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In 1945 Gene Autry released a recording of the song that hit #4 on the charts. By then the song was about 10 years old. Through the years it’s been covered by lots of people from Harry Connick, Jr. to The Killers to Willie Nelson. It’s a country and western song that depicts the yearning to be free to roam. To be able to explore freely without restriction.

I live in the city. We have literal fences that separate our yards and property. Domestically we’re fenced in. Professionally the fences appear much different. They’re the restrictions of what we think we’re supposed to do. They’re the tactics people tell us are expected if we want to get positive results.

Common knowledge and common wisdom aren’t necessarily things to just cast aside, but they may be worth questioning. This week I heard two musicians talk about how they went their own way. Tristan Prettyman and Mark Knopfler. Both taught themselves to play the guitar and admit that they’re beyond being fixed. And who would want to fix them anyway. I mean, they’re both very talented and providing the world high value through their music. Tristan confesses that songwriting is difficult. Knopfler talks about how he left writing newspaper stories as a journalist because there were songs in his head prying their way out.

I kept thinking about what they said and how neither of them followed some formula. They simply took a step, followed by another, then another and all along the way they figured out what might work for them. Then last night I watched an old interview John Prine did. For 6 years he was a mailman until he got up one night at an open mic event and sang a song he had written. The crowd liked his music and he began playing regularly.

Don’t fence me in means don’t think there’s only one path toward growth, improvement or success. Don’t fence me in means stop looking for the formula or secret. So many people, not just creative types like Prettyman, Knopfler and Prine, find success by not doing what everybody is doing. Conventional wisdom is frequently a fence that may prevent people from figuring out what will work.

This is why I’m so fond of surrounding ourselves with different viewpoints, perspectives and experiences. It breaks down fences and opens us up to possibilities we may have never considered. Knopfler says no guitar teacher would dare teach a person to play the way he plays because technically he breaks all kinds of guitar playing rules. But it works. In fact, it works so well he’s considered among the world’s premier guitarists. Aren’t we glad he refused to be fenced in to do what everybody else did.

What about YOU? What about your business?

Are you just following whatever leader has captured your attention? Or are you making your own way…figuring out what works for you?

I’m a contrarian. I’ve always been a contrarian. I’d love to tell you it always works, but nothing always works. And I’m not a contrarian just for the sake of being a contrarian. I’m a contrarian because I’m curious if it can be made better. I’m curious if some other course might work better. And I admit I do enjoy questioning conventional wisdom, especially when it’s something ingrained in an industry.

In the last show I talked about the power of boldness – the ability to not worry about being embarrassed. That’s part of this don’t fence me in mindset. It deals with how comfortable and confident you can be knowing that you’re not following the crowd. Prine could have thought, “I’m just a mailman. And I’m already 24. I’ve never played live in front of a crowd before. And besides, I don’t know if my songs are very good.” Instead, he got up, guitar in hand, approached the microphone and sang a song. I don’t know what he expected, but I doubt he thought that one moment might alter his life forever. But it did. That’s not how musical careers are supposed to begin, but that’s how his began.

Prettyman wasn’t planning on becoming a musician, a singer/songwriter. She had no idea how to even begin such a quest. She was working toward some career that had to do with surfing. Something sort of business-related. If you want to break out in music, you don’t do that. But she did. One thing led to another. And she displayed courage along the way.

All the advice. All the formulas. All the recipes. And ALL the stories I hear of extraordinary growth, improvement and success are stories of people who just took one action, which led to another action and sometimes they stumbled, sometimes they didn’t. They found THEIR WAY to the goal, which sometimes wasn’t even a goal at the beginning.

We look for formulas, recipes, secrets and fences because we want somebody to give us the easy answer. The truth is, there are no easy answers. An even bigger truth is, answers that can be consistently repeated with success are super rare. We have to find our own way and be brave enough to venture beyond and outside the fences. What worked for others may have value in our learning, but that doesn’t mean it’s how we ought to go. We have to be explorers in charge of our lives and careers. Life is about discovery. The area inside the fence has already been discovered. There’s nothing new there. That’s the problem with being fenced in.

