November 2018

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I did a 5-part summary of the book – The Third Opinion: How Successful Leaders Use Outside Insight To Create Superior Results by Saj-Nicole A. Joni, PhD. You can find each episode here:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Three years of research by the author has led to two insights that form the heart of this book:

Insight 1: Leadership today requires 3 new habits: the habit of the mind, habit of relationship and habit of focus.

Insight 2: You can start developing the three habits and your advisory network at any time during your career.

One: Habit of mind

Leaders must master a new way of thinking. Joni calls this “exponential thinking.” It allows you to see all sides of a complex issue. Exponential thinking is best done with others. This kind of thinking plays an important role in decisions where there is high ambiguity, uncertainty, and risk.

Exponential thinking is required at all levels today, not just the C-suite.

Two: Habit of relationship

Leaders today must assemble a new kind of leadership team, one that ensures they undertake the right kind of exploratory thinking. One that challenges perspectives.

Leaders need external thinking partners so they explore sensitive and edgy issues with high trust and external perspective. These are compartmentalized roles necessarily. A person can play different roles. For instance, one person might move from subject expert to thinking partner and sometimes to action team member at different times depending on the circumstances, expertise and interest. Your ability to get results in increasingly boundaryless organizations depends on how well you can orchestrate your network of important relationships.

Three: Habit of focus

Leaders must have the skill and discipline to focus on the essential non-urgent issues. Leaders today face information overload and increased demands for speed. More and more daily work has become urgent. But just getting daily work isn’t what your leadership is about. Leaders must be able to create and execute strategies to carry out their leadership agendas.

Mastery of the habit of focus is being able to function effectively in your high-pressure environment and make progress on the big, longer-term issues that need your attention. Your sustained focus on the non-urgent important issues is ultimately what will define your leadership. It’s what differentiates your unique contributions and ability to deliver value no one else can.

Insight 2 is that anybody can develop these three habits at any time. But it’s important to develop these habits in concert. Everybody will use each habit differently, but there are guidelines to help you focus on perfecting the various parts of each habit as your leadership progresses.

Where do today’s business leaders turn for outside insight to help them?

Rather than prescribe a 1-size-fits-all approach, I think we can think about the answer in two general areas: informal circles or associations and formal circles or associations. Today I want to nudge you to think of both informal and formal circles in light of being purposeful and intentional. We can all improve our lives, including our personal and professional growth, with more deliberate activity to make sure we improve our circles.

Why The Third Opinion Matters

We’re familiar with the proverbial second opinion, mostly associated with healthcare. We go to a doctor because we’re unsure what’s wrong with us. The doctor runs a battery of test and tells us he’s not sure exactly what’s wrong, but he makes an educated guess. Rather than proceed with that doctor, we opt to visit another doctor who also runs a battery of his own test. Maybe he, too tells he’s unsure of what’s wrong, but he surmises it’s something different than the first doctor. That’s a quandary.

Maybe we choose to trust the doctor who gave us the most favorable diagnosis. Maybe we do just the opposite and trust the doctor with the worst diagnosis. Or, maybe we choose to visit a third doctor.

I suspect second opinions are mostly sought to confirm the first opinion. But what do we do if the two opinions are completely different? If we’re wise, we keep looking for answers, or congruent conclusions.

Ms. Joni’s book reveals how we all tend to get a first opinion from people closest to us, then we likely get a second opinion from others, either inside or outside our company. But she puts forth a strong argument for a third opinion. One that is sought from a more intentional group of advisors who can serve us. She argues that when business leaders avail themselves of such a resource they hardly ever go back to a life without a third opinion. And for good reason. It’s simply too effective and powerful.

It Doesn’t Matter Unless You’d Like To Grow

Decision making is important for every leader. As a business owner or executive, you’re focused daily on making better decisions. And making them faster. But that’s just one aspect, albeit a very critical part of your life.

The bigger reason is growth. Your personal and professional growth!

That’s why my over-reaching objective and mission is to evangelize this message that who we surround ourselves with matters. And we should be much more intentional and purposeful about it.

That doesn’t mean we operate in that domain 100% of the time because that’s impractical. For instance, your family is your family. I hope they’re perfectly nice, supportive people. But that doesn’t mean they always help you grow. If you’re like most of us with a loving, supportive family, they likely sympathize with us, encourage us, offer us some correction (hopefully when need it most), but it’s unlikely they challenge us in the best ways to grow, improve or transform. They’re likely too close to us to do that for us. The context of our relationship and our history with them likely prohibit an opportunity for enough perspective to serve us like that.

The same could likely be said of close friends and other associations. They’ve all got strings attached. A context that makes it all but impossible to have an opinion or perspective that serves us simply because they’re determined to help us grow, improve and transform. These informal relationships have another agenda, likely an agenda that’s perfectly fine and acceptable. They want us to still love them, keep them employed, like them, be friends with them and many other positive outcomes. Hopefully positive outcomes for both of us. But it doesn’t always happen.

This third opinion – this very intentional opinion we seek – is valuable to our growth. It’s not always comfortable – in fact, it’s often uncomfortable because that’s how all growth happens. But don’t confuse being uncomfortable with being unsafe or feeling threatened. When it’s done properly, figuring out how to take advantage of a third opinion delivers superior opportunities for our personal and professional growth because it’s secure, safe and confidential. That’s a remarkable opportunity that very few CEOs and leaders have ever experienced. Those who do demonstrate an elevated performance uncommon to others.

