. 

I’m all for a positive outlook. I’m a proponent of optimism. I’m not in favor of “hanging crepe” (being a downer). However, our reality is often lonely. There are times – perhaps many times – where could use some company to help us. Not somebody to criticize us. Not somebody to second guess us. Not somebody to backseat drive our business. Just somebody with whom we can relate – and somebody who can relate to us. Somebody to help us think it through, encourage us and believe in us. Somebody to hold us accountable in all the best ways. 

Don’t you think you need that?

Let me remind you of how many stories of success are fueled by people of all ilks who confess they had somebody, or a group of somebodies, willing to encourage them, push them and safely help them. People with whom these successful people could be open and vulnerable. People who could be trusted to not abandon them, or violate their trust. 

Consider traditional support groups. Name the issue and there’s a support group for it. From parents of murdered children to men addicted to porn. From marriage woes to diabetes. A group exists to serve that need because there’s power in joining forces with others who are sitting where you now sit. Yes, it has an emotional healing influence, but more importantly, it provides a substance, a solid helpful service where people can improve their lives. It provides help in navigating our lives toward an improved outcome. The goal of each group is to provide members the best opportunity for growth, improvement, and transformation. The discomfort pales in comparison to the value…and eventual comfort of being joined with people capable and willing to help each other.

It’s the stuff of The Peer Advantage by Bula Network. Do you see the value of being surrounded by other business owners willing to invest in themselves so they can elevate their leadership and business performance to new heights? Click here and let’s talk. 

Subscribe to the podcast

To subscribe, please use the links below:

• Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes
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If you have a chance, please leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes by clicking Review on iTunes. It’ll help the show rank better in iTunes.

Thank you!