Be adventurous. Be curious. Be bold. Be confident. You’ll figure it out.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:42 — 11.1MB)

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Genius gets more freely thrown around than hero. Both are grossly overused. But I’m still going to use genius when it comes to today’s topic of boldness.

Bold has some terrific synonyms.

Daring

Fearlessness

Bravery

Courage

Audacity

Confidence

Enterprise

Grit

Guts

Moxie

I rather like them all. Now you can better understand why I’m going to use the word genius to describe it.

For me, it’s the ability to be enterprising toward a goal without shame. It’s the ability we have to move forward without embarrassment.

In the last episode, I talked about the power of your network and how I often wished I were more extroverted. Well, this is at the heart of it for many people. For me, it’s just an energy thing. It’s not so much a fear thing. I can look extroverted, but it’s exhausting because it drains me. My son is an extrovert and you can see his energy go up when he’s around people. I’ve learned that many people dread being around others because they lack the boldness necessary. Fear and embarrassment stall them.

But what about when it comes to taking action that you know would propel you forward? Or actions that you believe would take your business forward?

The One Common Denominator In Success

Boldness. That’s why without reservation I use the term genius to describe it.

Last weekend I watched the short Netflix series, Inside Bill’s Brain: Decoding Bill Gates. Like many of you, I’ve read lots of biographies about remarkable people in every area, mostly in business. It seems to me they all have one thing in common. And it’s not brainpower genius, which admittedly Bill Gates may very well possess.

It’s boldness. It’s the ability to chase and pursue their goal without shame or embarrassment. They care more about achieving the goal than anything people may think or say about them. It’s so simple and powerful that it’s got to be considered genius.

For the past 10 years or so I’ve grown increasingly focused on the brain and the human mind’s ability to create new realities. I’m still colossally ignorant, armed with just enough information to know I’m far from self-mastery. And with just enough information to know there’s so much more, I need to learn!

Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.

That has to be the most famous quote from Napoleon Hill’s classic book, Think and Grow Rich. While I don’t think it’s an absolute truth, I’ve grown to appreciate how accurate it is.

For example, people can argue that you can think about being able to fly and no matter what you do we can’t fly because we’re not birds. But we invented machinery capable of helping us fly. So there’s THAT.

I think the real emphasis belongs not on the word “conceive” but the word “believe.” Bill Gates and so many other very accomplished people truly believe in their pursuit AND in their ability to achieve it. We look at them and wonder, “How did they do that?” Perhaps the answer is no more complicated than they conceived something, believed it and then vigorously pursued it with shamelessness. Watch that documentary on Gates and if you knew nothing about him before you came away knowing that he simply doesn’t care what anybody thinks of his pursuits. Equally important is his insistence to surround himself with people who also believe in it. Easier to do when you’re so devoted to something as he’s been.

Much has been written about overcoming fear. It’s still a message we need to constantly hear because for most of us, it just never goes away. We mostly are unable to conquer it once and for all. It’s an ongoing project where some days we handle it better than other days. And it doesn’t matter how much logic or intellect we apply. When we pause long enough to think about it, it makes no sense, but still we experience it.

Embarrassment mostly makes no sense. Our fear of what somebody may think of us or what they may say about us – and mostly these are people we don’t even know – is so real in our head. And that’s all it takes to paralyze us. That can be all it takes to squash our ambitions. Not so with the highest achievers on the planet.

How do we improve (increase) our boldness?

I’m only going to give you one thing. Just this one thing…do it and it’s bound to improve things. Maybe the improvement will be big. Maybe it’ll be small. I suspect it all depends on how devoted you are to grow in this area.

Focus on it.

That’s it. Focus on growing your audacity. Focus involves a few important things.

