Flickr photo courtesy of Matt McGeeA small condensation drain provides water for the squirrels.
Yesterday I pulled into the driveway and noticed, for the umpteenth time, a squirrel darting from the house across the driveway to the large bushes on the opposite side. I see this all the time from Spring time throughout the Summer. But yesterday it was different. I saw where the squirrel was before I startled him. Enter the epiphany!
There is a piece of PVC pipe that goes from one of the air conditioner units to drain the condensation to the outside. The water that drains from that HVAC unit provides water for the squirrels. That explains why every time I pull into the driveway I see a squirrel dart from the house to the bushes.
Our yard is full of big trees that provide a great habitat for squirrels, lizards and birds. Animals have an innate sense of things. They’re not smarter than humans. Well, let’s be fair to the critters. They’re not smarter than most humans. Still, I can watch with amazement at how clever they can be. They can find food, shelter and water because their life depends on it. Enter another epiphany. For a man just searching for epiphanies, I’m on a roll now.
Their life depends on it.”
I’ve watched enough of these survival reality shows to know that those three elements of life are critical to survival: food, water and shelter. Every single time the survivalists land in a new place they take inventory of what they’ve got. What items did they bring with them that can be used to help them survive? What are some things they can see in the environment that will help them survive?
Survival (And Success) Is About Managing Resources
The squirrels in my yard need water. I’m sure they get water when the sprinklers go on. And there’s a dog bowl filled with water in the backyard for Rocky and Rosie. Nothing irks them more than catching a squirrel trying to grab a drink from their bowel. I’ve even caught squirrels straining to lean forward to grab a quick drink from the pool. But when you’ve got two West Highland White Terriers, squirrels need good cover. So when you’re thirsty and need a drink and you’re in a yard patrolled by aging Westies, well, it pays to find resources outside the yard where those dogs can’t reach you. A place where there’s low or no foot traffic. What better resource than a condensation drain on a side of the house where there are no windows or doors and there’s monkey grass for cover?
I started wondering how squirrels can even find such a resource, but then it dawned on me.
What else have they got to do?
If you’re a thirsty squirrel, I suspect you go hunting water and you don’t stop until you find it. Else, you’ll die!
Whenever anything is being accomplished, it is being done, I have learned, by a monomaniac with a mission.”
Peter Drucker wrote that in his autobiography, Adventures of a Bystander (1979).
Those squirrels I see dart across my driveway are monomaniacs with a mission to get water.
What’s your single focus?What’s your mission?
The single focus foils lots of people. Today people pride themselves on mutli-tasking. It gives people a false impression about productivity. Just because we can text on our phones while surfing the net, while listening to podcasts, while watching a YouTube video doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Besides, it’s tough to figure out just one thing. We want to do lots of things. At the same time. As for mission, well…that’s easy. Make money. Lots of it. Today! If that’s not the only mission, people will often add, “I want to impact as many people as I can.” Or, “I want to follow my passion.”
Lamer Than A Squirrel
Flickr photo courtesy of Peter G. Trimming
The squirrel’s mission is more important – and specific. He wants to survive another day. He wants to live. He wants to be safe from predators. He wants to eat. He wants to drink. He wants to mate. In that order. One thing at a time.
It’s clearly working, at least in my neighborhood. The squirrel population is insane. The squirrel population is on the uptick so they’ve got their business model problems ironed out. Maybe the summer and this Texas drought will throw a wrench into their plan. It’s about time they experienced some disruption like the rest of us. That’ll force the beggars to adapt and iterate.
Anybody wanna bet against the squirrels? Me neither. The rascals are resilient. If one source of water, food or shelter disappears, the squirrels figure something else out. The only thing that will stop them is death. It reminds me of an online poster I saw the other day…
You Can’t Eliminate Income Inequality Until You Eliminate Effort Inequality”
Squirrels don’t measure their income in dollars, but in food, water and shelter. Maybe there are some lazy squirrels, but you don’t see them. They’ve gone off somewhere to die. The dead squirrels I see are those jittery, indecisive ones who can’t decide if they’re going to cross the street or go back. They get hit. But they’ve got food and water in them when they do, so I could argue they died doing what they love…playing. Game over!
Tenacity, The Squirrel’s Super Power
Some close friends, a young couple we know at church, moved into a different house recently. They’ve got a great yard with big trees. One of the trees is a Japanese Maple. Odd thing is, much of the bark is missing from various limbs, endangering the life of what’s thought to be a 50 year old (or older) beautiful tree. Evidently, squirrels do this as a source of food or water.
For about a month now the homeowners – my friends – have tried various tactics to outsmart the squirrel (or squirrels; they’re not sure if it’s just one or a herd). Thus far, the squirrel has proven smarter than the humans who own the tree. They bought a wildlife trap hoping to trap the critter and relocate him. They put enticing food inside. It seemed like an ideal, logical approach…until they watched the varmint reach up, close the trap door, then reach inside through the cage to snag the food. If not for the threat against the cherished tree, it’d be funny.
Whether you love trees or not, you’ve got to tip your cap to the ingenuity, resourcefulness and tenacity of the squirrel. And not just this particular squirrel. It’s part of their clever nature I guess.
Why Aren’t We That Clever? Why Aren’t We That Determined?
Cause we’re not squirrels. 😉
There are other reasons, too.