Your business could be a one-man band, but it’s more likley you operate a business that depends on a team of people. What you’re able to do with this team of people – people you’ve intentional surrounded yourself with – is likely significantly better than what you could ever hope to do alone. That’s how it works when you’re looking for perspectives you may have yet to consider. It’s not about finding somebody with whom you can agree…it’s all about growth so you can figure out for yourself what may best serve YOU. It’s driven entirely by your aim to grow.

Besides, why else would you be listening to a podcast called “Grow Great?”

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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On Monday night, October 29th, some Senators NHL hockey players were taking an Uber ride in Phoenix. The driver’s onboard video captured the conversation of the players mocking how poorly they’re being coached. The driver pushed the video to YouTube and that’s when the trouble began. For starters, this father of 6 was fired by Uber. The players scrambled into “damage control” mode to backtrack. Too late. The damage was done.

A private conversation that went public – and viral – proved that employees, even professional athletes, often see their leaders and companies in a different light than management likely wants. The truth hurts. And when it’s delivered unexpectedly and outside of a safe environment, it can cause harm. But…

That shouldn’t be the case! Ever.

But I realize that’s impractical and unreasonable. Even so, I know it can be drastically improved.

Leaders think and feel one way, but so often employees think and feel very different. The first question is…

Do you care what your employees think? Does it matter to you how they feel?

Let’s think about it. What difference does it make? Well, let me ask you if it matters to you how you think and feel about anything? Can you just do whatever needs to be done, or whatever you’re told needs to be done without letting your thoughts and feelings interfere in any way?

I guess that’s possible if you’re a mindless doofus, but I’m fairly confident you’re not intentionally trying to build a team like that. You know the answer. Thoughts and feelings impact everything we do, every single day! You, me…everybody. Including your team.

Armed with that truth, we can conclude that the thoughts and feeling of our team members matters. Not because we’re touchy-feely business owners, but because it matters to performance. I’d add my 2 cents here, since this is my podcast, it’s also the right thing to do – to care about your team members enough as people to give due consideration to their thoughts and feelings.

What is due consideration?

It’s not an escape hatch for us to slide through so we can justify our tyrannical leadership, but it is an honest viewpoint that recognizes leadership has a perspective that isn’t always aligned with every segment of our team. Fact is, we see things and know things they don’t.

For years I coached hockey – particularly inline or roller hockey. Whether the players were 8 or 18, as a coach I could see things the players simply couldn’t see. But they could see things I couldn’t see.

For them, the game was primarily a series of 1-on-1 play. That is, they were either defending the player in the front of them (or things went badly, behind them) OR they were attacking (a term of offensive play meaning our team had the puck) the player in front of them.

For me, the game was primarily macro – meaning I was looking at the overall position and strategy. They saw things up close. I saw things more zoomed out. Together, if we had the talent/skill and an accurate perspective, then we could compile a winning strategy.

My job as the coach was to put the players, individually and collectively, in the best position possible for success. That included a game plan that would allow them to play a winning game. It was up to them to execute that game plan. But first, they had to believe what I believed – this is our best opportunity to win. I needed them to always deeply believe in what I was asking them to do. Mostly, they did and my teams enjoyed success because of it.

Professional hockey players who make millions of dollars need the same thing. Your employees do, too. They need to believe that leadership is putting them in the best position possible for success, both at the individual level and at the team (or company) level. If they don’t, we’ve failed as leaders.

Those Ottowa Senator players clearly don’t feel that way about their head coach. They can apologize all they want for what they said on that Uber ride, but I don’t think they should. Should have they shot their mouths off in public like that. Who cares? I think by doing it they gave their head coach a gift. The TRUTH.

“You can’t handle the truth.” It’s a famous line uttered by Jack Nicholson in the movie, A Few Good Men.

As business owners and leaders, it’s our role to find, figure out and handle the truth. To see things for what they truly are, not how we wish they were. To figure out ways to better handle the truth. To devise and implement strategies that will best serve the purpose and mission of our companies. But there’s more.

It’s also our role to help each team member see where they fit. Some years ago I began to do some work with clients around this notion of an individual team member who desperately wants to know, “How do I fit in?” Not socially, but in reality. How does this team member as a person, with the contributions they’re able to make and the ones we’re asking them to make – how do they fit in and make a positive difference?

Like those hockey players in that Uber ride, you may have team members who don’t believe in what you’re doing. They may not understand what you’re doing. Or why.

Maybe they no idea what you expect them to do, or how you expect them to do it.

People can be filled with questions and emotions around things that are so fundamental, but we neglect them because as leaders we either don’t know or we don’t care. So first, start caring (if you’re not already). Care what your people think and feel because it’s good business (and it’s the right thing to do).

Next, find out what they think and how they feel. Understand their viewpoint. See what they see before you impose on them what you see.

I’ve never been a hockey player. I’ve been a hockey coach for years though. I’ve studied it more hours that I care to admit. Spent years talking with coaches around the world. Learning. Because first I was a fan. Interested in the nuances of the sport. Talking with amateur and professional players, coupled with my study, I learned a lot about the game. And what it takes to win.

The micro level of the game – the details at the player level – had to come from the players. Years ago I realized as both a business leader and a hockey coach that they weren’t much different. The perspective of the person doing the work (the player) is important. They think what they think. They feel what they feel. My job was never to convince them otherwise, but first to understand it. THIS IS WHERE MANY LEADERS FAIL.

The Senator’s head coach is failing to do this. Like many leaders who view things in a classical hierarchical environment – I’m the boss, do what I say – he’s neglected to gain the insights of his players. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It means you must try to understand them.