1. It means it’s important to you. You decide to step up your efforts to grow and improve in this area. Until you commit to growing audacity there’s little chance it’ll happen.
2. It means you move from just thinking more about it to taking some actions. As self-talk amps up and you realize the futility of worrying about what people think or say, or even what people do – you train yourself to more deeply understand that those things pale in comparison to you achieving your goal. The realization that you’re trading your often unfounded concerns or fears for your achievement sinks in more deeply over time. That compels you to take small steps at first toward caring less.
3. It builds confidence as you learn to take consistent steps toward your goal no matter how risky it is that you may be embarrassed. Confidence is key and taking actions in spite of initial fears and concerns is the best way to grow confidence.
4. Sustain the effort long enough and in time you’ll achieve something only because you ignored or managed the fear of being embarrassed. The longer you’re able to embrace that feeling and those thoughts the easier it becomes to ditch the risk of embarrassment.
5. Eventually, you learn to figure out that reaching your goal matters more than being embarrassed. Even if you fail to reach your goal, you learn the pursuit matters more than fear, shame or embarrassment. It means you understand how failures are some of the most powerful teaching lessons you’ll ever get. That’s far more valuable than worrying about being embarrassed. It’s more valuable than actually BEING embarrassed. You’ve been embarrassed before. It’s not fatal. In fact, it’s very short-lived. So what’s the problem?

The problem is too many of us aren’t fighting hard enough. We’re too easy to play against. We need to make life harder for our opposition and less hard for our goals. Let’s stop trading the risk – just the mere chance we may be embarrassed – for our achievement. Is the risk of embarrassment worth giving up your dreams? I don’t think so.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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Metcalfe’s Law was originally about telecommunications networks.

The value of a network grows in proportion to the square of the number of users, which means once a network reaches a certain size, it becomes somewhat irresistibly attractive.

Tim Sanders in his classic book, LOVE IS THE KILLER APP, wrote this:

“Someday this will be true for all of us: Our network will equal our net worth.”

Tim cited Metcalfe’s Law in the book. And with solid logic and clear understanding. He makes a great point that while not all connections will result in something positive, the cost is virtually nothing, which means you’ve lost nothing. Psychologically you may feel you lost something, but Sander’s advice is spot on, in my opinion. Get over it.

It’s Not Who You Know, But It’s Who Knows You

I’ve mostly been comfortable with who and what I am. Sure, like most, I’m able to daydream of what it’d be like to be more athletic, more musically talented, a gifted cartoonist, a talented novelist and many other endeavors that seem beyond my capacities. And I’m able to daydream of what it’d be like to be more socially extroverted, to be somebody who really enjoys crowds, to be somebody who is more of “life of the party” kind of person. But I’m not that guy and mostly I’m good with it.

But I confess if there was one thing I wish I had done better…one thing I wish my natural wiring would have more easily facilitated…it would be to be comfortable in crowds. To be more extroverted.

It’s not who I’ve ever been. While I can appear extroverted, I’m truly not. And it’s exhausting to me. I used to confuse that personality trait with the ability to effectively network. While it may be true that an extrovert can create a bigger network faster, it doesn’t mean the network is more effective.

Today, I’ve only got one intention – to encourage you to think of your network while thinking of the networks of which you’re a part. More importantly, I want to inspire you to connect for the sake of value. First, the value you can provide. Next, the value you may be able to gain. But…

If neither happen, it’s fine.

If only one happens, then make sure you provide the value. That’s more important than you getting value – although, it’s easy to argue that by providing value you’re automatically getting value. I mean some more qualitative value though.

A few weeks ago I had an Ethernet cable that connected my computer to my modem. The connector going into my computer wasn’t able to make a solid connection. The result? My computer network – a network required for my computer to access the Internet – was broken. A new cable restored the connection.

Think of yourself that way. Do it first inside your company with your team. Do it for your team members. Remember, the value of the network is the number of users. More is better. In human connections, quality matters. That is, the value each human connection can provide matters.

I get Linkedin requests constantly from people who want a connection because they want to extract something from me. People anxious to sell me something. If somebody sent me a connection request telling me upfront, “Hi, Randy. I noticed you work with CEOs, entrepreneurs and executives. I work with other service professionals like you and I’d like to share with you some of the services I provide to help professionals save time and money.” At least it would be an honest connection request. But most don’t do that. They send a bait and switch connection request and if I connect almost immediately I get a long sales pitch message. It’s sleazy and shows me they aren’t interested in any kind of a value proposition. They’re certainly not that interested in me, except as a potential paying customer. And I respect sales and marketing. Just honest sales and marketing.

Who can you bring value?

