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Ronald W. Pies is a professor of psychiatry in New York. He wrote an article in The Conversation back in March of 2017 entitled, ‘Alternative facts’: A psychiatrist’s guide to twisted relationships to truth.

It’s a timely topic for any time, but increasingly timely given how little culture seems to care about truth or facts. Opinions and feelings are the order of the day. A heightened radar for being offended is a prize possession today. We’ve taken political correctness to new extremes.

Here’s what Professor Pies writes in the article:

First, we need to make a distinction often emphasized by ethicists and philosophers: that between a lie and a falsehood. Thus, someone who deliberately misrepresents what he or she knows to be true is lying – typically, to secure some personal advantage. In contrast, someone who voices a mistaken claim without any intent to deceive is not lying. That person may simply be unaware of the facts, or may refuse to believe the best available evidence. Rather than lying, he’s stating a falsehood.

“You can’t handle the truth!”

Jack Nicholson’s character, Colonel Nathan R. Jessep, in the 1992 movie, A Few Good Men, shouts from the witness stand that famous line. It’s never been truer and in context than today. People seem to be unable – more like, unwilling – to handle the truth. So we fight back with lies and fake claims. Or we take issue with everything as “offensive.”

What’s the impact on our organizations, our businesses, and our leadership? 

Plenty. And the cost is going to escalate. Our organizations mirror society. Whatever demons society battles find their way inside our organization. People are touchy. Dug into positions. Closed minded. Unwilling to listen. Not interested in understanding. Selfish. Proud. Conceited about their own knowledge and intelligence. The epidemic is well underway.

Situations are unique. It’s impossible to come up with some short list of solutions that apply universally. Life is too complex for that. People and circumstances have to be considered. And therein lies a big part of the problem. Our ability to read people and situations determines how well we can handle the truth. It can completely determine our vision and our blind spots.

We don’t know what we don’t know.

Increasingly, we don’t care either. Ignorance is bliss, but we feel our ignorance is superior knowledge. Greater wisdom. We’re right. They’re wrong. Period. End of discussion.

Mainstream news and politics are at the forefront of the nonsense, but it permeates every arena. It’s especially disconcerting for a guy like me who has committed emphasizing communication, connection, collaboration, and culture as the basis for higher human performance. The need has never been greater. Sadly, closed minds may have never been more rampant.

Our relationship and value of the truth – even if that truth isn’t absolute, but how somebody else sees a thing – determine our willingness to engage in the first of the four C’s that are my focus. Communication.

“Wait a minute! You don’t agree with me? Then I’ve got nothing to say to you and I’m sure not going to listen to anything you’ve got to say.”

That’s often our default. Lost along the way is the fine art of persuasion and influence, things we need if we’re going to move forward. I know we think of these things in terms of marketing and selling stuff, but we need them if we’re going to advance ideas and find better solutions. Persuasion and influence aren’t enhanced by being combative or closed minded (or both). They often go hand in hand. When’s the last time you had an encounter with a closed mind that was polite or kind? Yeah, me neither.

He says, “I’m not open to being persuaded. I’m dug in.” He’s proud of the statement. Gotta give him credit, he owns it. I’m quite sure it’s nothing to be proud of, but he feels the way he feels. His mind is like that proverbial steel trap. Nothing gets in. I’m not sure what’s getting out.

We’re not able to communicate. And if we can’t communicate, there’s no way we’ll be able to improve connection and collaboration, all the things needed to improve our culture.

Our relationship with the truth is so fractured, our unwillingness to listen so deep, that we’re mostly willing to shout at each other. The Twitter mindset doesn’t work in real life. It’s destroying organizations large and small as people come to the table with their minds made up, dug into their beliefs and fully committed to their blindspots thinking they don’t have any.

We’ll wrap this up tomorrow with part 2 of this, but for today I want to leave you with a few suggestions for you to consider – things you can begin to do today to get the ball moving in a more positive direction.

For starters, be the leader. Your employees will likely mirror your behavior and take cues from you. Be responsible.

Guage your own open-mindedness. Look closely at your relationship with the truth. Improve it.

Be honest with yourself. And with your organization. Are you prone to making up your mind before you give an audience to others? Are you listening only with thoughts of rebuttal? The sooner you recognize your biases, blind spots and assumptions, the better. Talk about these things with your leadership team. Admission of your humanity isn’t a bad thing. Don’t shy away from it. Few things will build greater trust as people see your willingness to admit you need to learn, understand and grow.

Lead the way.

Then, provide opportunities for your leadership team to do the work. Have meetings intended to foster diverse opinions and thoughts. Facilitate these meetings, not by imposing yourself, but by making sure everybody is fairly heard. Show the team how listening benefits everybody and gives the company the greatest advantage to find improved solutions.

Impose a few rules. Nobody interrupts. Everybody make good eye contact with the speaker. One good exercise is to have people summarize what they heard the person say. It’s a good way to improve listening.

It’s common in such exercises to ask person 1 to summarize what person 2 said. Then you ask person 3 to summarize what person 2 said. They’re often very different. Then open up discussion among the participants about what they heard and why they think what they heard was so diverse. It’s just one way of facing the communication problem head-on.

It’s also a great way to gauge how well we relate to the truth.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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Strife doesn’t build a stronger organization. Conflict won’t deepen a leader’s influence.

Confrontation is commonplace leadership topic. I often hear managers lament how they hate it and work hard to avoid it. Frequently they feel that confrontation is synonymous with strife and conflict. It’s not. Well, it doesn’t have to be.

Let’s talk about this and see if we can better understand how our leadership is too often damaged because we’re not seeing things clearly enough. Defining some terms can help. We’ll start with some dictionary definitions because that’ll help point out why we’ve got a problem.

Strife is angry or bitter disagreement.

Conflict (which is synonymous with strife) is a serious disagreement or argument.

Confrontation is a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties.

Do you agree with those definitions?

Let’s work in reverse now. Confrontation has another definition, based on the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. And this is the first definition listed.

“a face-to-face meeting”

Strife and conflict aren’t even third cousins to confrontation. But we confuse them. Easy to do because of the idiocy behind keyboards today where people can spew whatever venom they want. Daily we see folks dig into positions, stop up their ears, and refuse to listen long enough to understand anybody else, especially anybody who may disagree with them.

Waging war is easy. Understanding is hard. So too often people plant their flag and declare war!

Is it possible for your leadership and your culture to foster disagreement without increasing strife and conflict? Can people disagree in your organization without behaving poorly? Can people disagree without being disagreeable?

Of course, they can, but some things are mandatory.

Strong leadership is a must. Fairness and respect have to be protected.

Strong leaders understand that enthusiastic debate can fuel some of the best ideas and creative solutions. Rather than putting a negative connotation on the emotions, strong leaders help people harness those emotions toward learning, understanding and growth. Team members are encouraged to listen without judgment. Strong leadership can help show people the value of supporting the team’s effort, even though there may be disagreement over specifics. This largely happens when the leader keeps the team focused on the big objective. Disagreement over details doesn’t have to result in disagreement over what the team is trying to accomplish. Nor should it.

Safety and trust are required. If they don’t exist, all bets are off. Conflict is sure to follow.

Teams can build trust and safety. To elevate team performance, leadership must make those qualities top priority in the culture.

Intentions matters! If people are pursuing agendas other than those best for the group, then it’s easier for individuals to behave selfishly. Trust and safety don’t exist where selfishness is allowed.

Strong leaders are tough on intentions. People don’t behave perfectly. Sometimes we all mess up. But it’s very important that people learn to exhibit care and concern for the team and the team’s objectives.

“If your end of the boat sinks, so does mine.”

Strong leaders require behaviors to reflect that intention. They don’t allow anybody to violate that without great personal cost. It’s not being intolerant of individualism. It’s being intolerant of autocratic tyranny.

Ideas, opinions, and thoughts deserve to be tested. Vigorously. 

If people can merely toss out some idea, or make some comment and not sustain a challenge…then that’s good for higher performance. That’s why disagreement is so highly valued. Truth and solid ideas are born from going through the fire of discussion and disagreement.

The best human advancements have been made because what was believed absolutely, positively true was challenged. And was unable to withstand the discussion of disagreement.

Prove it. Have your viewpoint. Listen to the viewpoint of others. Let them make you prove your viewpoint to be accurate. Make them prove their viewpoint. You’ll both emerge victors for your willingness to caringly challenging each other. I realize we rarely get to this point because we can get this far along on the path. Simply, we can’t get past our own pride, hubris, and selfishness.

Too many people don’t have an open mind. They too highly value their own viewpoint while simultaneously discounting the viewpoint of anybody else, especially those who disagree with them. Such people destroy the culture of high performance, which is why your strong leadership is so needed.

Being disagreeable means “marked by ill temper.” That’s what’s unacceptable.

Debate. Disagreement. Facing off with opposing viewpoints. Those aren’t automatically marked by ill temper, but it’s shocking how many people think so. Society isn’t helping matters any. Twitter wars abound. One person takes offense at another. And the fight is on. Keyboard shouting, accomplishing nothing, but strife. No learning. No understanding. No growth. An epidemic of dwarfism of ideas. Is that the culture you want inside your organization?

Then put in the effort to create an environment where people feel safe to disagree because they genuinely care about each other and doing the best work of their lives. Build a culture where people aren’t allowed to judge each other harshly, but where people are required to give grace to each other knowing that everybody has the best intentions to create the best solution.

Help your people disagree without being disagreeable.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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“You’ve got to get excited. That’s how innovation happens.”  – Stephen Sanger, CEO, General Mills

Enthusiasm is energy. Well, at least it’s one form of energy. A form of energy you’re going to need to reach new heights in your business (and in your leadership).

Somebody said to me, “You can’t manufacturer enthusiasm.” I didn’t argue, but I instantly thought, “Sure you can. You can likely manufacturer or fake just about anything.” But I don’t think he properly expressed the thought. Excitement and enthusiasm need to be authentic. Genuine.

Three grandkids are overtaking my kitchen one morning. I ask them about breakfast. “Who wants oatmeal?” I ask, knowing at least 2 of them (the boys) rather like oatmeal. Big sister pipes up, “I don’t like oatmeal. I want eggs.” Middle brother pipes up, “I don’t like eggs. I want oatmeal.” I ask little brother, “Do you want pecans in your oatmeal?” Before he can answer, big sister chimes in, “He doesn’t like pecans.” I fetch a pecan, give it to little brother and he scarfs it down, then says, “I want pecans.” This is a 3-ring circus. As usual when these beggars are at the house.

I have flour tortillas so I offer to make big sister a breakfast burrito. “I don’t want cheese in it,” she says. “What? You don’t cheese?” I ask. “I don’t like cheese with eggs,” she declares.

Siblings. None of are excited by the same things. Not even the same breakfast foods. Ask them why they like what they like, why they hate what they hate…and they’ll look at you like you’re crazy. They get excited about whatever they get excited about. They’re little kids so they don’t know how to fake anything. Yet.

Such is the case with genuine excitement versus manufactured excitement. True enthusiasm looks very different from fake. The results are different, too.

To go from here to there (from wherever you are to where you most want to be), you need to get excited. You need genuine, true excitement for the work. The goal should excite you. Not in some dreamy, wishful thinking sort of way, but in a way where you believe in it. Where you believe in yourself and your ability to accomplish it.

That’s why HOW is more important than people claim. Pundits declare that big thinkers and high achievers don’t focus on how. Rather, they focus on who can help them. Sounds good, but when you focus on who you’re leaning into how because at the heart of your who is “how can they help me?” I just don’t think how and who are so distinctly separate. And these two concepts – or truths – matter because they’re both required if we’re going to be truly enthusiastic about whatever it is we’re chasing.

How are these important? Because without them you’ll struggle to believe. Without belief, excitement will falter.

A person can get all amped up about some “get rich quick” scheme, but the enthusiasm fades once adversity hits. And adversity always does hit. Fake excitement over an imaged outcome. Sorta like hitting the lottery. Manufactured enthusiasm about something that could happen won’t last. How long can you stay excited about the prospect of winning the Publisher’s Clearing House contest? Not long.

Something else, too. Excitement over such things doesn’t provide any value. You’ve got to be excited about something that needs your purposeful, intentional action. In short, be excited about what you can do to alter the course of your future! That’ll pay off, even if you don’t quite hit the mark. The practice of putting in the work, fueled by the energy provided by your excitement, will create opportunities. You may not even see them all coming.

Confidence helps, too. As you put in the work, excited about getting this thing done, you’ll prepare. You’ll take action. That repetition – preparation followed by action – will provide you the learning you need.

Learning. Understanding. Growth. L.U.G.

Figuring it out gives you the leg up you need. Excitement’s role is enormous to keep you sustained when temporary failures knock you down. Context keeps you focused on knowing that the urgent task is to find out what will work for you. Everything is specific to YOU. Nobody else matters.

Be excited about what YOU can get done. Be excited about the work necessary to figure it out. Stay excited when something doesn’t work because it’s only temporary if you’ll strengthen your belief and increase your excitement. The ninnies will defeat you if you start listening to them. So don’t listen to them.

This is all about YOUR excitement. Your preparation. Your work. Your ability to figure it out. It’s your success.

“It’s hard to beat somebody when they don’t give up.”  — Babe Ruth

Excitement can help keep you going.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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I’m going to blow things up and reassemble them, hopefully with a much faster design with an intense focus on mobile experiences. My hosting service – purchased from MapleGrove Partners – is crazy fast and great. I love it. You should buy it if you’re looking for a rock solid, inexpensive hosting that is ridiculously secure. I don’t get a single penny for recommending it, but you should buy it today if you’re in the market for top-notch hosting!

This site is bloated. It happens. WordPress is terrific and I’ve loved it for many years. But, things accumulate. Premium themes, even great ones, have limitations that require extensive plugins, unless you’re a hardcore developer/coder (I’m not). Page loads slow down. Queries pile up to the sky. Things don’t play as nicely as they once did.

So it’s time to blow it up and reboot with a fresh no-nonsense approach. Mobile users, which now accounts for 63% of web users with 37% consuming their content on a desktop. That was the last study I saw back last summer. I’m quite certain that the mobile number is rising and the desktop number will continue to come down.

When we’re on a mobile device we don’t stop to admire the pretty design. We simply want to get what we’re after. Minimalism works. Fancy doesn’t.

The Grow Great Daily Brief podcast gets some traffic, but most of it honestly comes through podcast catchers like Stitcher or Apple Podcasts. Even so, when visitors do come to the site most of them are on a mobile device and the site experience just isn’t good enough to suit me.

Brace yourself because I’m going for speed, speed, speed and ease, ease, ease for folks who visit this website. I won’t be posting anything until I get it done and I can’t promise the site will look like much of anything as I’m working the kinks out. I’m keeping it live instead of opting for some maintenance plugin. No need to make things more cumbersome than necessary.

I’ll be back as soon as I’ve got things mostly under control. In the meantime, I’ll see you over on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook or Linkedin.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Few things are more closed than a closed mind. Somebody smarter than me will have to teach us why we close our minds, but I’ve been fortunate enough to have experienced a few epiphanies in my life that forced my previously closed mind to OPEN. Each time I feel like reenacting that old V8 drink commercial. Smack my forehead and shout, “Wow! I could have had a V8.” Except I’d have shouted something more like, “Wow! I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

But another emotion has always quickly followed. Thankfulness. I don’t linger too long in berating myself for being so narrow-minded, or blind. Instead, I’m thankful somebody helped influence or convince me to reconsider what I thought, felt or believed.

Blind spots are funny creatures. They live inside your head and you don’t even know they’re there. But once you spot them, you can’t ignore them. And when you change your mind, they go away. Well, to be fair – those specific blind spots may. But new blind spots are still there. Until something or somebody reveals them. That’s why I’m so intently focused these days on surrounding yourself with people who can caringly challenge you. And your blind spots.

There are some important common denominators I’ve seen in a closed mind. My own and others. Talking about these may help us understand some things we can do to open a closed mind.

For starters, isolation fosters a closed mind. 

That doesn’t mean we have to become hermits. We can isolate ourselves on a subject matter. A person can be surrounded by people but never foster interaction with anybody who may challenge a particular point of view. Leaders do this more frequently than they’re able to admit. A leader operates based on a set of beliefs that are never challenged because he won’t allow it. Mind closed. Simultaneously, he can be open-minded about many other things that aren’t based on strong beliefs. The stronger the beliefs, the more closed the mind may become.

Agreement fosters a closed mind.

When I think back to the times when my closed mind was challenged I realize that my blind spot (and closed mind) were largely fueled by a lack of challenge. I thought something to be true. The people around me thought the same thing. Result? Our agreement never provoked us to take a closer look.

Assumptions are too comfortable. Much more comfortable than considering they may be wrong.

My closed mind was always (100%) the result of assumptions I thought were absolutely, positively correct. Until I learned they weren’t. Or they may not be.

It’s smooth sailing to go our merry way, day after day, living with all the things we’ve always assumed to be true. Honestly, there’s just no work involved.

The workout that kicks our butt is to have those assumptions challenged. To have somebody in our life who cares deeply enough about us to challenge us to make sure we’re seeing things correctly. It’s not about somebody who wants to manipulate or coerce us into their way of thinking. It’s about somebody who caringly, and bluntly, is able to express enough concern for us that they want us to make sure we’re seeing things clearly. Clearly enough to learn, understand and grow.

It’s less about persuasion. It’s more about making sure you’re seeing things accurately.

In my own experiences, my previously closed mind was opened not by somebody who was an opponent seeking to win an argument, but a trusted friend intent on helping me make sure I’m correct. And now we’re onto something powerful I think. Don’t you?

This is why I’m intent on whoever surrounds us not being judgmental. Or harpy. Or filled with “should’s.” “You should do this” or “you should do that.” Or “you shouldn’t do this or that.” All the armchair quarterbacking that goes on isn’t helpful. It’s a proud person filled with hubris trying to impose on others. Often fueled by that notion that they’re smarter and wiser than you. Perhaps they are, but that’s not the path to helping anybody open their mind. Rather, it’s a surefire way to making the seal even tighter.

Minds are open when we feel safe and cared for.

Yet people waste everybody’s time pushing, pressing and arguing. Putting forth good arguments is a solid tactic, but it’s fruitless up against a closed mind. Influence and persuasion are terrific skills, too. But if a mind is closed, they’re no match.

The relationship means everything. Until you have a relationship filled with safety and care, you’re powerless to open a closed mind. You can use this knowledge in your own life – to battle your own close-mindedness and you can use it to help people with whom you have a relationship.

Don’t confuse all this with things like our American court system. The justice system is built on adversarial performances. It’s advocacy. One side advocates for innocence. The other for guilt. In between the two are the people who will decide. Either a jury or a judge. While they’re supposed to be impartial, they’re still human. They listen, observe and hopefully aren’t so close-minded they can’t see the facts as they should. When the jurors retreat to make their decision there’s conversation and minds are changed based on how each member feels about other members. My money is on the juror who the other jurors most trust. That’s the person with the most influence inside that room. And it’s probable that the jurors mostly lean toward not just the facts, but the likeability of the people doing the advocating. People are people.

Who surrounds you that makes you feel safe and cared for — but people willing to challenge you. Mostly because they care that much for you. And even in the moment, when you suffer the epiphany of stupidity (like the ones I’ve described that have hit me) – you know this person cares. So your mind opens up like a flower that blossoms. And suddenly the fragrance of an open mind sweeps through your nostrils, helping all the fog that once occupied your mind (and your feelings) dissipate. It’s the difference between being outside on a gloomy, foggy day and a day filled with sunshine and not a cloud in the sky. There’s simply no comparison.

Let me tell you about The Peer Advantage by Bula Network.

Are you an entrepreneur in the United States (apologies to my European, Australian and foreign friends, but time zones are the issue for this project)? If you’re running a company with revenues between 1 and 100 million bucks a year (it can be more; it can be less), then I’d like to learn more about you and your company. I’d like to offer you the opportunity to be more intentional, purposeful and mindful of who you surround yourself with. Specifically, I’d like to see if you’re a good fit to join a group of 7 entrepreneurs and me as we work together to learn, understand and grow. I’d also like to give you the opportunity to see if you think such a group would be a good fit for YOU. The purpose? To help each other grow our business, our leadership, and our lives. To create a uniquely powerful group where every member feels safe, cared for and helped. Just go to BulaNetwork.com/apply – complete that short survey and then we’ll jump on the phone to talk. Mostly, I’m going to learn more about you and your business. I’m interested. And I’m happy to answer any questions you may have, too. Consider it a first date, and we can decide if we want to have a second one or just part ways in a friendly way.

Have a great weekend. I look forward to hearing from you.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”  – Ernest Hemingway

Hemingway was right. Most people don’t listen. At least, not well enough. Or often enough.

My son owns and operates his own home inspection business. Here in Texas, that’s a licensed occupation requiring substantial training and certification. The other day we were chatting about all the opportunities in the trades, especially in a big market like Dallas/Ft. Worth. He’s got very solid people skills – those soft skills that present big challenges for some. We’ve both had frequent encounters with business owners in various trades, but he’s obviously running into more of them than me. During our chat, I commented that too many of these people talk too much. They’re busy with what they want to say to pay close enough attention to how the customer or prospect is reacting. He confirmed that he sees the same thing.

It’s not just a problem among the trades. It’s fairly rampant everywhere.

Questions determine our success.

Many years ago I crafted a mantra, “The quality of our questions determines the quality of our business.” The context? Salespeople who asked stupid questions because they weren’t thinking clearly enough. The result was ongoing, systemic problems that could have easily been avoided if salespeople would have just asked better questions.

Through the years I’ve continued to use that mantra because it seems to be accurate in every area of business building. It’s true in selling, negotiating, buying and any other business activity. For good reason. It’s communication. Get better at it, and it’ll help you grow as a person – and it’ll help you grow your business.

But there’s something else to it.

Curiosity and learning.

Have you noticed that the people who talk too much are never asked questions? We don’t have to ask them. We know that at the first pause they’ll run their mouth until they run out of breath. Some won’t stop even then. We’re not very interested in what these people have to say. Ironic, huh?

Then there’s the person we’d like to learn from, but they don’t dominate the conversation. Maybe that’s why we’re drawn to them.

They’ll tell us if we ask. But won’t if we don’t.

Questions give us opportunities to listen, but only if we’re being honest in how we use them. Don’t ask a question to set yourself up to talk. Ask a question to discover what you don’t know. Ask your questions to learn, understand and grow (LUG). When you narrow your focus on LUG it’ll alter how you construct questions. It’ll completely change the questions you ask, and how you go about it, too.

Curiosity and learning are drivers. And results.

Your curiosity finds satisfaction in listening to great questions answered. Your learning is expanded when you listen to answers with a motive to understand.

Pay attention to the person. Watch them carefully. Listen to them even more so. Be intentional in trying to understand the person. It’s deeper than trying to understand what they’re saying. That’s important, but understanding who they are and what they’re feeling is equally important.

When you’re selling (and at other times, too) there’s another enormous value in asking questions – which provide you an opportunity for active listening. You demonstrate that you care about the other person and what they think, and feel. How do you feel when somebody takes a genuine interest in you by asking you about your life? Exactly. Make sure you do that for others, especially your employees, prospects and customers. I’d urge you to do it with as many people as possible. Every day.

Two-Year-Olds Show Us The Way

Hang around any small child, a 2-year-old. You’ll be peppered with questions because there are many things they don’t understand. Their curiosity is off the hook. Two-year-olds have a special skill to pepper you with questions. They never hit a snag in thinking of a new one to ask. It’s the sign of a mind working to learn, understand and grow.

Don’t be pesky like a 2-year-old. Leave interrogations for the professions that require it. But be interested. Be curious. Be THAT interested and THAT curious about others and what they can show you. Be less interested in yourself.

There’s the rub. Be less interested in yourself. 

That’s why listening often fails.

One, people aren’t that interested in the other person. They’re not that curious about them. Big mistake. For your growth and the growth of your business.

Foster, build and increase your curiosity. Pride and arrogance are the enemies. The people with the least amount of curiosity and interest in others are the most pompous. They know more than you. What they have to say is more important than what you have to say. Their story is more interesting than yours. Their wisdom is deeper than yours. Don’t be that guy.

Two, people don’t work at being present. More than ever it’s tough to be in the moment. Eye contact doesn’t happen nearly enough. A nanosecond attention span doesn’t help.

When you’re leaning hard into learning, understanding and growth LISTEN. Be present. Be in the moment. Don’t be distracted. Put the phone away. Put other thoughts out of your head. Look at the other person as though they’re the only important person on the planet at this moment. Because for you, they are the most important person. If they’re not, then why are you spending your time with them?

I sometimes have to work at this because I get preoccupied. For me, it’s never driven by me wanting to chime in or anything like that. It’s that my mind is elsewhere, dwelling on something else. There’s no excuse, but we’re not perfect. Notice how often the people we love the most tend to get the short end of this stick. Right?

Stop doing that. Concentrate on being in the moment. The more you practice it, the better you’ll get.

Three, people are so unpracticed they can’t pick up on the cues. When we’re talking with people there are lots of cues. Just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

Many a great question has gone unasked because we didn’t pick up details of an answer. We weren’t listening closely enough to pick up on a prompt. A prompt that could have led to another, deeper understanding. If only we’d have asked the question.

Everybody wants to share their story. We mostly go through life with few people, if anybody, asking us. The only thing more frustrating than nobody asking is somebody asking, then not listening. It’s far more insulting than not asking.

As my son and I were talking about listening, especially during the sales process, we both knew that tradesmen and all other business people suffer the same malady. We desperately want people to know what we do, how we do it, and all the other stuff that we think matters to them. What we often fail to understand is that our prospects – and everybody else we encounter – is WAY more interested in themselves and what they want. They’ll tell us if we’ll just ask, shut up and listen.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!