Overcoming Loneliness In The C-Suite #4017 GROW GREAT Podcast

Overcoming Loneliness In The C-Suite #4017

Overcoming Loneliness In The C-Suite #4017 GROW GREAT Podcast

Late one night he sits in his office staring out of his 6th floor window. Only the cleaning crews remain. And the security guard posted at the desk downstairs. Plus all the thoughts and concerns that accompany the CEO peering out into the night sky and the surrounding buildings.

Three years into the job he figured himself bright enough to have figured it out by now. After all, he’s successfully navigated most every water he’s stepped into. Usually with moderate ease. But this is different. At this height the air is thinner along with the company. To be fair, he’s surrounded by many more people than ever before. Sometimes nothing is so lonely as a crowd.

When he was the VP of Marketing he had peers. Six of them were the inner circle of leadership. He could always walk down the hall to his close friend, the VP of Engineering. They operated in very different worlds, but were always united in their quest to propel the business forward, along with their own climb up the mountain. Tonight, he’s thinking of that friendship and how at an hour like this, they’d likely be sharing coffee, perhaps something stronger. That was then. This is now. Now he’s alone.

Tonight’s anxiety is driven by a recent lawsuit over alleged patent-infringement. The legal team has assured him it more nuisance then substance, but they’ve also warned it could be a prolonged battle. The expense is one consideration, but not the primary one. Instead, it’s the lost years of development and the potential market losses of a new product that has been the focal point of all product development in the last 30 months.

There are risks of hitting the pause button on the project. What if the suit drags on? What if they lose? What if they don’t?

All the same questions arise when considering the risk of moving forward. It could well be throwing more money down a dry hole.

And there are the sales and profit projections hinging on the project.

No one to be mad at. He’s reviewed things with engineering, product design and the legal team. Consensus is the lawsuit is ill-founded by a company with a history of patent troll behavior. No matter, it must be fought and given serious consideration.

Tonight he’s giving it the umpteenth hour of worry. In 2 days he’s going to assemble the team again – for yet another meeting (he’s forgotten how many they’ve had) – and they want to know what he’d have them do. On his desk are three bound proposals, one from each department (engineering, finance and legal). Smart people, all of them. But none of them bear the responsibility on him tonight. To make the decision.

To Whom Shall We Go?

In the gospel of John, chapter 6, the apostle Peter answered the Lord’s question, “Will you too go away?” — and Peter answered, “To whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.” (John 6:67-69)

Many times leaders find themselves asking the question, but unlike Peter — it’s because we have no place to go, and no one to whom we can go. Too often the answer is, “Nobody.” There’s nobody to whom we can go. We simply must go it alone because the burden of such decisions belongs to us.

Friends. Family. Team members. Outside advisors. Books. Journals. Buddies. Like most in the C-suite he sometimes stretches the boundaries of input hoping for an epiphany. It’s less about helpful input, feedback or advice and more about hoping for a spark of enlightenment. No, it hardly ever happens, but it can make him feel like he’s giving it all he’s got.

It’s about 9:45pm. He smiles. Just slightly. He hears the voice of his grandmother saying, “Be careful what you wish for.” From before he entered an MBA program he had his eye on the top rung of the ladder. That’s what drove him to get his MBA. Here he is barely 36 months in and he’s afraid. It’s a longer fall from this height. With more on the line – for himself and for the company. He needs to go home. His wife knew he’d be especially late tonight. She also knows why. She’s at home wrestling her own mind gnomes because she knows she’s not equipped to help him professionally. And sometimes – too frequently for her liking – she’s not allowed to help him much personally during these kinds of things because he grows increasingly quiet. Preoccupation with work has wrecked more time off than she can remember. It’s the price the whole family must pay. Be careful what you wish for.

He logs off the computer at 9:57pm. Locks down his desk, puts the three proposals in his backpack along with his MacBook and heads out the door. On the way to the elevator he calls home. “I’m heading home. Can I pick up anything?” he asks his wife. “No, I’ll snack on something when I get home,” he tells her. She’ll be awake, waiting for him when he arrives. It’s what she does. His anxiety spreads.

This scene and millions like it are repeated daily all over the world. The size of the company doesn’t matter. Just add another zero. Maybe 3 or 4. Plug in a comma here or there. The scale of the problem may grow as the dollars involved do, but problems are problems whether you’re running a $2M enterprise or a $200M or a $2B. Anxiety doesn’t compute like calculators on our iPhone. The business owner who is barely scraping by earning $37K a year can’t be judged on having lower worries simply because he’s not running a multi-million dollar corporation. Leaders at every level know loneliness.

Endurance Isn’t The Same As Overcoming

We grind it out. That’s what all successful people do. Some challenges must be endured because they can’t be overcome. Or maybe they have to be endured until they can be overcome.

Real pain is failing to overcome an issue that otherwise could be overcome. Sometimes there are answers to help us, but we can’t find them inside ourselves. We’re often lonelier than we need to be because we’re stuck alone with ourselves. There’s nobody to help us. Nobody to help us sort it out. Figure it out. And the pressure mounts in our mind to do this heavy lifting alone. We’re the leader and it’s up to us to find a way.

Yet none of us are judged or rewarded on our loneliness in getting it done. Rather, we’re judged on getting it done. Our careers. Our lives. Our employees. Our family. Nobody cares how we find the solution. Just find a solution. We confuse outcome with methodology and in the process we vex ourselves more and more.