Who can bring value to you?

Who can you connect with somebody else for mutual benefit?

Some think the power of a network is measured only in dollars, but I think that’s perhaps the lowest way to measure it. At least in the short term. It’s a transactional view of connections. Making a buck right here, right now. The longer-term view doesn’t care about making a sale today because the value of the investment over time is exponentially higher.

Think of the people with whom you may have connected if only for…some reason or excuse.

I habitually reach out (usually by Linkedin because of the nature of that platform) to article or book authors whose work has impacted me. Just a quick note of thanks. Nothing more. No expectation on my part. I’m even surprised if they respond at all.

I also reach out to random business people whose story may have been written about somewhere. People with whom I can relate, or with whom I resonate because of the way they lead and operate. Again, it’ll usually be just a quick note saying how much I enjoyed hearing or reading about their work and letting them know I’m inspired by how they roll.

Sometimes I’m able to connect somebody with somebody else because I think they might benefit from knowing each other. I’ll introduce them then follow up to make sure they’ve at least contacted each other. From there, it’s up to them.

Once in a while, I’m honored to be able to connect somebody to a specific person they’ve wanted to be introduced to. Doesn’t happen very often because I’m not a master connector, but I’d like to become more masterful. I’d like you to become more masterful, too.

It’s how we can all help each other. With a spirit and intention of providing the most value possible for others first. The benefits will automatically flow to us and it’ll help all our boats float higher in the water.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 12:45 — 12.0MB)

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Some famous people are famously impolite. Coach Bob Knight. Billy Bob Thorton. Justin Bieber. But to be fair these people have a disadvantage. Fame. Fortune. People clamoring to be close to them.

What’s your excuse? 😉

Some leaders are miserable human beings. They’re unpleasant, impolite and rude much of the time. I know that’s not you ’cause such a person wouldn’t be caught dead listening to a podcast like this.

Being a better you doesn’t require movement from miserable human being to pleasant human being though. That may be one of the more dramatic transformations that no doubt many need to make, but for most of us, the changes are likely far more subtle, but no less transformational.

Rick Carlisle is the coach of the Dallas Mavericks. He’s got a solid reputation as an unpleasant person. I don’t know him except by reputation and by his public displays with the media. I admit he strikes me as very insufferable. And I wonder if he thinks it benefits him professionally or personally. I don’t get it, but I’m not him so I suppose he can act any way he wants. Maybe he’s uninterested in changing anything. Maybe he thinks being a better version of himself includes that sort of demeanor. But again, he’s in the public light and I’m not.

Reflection. That’s how we learn from past experiences. It helps us figure things out. In short, it’s thinking about things. It’s thinking about ourselves, how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking and how we’re behaving. It’s looking at our past behaviors and experiences.

I wonder how many of us have become proficient at facing our feelings. I suspect most of us don’t do it as deeply or as often as we should because it’s hard. And it’s hard because we’ve moving so fast it feels unproductive. Who has time to stomp down and ponder their feelings?

Abstract thinking and pure logical thinking don’t produce improvements and change. We don’t improve our behavior based on those. We have to be in closer touch with our feelings (our emotions).

You can improve your perspective by involving others in the process. Find out what others think and feel. How do they see things? This doesn’t mean you have to agree. You simply need to take advantage of different perspectives. It can help you see more clearly.

You can improve looking past all the extraneous things and getting to the core of the matter. We’re often tempted to concentrate on the thousand little ancillary things orbiting the main thing – without looking as seriously as we should on THE thing. Look past all the smoke to the source of the fire.

Becoming a better you requires time spent in sober reflection. It’s how we can get in touch with deeper feelings, deeper emotions and deeper drives. Reflection will help you find the truth. But there’s an implied action attached to reflection. Resolution. As we more deeply reflect on things we’re drawn to resolve that we’ll learn some things. Improve some things. The Bible calls it repentance. It’s a turning. It’s going from doing things one way…to doing them in a completely different way. It puts power behind our resolve or resolution to grow and improve.