Then, digest them. Don’t immediately go into sales mode of your ideas, thoughts and feeling. That’ll just signal your team a very bad message, “No matter how you feel or think, I’m going to impose on you how I think and feel.” Open your eyes and ears. Listen and learn. Understand.

Think about the best ways to help your team – both individually and collectively – understand what you’re asking them to do. Begin by answering the question on everybody’s mind, “Why?” Don’t wait for them to ask. Explain to them why you’re doing what you’re doing. Help them understand their contribution and why it matters so much.

Some team members are more compliant than others. I realize we can have employees who are contrarians. Some aren’t going to understand no matter what you do. It’s a topic for another day, but I’m going to tell you to get rid of the chronic contrarians. I’m NOT talking about the person who doesn’t agree with you, or the person who may be difficult to convert. I’m talking about the person who always lacks an open mind. They will never see what you see, or understand it because they refuse. These are toxic employees who will kill your quest for a high performing culture.

One team member at a time. That’s where it begins. We’ve talked about it before, but you have to figure out a way to scale the human talent on your roster. Every coach or leader must do the same thing. Find out how they feel. Find out what they think. Communicate that you understand. Make sure you understand them accurately. And make sure they understand how much you care about them and their contribution, then make certain they believe that your direction and leadership is capable of winning.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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You didn’t think you’d hear from me today, did you? Well, in the words of Gomer Pyle, “Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!”

Let’s talk about delighting customers. By now you know me well enough to know how fanatical I am about customer service or experience. I use words like extraordinary, remarkable and verbs like dazzle and delight.

Companies talk about it because talk is easy. Execution is hard. Doable, but hard.

Unfortunately, companies can be lulled into thinking they’re doing a good job when they’re not. Just say it and believe it. That’s enough.

Well, to be fair it used to be enough. But the Internet changed all that. Now, people can publish and talk. Word of mouth used to mean you bought a new car, took it home and told your neighbors where not to go buy a car. Because your experience was awful. The car? She’s great. But the dealer where we got it, not so much. That was our word of mouth. That was then.

Now, we go home, aim our phone’s camera at our face while we show off our car’s interior. Then we turn the camera on the outside of the car as we offer a review to anybody interested in this particular model. We share our dealership experience in the video. For good or bad. And we post it on YouTube, Facebook and as an Instagram story. We also figure we’ll post a review at the dealer’s Google profile, giving them 2 stars. “The paperwork took us 4 hours! Four stinking hours just to get out of the door with our new car. Don’t shop here unless you’re craving the need to feel like a hostage.”

That’s our word of mouth today. Companies have no place to hide today. The worldwide web exposes us. All of us.

I know what you’re thinking. How can our company possibly meet the expectations of today’s customers? How do we protect ourselves against the unreasonable client who refuses to think we’re giving it our best? Answer: you can’t. Jerks are going to be jerks.

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! You can’t let the jerks dictate how you roll. So because you can’t dazzle 100% of the people you’re not going to bust your tail trying? That’s a bad business model. Lean into it. Make up your mind that even if the jerks write a bad review of your company, you’re going to remain devoted to doing the right thing – delighting every customer!

Make up your mind. Decide.

That’s the real key to delighting customers! And no, it’s not easy to decide.

Have you ever found it hard to forgive somebody, but you eventually relented and did forgive them? You just wallered it and wallered it, refusing to give in. You told yourself how undeserving they are of your forgiveness. You justified it 8 ways to Sunday. You fortified yourself, entrenching yourself more and more into your position of not forgiving them. Until you realized you were working a lot harder not to forgive them than you would if you just let go and made up your mind, “I’m going to forgive them and move on.” In an instant you did it. Something clicked inside of you and caused you to at long last decide to forgive. That gave rise to other actions that likely served you well. Much better than holding onto the grudge or whatever else you were feeling.

That’s how it works with delighting customers. Fret about all the downsides. Find every excuse for neglecting to do it. Justify it with spreadsheets and all the perceived outcomes you can imagine. You’ll devote more effort into being poor or mediocre at serving customers than you will at rising above the crowd and living in the Land of Delight!

Over deliver. Under promise. Manage the expectations. That’s what we’ve all heard. Forget it. It’s not that complicated.

I’ll shock you with a really simple truth. Politeness alone will put you above the crowd. Having people who say “please” and “thank you,” or “sir” and “ma’am” is a competitive edge. Mere politeness involves more than just words though. Mostly, it involves attentiveness. Walk up to a cashier in a store where somebody is anxious to help you right away. I’ll be behind you with a crash cart to resuscitate you when you faint in shock if they immediately pay attention to you. We’re all too well acquainted with pathetic and indifferent service.

Are you telling me that it demands greater effort to be attentive than it does to be indifferent? Does it take more effort and time to great a customer with “Good afternoon. Welcome!” – than it does to say, “Can I help you?” (drives me completely crazy, but that’s because I ran retail companies for too long)

Attentiveness. Politeness. Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! You can delight customers.

Honesty. Directness. I talked about those yesterday. For good reason. Those are also delightful to customers. We appreciate it, even if it’s not exactly what we wanted to hear. It beats being lied to. Or surprised in a bad way down the line. “Surprise! I told you we’d have that project completed this week, but I was wrong. It’s gonna be done in 2 weeks!” That’s not delightful. To anybody. Including us. I haven’t met anybody yet who enjoys delivering bad news, especially when it involves them telling somebody they can’t do what they promised.

“It’ll cost too much.” Sometimes a CEO or entrepreneur worry that the cost of delighting customers will be too high. This admittedly happens when we’re operating companies that aren’t at the top of the price point. People operating on price and or convenience can find it hard to get their head wrapped around. It’s easy for Uber or Walmart or Amazon. They’ve got scale working for them. Or so goes the logic. And I immediately jump in – “Well, you can’t successfully scale negative profits. So how do you suppose that works?”

It’s that proverbial story of the guy selling watermelons at a loss. He buys them for $2, but sells them for $1. “How do you make a living?” asks a stranger. He replies, “I make it up in volume.” The math doesn’t work.

Here’s the math that does work. Delighting customers pays. Always.

Doing the right thing pays. Always.

Will it cost you? Yes. It may cost you in profits on a single transaction. It may cost you in a variety of ways. But it scales because delighting customers is a way of life that generates more business that won’t cost you. Measure the transactions one at a time and they’re not all going to cost you. Put the effort into having processes and systems designed to dazzle and delight EVERY SINGLE CUSTOMER. Make delighting customers the norm inside your company. You won’t “take it in the shorts” as one CEO told me, lamenting how his company had to take care of a client who had a bad experience. Will you have to forego profits every now and again? Absolutely. Because if you don’t, you won’t delight the customer.

But I’ve got another surprise for you.

The Power Of Recovery

Recovery is what happens when you take an unhappy customer from disgust (or potential disgust) to delight. It’s a great opportunity. I love recovery opportunities! They’re terrific for shoring up your customer base. There is no better opportunity for building a foundation for a successful business.

Examine transactions and insist on each transaction earning its keep…you’ll lose.

See an opportunity to make an unhappy customer delighted and do whatever you can to surprise the customer with your willingness to dazzle them — and watch the shock and awe they’ll feel.

That word of mouth that happens in this digital age is more than worth the cost, or the profits you’ll forego. Delighted customers can’t wait to share their story. Give them something to talk about. It’s the fast path to growing great!

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Dissect anything and you’ll discover some important things and many insignificant things. That includes selling.

I don’t necessarily have sales DNA, but I’ve got a lifetime of sales experience so it sometimes feels like it’s DNA. Oh, and I’m naturally introverted. And there’s this – I do not think “salesman” is a derogatory label. I rather think selling can be noble (or not), like most things.

Simply put, selling is dialogue with a purpose. Ideally, the purpose is to serve the customer with something highly valuable. Valuable enough to warrant an exchange of money. Valuable enough that the amount of money paid by the customer is equal or less than the benefit they get from the thing. Valuable enough that the amount enables the provider (the seller) with the sustained ability to continue to deliver the value to customers now and in the future.

Dialogue is the keyword. Selling is a conversation. A give and take. Questions and answers. Understanding. Learning.

Selling is a dozen little things. Because it’s a conversation between two or more people it’s entirely focused on communication.

And this is where your impatience can wreck things. You begin to take shortcuts. You neglect the vital elements of human connection because you can’t help yourself. You need to make a sale. You want to make a sale. You grow fixated on what you want and forget the purpose of the dialogue – to serve the customer!

Do you have people in your life who call you and all you have to do is answer your phone…then they’re off to the races with what they want to say? Barely coming up for air?

Ten minutes into the conversation – well, to be accurate, it’s not a conversation…it’s a monologue – you’ve only said one word, “Hello.” Selling is a dialogue, not a monologue.

That person who calls you and dominates the conversation isn’t interested in hearing what you’ve got to say. They’re just looking for somebody who will endure listening to them. Do you really think your prospect is willing to endure that from you? Don’t kid yourself. It’s not about you. It’s about them. It’s only about you in the context of what’s in it for them. Remember the value exchange, the purpose of the dialogue.

Impatience can make you neglect all the little things necessary to give the prospect the opportunity to take advantage of your offer. Your brain kicks into a different place when you’re impatient. It defies logic and reason thinking, “The more I talk the more I’m likely to persuade them.” You get sucked into thinking that the blitzkrieg of information is the path to hearing them say, “Yes.” The moment just gets too big for some people because they’re selfish.

How can we harness our impatience when we’re selling?

One, remember the purpose.

To serve the customer. Period. Get that emblazoned on your brain before you enter the dialogue. Keep it there. It’s the bedrock of everything else you do.

Two, leverage the purpose to drive the conversation.

Think of your closest friends or family members. Do they show interest in you? Yep. These people are genuinely interested in you and what’s going on with you. Plus, they’re genuinely interested in how they can help you. And you feel the same toward them.

Go into the sales conversation focused on the prospect. Be interested in them and in helping them. Avoid being presumptuous. “I’ve got the ideal solution for you,” is a presumption I’ve heard millions of times. Mostly from people who never asked me a single question. People who lacked any context to me or my business.

Use the conversation for context.

Three, be honest and direct.

I’m not sure if any business activity has more tactics or strategies. There are so many books, seminars, podcasts, trainers and speakers on the subject of selling…I don’t suppose we’ll ever hit a limit on them because somebody is always coming up with some new angle, new strategies, and tactics.

True confession: I’m not a sales tactic guy. I understand them. I know they can work. And I know we can talk people into or manipulate people. I’m not interested because I’ve always been a longterm player. I’m not transactional. There are very skilled transactional salespeople out there who are masters at acts of persuasion. They work every interaction to their advantage and are able to get a fair number of people to say, “Yes.” They’re like sales magicians.

I choose honesty. Directness.

Does it work every time? No. Nothing works every time. But here’s my sales pitch for honesty and directness. It feels right. I can hang up a phone, or walk out of an office or conference room without regret. And I can know that I attempted to fulfill my purpose for the dialogue – to serve them. It’s completely their right to reject my offer to serve them, but they don’t get to decide or influence my willingness to fulfill my goal. I’m in control of my willingness to serve them.

For example, I’ve had conversations with people who I honestly didn’t think would benefit from my services. I’ve looked people in the eyes and said, “I appreciate the opportunity to learn more about you and your company, and to share with you what I do and how I do it, but I think there are likely better choices for you.” It’s not a tactic. It’s the truth, as I believe it, based on what I’ve learned during our conversation.

A prospect asks about the timeframe for the work. The salesperson, anxious to land the deal, overpromises, knowing full well that the timeframe can’t be met, but is hopeful once the deal is done that he can work things out. Impatience is at work.

Directness might offer a different conversation. “I understand your timeframe is compressed. I’m confident that our team, working with your team, can expedite the execution of this project. I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep, but we’re prepared to commit ourselves and our resources to deliver the best outcome, but I want to make sure you know that we may not be able to hit that target date. Something that we’re not even considering could come up and bite us. I’d rather be honest with you and lose this opportunity than lie to you and get it.”

Tacticians will criticize. Let ’em. Deals built on hiding the truth or on lack of directness can cause more fretfulness than just about anything. I’ve been at this for decades and my own point of view is simple – it’s NOT WORTH IT. I can feel good about losing a deal because I was candid, honest and direct. I always feel bad when I get a deal because I wasn’t. So I don’t do it anymore. Truth is, I haven’t done it for many, many years. Thankfully, I learned that lesson pretty early in my career.

Four, do what you say when you say.

I have no idea why this is so hard except to know that impatience (selfishness) is at the heart of it.

People don’t call when they say they will. They don’t do many things they claim they’ll do. Or when they say they will.

Why commit to it then? Go back to the third thing – be honest and direct. “I’ll get that to you as soon as I’m able. It may be next week before I’m able to do that. Will that be okay?” That’s infinitely better than, “I’ll have that to you by tomorrow morning.” Then, you don’t.

Impatience hems us into committing to things because we think if we don’t, the prospect or customer will boot us. No wonder so many customers are dissatisfied and unhappy with their experience.

Make commitments carefully. Follow through on them. 

Better to live by honesty and directness than to promise things you may not be able to do.

Consider what you say to prospects and customers as promises. So many times people don’t view them as the commitments they truly are. Big mistake.

Five, be gracious and thankful.

Impatience fuels a lack of gratitude. Resist.

Everybody enjoys being appreciated. Especially the people who give us their time and attention to have the conversation. Politeness and manners. It’s always appropriate to have them and use them. You’re without excuse if you neglect them. And I don’t care how rude or obnoxious the prospect may be. You’re not in control of their behavior. You control YOU. Do the right thing no matter what. All the time.

Opportunities don’t guarantee success. Or failure. All we can do is our best.

You’ll lose more than you’ll win, but that’s okay. The point is to get enough wins to keep playing. Stay in the game. Figure out how to win more often, even if it’s just a marginal improvement. Keep growing. Keep improving. Embrace the positive qualities necessary to fulfill the purpose of the conversations – to serve! Push your impatience aside because it won’t help you. And here’s a truth I find helpful.

Someone is waiting for you to show up to help them. Your job is to be persistent enough to find them.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Happy Monday! This may be a short week for the podcast. I’ve got a hectic schedule starting Wednesday morning – through the rest of the week. But we’ll see how it goes. I’m just forwarning you so you don’t panic if you don’t hear from me after tomorrow. But for now, let’s kick this week off with a focus on what we DON’T need.

There are many things we don’t need, but perhaps the last thing we need…or the thing we most don’t need is another person telling us what to do.

Here’s the thing, and you hear me say it constantly…because it’s just true. You’ll figure it out. YOU will figure it out. Sometimes people think that means they have to go it alone, but that’s not it at all. Quite the contrary. We need the help of other people as we operate our business. We just need the right people. People who can help us figure it out, NOT people who try to figure it out for us!

Why are these the last people we need? Because they’re not helpful. They can be toxic.

Let me clarify. Sometimes we ask people, “What should I do?” And sometimes we really mean it. Other times, we don’t. We’re just looking for an easy answer.

Here’s the thing. Most people who are advice givers are prone to do it without context. They’re selfish. It’s not about you, but it’s about them. They’re smarter than you. Or think they are. But just because somebody gives us advice doesn’t make them a purebred advice giver.

Frequently, I’m asked, “What do you think I should do?” I can give advice as much as the next guy, but I need context before I’m willing to even consider doing it. That means I ask a ton of questions. My goal is to avoid “telling,” choosing rather to help the person see more clearly for themselves what they should.

Exceptions. There are always some. Harmful behavior. Illegal behavior. Unethical behavior. Immoral behavior.

Even these exceptions demand a bit of an explanation though. Not everybody wants or will accept advice when they’re behaving poorly. What do we do? I’m not a fan of looking the other way. To warn people that they’re going down a dangerous path isn’t the same thing as telling somebody what to do. We want to help people we care about, the people we love. None of want to sit idly by and watch people hurt themselves or others. Sometimes we need to intervene. This episode isn’t about how to go about that, but I don’t want any of us to feel bad for trying to extend that kind of help. And I don’t want us to hesitate thinking it’s the last thing these people need. No, they need somebody courageous enough to help them and warn them. We all need correction sometimes.

It’s hard enough for us to change ourselves. It’s impossible for us to change anybody else, but it’s possible for us to help them see their need to change. So when we’re faced with friends or family or coworkers who are behaving poorly…I think we have a responsibility to serve them well. They have to decide for themselves. As we all do.

Okay, back to the point of today’s episode – which basically is the truth that we all have to figure it out, but others can help us do that better and faster!

Giving advice.

Every leader does it. We should. But that isn’t necessarily (or always) the same as telling people what to do. But sometimes it is.

You’ve got an employee who isn’t cutting it. Their job is now on the line. If they don’t improve, they’ll most certainly be terminated. Should you tell them what to do to improve so they can keep their job? Absolutely! You owe it to them. Further, you owe them candor – sincere honesty. Be as clear as you possibly can because the stakes are high. Your position of leadership gives you a perspective where you know exactly what improvements must be made. Tell them. Just remember, it’s up to them to do it. You’ll have to hold them accountable for the decision they make, but it’s their responsibility to accept or reject your advice.

As leaders, we have to read every situation for what it really is. That employee at risk of losing their job is not the same as one of our direct reports coming to us for advice about a particular problem they’re facing. Suppose a VP comes to you one morning wondering what she should do about some business challenge. You may be tempted to dive directly into advice giver mode. Resist. Instead, assume the role of mentor and coach. Take aim at helping this VP figure it out for herself. Ask questions. Ask the VP how she feels about the answers she’s giving or the questions you’re asking. Be a trusted sounding board for her.

Autocratic and tyrannical leaders will use such sessions to exert their power. For them, the hierarchy is the only thing that matters. Mostly, that everybody realizes they’re at the top of that hierarchy. But those leaders aren’t listening to me! 😀

You want to grow as an evidence-based leader. Evidence-based leaders resist the urge to jump to conclusions or assumptions that have no basis. Practice digging a bit to better understand the situation and the context. By doing that, you’ll be demonstrating to others how they can also incorporate that behavior into their own leadership. It’s the solid path toward growth and improvement.

Taking advice. Or resisting it.

As I said earlier, some people are just quick to say, “Well, I’ll tell you what you should do!” Since we’re talking about refraining from telling people what to do I’m going to break the rule by urging you to limit your interactions with these people as much as possible. Their judgment and constant advice giving just isn’t helpful. They’re not helping you grow or learn anything. They’re selfish and using you as a platform for there self-perceived brilliance. I’m not a fan of giving people like that any extra oxygen. Do as you please.

We embrace what we own. 

If I decide I’m going to drop 20 pounds, I’m more likely to accomplish that feat. If you ride me about how I need to lose weight and you’re constantly telling me why I should do it – even if your reasoning and logic are spot on – I’m not likely going to lean into that decision because I don’t own it. And your nagging me may compel me to reject it, even though I know it’s best for me. Proof that we’re not always (sometimes, not even often) logical.

Instead, you could share with me a story about your own journey. Not in some narcissistic way to make sure the spotlight is always on you, but in a way to show your own vulnerabilities. You might tell me about going to the doctor earlier in the year and discovering that some of your numbers were elevated. Blood pressure, blood sugar, bad cholesterol, etc. So the doctor pushed you to drop some weight. You signed up at a local gym and began going twice a week. Within a month you were going 3 times a week. Now, more often than not you go 4 times a week. You dropped 25 pounds, stopped snoring and feel better than you’ve felt in years. Oh, and those elevated numbers are all down well within the healthy range. As you’re sharing this with me I’m thinking of myself. And likely telling myself, “You should do this.”

Hearing you extol the benefits and sharing the details of how you altered your diet, along with reasonable exercise – not marathon gym sessions – I’m thinking what may be possible for me. I won’t think that way if you’re harping at me, or telling me what to do.

Here’s the big elephant in the room. CEOs and entrepreneurs are very independent. We don’t enjoy being told what to do. By anybody. Especially when we didn’t ask for it.

But we’re lifelong learners who enjoy being pushed. We love the competition. Especially with ourselves.

Questions help us. We need people in our lives willing to ask us tough questions. Not to embarrass us or put us on the spot, but to make us defend our actions, behaviors and choices. Those compassionate challenging questions provoke us to stretch, learn and grow. In short, they help us figure it out.

Learn how to do it for others. Learn how to do it for yourself.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Happy Saturday! Warning: I’m fixing to make you an offer. Well, it may be an offer for you. It depends on who you are. Along the way, I’m going to provoke you to think and perhaps consider some new ideas. I hope you find it useful.

I’m currently looking for U.S. based business owners who are prepared to take their business and their leadership to whole new heights…to join me inside The Peer Advantage by Bula Network. Quite simply, The Peer Advantage by Bula Network is a 7-member peer advisory group – a mastermind group, if you please. Seven entrepreneurs together with me serving as the smart guide. People willing to join forces to help each other grow their businesses by sharing experiences, insights, questions, and answers.

You can find out all the details by visiting ThePeerAdvantage.com.

But today I want to focus on why this is the world’s best opportunity for entrepreneurs to grow.

Growth is popular to claim. Easy to say that we want, but much tougher to accomplish…because it’s not easy. Or comfortable. And we want to be comfortable, then when we are comfortable we want to remain comfortable.

There are 2 basic forces involved in this world’s best opportunity for entrepreneurs to grow. They’re PERSPECTIVE and POWER. Both involve our willingness to embrace – I mean fully embrace – the service, support, and help of others. Let’s talk about them.

PERSPECTIVE.

Here’s a story you may or may not have heard. Listen carefully.

Once upon a time, there lived six blind men in a village. One day the villagers told them, “Hey, there is an elephant in the village today.”

They had no idea what an elephant is. They decided, “Even though we would not be able to see it, let us go and feel it anyway.” All of them went where the elephant was. Every one of them touched the elephant.

“Hey, the elephant is a pillar,” said the first man who touched his leg.

“Oh, no! it is like a rope,” said the second man who touched the tail.

“Oh, no! it is like a thick branch of a tree,” said the third man who touched the trunk of the elephant.

“It is like a big hand fan,” said the fourth man who touched the ear of the elephant.

“It is like a huge wall,” said the fifth man who touched the belly of the elephant.

“It is like a solid pipe,” Said the sixth man who touched the tusk of the elephant.

They began to argue about the elephant and every one of them insisted that he was right. It looked like they were getting agitated. A wise man was passing by and he saw this. He stopped and asked them, “What is the matter?” They said, “We cannot agree to what the elephant is like.” Each one of them told what he thought the elephant was like. The wise man calmly explained to them, “All of you are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently because each one of you touched the different part of the elephant. So, actually, the elephant has all those features what you all said.”

“Oh!” everyone said. There was no more fight. They felt happy that they were all right.

The moral of the story is that there may be some truth to what someone says. Sometimes we can see that truth and sometimes not because they may have a different perspective which we may not agree with. So, rather than arguing like the blind men, we should think, “Maybe they have their reasons. I should find out more.” This way we don’t get in arguments. This allows us to derive benefit from people with different viewpoints and perspective.

Six blind men, with combined perspectives, got it right. By themselves, they only had a single perspective that didn’t accurately represent reality.

Entrepreneurs don’t grow based on illusion or delusion. We need reality. We need clarity. We need accuracy. To get that, we need the help of others. We need their perspectives. Not to make up our minds for us, but to help us see things as they truly are so we can make up minds with much better information. Result? Much better decisions. Coupled with much faster speed because as we’re benefiting from the perspective of others we’re vastly accelerating the decision-making process.

Another illustration is useful. It’s Plato’s allegory of the cave.

It begins with a scene painted of a group of prisoners who have lived chained to the wall of a dark cave their entire lives.

Every day the people in the cave watch shadows projected on a blank wall in front of them. The shadows are real and shape their entire reality. It’s their only viewpoint.

Now imagine that one of the prisoners leaves the cave and walks outside into the sunshine. For the first time in his life, he’s exposed to life outside the cave. He can now finally see the true forms and shapes of the shadows he thought were real. The allegory poses the question, “What would he think of his companions back in the cave?” He’d probably feel sorry for them and their limited reality because he now knows things they don’t.

If he returned back to the cave and told them about what he saw, they’d likely laugh at him and think he was crazy. Plato’s Allegory of the Cave explores the tension between the imagined reality that we think is real (shadows) versus the reality that is the truth (outside the cave). For our purposes today, it illustrates how a single viewpoint can limit our understanding and ability to see reality. Perspective is empowering when it’s expanded. It’s limiting when it’s restricted.

POWER.

Force is positive. Sure, it can also be negative, but I’m thinking of it more like LIFE-force. Forces for good. We need forces in our lives. Power that pushes us. Without, we devolve into lives of low character, crime, and other awful, selfish behavior. Think of this as power “on demand,” like the accelerator of your car.

Power is energy. The energy to propel us forward. No power, no forward progress or momentum.

There are two basic forms of power: internal and external. Both can be influenced internally and externally. Let me explain.

Motivation is a word you hear all the time. As in Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker. 😀

Well, I don’t think there is such a thing as a motivational speaker. Not really. They’re more accurately inspirational speakers. They inspire.

Motivation is the energy you bring to get the work done. It’s your internal energy or power. Some people can’t find the energy to get out of bed. They’re unmotivated. You can do whatever you want, say whatever you want…but until the person makes up their own mind to get out of bed, they’ll lay there all day.

Somebody may be able to supply a degree of power (or energy) in the form of inspiration. It may spark something inside them, but it’s not true power – not the kind of power required to get them out of bed. Only they can supply that.

External power can also happen in the context of seeing how we fit in a community or group. For example, professional athletes get traded in every sport. They leave one team to join a new one. When they enter the locker room of the new team they have to figure out – with the help of the coaching staff – where they fit. But the coaching staff won’t likely have the biggest impact on “fit.” The other players will. The “room” (in this case, the locker room) is more important than any single player in a team sport because a single player – no matter how impactful he may be – can’t determine the destiny of the team. This new player will get a sense of the culture of the group and he’ll have to figure out his place within the context of the team. High achievers will embrace the influences (the power exerted by others, especially the existing leadership) so they can quickly contribute. They’ll use that energy for their own individual performance and for their ability to contribute to the team’s performance.

It’s interesting to see players who may have struggled in one environment – on one team – move to a new team where their performance soars. What happened? Did they suddenly gain skills they lacked? Of course not. That change of “rooms” presented them with a new force – a new power and energy. They used it to their advantage and decided they’d lean into the new energy.

Everybody benefits from PERSPECTIVE and POWER, especially entrepreneurs who are so accustomed to going it alone. 

As business owners, we’re surrounded by people. We can be with other people and still be lonely because there are many things we’re unable to share with people inside our company. And there are things we don’t want to share with anybody outside our company either. Mostly because the people in our lives are people to whom we’re connected in some way.

Employees see us as the boss. They mostly want to keep us happy. It’s unfair of us to burden them with our challenges anyway. Besides, they can’t relate to our problems. Even if they’re part of our leadership team we’re not likely going to rely on them for everything that hits our plate. Some decisions are best left to our solitude. It’s how we live.

Outside professionals are mostly people who have us as a client. Suppliers. Vendors. Service professionals. Sure, we solicit them for specific challenges. If I’m bogged down on negotiating a new lease I’m not making a move without my real estate attorney who specializes with such things. But if I’m considering merging with another company, I’m not going to trust him…or anybody else until I get more than ankle deep into the decision.

Who do I lean on during that period of time when I’m sticking my toe in the water until I get ankle deep? Nobody. Likely. I’m going to wrestle with it alone.

The loneliness isn’t defined as literal solitude necessarily. We may talk with a number of people. Maybe our spouse. Maybe a close friend. Maybe a therapist. 😉 But we’re still basically going it alone because there’s nobody who can really relate or understand. We’re just flapping our gums to get it off our chest. And if we’re really lucky (which isn’t that often in this regard), people just listen. No, we’re not likely that lucky. These people have opinions. They tell us we shouldn’t do it. Or we should do it. Talk about an uninformed opinion! It’s not helpful.

The World’s Best Opportunity

Here’s the challenge – surrounding ourselves with people who get it, but people who have no vested interest in the outcome. That is, they don’t benefit personally or individually from our decision. So they don’t exert any pressure (power) with a viewpoint (perspective) that seeks its own welfare. They simply are there to serve us to help us think through it and figure it out for ourselves. Their presence speeds things up significantly because like those blind men, they have a viewpoint worth considering. And they’re bound to have questions that will help us clarify and see things for what they really are – helping us avoid just seeing shadows cast on a wall.

The power of peers is obvious. Everybody is in the same boat of business building. The industry or space doesn’t matter. Business building is business building.

Parents of Murdered Children is a national support group for the poor people who have experienced that awful fate. You don’t want to qualify to join that group, BUT…if you do qualify what better group could you join? Who better to surround you during such a tragic time?

You walk in the room, introduce yourself by simply giving the group your name…and that’s it. That’s the only explanation necessary. You look around the room and realize everybody here “gets it.” They know what you’re feeling. They understand the struggle. Even though their specific experience may be very different, the heart of the connection with the entire group is powerful. The conversations are equally powerful because you’re not having to explain to this group what you may have to try to explain to your closest friends. This group understands it in a way your friends can’t. And THAT is a remarkable help. It’s a level of support and service you can’t get elsewhere.

The Peer Advantage by Bula Network is a level of support and service for business owners. Everybody is a business builder interested in elevating their own performance and the performance of their company. Every member is ready to climb to a higher altitude. And they know that if others are willing and able to help them, then they can get there faster. And they can climb higher.

The details are at ThePeerAdvantage.com, but I don’t respect people who hide things like a bullfighter hiding the sword behind the red cape. Nothing is hidden. So here’s the bottom line…

You’ll be joining a group of 7 entrepreneurs total. I’ll serve as the smart guide, but I’m also a member of the group.

We’ll meet every other week for 2 hours using a video conferencing platform like Zoom.us. You’ll be able to join via your mobile phone, your tablet or your computer.

Each meeting will have a hard start and stop time. We’ll hit the ground running every session. And we’ll end on time. We’re all busy. This won’t be a time waster.

Along the way, we’ll also have some live and recorded webinars to help the group learn new skills, whatever the group wants. We’ll leverage experts who can share their knowledge and insights with us. You won’t have to attend these live, but some will be live. They’ll all be available to you when it’s convenient for you.

The group will be comprised of business owners from around the U.S. They’ll be in a variety of industries and markets. That diversity will help us leverage the power of perspective.

Between our group sessions, we’ll use communication tools as needed. Expect some strong relationships to be forged.

The sessions will not be judgmental, filled with a circle of people who regularly use words like “should” or “shouldn’t.” As in, “You should do this” or “You shouldn’t do that.” Instead, it’ll be filled with people willing to ask questions so they can better understand and help you better understand. It’ll be filled with people willing to push you in the most caring way because they know why you’re there — for the same reason they’re there. To grow, improve and transform. They want to see you soar. They want to soar.

It’s reciprocal. Have you ever helped somebody and felt like you received as much, or more help, than they did? That’s how it works. So whether we’re in the “hot seat” with the focus on us or we’re serving somebody else with their challenges or opportunities, we’re using the information to figure out how it can benefit us and our company.

There’s a $1,299 enrollment fee that is non-refundable. Then quarterly membership is $2,697 paid in advance. For the first 90-days, that full amount of $2,697 is fully refundable. That means, if after six 2-hour sessions you don’t find the value high enough, we part friendly and I give you the $2,697 back. But that’s not going to happen. I’m confident you’re going to find this to best deal going – the highest ROI of anything you could possibly do! It’s going to change your life in the most positive ways possible.

Here’s what you need to do right now. Go to BulaNetwork.com/apply and complete that confidential Google form. It’s an application. Complete that and it’ll prompt you and me to jump on the phone together so we can more fully discuss your business. We’ll decide together if this is the right opportunity for you. But I stand by my statement that this is the world’s best opportunity for entrepreneurs to grow!

Be well. Do good. Grow great!