There are solutions. Quite a few of them actually. My work focuses on growing business and leaders: getting new customers, serving existing customers better and not going crazy in the process. It’s not about social networking. It’s not about passing out business cards. It’s not about motivational speeches. It’s not about therapy.

It’s about improvement and growth.

It is inspirational.

It’s also therapeutic.

But it’s hardcore business building and growing as CEOs. It’s the premise of all my work – coaching or consulting. Growing leaders grow enterprises.

It’s still about people doing the best work of their lives. That doesn’t happen when we’re alone. It happens when we open ourselves up to the possibilities made available by people committed to helping us purely because they know we’re there to help them. No other agenda.

That’s how you overcome the loneliness inherent in the C-suite.

Randy

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Thank you!

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Will You Make A Better Decision Today? (Refuse To Stay Stuck) - GROW GREAT Podcast Episode 4015

4015 Will You Make A Better Decision Today? (Refuse To Stay Stuck)

Will You Make A Better Decision Today? (Refuse To Stay Stuck) - GROW GREAT Podcast Episode 4015

CEOs and business owners, and every other kind of top leader, suffer losses. Businesses win and businesses lose. Some idea work. Others don’t.

It’s easy to gloat over the wins. Maybe it’s easier to get depressed about the losses. It can sure be easy to dwell on the losses and grow angrier at the world.

Cynicism runs rampant. Fiction does, too. Last week I talked quite a bit about beliefs and how we can get it wrong. Our wrongness, our losses and all the other garbage that fuels our complaining — it’s time for us (all of us) to own it.

Maybe we mostly see what we want to see. The path to Complaintville is smooth, easy and straight. “If only,” are two powerful words most of us use every now and again. They’re stables in the vocabulary of excuse-makers.

“But sometimes there is a valid reason for the loss,” says a CEO. And he’s right. Expert economists and finance folks will tell you that our businesses go one of four ways:

  1. Our business mirrors the economy.
  2. Our business mirrors the industry.
  3. There is a Black Swan event.
  4. We screwed up.

It’s that last one that we don’t like to admit. During my years of running luxury retailing companies I would often hear other people in my space lament everything from the weather, or big events happening in their market, to whether the local team won or lost a game. When you need a reason (a’hem, an excuse), they’re quite handy.

As leaders of the enterprise we certainly can impact the outcome. If our company mirrors the economy or our industry, we can directly affect an outcome for the better — or the worse.

Your brilliance isn’t always the culprit. I know you’d like the think you’re special in the brains department, and you may be. But not likely. Businesses are full of really smart people who still can’t seem to get it right.

Your experience isn’t always the culprit. In the early 70’s I started selling stereo gear. The turntable was the source in every system I sold because customers bought vinyl records. It was our only music source. If you wanted to convert the music to tape you had to purchase a reel-to-reel recorder. That was before 8 tracks and cassettes arrived. My experience in selling turntables stopped serving me when vinyl bit the dust. I could have done what I see some business owners and CEOs do — they fell in love with earlier experiences and now they’re too romantic about it. You see it (well, I mostly hear it) whenever they begin to talk about the good old days when things were different. Sometimes nostalgia can morph quickly into complaining.

Those of us involved in business or organizational pursuits – leaders of companies and other enterprises – recognize that we’re not all created equally. Our skills differ. Our personalities do, too. And our opportunities vary just like our connections, how our parents raised us and how we see the world. Heredity, environment and natural aptitude – they all matter in business careers just like they do anything else.

Entrepreneurship Means Being Responsible

It’s wildly popular. Well, the notion of it is highly popular. The true meaning is taking financial responsibility for the outcome. It’s what we do running our businesses. That whole “taking responsibility” can be tough though. And painful when things aren’t going well. We enjoy getting the credit for a win. We also enjoy finding an excuse when we don’t.

That’s why some people inside businesses are Blamers. Whenever there’s a problem, or things didn’t do according to plan — they’re the ones who want to make it a priority to find out who’s at fault. They’re also the excuse makers and they can poison us, and the whole culture we’re trying to create. I’ve sat in far too many meetings where a Blamer tried to hijack the meeting to accomplish just one thing: find out who’s at fault.

Wasting time that would be better spent solving the problem, or coming up with an improvement of a process, or anything else that would be more positive. Besides, we usually know the team members who didn’t perform well. Maybe they’re not to blame entirely, but they’re not helpful in moving us forward. During a crisis, or a time when we’re solving a problem – or trying to make an improvement – it’s probably not the ideal time to be distracted in finding people to blame. There’s always time for that later. I’m not fond of accessing people problems during such times because I want to make sure I’m doing the right thing, in the right way. Unless somebody has done something illegal, or violated a non-negotiable standard I’ve set (honesty issues, drug/alcohol issues, violence in the workplace, etc.), I’m going to make personnel decisions at a more appropriate time.

But all this score keeping thing is mostly about our own performance, not somebody else’s (including our team members). This score keeping is more personal, less an enterprise kind of thing. You need to keep score in your business. Whatever KPI’s you’ve established are the ones that likely serve you well. Maybe there are better ones, but the ones in place are serving you well or you wouldn’t have them in place. A subsets of those KPI’s are the ones that are personal to you – the ones you can affect. As the CEO you can affect all of them. If not directly, indirectly.

Everything You Want

Fear In The C-Suite

We mostly buy into the belief, “Never let ’em see you sweat.” Vulnerability isn’t popularized in mass media. Certainly not when you’re the top leader of an enterprise. Instead, the jerk who operates like a maniac, driving people to mythical levels of achievement is made to be a hero. We like to make a correlation between the personality and the performance, but I just don’t buy it. There are too many good people leading good enterprises and creating value at every turn.

CEOs can be driven by their fear to be jerks. The highest value is found in being human. People connect with real people. When the real person is at the top of the food chain, it’s even more powerful. If you don’t think so then let me introduce you to a man I’ve long admired, Jim Goodnight, CEO and founder of SAS.

“Treat employees like they make a difference and they will.” That’s a Goodnight quote you can find on their company website. Goodnight isn’t that maniac on a mission who will step on anybody and everybody to get his way. He’s a real guy who understands that his employees have real passions, drives and desires – professionally and personally. He takes care of his people and they take great care of the business. The man has a solid grip on how powerful people are in helping build a great business.

Goodnight keeps working. He’s been doing it successfully since he started the company in 1976. He’s had up’s and down’s just like you. And me. He’s won a bunch, and lost a few (maybe more than a few). But he’s an ideal example of a CEO and founder who just keeps on working.

I don’t know him personally, but I can promise you he’s afraid of many things just like us. Running a multi-BILLION dollar business may elevate his fear to levels we don’t understand. He’s in touch with his own humanity – and vulnerability. That’s why he’s a great leader devoted to his employees.

If you want to learn more just type his name in the search bar at YouTube and you’ll see some terrific interviews.

Past Wins Are The Problem

Here’s the point of it all — CEOs may be among the most vulnerable people on planet to fall in love with a past win. Mostly, I think we’re an optimistic bunch. We focus on the possible. Our work involves solving problems that vex others. We thrive on the stress of knowing there’s a lot on the line. It’s what we do. It’s why we have the role.

Don’t misunderstand the point of today’s show. It’s not an indictment of keeping score. It’s certainly not a show against celebrating victories. Frankly, too many of us don’t do that enough. We lean on our people to produce better results today after we refused to let them enjoy the win they produced yesterday. Big mistake!

No, the point is that we need to live in the present and operate our business today. I hope you had great success yesterday. And I hope you led the parade for your people to celebrate it. But if you didn’t win yesterday I hope you don’t get distracted by that today. And I really hope you’re not cracking a whip today berating your people over it. Instead, I hope you’re using today to get the work done – better!

It’s about doing the work. Well.

Always.

Without fail. Without excuse. Without letting fear stop us. Or romance.

Romance? Yep, you read it right. That’s where keeping score can really mess us up. We fall in love with our ideas and our successes. Sometimes our players.

The opportunities today don’t much care about any of that though. Today’s challenges, issues and opportunities need our focus in this present moment. If we’re so locked into the scores we’ve accomplished in the past, then we’ll fail to maximize today. Ditto on our past failures. Whatever misses make up our past have no bearing on today, unless we let them.

It’s not merely head noise. It’s focus and a way of thinking. We get stuck in a paradigm. We don’t stretch the possibilities. Sometimes because we don’t know how. We fool ourselves into thinking that what once worked will still work. And what didn’t work the first time, will never work. That’s not necessarily true. But if we believe it, then it may as well be true. A major hurdle of doing the work – well – is to be willing to change our beliefs. That requires an openness, vulnerability, honesty and willingness that only the rarest CEOs have.

CEO Coaching

This is why I do the work I do. It’s the driving force behind my service to CEOs, business owners and other top executives.

I know it’s not for everybody. Not everybody understands it. Or believes in it. That’s fine. Extraordinary means not ordinary. If it was for everybody, then it wouldn’t likely have the value or remarkability that it does.

 

Your leadership hinges on making the best decisions possible today. That’s the name of the game for every CEO. You can fly alone and gut it out, or you can get unstuck and find heights you never thought possible. Lately I’ve been seeing some geese fly over my house. Small groups of them flying in a formation. Because they know today’s distance is determined by going together. CEOs can be stuck working by themselves, or they can embrace a novel – but powerful – practice of joining forces with other CEOs in small, intimate groups and having a coach lead the way.

So I’ll end with challenging you to consider breaking free. Maybe it’s a good fit for you. Maybe not. Just give yourself a chance to find what suits and bests serves you…because the work continues. It depends on you and your leadership.

Randy

Subscribe to the podcast

bula network podcast on itunesTo subscribe, please use the links below:

If you have a chance, please leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes by clicking Review on iTunes. It’ll help the show rank better in iTunes.

Thank you!

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The Power Of Peers - GROW GREAT

The Power Of Peers

The Power Of Peers: How The Company You Keep Drives Leadership, Growth and Success by Leo Bottary and Leon Shapiro is a new book extolling the virtues of surrounding yourself with people willing and able to help you. Peers with no other agenda, other than to help you succeed.

It’s an experience most CEOs and top leaders have never experienced. Most of us are accustomed to going it alone. Well, sure we’ve got our direct reports, our employees, our vendors, our service professionals who help us with things like insurance and legal things — but we’re stuck knowing that at the end of the day, the decision is resting squarely on us and all these other people have a perspective based on what they need from us. It doesn’t make them bad people, and mostly they’re not driven by some conscious decision to tell us what we want to hear – it’s just how things go. People don’t want to disappoint us, so they acclimate to the culture.

It doesn’t have to be that way. There are better ways to go. Ways where we can surround ourselves with other CEOs and top leaders who are in the same boat we’re in. People capable and willing to help us move forward and people who need us to help them move forward. It so powerful that it can feel magical. The authors offer compelling reasons why CEOs should abandon the Lone Ranger mindset and find peers who will help them, and who will accept their help in return.

Randy

Subscribe to the podcast

bula network podcast on itunesTo subscribe, please use the links below:

If you have a chance, please leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes by clicking Review on iTunes. It’ll help the show rank better in iTunes.

Thank you!

The Power Of Peers Read More »

My BIG Mistake: I Thought It Mattered, But It Didn't - GROW GREAT Podcast Episode 4014

4014 My BIG Mistake (I Thought It Mattered, But It Didn’t)

My BIG Mistake (I Thought It Mattered, But It Didn't) - GROW GREAT Podcast Episode 4014

I don’t have enough time, bandwidth or storage to tell you about all the mistakes I’ve made so I’ll just focus today on a BIG mistake I’ve made. I’m sharing this one because I think it’s probably one you’ve made, too. Maybe you’re still making it. Today’s show has just one objective – to help you learn and think by showing you that you’re not alone, even though many days you feel alone.

First, let me give you some back story. I started selling hi-fi gear when I was just a kid in high school. I loved music and the gear that would play my records. Yep, I’m old. You may not remember vinyl records. Or the family sitting down to supper every evening. Or the TV show Bonanza or The Andy Griffith Show. Or when ZZ Top’s first record came out. Well, I’m old enough to remember all of that.

Little did I know my first job would morph into launching me into a lifelong career in the consumer electronics business. Such is life. Like many of you, I stumbled into a career where I was blessed to be given the helm of a multi-million dollar operation by the time I was in my mid-20’s. I’ve spent most of my adult life leading and building organizations. My education mostly happened in the real world of operating a business, even though I did attend journalism school at LSU. I’m an operator. Proudly.

Part of being an operator was founded in selling because my very first job was in sales. I cared about people. I enjoyed talking with people. Early on, I was mostly interested in finding out what their favorite music was and how I could hook them up with a killer stereo to play their favorite records. That’s how it started and honestly, not much has changed. I still enjoy finding out what people get stoked about — and what problems they’ve got that I may be able to help with.

For the past 7 years I’ve been mostly coaching and consulting with business owners or top executives. I’ve reinvented myself more times than I can count, but that partly goes with the turf of growing older. The hippies of the 60’s were just slightly before my time, but I remember being a grade school kid during that time. “Finding yourself” was a mantra of that era. I’d like to tell you that I found myself very early on, and in a sense I suppose I did. But mostly, it’s been a lifelong journey of finding myself only to discover I’m not who or what I thought I was, or that I want to head in a different direction.

During my formative years of running businesses we didn’t use (and had never heard) the word PIVOT. We grew up learning to fix our problems by learning from our mistakes. When somebody gave it a cool name, PIVOTING, I was rather jealous that we didn’t have that term during the early years of my career. I have to tell you though — the term might let some people off the hook in facing their failure. For example, people often use failure as a badge of honor. It’s as though they’ve mistaken failure being the point of trying. I’m not in favor of putting so much pressure on success that we refuse to try, but nor am I a fan of not putting enough pressure on it to make our effort count.

That brings me to something that we all face and something that in recent months has too often put me in a funk.

FEAR

You’ve heard the adage that fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. That resonates with all of us. Our fear is real.

Google “fear” and you’ll find over 523 million results in less than half a second. Half a billion search results for one of the most fatal four letter words in the English language.

Let me use a word that’s better, at least in describing what I often feel. That’s right, I said OFTEN.

Anxiety.

Fear is defined like this.

an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat

Here’s the definition of anxiety.

a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome

In case you were wondering, Google the term “anxiety” and you only get 167 million search results. Not nearly as many as fear.

Do those definitions help you understand the difference between fear and anxiety. Probably not very well. Thanks to the folks over at GoZen.com, an organization dedicated to the relief of childhood anxiety, and a video they produced…we can get a better grip on the difference between the two. It’ll only take 90 seconds for you to learn it.

Fear is from immediate danger. Anxiety is from our thoughts. BIG difference, right?

That’s also my BIG mistake — letting my anxiety completely, and utterly trip me up.

I want you to learn from my BIG mistake, even if you’re one of those special (VERY special) fearless people. Boy, do I envy you.

As a lifelong operator I’m used to problem solving. Years in the luxury retailing business – one of the fastest moving industries on the planet where profits are razor thin and competition is around every corner – there’s little time to strategize and formulate a plan that takes weeks or months to execute. There’s just no time. You have to have a gunfighter’s mentality and a gunfighter’s skill. Pull your weapon faster than the other guy, fire it faster than him and hit the target. If you miss, forget a pivot. Sometimes your miss can be deadly and set you back months, if not years. That margin for error adds to the pressure of making sure your fast action is as on point as it can be. And I loved it.

Even my wife called me a stress junkie – for that kind of stress. The stress of competing and being fast drove me for over 4 decades. There was only one word for it, exhilarating. It was like oxygen for me.

Back in 2009 I stepped away from the C-suite to serve other CEOs and top executives. At first, with consulting. Roll up your sleeves, get your hands dirty, do the work kind of stuff. I enjoyed the work, but was more often than not frustrated by a business owner or CEO who wanted one or more of the trifectas of business building: get new customers, serve existing customers better and no go crazy in the process. But I had a problem. I was – and always have been – fanatical about customer experience. Making customers happy wasn’t negotiable for me. Ever. I wanted customers to be dazzled. Sometimes I found myself doing work for a CEO or business owner who wasn’t so passionate about it. Few things in my career frustrated me like getting in my car and driving home from a client engagement knowing they had very unhappy customers and they just didn’t much care.

So I walked away from it. Consulting was something I was good at, but I found it too difficult walk away with no ability to affect the outcome. The execution part was missing. That was almost 3 years ago.

Say hello to what most call coaching — I just started by calling it serving because that’s what it is.

Now I was onto something. I wasn’t bringing the answers. Mostly I was bringing the questions, something I was always good at. Since I was in my 20’s organizations I’ve led have heard me preach, “The quality of our questions determines the quality of our business.” I preached it because it was true. It still is.

The better our questions, the better opportunities we have to build a great business. And deliver great experiences to our customers.

So it seemed fitting to take that experience in running businesses and in asking great questions to serve other CEOs, business owners and top executives. I’d connect with one leader who would need and want my help. That would lead to another. I wasn’t a marketing genius by a long shot, but I was focused on the work – the service to help people grow and to help them grow their business. Unlike some people in this field, I wasn’t driven to become a fixture. Repeatedly I told clients that their success was my success. I had a vested interest in helping them achieve more. Sometimes that meant fixing a problem. Sometimes it meant seizing an opportunity. Sometimes it was purely work related. Sometimes it wasn’t – it was very personal. It didn’t matter. I was a resource with a single aim of helping this leader navigate through whatever water they were traveling through at the time. There were times it was merely months. Other times it was years. The connections I forged were real and deep because it’s the only way I know to roll. I knew “coaches” who were perfectly comfortable with the one and done approach, but I wasn’t and I’ve never done it.

I’ve tried a few things – different approaches – to elevate my own performance. It’s rarely comfortable, but I’ve learned that dread and long-lasting fear is no way to roll. So some years ago when I began to morph my practice into a combination of coaching and consulting I wasn’t sure how thing might work out. I had a vision and a goal. The trick was to make it come true.

It started as fear, but that very quickly gave way to anxiety as I realized nothing bad was going to happen to me. There was no threat.

What’s the worst thing that can happen? 

I’m a guy who has always asked and answered that question. Just ask my kids. I taught them to ask it, and answer it. I learned as a kid that lots of people ask it, but I never found many people courageous enough to answer it. I was always willing to answer it. So that’s what I did. I began to answer the question. And the answers were laughable. If I were to approach a CEO about the value – which I believe is extraordinarily high – of being coached and possibly joining a small, intimate group, what’s the worst thing that can happen? They could hang up on me. They could kick me out of their office. They could dog cuss me. Okay, truthfully, that first one is likely the WORST and most real one. Oh, man…what kind of a wuss am I? Somebody hangs up on you and it breaks you, I thought.

I thought. 

There it was. The problem behind it all. My thoughts.

I was letting my thoughts race out of control. I was looking into some fictitious future where terrible things would befall me simply because I was attempting to help people see and better understand an opportunity that I was never given when I was running companies. What kind of a demon, villain must I be?

I wasn’t trying to sell anybody anything. Fact is, what I offer isn’t for everybody even though every top leader can benefit from it. Those who don’t see it aren’t worth my time to try to convince them (and I don’t).

I wasn’t trying to convince people of anything. People either want the value, or they don’t.

I wasn’t trying to persuade people to like me. People either resonate with me, or they don’t.

Think about your own anxiety because I want you to learn from my mistake. I sat down the other day and hit record on my iTalk app (it’s by Griffin and it’s a terrific audio recording app on my iPhone). It’s $1.99 and well worth it.

Here’s what I did – and I want this to help you.

I asked myself questions. I decided to do for myself what I do for clients all the time. Sit down with myself and ask questions designed to help me gain clarity and resolve. Questioned aimed at getting to the crux of the matter. If you’ve never experienced that, but you’d like to – I’m going to share with you a kinda, sorta secret page where I sometimes offer people a no cost, no obligation enrollment session. It’s a powerful taste of what it’s like to have somebody help without any agenda other than to help move you forward — click here.

I’m a smart guy. Why it had never dawned on me to ask myself these questions, or interview myself before — I don’t know. It just happened. I got the urge and notion to do it and hit record. The recording went for about 1 hour and 45 minutes. It was interrupted by some phone calls, but I picked back up after each interruption. I’ve listened to that recording at least three times now. It’s fascinating to hear how even the tone in my voice changes as I’m asking the questions to the person who is answering them. It’s all me. Just me.

I did it because over the past few months I’ve learned the power of stepping outside ourselves to examine our thoughts from a more objective place. All those little voices in your head will drive you nuts if you let them. Most of us never really deal with them. The common refrain is, “Be more confident.” Simple advice. Over simplified advice that doesn’t help the person struggling with confidence. Ditto for our head noise. “Don’t listen,” is bad advice. It doesn’t work. The more you try to quieten the voices the louder they begin to shout. I knew that didn’t work so I went looking for better answers.

I found them. First in some YouTube videos by Gary Van Warmerdam. I’d never heard of this guy. But I watched this video.

That led to me Gary’s book, MindWorks: A Practical Guide for Changing Thoughts Beliefs, and Emotional Reactions. That was important because had I not gone through the exercise of identifying these characters in my head, these voice telling me various things – then my interview with myself wouldn’t have happened as it did.

By the time I hit record to interview myself I had already identified 10 different characters who live inside my head. And I had learned what you may not yet know – that I’m brilliant (and so are you) in that I can hold multiple viewpoints and multiple opinions which often contradict each other, at the same time. For example, I’m so talented I can believe Conrad the Confident (he’s one of my voices) who tells me I’m experienced, capable, empathetic and good at what I do so there’s every reason to know I’ll succeed…and at the same time I can believe Phillip the Prophet who tells me “this will never work; you’re an idiot for even trying.”

How can Conrad and Phillip both be correct? They can’t. But that doesn’t stop me from believing both of them, at the same time. See, I told you I was brilliant?

Well, so are you. You have that same ability. It happens to you all the time just like it does me. You believe contradictory things about yourself all the time. Not because they’re true, but because you’re buying what they’re selling.

Now I’m a Christian. If you’re offended by that, then get over it. I make no apologies for it. And I’m an elder at a small congregation in Ft. Worth, an accomplishment I’m proud of (for myself and my family). It’s not a title. It’s a work. A service.

God is important. God is first. Because that’s the spot He demands.

As I’m interviewing myself I ask myself an important question, “Do you trust God?”

I answer that I do. Then I ask myself, “Then how do you resolve all this anxiety when Luke 12 and other Bible verses command Christians to not be anxious, but to trust in God?”

Right there I was thrown to the floor and put in a choke hold I couldn’t escape. It was a gotcha moment. I had to confess that I wasn’t trusting God as I should.

I saw my big mistake. Letting anxiety rule my life and cripple my efforts in being the Christian I should be, and in helping CEOs learn about an opportunity so valuable that it could change their lives for the better.

That’s it. No hard sell. No soft sell. Just an information exchange. Just two people sitting down face to face to have a conversation to examine whether they mutually want to proceed. Or not. And either way, it’s okay. Either way, God isn’t going to be pleased or displeased. What displeases God is my being anxious and not trusting Him. Shame on me.

After I stopped the recording I went to a quiet, dark spot, knelt down and prayed.

For weeks and months I’ve been riddled with some of the highest anxiety of my life. Putting pressure on myself and letting some others put pressure on me to make so many phone calls, contact so many people, do this, don’t do that, say this, don’t say that — and I’ve come to conclude I’ve made a terrible mistake. One of the BIGGEST mistakes of my life in recent years.

I’ve let myself fall prey to my own anxieties. I’ve forgotten who I was and what I was. I’ve been listening to too many of the wrong voices and ignoring the right ones.

Is that YOU?

Have you got things all worked out in your head…and it doesn’t look very good?

How many characters are talking to you right now, telling you everything from “you can’t” to “yes you can?” I’ve identified 10 of my own and I’m betting there are more if I just look more closely.

How many obstacles are standing in your way to achieve what you most want for your career and your company?

Don’t be ashamed thinking CEOs and top leaders don’t experience these things. I’m 58. I’ve run many companies. I’ve led lots of people over the course of my life. I’ve been capable and successful. But here I am at this ripe old age battling things you’d have thought I might have long ago conquered.

Welcome to the human race.

I’m not sharing this for any reason other than to make you realize you’re not alone. We’re all in this together. Some of us are open and honest. Some of us are more willing than others to put ourselves out there. I’m hoping that through hearing of my struggles and my big mistake you’ll find some courage to help yourself and some willingness to be helped.

I thought many things mattered. Details. Strategies. Tactics. Fears. Anxieties. But I was wrong. They don’t matter.

At the end of my interview with myself I asked myself this question about my anxieties – hearing how wrong-headed and illogical they mostly are:

Can you open both hands and let them go?

I’ll end today’s show by asking you the same question. There you sit in your nice corner office. You’re the founder. The CEO. The top dog. Everybody is looking to you for the answers. Surrounded by smart people who are employees, direct reports, service providers, financial partners and all the rest of the cast who surround you. They’re all terrific and they serve you well. But they’re all beholden to you. Each of them want something from you — need something from you. A paycheck. Their career. A contract. An ongoing client relationship. Something. But deep inside your heart and in your head is the anxiety.

Your thoughts.

You believe certain things based on those thoughts. Those beliefs often limit you. But who can you talk to? Who can ask you the questions that desperately need to be answered? Who can help you open both your hands and let it go?

I answered out loud on my recording my answer to the question, “Can you open both hands and let them (my anxieties) go?” — “Yes, I can.”

That’s what I’m trying to do. And yes, trying is a good thing because I’m doing it, sometimes more successfully than at other times, but I’m going to succeed. I’m doing the work.

By the way, I’ve got an answer to that question of who can help you do the same thing.

All the best.

Randy

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This Is A Swing Business - GROW GREAT Podcast Episode 4013

4013 This Is A Swing Business

This Is A Swing Business - GROW GREAT Podcast Episode 4013

“This is a job you have to keep swinging at. So, it’s just about the next swing really.”  – Adam Levine, lead singer for Maroon 5

Season 9 contestant Natalie Yacovazzi returned to NBC’s The Voice stage next, hoping to turn a chair around. Nobody turned around for her last year, but Adam gave her that big piece of advice. Just two sentences, but that’s all it took to drive her to prepare so she could come back this year. On Monday night she performed “Mr. Know It All” by Kelly Clarkson, and Adam turned around almost immediately. It was a poignant moment for her because Adam’s advice had made such an impact.

Shark Tank is the business show that everybody raves about, but I find many business and success lessons on The Voice. Mostly because your business – all business – is a swing business…as in “you’ve got to take a swing.”

Have you ever held a job or launched a business that wasn’t one where you had to keep swinging? Me neither.

All Businesses, All Careers Are Based On Taking Swings

Very few – really only the most high profile – CEOs have been on a stage so public as The Voice. Even when they are, they’re not quite performing like a singer does. CEOs do work that isn’t singular. It’s a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly effort. Rarely is our work judged by a single event – a single performance, or a single decision (unless, of course, the decision is TERRIBLE). Most of us are somewhat seasoned, too. I’ve got 4 decades of work behind me so I’m familiar with the trail, even if a new hole appears every now and again. Many of these contestants on The Voice are quite young. They’re just beginning their trip down the trail. That makes their bravery even more outstanding to me. To walk onto that stage on national TV and expose themselves in such a personal way…it’s enough to make my hands sweat.

The risk?

No chairs turn. Complete, utter rejection. Yes, the judges are mostly kind and they do a great job of trying to give each rejected contestant some advice they can use. Like the advice Adam gave Natalie last year. But still, Natalie said she left last year, after nobody turned their chair, and experienced devastation. I don’t know how long her funk lasted, but kudos to her for getting back in the batter’s box and coming back to take another swing. She didn’t get all four chairs to turn. In fact, only one chair turned around – Adam’s.

One Is Enough

Natalie’s success – her ability to get on the show and advance one more round – just took one swing and a hit. That’s all you need. Just one win.

Sometimes we get caught up in the notion that we have to win really big. It can trip us up because we all want to go big. Nobody wants to go home!

Small isn’t insignificant. Small doesn’t have to stay small. Small isn’t failure.

On Tuesday I talked about how valuable attempts are. Yes, it’s a theme this week I suppose — brought about mostly because of the people I encounter who are being tripped up thinking their work isn’t important, or productive enough. I don’t mean motion versus action. I mean people who are putting in repeated attempts, garnering some success — and being judged (or judging themselves) as failing.

Taking a swing is a baseball metaphor. I’m not a baseball fan, but I appreciate the comparison. In fact, I even went so far to read a pretty interesting article on the value of batting practice (BP) in Major League Baseball.

You can’t hit the ball with the bat on your shoulder.

It’s a great line. Baseball fan or no, we can all understand how true it is. You have to take a swing.

Whether baseball players need to take a hundred practice swing, or just one — who cares? Fact is, professional baseball players have taken hundreds of thousands of swings in their life. They’ve done it so much, been coached so much and developed the muscle memory so fully, they have instincts about it.

Keep the bat on your shoulder. Don’t take a swing. Take no action. Risk nothing. Do nothing. Lose nothing.

But gain nothing.

Swinging may not work. Last season Natalie took a swing. Nobody turned around. She was rejected and went home dejected. Yet Adam’s words echoed in her head for months until a new season of The Voice started. As the coaches told her the other night, it takes a braver effort to return a second time because the pressure is even more intense. When you’ve lost once before it’s easy to just quit and say, “I tried, but failed.” Natalie looked deeply inside herself and made a choice to try again. She wanted to take another swing! Full well knowing she might strike out again, but armed with some coaching advice from last season – she also knew she might get somebody to turn around for her. Adam turned around.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. Neither does Natalie. Neither does Adam. All we know is that she’s got an opportunity she didn’t have prior to Monday night. One night. One swing. One season later.

Failure Is A Moment In Time, Unless…

Tenacity. Resilience. Snarliness. The ability to press on no matter what.

Knocked down. Dragged out. Battered and beaten. Those sound bad, but they’re not equal to being defeated.

Because failure is just a moment in time if we keep on swinging. As long as we’re working and trying – which is why I got ugly with Yoda – then we’re swinging. Swings don’t equal hits. You can’t get hits if you don’t swing, even though swings don’t guarantee hits.

The pressure to get it right – to knock it out of the park – puts too much emphasis on being perfect, or getting it just right. Business people talk of momentum and traction. I’m fond of both words, but I’m not sold that it’s wise for us to emphasize them so much. Momentum and traction can be tough to feel or measure. It’s like examining the economy – sometimes the smallest indicators can show us the way if we’ll just pay close attention.

Bigness begins small. Victory begins with a swing. And another. Then another. Contacting the ball matters more than being comfortable watching another good pitch sail past us. Contact starts with trying.

Don’t be ashamed of swinging. Don’t be ashamed if you swing and miss. Swing anyway.

‘Cause this is a swing business.

All business is swing business. Hitters are first people willing to take a swing.

Randy

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Yoda's An Idiot. Attempts Do Matter! - GROW GREAT Podcast Episode 4012

4012 Yoda’s An Idiot. Attempts Do Matter!

Yoda's An Idiot. Attempts Do Matter! - GROW GREAT Podcast Episode 4012

Good things come to those who wait.” Many of us have heard that phrase all our lives. It extols the value of patience, but it may also send a subliminal message that overvalues sitting still. And hoping something good comes our way.

Millions of people wake up every day hoping something good might happen to them today. Some estimates report that over 150 million Americans play the lottery every year. Millions of people go to Vegas and various other casinos around the country gambling in hopes of some payday. Games of chance provide unrealistic hope for too many Americans. It’s a high risk, low reward behavior…just like waiting for something good to happen.

Read Sir Ken Robinson’s books – The Element and Finding Your Element. What we create for ourselves is our own responsibility, says Sir Ken. He’s right, of course. And we know that even if we do sometimes whine and complain about our circumstances. We’re not born with a resume. We create one.

Thankfully, we can create a life and then we can re-create a different life. The message of the books is to find something you love and something you’re good at. Loving something isn’t enough. You need to be good at it if you’re going to really find your “element.”

Purpose. Meaning. Those are two words you hear quite a lot from Sir Ken Robinson.

Who Cares What You Think? How Do You Feel?

Brain power is great, but it’s not unique. Neither is data. Or information.

Perspective and context is important. So are feelings. Not emotions, necessarily, but feelings. Deep feelings. How do you feel about what you’re doing? Or what you need to do?

Don’t think about it. Not too much anyway. Just tap into your feelings. What you feel is necessary. Come on, you know. Deep down you really know. You don’t need me or anybody else to tell you.

Sunday afternoon my favorite hockey team, The Dallas Stars, played the Ottawa Senators in Ottawa. Jamie Benn is the Captain of the Dallas Stars. He’s a world-class left winger. Sunday his game sucked. He couldn’t do anything right. One the announcers described his game as being like a blind man, in a dark room, looking for a black hat that wasn’t there. That about summed it up. Later, the same announcer said, “He needs to get out of his own head. Too much focus on what’s going wrong. It just makes it worse.”

You’ve done that before. So have I. Welcome to the human race. A premier professional hockey who loves the game he’s played since he was very little finds himself struggling while in his element. Did Benn suddenly lose his skills? Did he forget how to skate well, or handle a puck? We can eliminate injury or sickness. At least this time. Neither of those is hampering him on Sunday. He’s just in a funk. A major league, professional grade mental funk.

Watching the game, none of us know what Benn is thinking during the game, but the look on his face reveals how he’s feeling. Bad. Frustrated. Struggling.

The announcer’s observation is likely accurate proof that even a top-notch professional athlete can suffer periods of self-doubt and too much focus on what’s going wrong. Jamie will get it turned around. He knows it. His fans know it. He has to do what you have to do when you’re in a funk. Start feeling better about himself, love the process and grab momentum. Can that happen in a flash? Sure. But it may take some time. It does for most of us because we’re not robots. We have to quieten down our head noise and that’s super tough. We have to get in better touch with the feelings that drive us. For Benn, that’s his love and joy for playing professional hockey. It’s the culmination of years of preparation, practice and hard work. He’s a Captain in the NHL. He’s got lots to feel good about…a whole lot less to feel badly about.

What do you love? What do you want?

Don’t sweat about how it’ll happen. Just go make it happen. You’ll figure it out as you go.

Or…

Sit back and think. Then think some more. Mind map it. Write out a strategy. Think about it some more. Edit it. Share it. Talk with others. Get lots of feedback. Then go back and re-craft it again. Tell me how you feel after you do all that.

I’ll tell you how you should feel. Like crap.

Others may tell you how wonderful it is that you’re being so prepared. Or how important it is for you to have these KPIs (key performance indicators). Blah, blah, blah. I don’t care about any of that. Neither should you.

Attempts Matter

Is IT happening or not? If it’s not happening, then what are you going to do about it? Wait and see how things work out?

That’s a stupid tactic. And it’s too slow.

Instead, grab it. You know how to do that. Grab it anywhere you can. When you’re trying to make it happen you can’t be picky about getting just the right hold. Any old hold will have to do. Maybe you’ll find a better grip later on. Maybe you won’t. But right now, the only thing that matters is that you grab it and hang on.

You’re trying to make something happen. Attempts matter.

Some weeks ago some jack wagon gets me on the phone and throws some insane KPI out there saying, “This is what success is going to take.” I’m just listening. It’s not my place to talk him out of his expert opinion, no matter how wrong-headed it may be. You’ll find way more pictures of me with my hand over my mouth because I’m a pretty decent listener. I keep listening. He continues to spew forth more idiotic tactical verbiage. As I hang up the phone I realize he’s one of those people who place no value on attempts. All that matters is success. Success is measurable. There’s a KPI for that.

He’s wrong though. Attempts count. They matter.

I’ve successfully raised kids. I’m watching my grandchildren successfully learn. This movie is happening all over the world in households raising children. Children aren’t succeeding at their first attempt. Some may not succeed after 100 attempts. It depends on what it is. But they’re trying. They’re attempting to learn how to crawl, or walk, or tie their shoes, or ride a bike, or skate. They’re attempting to learn to talk, or sing, or form a complete sentence. Over and over. Day after day. Attempt after attempt.

No parent or grandparent would bark at a small child, “You moron. Can’t you succeed at this? Until you can do it right – completely right – the very first time, then there’s no use in trying.”

But too frequently we operate with that mindset in our careers and in leading our businesses. Some folks find it gratifying to talk about how winning is the only thing that matters. As much as I push the notion of good execution, life has taught me that good execution hinges on attempts. Depending on where you are along the process, the first attempts might not look very good, but it doesn’t matter. Perfect practice sounds good, but it’s wrong. The first attempts are likely anything, but perfect. Besides, if you could practice it perfectly then you’d have it down and your execution would be stellar. We practice in order to get it right (i.e. perfect).

So go out there and take your swings. Give it a go. Make the attempt. Then make another attempt. Ignore people who try to convince you that it doesn’t matter unless you’re winning. They d0n’t know what they’re talking about. They likely haven’t tried nearly enough stuff. My experience has taught me that these same people are among some of the least innovative, creative people, too.

I don’t know about you, but when I look back over the most memorable accomplishments of my professional life – I may could even argue that it’s true in my personal life – the biggest ones resulted from me trying something where I wasn’t dead solid sure of the outcome. I didn’t know if it would work or not. Only one way to find out. Try!

Yoda’s a moron. There is big value in trying. So think of that big thing – or that small thing – that thing you’re not sure if it’ll work or not, but you think it may. Try it and find out.

Randy

Subscribe to the podcast

bula network podcast on itunesTo subscribe, please use the links below:

If you have a chance, please leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes by clicking Review on iTunes. It’ll help the show rank better in iTunes.

Thank you!

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