Sadly, we’re likely more shaped by the bad stuff that happens to us than we are the good stuff. That’s why gratitude is hard. It’s easier to reflect on what we don’t have than to acknowledge how blessed we are. We’d all grow if we’d be more intentional in feeling and expressing our gratitude. But that requires focus, attention and deeper devotion to the effort.

Some talk of it as reframing. It’s looking at things through a different lens. Flipping a negative into a positive. Turning mistakes into lessons.

We have to work past the instantaneous emotions, especially the ones that erupt immediately after a failure. Some of the most famous examples are those baseball dugout tantrums where a pitcher or batter enters the dugout throwing things, knocking over water coolers and pitching a wild-eyed fit. Emotions are out of control because the person hasn’t hit their emotion’s pause button so they can find a calmer place – a place much more profitable for reflection and growth. It’s why 2-year-olds act like 2-year-olds. They can’t yet regulate their emotions. I don’t know what excuse the 20 or 30-something-year-old pro ball player leans on. And I’ve seen senior executives behave in a similar fashion.

Reflection is how we’re able to process our feelings. It helps us understand our feelings, and figure out our questions so we can move past them. It’s largely why we have the adage, “time heals all wounds.” It doesn’t really, but time provides the prime ingredient necessary for reflection. And we all know what happens after we reflect. We figure out what we’ll do next.

Becoming a better person will translate into us becoming better leaders and better family members, too. There’s a congruency in our lives that we all crave – the ability to be the same person no matter who we’re with or where we are. Reflection helps unchain us from being victims to our feelings. Or our past.

What have you done with your past? Ignored it? Focused on it in a negative way?

Reflect on it. Spend time figuring it out. Try to understand it. Then figure out what you’ll do about it now that it’s over. It won’t determine your future unless you neglect to properly reflect on it.

Every day you behave and make decisions based on big truths that we believe in, but also in big lies that we also believe. Many of those lies are about ourselves. And our fears. Our daily lives are filled with the conflict between these two. We want to suppress our fears, but the more we think about them the more pronounced they become. The more we hope to move past our failures the more we think to think about them. The bigger they grow.

Reflection allows us to resolve that. Reflect on your experiences until you better understand what happened, why it happened and what you can do to learn and grow from it. It’s the path forward — toward becoming a better YOU.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 17:28 — 16.3MB)

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Today I want to share with you an irresistible offer for entrepreneurs craving to grow their business, their leadership, and their life.

The aim is to hit two business building trifectas:

1. Getting new customers
2. Serving existing customers better
3. Not going crazy in the process

That’s the first trifecta that we all hope to hit. But there’s another one.

1. Saving time
2. Having good health
3. Making more money

The Peer Advantage by Bula Network is intentionally designed to help members hit both. I hope you’ll apply so we can learn more about each other. I want to help you grow great!

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 12:21 — 11.7MB)

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Conversations have bound humans since the beginning. Yes, the VERY beginning. Talking with one another. Talking with God.

Conversations are about expressions of our heart. Quite literally, conversations answer the question, “What’s on your mind?”

Society stopped listening. I’m not sure when it happened, but the Internet isn’t the culprit. Digital technology may have contributed to the noise increasingly becoming a one-way conduit, but we had stopped listening to each other long before. Social media and all the associated vehicles that enable us to speak to the world have surely fostered in many of us an inflated sense of self-importance where we feel what ‘we’ve got to say is more important than what anybody else may have to say. But those inner feelings existed before the Internet.

I’m not sure if it’s a lack of humility or curiosity or both, but I remember being frustrated as a teenager during casual conversation circles if somebody dominated the storytelling. Even more so, I grew anxious if nobody provoked somebody to say more about something that struck me as quite interesting. Life clearly belonged to the extroverts. I was likely more sensitive to it because, at heart, I’m introverted. People who constantly interrupt others and people who don’t ask the obvious follow-up question drive me crazy. As somewhat of a joke, it’s why some years ago I registered the domain, “WaitAMinuteWhat.com.”

Wait a minute, what?

I catch myself wanting to ask that quite often when I hear somebody make an interesting remark that is almost immediately followed by something else with something far less interesting to contribute.

People rarely listen. Rarer still is listening to understand. Life has taught me why, too. Most of us just aren’t that interested in what you’ve got to say because we’re mostly fixated on what we want to say.