We’re humans and we’ve got a lot going on.
I can’t prove it, but I strongly suspect squirrels don’t go around comparing themselves to one another. I’m pretty partial to my side of the street. Maybe the squirrels in my yard think they’re better than the ones living across the street. But I doubt it. I think that’s likely a human hangup. That gives the squirrels a leg up on us.
We’re busy comparing ourselves to each other. That means we’re busy being jealous. It means we’re growing increasingly discontent with our life. Translation: “Your stuff is better than my stuff. I want your stuff, or stuff like it. I hate my stuff, or my lack of stuff.”
It’s hard watching all the squirrels in my yard as they scurry around thinking they’re guilty of envy, jealousy and comparisonitis. Maybe they are, but it sure doesn’t look like it. They don’t act like they’ve got time for all that nonsense. But we do. We make time for it. The squirrels are too busy looking for food, water and shelter.
I love books and all kind of instruction (including podcasts). Squirrels run around my yard chirping in squirrelese, “I ain’t got time for that.” People make time for all the stuff they don’t yet know…but are convinced they need to know. Squirrels are too busy to stop searching for resources. People are too busy trying to learn how to be resourceful. There’s just no time left to actually be resourceful. Maybe tomorrow.
Squirrels won’t have a tomorrow if they fail today. They wake up every morning to Larry The Cable Guy’s mantra, “Get ‘er done!” It’s that or die. When you’re facing two distinct different choices it must be easier to make a smart decision. We wake up every day with a million choices. Most of us aren’t facing life or death decisions. If we’re hungry, we go to the kitchen. If we’re thirsty, we have to figure out what we’re going to drink, not how we’re going to find water. Water, juice, soda, coffee, tea – what do we want to drink?
Maybe Life In The Gray Is Killing Our Success
“With him, everything is black and white,” we hear somebody say about a person who seems inflexible. Well, nobody is as inflexible as a squirrel. These critters are binary. It’s a one or a zero. It’s live by finding food, water and shelter or it’s die because you failed. No, the inflexible person has a full gray-scale palette going on in their life when compared to the squirrel.
Don’t do this. Do that. Or, do that. Don’t do this.
We make lists. We daydream. We think. We ponder. We procrastinate. We seek distractions. We get scared. We get angry. We struggle to do the most important things because we mostly enjoy the unimportant things.
We fail.
Or we don’t succeed as much as we could.
And you know what else? We don’t have as much fun either. When the squirrels in my yard aren’t searching for food, water or shelter…they’re chasing each other like crazy. I suspect much of that may be part of that other activity, mating. They seem to be having the time of their life.
I had shoulder surgery on Monday so this week I’m a bit out of commission. I’m sure you understand. This podcast is from the vault of Leaning Toward Wisdom, dated March 28, 2014. Leaning Toward Wisdom is another podcast I produce. This episode, FTV (from the vault) is the first of these episodes I’m going to share here. This show is about resilience. I hope you enjoy it.
Using morse code, he blinked, “TORTURE.”
Jeremiah Denton was a Viet Nam war veteran. He died this morning. He was 89. Sadly, I had never heard of him until I was reading about him in the news following his death.
Denton was a US Navy flyer shot down in July 1965. The North Vietnamese army captured him. He suffered as a POW under horrible conditions, including the famed “Hanoi Hilton.” He was held captive for 7-1/2 years! In his book, When Hell Was In Session, he wrote…
In the early morning hours, I prayed that I could keep my sanity until they released me. I couldn’t even give in to their demands, because there were none. It was pure revenge.”
Denton suffered torture. In 1966 his captors taped a propaganda interview with him. During the interview he used Morse code to blink the word T-O-R-T-U-R-E. That alerted the U.S. intelligence community that American soldiers weren’t being held under the conventional rules governing POW’s.
As if being in imprisoned wasn’t enough, he was also isolated in solitary confinement for 4 of those years. Daily beatings. Horrid conditions. Now, isolated.
How does a person survive such treatment without giving up? It’s too trite to say, “You gotta do what you gotta do.” But I don’t have a good explanation because I don’t fully understand the difference in people. We vary in our ability to withstand pain and difficulties. We vary in our tolerance for pain, too.
We are too soft!
We sometimes let the smallest bumps in the road throw us into the ditch. Worse yet, we sometimes can’t find our ways out of ditch…all because of one little bump.
Question: Are you committed to failure?
That may explain why your pain level is so low…too low to achieve success.
The United States Postal Service (USPS) has the motto, “We Deliver For You.”
You can’t outsource results in your career. Nobody can deliver for you. It’s all up to you.
Time is the single biggest component of delivery. Fail to get it there on time and you’re toast. It’s not enough to get it there. It’s not enough to get it there in one piece. Those are assumed outcomes.
But time also involves timing. You’ve got to deliver on time and you’ve got to hit at the right moment.
Hustling Demands Speed, But That’s Not All.
Faster is better. Sooner is better than later. The very term “hustle” denotes speed. But sometimes people feel like they’re hustling when they’re creeping along.
It’s the common malady of confusing motion with meaningful action. There’s only one area of my life where that’s profitable: the treadmill. I can do 4 miles a day on a treadmill and it helps my health. It doesn’t take me 4 miles down any other road though.
Fast doesn’t mean reckless. Or ill-planned. Or knee-jerk. Or seat-of-the-pants.
It means taking the next step now. And it means being comfortable knowing that you don’t have complete knowledge or insight.
The Marines talk about a 70% rule where in the field, armed with 70% information, troops make the best decision possible without delay. They know success is more likely using that formula than it is if they wait for more information.
In fact, Louis C.K. talked about the same thing in an upcoming GQ interview.
These situations where I can’t make a choice because I’m too busy trying to envision the perfect one—that false perfectionism traps you in this painful ambivalence: If I do this, then that other thing I could have done becomes attractive. But if I go and choose the other one, the same thing happens again. It’s part of our consumer culture. People do this trying to get a DVD player or a service provider, but it also bleeds into big decisions. So my rule is that if you have someone or something that gets 70 percent approval, you just do it. ‘Cause here’s what happens. The fact that other options go away immediately brings your choice to 80. Because the pain of deciding is over.
“And,” he continues, “when you get to 80 percent, you work. You apply your knowledge, and that gets you to 85 percent! And the thing itself, especially if it’s a human being, will always reveal itself—100 percent of the time!—to be more than you thought. And that will get you to 90 percent. After that, you’re stuck at 90, but who the (bleep) do you think you are, a god? You got to 90 percent? It’s incredible!”
How often do you find yourself completely stumped about what to do next? Sure, it happens, but most often don’t you know what you should do?
Make a phone call. And you know who you should call.
Go see somebody. And you know who that is.
Write something, read something, research something or do something. And you know what it is.
It’s just one thing, but it’s the next one thing…not the next 10 things.
Hustling Is Selling
Are you a creative? Don’t confuse creating with hustling. You’ve got to be busy creating your art, but that’s not hustling. That’s being creative. Hustling involves money. Whether you need a patron or a customer, you’ve got to hustle.
Are you a business person? Then I don’t have to explain it to you.
We all need people who will fund us. We need money. Without it we can’t keep doing whatever it is we want to do. Paying customers don’t merely provide affirmation that we’re on the right track, they let us stay on the track so we can keep moving.
You gotta hustle! You gotta keep hustling!
For some (maybe for many) selling can be the hardest work possible. After 41 years of doing it, I’ve wrestled with just about every imaginable selling problem.
Call reluctance
Fear
Timidity
Not wanting to be “that guy” who always self promotes
People claim these problems stem from our personal history, our point of view, our personal philosophy and our personality quirks. Maybe. Maybe not.
Me? I think they stem from more basic and fundamental problems like idiocy.
I’ve known stellar salespeople who could sell (or attempt to sell) just about anything. I’m not that guy. I’m certainly not a “sell ice to eskimos” kind of sales guy.
And I’m not a master closer. You know the ones, don’t you? They can pitch like nobody’s business, but their real skill in compelling or coercing you to say, “Yes.” Even when you don’t want to. They don’t care if you have remorse after the fact. Too late, they’ve made the sell and extracting a refund is nearly impossible and hardly worth the trouble. But these sales animals are creatures built very differently than the rest of us.
Sadly, you may be tempted to think that there’s only one way to sell – the way you hate most! WRONG.
You have to be true to yourself. Sharks recognize posers. Don’t try to be a shark…unless of course, you are a shark. It’s okay. We’ll all know you by your fin and sharp teeth. And the fact that you’re swimming alone!
Here’s the deal. For every person who says you CAN’T sell like that…I’ll show you somebody wildly successfully doing it exactly like that.
“You can’t pitch all the time.” Sure you can. I know people who do it all day, every day. And make lots of money doing it. They eat, drink and sleep selling themselves and whatever that involves (real estate, insurance, stocks, financial services, etc.).
“You can’t bug people into buying.” Oh yes you can. I also know people who bother the snot out of people until they either hack them off, or make the sale. Either way, they feel like they won. And for them, that’s the point. They just have to work as fast and hard as possible to get a YES or a NO. If YES, they celebrate, but only briefly. If NO, they quickly move on.
“You can’t make it all about yourself.” Yes you can. Plenty of people do. Some don’t even hide it. Others try to feign caring about others, but in time it’s obviously not genuine. Self-centered, ego maniacs are running rampant in sales circles because some of them have figured out how to make it work for them.
Pick the most despicable selling behavior and I bet I know somebody making a handsome living doing it exactly the way you think it cannot possibly be done. And that’s a problem. For all the rest of us, in overcoming our adversities to be more effective in selling.
We’re repulsed by the notion of hustling or selling. It seems sordid, seedy and something we’d just rather not be associated with. But if we ignore it, we’ll fail. If we neglect to figure it out, we’ll join the vast ranks of people whose great idea never saw daylight because nobody funded it, nobody supported it with purchases and it faded into oblivion.
All for the lack of a paying customer!
Today’s show has one big aim – to help you flip your mental switch in favor of the single biggest activity that will drive your financial success, SELLING. This includes career folks who want to move up the ranks. It includes creatives who need patrons and customers to buy their art. It includes attorneys who need to persuade prospects to hire them. It includes doctors who need to establish referral networks. I don’t care who you are or what you do, selling is still critical for your success. If you’re failing, it’s highly possible that a big reason is because you’re neglecting this major daily activity.
Why?
Laziness
Don’t want to sacrifice anything
Stupidity
I’ve heard tons of people make this excuse: “I’m just not passionate about selling.” They’re nuts. They’re also wrong!
Oh, I know some people want to chase their passion. Well, behave like a dog chasing a car if you’d like, but that’s not what I do, or what I help clients do.
Doing the work requires doing stuff you don’t always enjoy. And you’d better work hard and be good at it. Else, you won’t find success. You have to hustle as though your livelihood depended on it…because it does.
Stop looking for the elusive definition of “successful” because it changes for all of us. Instead, focus on making yourself a success by doing good work really well.
If Mark Cuban netted $100K a month he’d be suicidal. If he made $1 million a month he’d still be suicidal. At the altitude where he’s now accustomed to flying, financial success is measured in 100’s of million of dollars annually. Anything less is disappointing. Cuban is always hustling because he’s now a whale and it takes a lot to feed a whale. His hustle has to match his needs, ambitions and desires.
The point isn’t to compare yourself to Cuban, or anybody else. The point is you do have to hustle to match your needs, ambitions and desires. The world won’t deliver any of those to you. Stop waiting for the truck to pull up to your office or house.
YOU gotta deliver the results you need to make your enterprise succeed. YOU gotta deliver to get what your family needs to survive and thrive. YOU gotta deliver if you’re going to fulfill your ambitions.
So here’s what you gotta do:
Give up excuses! All of them. Take responsibility.
Stop procrastinating. It’s never worked for you. It never will.
Be more fearful of letting down your family and your potential than in hustling. Don’t your loved ones deserve your best? So do your prospects and customers!
Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. You can’t have it all, but you don’t want it all anyway. You’ve just been listening to all the noise telling you you do, and that you can. It’s a lie.
Chase what’s important to you. You have to get the things you need first. That’s money. You need paying customers because you need money to live and to make your other dreams come true. Money is a resource you need, so go get what you need and don’t stop until you get it.
Build a bridge over disappointments and setbacks and stay focused on hustling. A closed door, or a rejection is the price you have to pay for winning. Embrace it and get past the losses fast!
Own it. Own your outcome. Own your actions. YOU gotta deliver!
Daily habits can seem ridiculously simple and insignificant. Like brushing your teeth. Stop doing it and you’ll soon realize it’s not so insignificant. There’s high value in daily brushing. The cost of a toothbrush and toothpaste is a fraction of what dental work might cost.
Back in the 80’s I developed an awful, but delightful daily habit. A Twix bar and a Dr. Pepper as an afternoon snack. Every day.
The 2 cookie Twix is 250 calories, 12 grams of fat and 24 grams of sugar. A can of Dr. Pepper is also about 250 calories. That’s 500 calories! Every single day. I wasn’t working out or doing any exercise. You do the math. It didn’t take long before my weight was getting out of control, along with my waistline. This one little daily habit was killing me!
So I had to stop it.
About a decade ago I committed to my health by enrolling at a gym. Okay, enrolling is easy. The real commitment was in going 5 or 6 days a week. I’ve remained true to that commitment. Now, instead of snacking on 500 calories within a few minutes I can invest an hour and burn 500 calories.
These aren’t remarkable daily habits. They don’t seem to be. But, if you examine a daily habit based on the results produced, they’re beyond remarkable.
We all want to do some BIG thing.
During my consulting and coaching I’ve often witnessed the spectacle of people who ignore small daily habits because they think they must do something bigger than life. As a quantum leap guy I’m fond of really big ideas and big execution, but I’m practical enough to know that big progress happens because of the little things we do.
Save 5% of your income with strong discipline (don’t miss a single month) and even if you’re earning $40,000 a year you’ll be saving $2000 every year. Flip it around and blow just 5% of your income with reckless abandon and you’ll lose $2000 every year. It’s a bit like my weight gain and my renewed zeal to get fit. I made a 1000 calorie swing by going from consuming 500 calories in a snack every day to burning 500 calories in the gym everyday. The person who saves 5% can make a $4000 annual swing by changing their habit from spending to saving. And it’s being done monthly at a rate of just $167. Small steps can result in making up big ground.
It’s a compounding effect of sorts. That’s what our daily habits do for us, or against us. Those are the habits that cause us to put on weight, or take it off. Let’s talk about a few areas where we can help ourselves improve our daily habits.
Electronic / Online Habits
Most of these habits aren’t daily. They’re hourly, or minute-by-minute. They can be destructive to our productivity, our relationships and our health (emotional, mental and physical).
Coca-Cola launched a brilliant campaign with social media guards. It went viral and garnered Coke lots of attention.
The campaign also spoke a truth that we all realize. We’re all on our cell phones too much. Whether we’re texting, checking Facebook or email or playing games. Few things besides Starbucks’ coffee (for the coffee drinkers) are as addictive as the smallest screens in our lives.
I’m not a social scientist capable of discerning why people are addicted to their smart phones, but I am observant. The evidence is all around us. Our family members. Friends. Strangers. There’s a reason we’re seeing TV campaigns warning teens about texting and driving. Here in Dallas/Ft. Worth I regularly see people texting and driving.
I never see people eating a meal together, even in my own home, without having a smartphone in one hand at some point. Some keep their phone in hand, or within reach on top of the table.
Fitness Habits
Okay, maybe I should say LACK of fitness habits. These include our eating habits, too.
I’ve already admitted to my past Twix and Dr. Pepper habit. It’s been many years since I had that habit. Good thing or I’d be gargantuan.
After visiting a elderly gentlemen in the hospital some years ago I got in the car with my wife to leave and told her, “I don’t think I can do that to you.” Of course, it wasn’t entirely a fair comment because it supposed that the gentleman in question had “done that” to his wife. He hadn’t. He simply suffered ill health. But that wasn’t my point. My point was that I knew I needed to take my health more seriously, if not for my sake, then for her sake. So I joined a gym and began going faithfully. That was over a decade ago. I still go 6 days a week!
I’m still a carboholic hooked on crackers and bread. I need to curb it. Old habits are hard to break, but I really should try harder.
Reading Habits
I’ve always read a lot, but am the only person who finds myself reading fewer books because of the ebook revolution? I’ve got hoards of Kindle books that I haven’t read. Yes, you can carry along tons of books. Yes, it’s easy. Yes, the format is very readable. No, I don’t enjoy it as much as I enjoy holding a physical book. No, I no longer order physical books. A mistake? Maybe.
Everything in me knows the electronic publishing revolution is here to stay…and it’s a high efficiency delivery system, too. But, it has had a negative impact on my daily reading habits. How? Time spent reading. I could grab a physical book and read as long as my interest held, or until I ran out of time and had to close the book to do something else. Now, I find myself unable to read more than a handful of pages at a time. And these are short pages, Kindle versions on my iPad.
I’m not sure if it’s negatively affected my attention span, or if I just haven’t devoted myself enough to develop the habit of reading from my iPad. Maybe I’m more tactile than I imagined.
Home Habits
There are tons of these and I won’t attempt to catalog them, but I’m thinking of some that are important, especially if home involves a husband, wife and children. Consider your own list.
Communicate – share, interact, be real, be honest, don’t hold back, say “I love you” (and mean it)
Affection – kiss, hold hands, hug, be intimate
Serve – help out, contribute, be considerate, be surprising (sometimes)
Resolve – conflicts, to love each other through thick and thin, to hold each other accountable, to help each other, to exhibit kindness, to be financially responsible, to build a secure home
Train (your children) – to respect authority, to be responsible, to give good effort, to be tenacious, to read, to write, to play outside, to think for themselves, to speak clearly, to be persuasive, to be sober-minded
The list could be so much longer, but you get the idea. Our daily habits in our home make our home what it is. If you’re unhappy with your home, then get busy making it what it should be. Stop looking for monumental leaps. That’s not what makes a home successful. It’s the daily habits of kissing your wife in the morning, saying “I love you” and helping her clean the kitchen. It’s reading to the kids. It’s hanging up your own clothes. All those million things we do without thinking every single day. Those are the things that create our home. For good, or bad.
Work Habits
No matter what industry you occupy there are some universally poor habits recognized in every workplace.
Showing up late, or just in the nick of time
Taking 30 minutes to drink coffee, visit with co-workers and other time wasters before starting the day
Failing to get back to people promptly
Working too slow
Calling in sick too often
Bringing family drama to work
Always bumming money for lunch (snacks, etc.)
And many, many more!
Rarely do you see people change their daily work habits. The people who suffer the things on that list never disappoint you by doing something different. They’re as predictable in their poor habits as those high achievers are in their good habits. You know who the “go-to” people are at work. And you know why they’re the “go-to” people.
Somewhere in their life the slugs developed their bad habits. Without some dramatic catalyst to influence change, slugs remain slugs.
Conversely, high achievers developed their habits for success. Over time they can lean toward complacency if they’re not watchful, but high achievers do things every day that set them apart from the slugs.
Conclusion
It’s not the BIG things that make us who we are. Big things don’t build our personal habits, our home habits or our work habits.
Yes, big things happen to us. We fall in love. We marry. We have children. We get a job. We get a better job. We buy a house. We get a new car. All big events, but our lives are mostly defined by the many little things we do every single day.
We’re who we are because of the things we consistently do. So instead of concentrating on big things we’d likely be much better served by more closely examining all our little daily habits. Not an easy task since many of these things happen on auto-pilot. It’s hard to notice things that are mostly unnoticeable. Well, others might notice them, but it’s much tougher for us to see them in ourselves.
So let me close by giving you a few tips that may help:
1. Start with the things you already know you’d like to change.
Most people will readily admit that they’d like to stop something, or start something. Make a list. What are those things?
Maybe it’s something as simple (but important) as kissing your wife good-bye when you leave for work each morning. Or it could be something more difficult like walking 10,000 steps every day.
These are things already top-of-mind. Write them all down until you can’t think of anything else. These should be things that leap to your mind without much mental gymnastics.
2. Next, move to the things that others will value most.
I’m not suggesting you surrender your entire life to do what everybody else wants you to do. Focus on the people who matter. For starters, the people you love. Then, the people vital to your career. Maybe there are others, too. These are people who really matter to you. Important people.
What can you do to increase your value to them? How can you better serve them?
For instance, a wife may suggest to her husband that she could use some help with house-keeping. If he’d vacuum and pick up after himself, it’d really help her. Is that YOU? Then, will you do it? You should.
Commit yourself to the people. Don’t fret about the daily habits. Think of the people you’ll be serving and how your actions will positively impact their lives.
3. Now, dig deep and think about the things you need to change and the things you want to change.
This is where the heavy lifting happens. Up to this point, you’ve been using relatively light weights. You’re now ready to add more plates to the bar. It’s going to tax your muscles, but I promise it’ll be worth it.
If you aren’t who you most want to be…now it’s time to get busy becoming that person. Aim for your ideal. Why not?
Daily habits are the process to get you where you want to go. Sometimes the tough part is to not get wrapped up in the outcome, or the final result because it’s going to take time. Your patience is going to wear thin if you obsess too much about the destination. For instance, if you want to reduce your waist size from 40 to 36, it’s not going to happen quickly. It’ll be the result of daily habits repeated over time. A quarter of an inch at a time.
You’ll be tempted to defeat yourself before you ever start. Resist. “I’ll never be able to do this,” is the self-talk of defeatists. You’re not going to join their ranks. Instead, I want you to say, “It won’t be easy, but I know I can do it.”
Make your list. Spend time with it. Put it in order of importance. Work it, then re-work it. Do your best to go from most important to least important.
You’re now armed with your list, which is actually 3 lists that you’ve compiled into a single master list. It’s in order of what matters to you most.
a) You’ve taken into account the things you want to change that are top-of-mind.
b) You then migrated to the things you know will help you serve those you love and those who are important to you.
c) Lastly, you dug deep to incorporate the things you realize you need to change and the things you want to change.
Then, go through the list and make only 2 distinctions between all the items. Use any designation you want. I prefer terms that depict the item. Like “sprint” and “marathon.” Sprints are fast. Quick. Marathons take time. My “sprint” items are ones that I know I can implement and execute right now. I don’t need any training or real preparation. I just have to get busy on them. “Marathon” items are ones I can begin, but I’ve got to plan, prepare and train. A marathon is 26 miles and 385 yards long, run in a single event. I’ve never run one, but I know you can’t just enter one and run it without working toward it. That’s how those “marathon” items are. You can start on them today, but you realize it’s a process that’s going to take some time. However, if you stay with it and keep working on it…before long you’ll be ready to run the marathon.
Use whatever terms work for you.
4. Okay, it’s GO TIME! It’s time to create your strategies.
I’ll warn you what will go wrong in this step. You’ll think you have to do every single item on your list. The result? You won’t get off of the starting blocks. Like a rocket trying to escape the gravitational pull of the earth, you’re going to feel the urge to return to your old norm. Give in to the urge and you’ll crash. Resist it with determination and you’ll soar to new heights. Crash or soar. Those are your two choices.
Your “sprint” items shouldn’t demand sophisticated strategies. You can dive right in and take off running at full speed to incorporate them into your life. Your two biggest challenges to “sprint” items is getting started and sticking with them. Commit to both of those and you’ll have conquered those items.
The “marathon” items will require some planning and strategy. Some more than others. Be careful with very heavy items. For instance, I’ve known people who had a marathon goal of losing 100 pounds who tried to go it alone without any doctor supervision. Big mistake. Don’t tackle something that significant without proper guidance!
A key to marathon items is to not get ahead of yourself. It’s not important that you map out every single step. Get started by devising your first few steps. Just a couple. You’ll add steps as you go, in advance of getting to them. A beginner who want to run a marathon likely runs 1 mile before they run 5. They run 5 miles in a stretch before they run 10. By consistently adding miles they build up their endurance. Eventually, they’re running over 26 miles. They know they can run a marathon because they’ve done it in training. Your marathon items will work the same way. Just run your first mile sooner than later so you can get going.
Wait a minute…this sure sounds like a lot of hard work.
It is. That’s why only extraordinary people do this kind of work. Only the high-achievers are willing to invest this kind of effort into their own lives.
If it were easy, everybody would do it. YOU are not everybody.
Randy, Lexie (Randy’s sister), Joni (Stan’s sister) and Stanley in Ada, OK
Stanley was born on April 11, 1957. He left this life on May 12, 2013. On the day of his death I published this post and podcast. It was the most painful post and podcast I’ve ever produced. No, it has nothing to do with business, management, leadership or building an organization/business. It’s intensely personal. So, if such things are off-putting to you, then avoid it. But if you want to know more about who and what I really am, then you may find it valuable. I’ll let you judge.
This Friday would have been his 57th birthday. I think of him every day. Every single day.
Modern marketing gurus regurgitate the ancient maxim, “People are all listening to the radio station, WIIFM – What’s In It For Me. Don’t talk about yourself. Talk about your prospect.” While that may be fundamentally true, it presupposes that we’re all morons roaming around devoid of interest in others, repelled by notions of compassion or empathy and behaving like Barney Fife once described giraffes to Opie.
Boy, giraffes are selfish. Just running around looking out for number one.”
I’ve learned a few things this year.
We’re approaching the first full year since his passing and I still have moments of enormous sadness. I confess that I will sometimes close a door, turn the lights out and simply cry. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens at least once a month, usually during a time when I so desperately want to pick up the phone and call him. His number is still in my phone, even though I know the number – like him – is long gone.
The Pivot, sparked in large part, by his illness and subsequent death took a number of turns, detours and running through a few ditches. My entire career can be summed up in a phrase, “business leader.” Since I was in my mid-20’s I’ve lead businesses. Five years ago I stepped down, resigning my post as the leader of a company I had called home for almost 20 years. When you’ve done something for so long, it can be difficult to figure out, “Now what?”
Helping people.
Serving people.
Inspiring people.
Teaching people.
Leading people.
Impacting people.
Provoking thought.
Stirring emotions.
These were the things that had driven me since my youth. Stanley’s death prompted more emotions than anything in my life ever had. It was personal. It was heart stuff, not head stuff.
Heart stuff is the stuff of extraordinary leadership. And there it was. Staring me in the face as it never had quite before. I’m at my best when I’m investing in other people. I invest in myself most when I’m investing in others. I’m not being altruistic. I’m being true to who I really am. Being behind the scenes, lurking in the shadows with a timely word of advice or encouragement, sitting down privately to help somebody through some challenge, pushing – shoving – nudging others into the spotlight…those are the moments when I’m at my best.
Stanley and I had such a strong bond that I think we both assumed we’d have each other forever. Truth is, we hoped to have each other forever. If you don’t believe in forever, then I’m sad for you. Stanley and I both had faith that eternity is real. I still have that faith. For Stanley, his faith is now realized based on what we both believed to be true. Namely, we both believed the Bible.
Usually, we only had one objective when we were together. Laugh as much as possible. We were marksmen at hitting that target. We never missed a target. He died knowing our record was perfect. And as he lay dying I couldn’t even see the target any more. What once had always been so easy to hit was now impossible to even spot. I was learning the meaning of the term, “wrecked.”
For some guys who could be moody, blue and perhaps not always big fun to be around…together, we became two friends adept at the craft of volleying sarcastic remarks. We were equally accomplished at witty observations. Not everybody appreciated it. Some couldn’t keep up. We’d put in way more than 10,000 hours mastering the craft.
Lesson #1
Life is short. Make it count.
I already knew this, but Stanley’s passing just made it more real. I admit that it didn’t have much impact on my professional life. Not at first. I was mostly focused on my personal and spiritual life.
But since you’re likely here for professional or business type stuff, let’s apply it there.
If your career isn’t going as you’d like, then when are you going to do something about it? When are you going to stop making excuses?
I don’t care how old you are. I don’t care how young you are. Bob Geldof’s 25-year-old daughter, Peaches, died on Monday. Is that young enough for you? I know people who have buried babies. Mickey Rooney also died on Monday. He was 93. Is that old enough for you? Death is no respecter of persons.
You get to choose what you do with the time you’ve got. You’ve got RIGHT NOW. That’s all you’ve got.
What are going to do to make a positive difference RIGHT NOW? So many people haven’t yet determined to make a positive difference at any time. Too many of us are just doing time. Too many of us are living in an uncertain future. The common mantra of the masses is, “Tomorrow will be better.” No it won’t. Not if tomorrow never comes. And even if it does come, the odds are you’ll be just as lazy, indifferent and unprofitable tomorrow as you were today. And yesterday. And the day before that. Your history may not be an absolute predictor of your future. Even so, the odds are high that you’ll keep doing what you’ve always done.
So, make today count. Make up your mind – RIGHT NOW – that you’re going to take responsibility for your life, as much as is humanly possible. The things you can control are: your choices and your actions/behaviors. Embrace that. Own it.
Lesson #2
Come to grips with what you hate. Pursue what you love.
Professionally, I’ve done lots of things I didn’t much like. I’ve even done some things I hate. But in my 35 plus year career I’ve mostly loved leading and competing. Both of those are personal. Intimate even.
I love communicating. Watching people. Listening to people. Working with people.
I love problem solving. Watching a solution work, or fail. Then trying to figure it out again…or trying to find a better way.
I love questioning if we might find a better way. Asking, “What if…?” And answering the question based on whatever information is at hand.
I hate red tape. I hate having to ask for permission. I hate tyrannical leaders. I hate autocrats. I hate micro-managers. I hate stagnant thinkers. I hate pessimistic leaders who constantly bark, “That’ll never work.”
You can easily recognize what you hate. Write it down. Professionally, what do you absolutely hate? And what do you hate to do? I’m not promising you’ll be able to avoid every single thing you hate to do, but you sure don’t want to make that activity the bulk of your work.
It can be much tougher to figure out what you love. Write it down. Professionally, what you love so much you lose yourself in the activity? When you’re doing it, time flies by. When you’re doing it, you perform almost without thought. It almost seems innate. What is it? Think of it in terms of being the thing you’d like to do most of the time!
Lesson #3
Understand what you’re best at. And acknowledge what is hard for you.
We spend so much time chasing dreams that may never be realized…and we neglect to sit down and examine our lives as fully as we could. Or should.
I love chasing dreams. I think it can be healthy to a point. However, we can’t just sit around dreaming about things. Plans and strategies have to be constructed. Action has to be taken. Corrective action has to be taken. Problems have to be solved. Adversity has to be overcome.
Those are hard things to do. They’re harder when you’re chasing something you’re not very good at. Take the time to figure out what you’re naturally good at. Stop trying to be something (and somebody) you’re not.
Lesson #4
Be relentless. Let tenacity rule your life.
Face your fears and stomp them into the ground. That phone call you’re afraid to make…make it anyway. If there’s a chance you’ll find success by making that call, make that call. “But what if I fail?” Then you’ll fail. Not making the call is a sure fire way to fail. Take whatever actions you’re avoiding because you’re afraid. Do them anyway. Before long, taking action will be your habit and the fear will subside.
Be ruthless in your pursuits. Dogged persistence is the path to accomplishment.
This doesn’t mean you’re ruthless with people. Don’t be a jerk. Or insensitive. Or selfish, like a giraffe. Just be focused on what you’re trying to accomplish and find a way to get it done.
You haven’t accomplished what you want because you haven’t taken enough action – or you haven’t taken enough of the appropriate actions. Do more. Watch the results, then adjust your actions. Keep doing what you fear most because it’s the fear that’s defeating your dreams (and plans and strategies).
Lesson #5
Leave an impact. Create footprints, fingerprints and any other mark that will affect people.
If you want to chase money, go ahead. Not me. Sure, I want to make as much money as possible, but at my age it’s not about stuff. It’s about people. It’s about the things I’d like to do for my family and close friends.
Money is a tool. A vehicle to do meaningful things for people I love. My wife. My kids. My grandkids. In that order.
It’s a resource for good. The congregation where I work and worship. That’s a major driver for me. To contribute to something vastly bigger than me. And more important than me.
Making money isn’t the same as making a mark. I’m much more interested in making a mark. Specifically, professionally I want to make money by making a mark. Personally, I just want to make a mark.
That means making a difference in somebody’s life. It means being a friend, supporter, mentor, or “fill-in-the-blank” for people so they can’t imagine their life without me. Does that sound selfish? Maybe. But it’s honest. I want to live so people will miss me when I’m gone. That’s demanding and it challenges me every day to find ways to be valuable. Some days (maybe most days) I fail, but I’m still trying. I hope to become more accomplished with practice.
Lesson #6
Do something. Make a difference. Yes, you’ll make enemies, but you’ll also make some solid friends.
Stanley and I knew as teenagers this truth – “If you’re not willing to be hated by some, you’ll be loved by no one.”
Some people misunderstood our snarkiness. Others resented our friendship. We didn’t care. The people who were most attracted to us were the people we were most attracted to. That’s how it works. Birds of a feather and all that.
I prefer fewer really close friends over a vast number of casual friends. I know a lot of people. I’m close to very few. That’s intentional. It’s not snobbish, it’s just a preference. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about people, including casual friends.
Life isn’t infinite. Neither is my energy or emotion. If I’m going to be the most helpful I can be, then I have to watch where I invest myself. Professionally, I can invest in a broader audience because the scope of influence is narrowed. Personally, I have to restrain myself because I have extraordinary empathy – it’s just my wiring. I can’t temper how much I care and how much I get wrapped up in trying to help friends. Truth is, I have to make sure I’m not intruding and overstepping my bounds. Mostly, I think I stay inbounds, but not always.
I’m driven to make a difference and I’m perfectly willing to accept that some won’t like me for it. I remember having a conversation with my son when he was a teenager.
If you’re going to be a person of action, you’re going to be judged harshly by some.”
I taught both of my children to be people of decision and action. And I’ve always warned them that some people aren’t going to like it because some people will throw rocks at anybody who tries to make a difference. Throwing rocks at the action takers is a full-time hobby for some. You know you’re not taking enough action if you’re not making somebody angry with you. Focus on the friends you’re collecting along the way, not the enemies.
Conclusion
Okay, Stanley’s death didn’t teach me these things necessarily, but his passing did reinforce their importance to me. It’s hard to explain how one friend’s passing can compel such introspection. He was the one person – the only guy in my life – who I could talk to about anything. My wife is clearly my closest confident, but Stanley was my sole male sounding board.
He was sick most of the last year of his life so my loss was slow, then sudden. Even though our last conversations didn’t make much sense because his mind was quickly slipping away…there was something to the fact that I knew he was still here. Maybe I was hopeful (even though there wasn’t much hope, if any) things would get better. I knew they wouldn’t. I knew the inevitable. But I wasn’t wrecked until it happened.
Yes, I wallowed in sorrow for weeks, and months. Like a diver who has gone deep to the ocean’s floor, I knew it wouldn’t be safe to come up too quickly. My ascent back to normalcy took time. Slow and steady.
My best skills continue to be empathy, communication and problem-solving. Those have always been by 3 biggest assets. Stanley’s death refocused me to handle up better on that last one, problem solving. Over the past few years my skills to help others find solutions to their problems left me alone struggling to solve my own. Things would leap out at me whenever I helped others. I could search intently for answers to my own problems and be completed baffled how to even begin. It was a struggle that I suppose every person experiences at some point in life. I was just puzzled that I was experiencing it so late in my life.
This Friday would have been Stanley’s 57th birthday. In a few weeks I’ll be 57. It’s weird to think that I’ve reached an age beyond any age Stanley ever did. His death wrecked me, but his life impacted me like no other. That’s his legacy for me. I hope I had the same impact on him. And now, I’m hoping I have a similar impact on others.
P.S. I hope you stayed tuned to the podcast until the very end because I inserted a recording of Stanley sitting my living room playing my guitar and singing. It was on a Sunday afternoon, July 18, 2010.
Coca-Cola launched 