When is the last time somebody who appeared genuinely interested in you asked you about YOU?

I’ve been fascinated with conversation for as long as I can remember. I love it. Mostly I love asking questions and learning. In spite of the fact that I’ve been podcasting for well over 10 years, I mostly enjoy listening to learn about others. Sure, there are times when it’d be nice if somebody would ask about me, but I stopped holding my breath for that opportunity a very long time ago. 😉

Communications experts and psychologists have produced a variety of models aimed at helping us make conversations more productive. I suspect most are a waste of time, not because they don’t work, but because too few adopt them in daily practice. We gravitate to our normal course of speaking and listening. We do what works for us. At least we think it works for us, which means we feel okay about it.

That doesn’t make it effective. Certainly not as leaders.

At work, most of our conversations are directed by the folks in power. Meetings are led by the person in charge. The agendas are driven by authority. It’s high school all over again where the extroverts take the power and railroad the others to come along on their journey.

For decades I’ve watched it happen in social settings, business settings, church settings and everywhere else people engage in some sort of attempt at communication. Sadly, rarely do they quickly get to the heart of the matter and dive deeply enough where people feel safe to truly say anything – much less to say what they’re truly feeling and thinking. Many of us have never figured out how to have a genuine conversation about heart and meaning. Others of us have forgotten how.

It’s not safe out here. Or in there.

Today conference rooms around the world are filled with people wrestling with a variety of challenges. The purpose would seem to be so better decisions can be made, but that’s disingenuous. It’s a lie. The real reason is a display of hierarchy and power. It’s a formal way to show who is in charge, or who is moving their way up to be in charge. That makes it unsafe for everybody to openly share what they’re thinking or how they’re feeling. Best to remain silent, so most do.

Imagine a room where 9 people are seated at a conference room table. Perhaps some others are seated around the room, quite literally with their chairs hugging the wall. Imagine it. There may as many people in the room who don’t even have a seat at the table than those who do. Boy, that’ll make you feel comfortable to speak up, huh? “Listen, bubba, you’re important enough to be in the room, but you’re not important enough to sit at the table…so keep quiet.” And Bubba does.

I have no way of knowing when mankind figured out that sitting in a circle fostered better conversations, but somebody figured it out. If you’ve ever been part of a conversation circle you know how great it can feel. King Arthur likely had the most famous round table. No wonder Camelot was such a terrific place.

Typical meetings that I experience all go pretty much the same way. Somebody in authority or somebody who most seeks authority (power) calls the meeting. People gather in and assume a spot. Some are up close to the person who called the meeting. Others are as far away from them as possible. They say whatever they say and often appear to foster collaboration, but the group knows better. Nobody says anything until a person with whom the caller of the meeting is closely aligned speaks up to validate what was just said. It’s like a Robert’s Rule of having somebody second a motion. And just like that, without any further fanfare or conversation, the motion is passed. The larger portion of the group collectively just wants to get out of this meeting as quickly as possible. Most think the outcome is fairly predetermined anyway.

Enter a jolt. A curveball meeting.

This was always the most natural way I knew to conduct meetings whenever I was leading them because…well, I’ve already told you what frustrated me about conversations when I was just a kid. That frustration hasn’t waned as I’ve grown older.

After saying why I called the meeting and without showing what I may be leaning toward, I’d call on somebody to share what they thought. “Roy, I’d like to know what you’re thinking about this?” Roy is absolutely going to share with the group. When Roy finished I might ask, “Jane, do you have a different opinion or do you agree with Roy?” Jane would answer. And I’d intentionally look for somebody who didn’t necessarily fully agree with Roy. I wasn’t looking for dissension. I was looking to make the meeting safe for candid dialogue and conversation. I was looking for people to feel safe to say whatever they thought, whatever they felt.

Sure, there are meetings whose design is to let the troops know what’s been decided, but we’re talking about CONVERSATIONS. These are dialogues where people exchange ideas, information, thoughts, and feelings.

Leaders have one fundamental duty when it comes to leading conversations – make it safe for people to speak from their heart. You want to hear what people really think and feel. Otherwise, it’s not a conversation.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy