217 – What Matters Is What Happens Every Day

Personal Development / By

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215 - What Matters Is What Happens Every Day
Your daily habits have to exceed coffee drinking

Daily habits can seem ridiculously simple and insignificant. Like brushing your teeth. Stop doing it and you’ll soon realize it’s not so insignificant. There’s high value in daily brushing. The cost of a toothbrush and toothpaste is a fraction of what dental work might cost.

Back in the 80’s I developed an awful, but delightful daily habit. A Twix bar and a Dr. Pepper as an afternoon snack. Every day.

The 2 cookie Twix is 250 calories, 12 grams of fat and 24 grams of sugar. A can of Dr. Pepper is also about 250 calories. That’s 500 calories! Every single day. I wasn’t working out or doing any exercise. You do the math. It didn’t take long before my weight was getting out of control, along with my waistline. This one little daily habit was killing me!

So I had to stop it.

About a decade ago I committed to my health by enrolling at a gym. Okay, enrolling is easy. The real commitment was in going 5 or 6 days a week. I’ve remained true to that commitment. Now, instead of snacking on 500 calories within a few minutes I can invest an hour and burn 500 calories.

These aren’t remarkable daily habits. They don’t seem to be. But, if you examine a daily habit based on the results produced, they’re beyond remarkable.

We all want to do some BIG thing.

During my consulting and coaching I’ve often witnessed the spectacle of people who ignore small daily habits because they think they must do something bigger than life. As a quantum leap guy I’m fond of really big ideas and big execution, but I’m practical enough to know that big progress happens because of the little things we do.

Save 5% of your income with strong discipline (don’t miss a single month) and even if you’re earning $40,000 a year you’ll be saving $2000 every year. Flip it around and blow just 5% of your income with reckless abandon and you’ll lose $2000 every year. It’s a bit like my weight gain and my renewed zeal to get fit. I made a 1000 calorie swing by going from consuming 500 calories in a snack every day to burning 500 calories in the gym everyday. The person who saves 5% can make a $4000 annual swing by changing their habit from spending to saving. And it’s being done monthly at a rate of just $167. Small steps can result in making up big ground.

It’s a compounding effect of sorts. That’s what our daily habits do for us, or against us. Those are the habits that cause us to put on weight, or take it off. Let’s talk about a few areas where we can help ourselves improve our daily habits.

Electronic / Online Habits

Most of these habits aren’t daily. They’re hourly, or minute-by-minute. They can be destructive to our productivity, our relationships and our health (emotional, mental and physical).

Coca-cola-social-media-guard-3-640x340Coca-Cola launched a brilliant campaign with social media guards. It went viral and garnered Coke lots of attention.

The campaign also spoke a truth that we all realize. We’re all on our cell phones too much. Whether we’re texting, checking Facebook or email or playing games. Few things besides Starbucks’ coffee (for the coffee drinkers) are as addictive as the smallest screens in our lives.

I’m not a social scientist capable of discerning why people are addicted to their smart phones, but I am observant. The evidence is all around us. Our family members. Friends. Strangers. There’s a reason we’re seeing TV campaigns warning teens about texting and driving. Here in Dallas/Ft. Worth I regularly see people texting and driving.

I never see people eating a meal together, even in my own home, without having a smartphone in one hand at some point. Some keep their phone in hand, or within reach on top of the table.

Fitness Habits

Okay, maybe I should say LACK of fitness habits. These include our eating habits, too.

I’ve already admitted to my past Twix and Dr. Pepper habit. It’s been many years since I had that habit. Good thing or I’d be gargantuan.

After visiting a elderly gentlemen in the hospital some years ago I got in the car with my wife to leave and told her, “I don’t think I can do that to you.” Of course, it wasn’t entirely a fair comment because it supposed that the gentleman in question had “done that” to his wife. He hadn’t. He simply suffered ill health. But that wasn’t my point. My point was that I knew I needed to take my health more seriously, if not for my sake, then for her sake. So I joined a gym and began going faithfully. That was over a decade ago. I still go 6 days a week!

I’m still a carboholic hooked on crackers and bread. I need to curb it. Old habits are hard to break, but I really should try harder.

Reading Habits

I’ve always read a lot, but am the only person who finds myself reading fewer books because of the ebook revolution? I’ve got hoards of Kindle books that I haven’t read. Yes, you can carry along tons of books. Yes, it’s easy. Yes, the format is very readable. No, I don’t enjoy it as much as I enjoy holding a physical book. No, I no longer order physical books. A mistake? Maybe.

Everything in me knows the electronic publishing revolution is here to stay…and it’s a high efficiency delivery system, too. But, it has had a negative impact on my daily reading habits. How? Time spent reading. I could grab a physical book and read as long as my interest held, or until I ran out of time and had to close the book to do something else. Now, I find myself unable to read more than a handful of pages at a time. And these are short pages, Kindle versions on my iPad.

I’m not sure if it’s negatively affected my attention span, or if I just haven’t devoted myself enough to develop the habit of reading from my iPad. Maybe I’m more tactile than I imagined.

Home Habits

There are tons of these and I won’t attempt to catalog them, but I’m thinking of some that are important, especially if home involves a husband, wife and children. Consider your own list.

  • Communicate – share, interact, be real, be honest, don’t hold back, say “I love you” (and mean it)
  • Affection – kiss, hold hands, hug, be intimate
  • Serve – help out, contribute, be considerate, be surprising (sometimes)
  • Resolve – conflicts, to love each other through thick and thin, to hold each other accountable, to help each other, to exhibit kindness, to be financially responsible, to build a secure home
  • Train (your children) – to respect authority, to be responsible, to give good effort, to be tenacious, to read, to write, to play outside, to think for themselves, to speak clearly, to be persuasive, to be sober-minded

The list could be so much longer, but you get the idea. Our daily habits in our home make our home what it is. If you’re unhappy with your home, then get busy making it what it should be. Stop looking for monumental leaps. That’s not what makes a home successful. It’s the daily habits of kissing your wife in the morning, saying “I love you” and helping her clean the kitchen. It’s reading to the kids. It’s hanging up your own clothes. All those million things we do without thinking every single day. Those are the things that create our home. For good, or bad.

Work Habits

No matter what industry you occupy there are some universally poor habits recognized in every workplace.

  • Showing up late, or just in the nick of time
  • Taking 30 minutes to drink coffee, visit with co-workers and other time wasters before starting the day
  • Failing to get back to people promptly
  • Working too slow
  • Calling in sick too often
  • Bringing family drama to work
  • Always bumming money for lunch (snacks, etc.)
  • And many, many more!

Rarely do you see people change their daily work habits. The people who suffer the things on that list never disappoint you by doing something different. They’re as predictable in their poor habits as those high achievers are in their good habits. You know who the “go-to” people are at work. And you know why they’re the “go-to” people.

Somewhere in their life the slugs developed their bad habits. Without some dramatic catalyst to influence change, slugs remain slugs.

Conversely, high achievers developed their habits for success. Over time they can lean toward complacency if they’re not watchful, but high achievers do things every day that set them apart from the slugs.

Conclusion

It’s not the BIG things that make us who we are. Big things don’t build our personal habits, our home habits or our work habits.

Yes, big things happen to us. We fall in love. We marry. We have children. We get a job. We get a better job. We buy a house. We get a new car. All big events, but our lives are mostly defined by the many little things we do every single day.

We’re who we are because of the things we consistently do. So instead of concentrating on big things we’d likely be much better served by more closely examining all our little daily habits. Not an easy task since many of these things happen on auto-pilot. It’s hard to notice things that are mostly unnoticeable. Well, others might notice them, but it’s much tougher for us to see them in ourselves.

So let me close by giving you a few tips that may help:

1. Start with the things you already know you’d like to change.

Most people will readily admit that they’d like to stop something, or start something. Make a list. What are those things?

Maybe it’s something as simple (but important) as kissing your wife good-bye when you leave for work each morning. Or it could be something more difficult like walking 10,000 steps every day.

These are things already top-of-mind. Write them all down until you can’t think of anything else. These should be things that leap to your mind without much mental gymnastics.

2. Next, move to the things that others will value most.

I’m not suggesting you surrender your entire life to do what everybody else wants you to do. Focus on the people who matter. For starters, the people you love. Then, the people vital to your career. Maybe there are others, too. These are people who really matter to you. Important people.

What can you do to increase your value to them? How can you better serve them?

For instance, a wife may suggest to her husband that she could use some help with house-keeping. If he’d vacuum and pick up after himself, it’d really help her. Is that YOU? Then, will you do it? You should.

Commit yourself to the people. Don’t fret about the daily habits. Think of the people you’ll be serving and how your actions will positively impact their lives.

3. Now, dig deep and think about the things you need to change and the things you want to change.

This is where the heavy lifting happens. Up to this point, you’ve been using relatively light weights. You’re now ready to add more plates to the bar. It’s going to tax your muscles, but I promise it’ll be worth it.

If you aren’t who you most want to be…now it’s time to get busy becoming that person. Aim for your ideal. Why not?

Daily habits are the process to get you where you want to go. Sometimes the tough part is to not get wrapped up in the outcome, or the final result because it’s going to take time. Your patience is going to wear thin if you obsess too much about the destination. For instance, if you want to reduce your waist size from 40 to 36, it’s not going to happen quickly. It’ll be the result of daily habits repeated over time. A quarter of an inch at a time.

You’ll be tempted to defeat yourself before you ever start. Resist. “I’ll never be able to do this,” is the self-talk of defeatists. You’re not going to join their ranks. Instead, I want you to say, “It won’t be easy, but I know I can do it.”

Make your list. Spend time with it. Put it in order of importance. Work it, then re-work it. Do your best to go from most important to least important.

You’re now armed with your list, which is actually 3 lists that you’ve compiled into a single master list. It’s in order of what matters to you most.

a) You’ve taken into account the things you want to change that are top-of-mind.

b) You then migrated to the things you know will help you serve those you love and those who are important to you.

c) Lastly, you dug deep to incorporate the things you realize you need to change and the things you want to change.

Then, go through the list and make only 2 distinctions between all the items. Use any designation you want. I prefer terms that depict the item. Like “sprint” and “marathon.” Sprints are fast. Quick. Marathons take time. My “sprint” items are ones that I know I can implement and execute right now. I don’t need any training or real preparation. I just have to get busy on them. “Marathon” items are ones I can begin, but I’ve got to plan, prepare and train. A marathon is 26 miles and 385 yards long, run in a single event. I’ve never run one, but I know you can’t just enter one and run it without working toward it. That’s how those “marathon” items are. You can start on them today, but you realize it’s a process that’s going to take some time. However, if you stay with it and keep working on it…before long you’ll be ready to run the marathon. 

Use whatever terms work for you.

4. Okay, it’s GO TIME! It’s time to create your strategies.

I’ll warn you what will go wrong in this step. You’ll think you have to do every single item on your list. The result? You won’t get off of the starting blocks. Like a rocket trying to escape the gravitational pull of the earth, you’re going to feel the urge to return to your old norm. Give in to the urge and you’ll crash. Resist it with determination and you’ll soar to new heights. Crash or soar. Those are your two choices.

Your “sprint” items shouldn’t demand sophisticated strategies. You can dive right in and take off running at full speed to incorporate them into your life. Your two biggest challenges to “sprint” items is getting started and sticking with them. Commit to both of those and you’ll have conquered those items.

The “marathon” items will require some planning and strategy. Some more than others. Be careful with very heavy items. For instance, I’ve known people who had a marathon goal of losing 100 pounds who tried to go it alone without any doctor supervision. Big mistake. Don’t tackle something that significant without proper guidance!

A key to marathon items is to not get ahead of yourself. It’s not important that you map out every single step. Get started by devising your first few steps. Just a couple. You’ll add steps as you go, in advance of getting to them. A beginner who want to run a marathon likely runs 1 mile before they run 5. They run 5 miles in a stretch before they run 10. By consistently adding miles they build up their endurance. Eventually, they’re running over 26 miles. They know they can run a marathon because they’ve done it in training. Your marathon items will work the same way. Just run your first mile sooner than later so you can get going.

Wait a minute…this sure sounds like a lot of hard work.

It is. That’s why only extraordinary people do this kind of work. Only the high-achievers are willing to invest this kind of effort into their own lives.

If it were easy, everybody would do it. YOU are not everybody.

And I’m sure not!!

 

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216 – People, Performance & Purpose: Making Your Business Relevant

Entrepreneurship, Leadership / By

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Yellow-Pages-Irrelevant
No longer relevant – avoid this with your business

The Yellow Pages and the hard copy phone book are no longer relevant. Neither is TV Guide. What does relevancy mean? How did these (and countless other businesses) lose theirs?

What Relevancy Means

In a word, it means “useful.” Maybe a better word is “valuable.”

Some enterprises never quite reach a high state of relevancy. That is, they’re never very valuable. If you live in a suburban area like I do, just look at the strip centers (shopping centers) in your area. They likely have one or two businesses that are pretty constant. Maybe a restaurant or grocery store. But most of the store fronts are likely occupied with smaller, locally owned businesses. There’s the dry cleaner, the donut shop, the nail salon, the locally owned sandwich shop and so on. Some of these businesses last for a few years, but many of them come and go because they simply couldn’t gain traction. They never established enough value to build a customer base…so they died. Falling into the abyss of irrelevancy.

Some enterprises can’t adjust when disruptions come. The manufacturers of horse drawn buggies don’t exist any more. They went from prominence to irrelevance when the automobile arrived and gained widespread acceptance. But an enterprise loses relevance before it reaches extinction. Xanga was once a social media rockstar. Not today. Groupon was the fastest growing company. Today they’re on the fast track toward becoming irrelevant. So it goes when leaders don’t maintain the vigilance to stay relevant.

Three Strategies Of Relevancy (you need all of them)

1. You must have a market.

Ideally, marketing experts will tell you that you need “a hungry market.” Markets can vary wildly from mild to famished. It’s all gauged by sales success. No sales, no relevancy.

To be fair, a sale doesn’t have to be  an exchange of products or services for money. It can be patronage, support or some other variation of an exchange in value. For example, acts of philanthropy happen for many reasons. A person may have a personal connection to a specific non-profit. A person may want to contribute to a specific enterprise expecting nothing in return other than knowing they’re supporting a cause they believe in. Maybe a person simply needs a bit more of a tax deduction.

Businesses, non-profits, researchers, governments and all other organizations need supporters. Getting those supporters is what I mean when I say, “Making the sale.” That’s the only way of getting a market. You must make a sale. The more sales you make, the more relevant you are.

2. You must hold onto a market.

You’ve got get repeat business, or have ongoing support. Retailers know they’ll experience a degree of customer attrition. A certain percentage of their customers will move away. Another percentage may die. Still others will find a more suitable solution based on price, selection, quality, convenience or a host of other reasons. Great retailers work hard to eliminate losing customers by continuing to elevate their performance and offerings. You’ve got to hang onto your current supporters. It’s not enough to get them once. You need to keep them faithful.

3. You must grow your market.

Because retaining supporters isn’t a perfectly achieved objectives (how can a retailer prevent customers from dying?), you’re going to have to bring in new supporters to replace those who go away. You also need to grow your enterprise.

You can grow your enterprise by increasing the number of supporters, by increasing the level of support you’re getting from current supporters or by doing both of those things. The last one is the best strategy!

Three Components Of Relevancy

How can you achieve relevancy for your enterprise? That’s the real issue today. And our headline provides the answer. Three of them actually…but you need all three if you’re going to sustain relevancy.

1. People

You can’t establish relevancy without people. You need people to help you provide it. You need people who appreciate it enough to support it. You even need people willing to partner with you along the way.

Undervalue people and you’ll undermine your ability to achieve relevance.

Make false assumptions about people and you’ll lose. Many enterprises assumed people wanted something only to find out too late, nobody wanted it.

Enterprises often assume they can grind through people (employees, volunteers or other internal people) and it won’t impact their progress in the market…until people reach the point where they won’t take it any more. Citizens revolt against oppressive governments. Workers rebel against tyrannical employers. Patrons abandon the poorly run charity.

People matter. Don’t forget it.

2. Performance

Just because yesterday’s performance gained you a market doesn’t mean the market will stick with you if you let your performance slip. You can’t assume that what got you here will get you there.

Markets are constantly changing. That includes yours. Keep pushing your performance to serve your market better. Listen to your market. Pay close attention to what they buy, what they want and what they hate.

It reminds me of a guy I heard about who was doing some coaching for a mid-sized organization. Every month he’d come in and deliver a presentation that was open to all the employees. He’d hold forth like most gurus do. At first, the room would be packed. After awhile, the room began to have some empty chairs. This went on month after month until the room was more empty than full. Eventually, the organization felt they’d received all the value they were ever going to get from him so they parted ways.

I wondered what he must have been thinking as he saw the attendance dwindle month after month. Why didn’t he ask the organization what they needed or wanted? Why didn’t he adjust some things? Maybe his content, maybe his approach, or something else that may have helped him engage the employees more?

I don’t know why he didn’t. Any more than I know why a person holds onto a broken business model. But I’ve seen it happen frequently. People let performance erode because they don’t see it even though it seems to be staring them squarely in the face.

High performance demands high awareness. It demands humility. Be ready to ask, “What can I do better? What can I do differently that will be more valuable to you?” Then get busy doing it.

You’ve got to stay ahead of the curve of customer satisfaction by aiming for customer delight – customer happiness!

Another part of performance is leading and managing. Leading involves people. Managing involves the process, or the work. And since people do the work, you’ve got to hold people accountable by demanding their very best. Sure, there’s proper selection (hiring), training and support. Support should be ongoing for all your people. You’ve can’t support them if you refuse to hold them responsible for the outcome. And the outcome is always going to be the result of the process. That means you’ve got to give the proper time and attention to systems, work flows and the documentation on how things must be done so you can deliver predictable success every single time!

3. Purpose

I put purpose third, but it really belongs first. I did that because I wanted to end with it and have that be our final thought. So many times I see people who neglect this component of being and staying relevant. Simon Sinek calls it “your why.” In fact, his book title tells you the importance of it, Start With Why. Fail to start with why (or your purpose) and it’ll be tougher to find your way through the maze of organizational or business challenges. If you know your why, then you’ll make decisions that are congruent with that purpose. Without a purpose you may wind up chasing your tail.

“My purpose is to make as much money as I can,” he says.

“How is that going to help you establish, much less maintain relevancy?” I ask.

“I’m going to find a way to get people to buy,” he replies.

“So your purpose is to GET people to buy?” I ask.

“Yeah, sure,” he says.

That’s a poor purpose. It’s manipulative. It’s mercenary. When push comes to shove, this person will likely do whatever is necessary to make a buck. Contrast that with another conversation.

“My purpose is to teach as many people as I can how to play the guitar so they can get the thrill of sitting in a room with their friends playing confidently.”

Is that a world changing purpose? Well, it is for the people he teaches. Yes.

Will that purpose direct whatever actions he takes in his guitar instruction business? Absolutely.

He’ll face future decisions with that purpose in mind and ask, “Does this help me further my purpose or will it distract me?” Can you see how much clarity that will provide him versus the guy who just wants to “make as much money as I can?”

You need a purpose that will provide you that kind of clarity. The guitar instructor will be able to build and maintain relevancy because he knows exactly why he’s doing what he’s doing and he knows exactly what outcome he wants for his students. Every guitar student wants to be able to play confidently in front of their friends. Some want more, but if you can’t accomplish that goal then you can’t advance beyond it. This guitar instructor knows that. And for the advanced student who wants to go beyond the stated purpose, the purpose still helps keep things on track. Fundamentally, it’s all about the thrill of playing confidently in front of people. For some of his students it’s a guy who wants to play a song for his girlfriend (an audience of one). For another, it may be a guy who wants to play with his band in front of thousands. The purpose holds.

Randy

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Rebranding The Podcast: Will You Help Me?

Randy Cantrell / By
rebranding
How should I rebrand the podcast?

I need your help.

It’s past time for me to rebrand and refocus the podcast. What started out as mostly a legacy project (I began recording things I wanted to pass onto my grown children…and my grandchildren). It was mostly business oriented with a smattering of self-improvement stuff. Sprinkled in have been some personal things (like the last episode). But after 5 years or more, it’s now time to take a quantum leap. I can’t do that without your help.

I’ll prime the pump with just 3 business subjects that have a bit more narrow focus:

  • Leadership & Management (we lead people, we manage the work)
  • Solving Business Problems (workflow, processes, efficiency and growth)
  • Content & New Media Marketing For Service Professionals (doctors, attorneys, financial advisors, dentists, CPA’s, etc.)

These are NOT suggestions. I just listed them to get your brain juices flowing! Please give me your own feedback. And remember, I’m podcasting (again) over at LeaningTowardWisdom.com where I can go more off-topic from the things I talk about here. My goal is to be more narrowly focused here, and to paint with a broader brush over at LTW.

Will you help me by completing this short survey? 

None of the fields is required, but I’d love for you to complete them all. Thank you for helping me out.

Randy

Help Me Rebrand & Refocus The Podcast

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215 – 6 Lessons I Learned In A Year Of Suffering (Reflections On Losing A Lifelong Friend)

Personal Development, Podcast, Randy Cantrell / By

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Randy, Lexie (Randy's sister), Joni (Stan's sister) and Stanley in Ada, OK
Randy, Lexie (Randy’s sister), Joni (Stan’s sister) and Stanley in Ada, OK

Stanley was born on April 11, 1957. He left this life on May 12, 2013. On the day of his death I published this post and podcast. It was the most painful post and podcast I’ve ever produced. No, it has nothing to do with business, management, leadership or building an organization/business. It’s intensely personal. So, if such things are off-putting to you, then avoid it. But if you want to know more about who and what I really am, then you may find it valuable. I’ll let you judge.

This Friday would have been his 57th birthday. I think of him every day. Every single day.

Modern marketing gurus regurgitate the ancient maxim, “People are all listening to the radio station, WIIFM – What’s In It For Me. Don’t talk about yourself. Talk about your prospect.” While that may be fundamentally true, it presupposes that we’re all morons roaming around devoid of interest in others, repelled by notions of compassion or empathy and behaving like Barney Fife once described giraffes to Opie.

Boy, giraffes are selfish. Just running around looking out for number one.”

I’ve learned a few things this year.

We’re approaching the first full year since his passing and I still have moments of enormous sadness. I confess that I will sometimes close a door, turn the lights out and simply cry. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens at least once a month, usually during a time when I so desperately want to pick up the phone and call him. His number is still in my phone, even though I know the number – like him – is long gone.

The Pivot, sparked in large part, by his illness and subsequent death took a number of turns, detours and running through a few ditches. My entire career can be summed up in a phrase, “business leader.” Since I was in my mid-20’s I’ve lead businesses. Five years ago I stepped down, resigning my post as the leader of a company I had called home for almost 20 years. When you’ve done something for so long, it can be difficult to figure out, “Now what?”

Helping people.

Serving people.

Inspiring people.

Teaching people.

Leading people.

Impacting people.

Provoking thought.

Stirring emotions. 

These were the things that had driven me since my youth. Stanley’s death prompted more emotions than anything in my life ever had. It was personal. It was heart stuff, not head stuff.

Heart stuff is the stuff of extraordinary leadership. And there it was. Staring me in the face as it never had quite before. I’m at my best when I’m investing in other people. I invest in myself most when I’m investing in others. I’m not being altruistic. I’m being true to who I really am. Being behind the scenes, lurking in the shadows with a timely word of advice or encouragement, sitting down privately to help somebody through some challenge, pushing – shoving – nudging others into the spotlight…those are the moments when I’m at my best.

Stanley and I had such a strong bond that I think we both assumed we’d have each other forever. Truth is, we hoped to have each other forever. If you don’t believe in forever, then I’m sad for you. Stanley and I both had faith that eternity is real. I still have that faith. For Stanley, his faith is now realized based on what we both believed to be true. Namely, we both believed the Bible.

Usually, we only had one objective when we were together. Laugh as much as possible. We were marksmen at hitting that target. We never missed a target. He died knowing our record was perfect. And as he lay dying I couldn’t even see the target any more. What once had always been so easy to hit was now impossible to even spot. I was learning the meaning of the term, “wrecked.”

For some guys who could be moody, blue and perhaps not always big fun to be around…together, we became two friends adept at the craft of volleying sarcastic remarks. We were equally accomplished at witty observations. Not everybody appreciated it. Some couldn’t keep up. We’d put in way more than 10,000 hours mastering the craft.

Lesson #1

Life is short. Make it count.

I already knew this, but Stanley’s passing just made it more real. I admit that it didn’t have much impact on my professional life. Not at first. I was mostly focused on my personal and spiritual life.

But since you’re likely here for professional or business type stuff, let’s apply it there.

If your career isn’t going as you’d like, then when are you going to do something about it? When are you going to stop making excuses?

I don’t care how old you are. I don’t care how young you are. Bob Geldof’s 25-year-old daughter, Peaches, died on Monday. Is that young enough for you? I know people who have buried babies. Mickey Rooney also died on Monday. He was 93. Is that old enough for you? Death is no respecter of persons.

You get to choose what you do with the time you’ve got. You’ve got RIGHT NOW. That’s all you’ve got.

What are going to do to make a positive difference RIGHT NOW? So many people haven’t yet determined to make a positive difference at any time. Too many of us are just doing time. Too many of us are living in an uncertain future. The common mantra of the masses is, “Tomorrow will be better.” No it won’t. Not if tomorrow never comes. And even if it does come, the odds are you’ll be just as lazy, indifferent and unprofitable tomorrow as you were today. And yesterday. And the day before that. Your history may not be an absolute predictor of your future. Even so, the odds are high that you’ll keep doing what you’ve always done.

So, make today count. Make up your mind – RIGHT NOW – that you’re going to take responsibility for your life, as much as is humanly possible. The things you can control are: your choices and your actions/behaviors. Embrace that. Own it.

Lesson #2

Come to grips with what you hate. Pursue what you love.

Professionally, I’ve done lots of things I didn’t much like. I’ve even done some things I hate. But in my 35 plus year career I’ve mostly loved leading and competing. Both of those are personal. Intimate even.

I love communicating. Watching people. Listening to people. Working with people.

I love problem solving. Watching a solution work, or fail. Then trying to figure it out again…or trying to find a better way.

I love questioning if we might find a better way. Asking, “What if…?” And answering the question based on whatever information is at hand.

I hate red tape. I hate having to ask for permission. I hate tyrannical leaders. I hate autocrats. I hate micro-managers. I hate stagnant thinkers. I hate pessimistic leaders who constantly bark, “That’ll never work.”

You can easily recognize what you hate. Write it down. Professionally, what do you absolutely hate? And what do you hate to do? I’m not promising you’ll be able to avoid every single thing you hate to do, but you sure don’t want to make that activity the bulk of your work.

It can be much tougher to figure out what you love. Write it down. Professionally, what you love so much you lose yourself in the activity? When you’re doing it, time flies by. When you’re doing it, you perform almost without thought. It almost seems innate. What is it? Think of it in terms of being the thing you’d like to do most of the time!

Lesson #3

Understand what you’re best at. And acknowledge what is hard for you.

We spend so much time chasing dreams that may never be realized…and we neglect to sit down and examine our lives as fully as we could. Or should.

I love chasing dreams. I think it can be healthy to a point. However, we can’t just sit around dreaming about things. Plans and strategies have to be constructed. Action has to be taken. Corrective action has to be taken. Problems have to be solved. Adversity has to be overcome.

Those are hard things to do. They’re harder when you’re chasing something you’re not very good at. Take the time to figure out what you’re naturally good at. Stop trying to be something (and somebody) you’re not.

Lesson #4

Be relentless. Let tenacity rule your life.

Face your fears and stomp them into the ground. That phone call you’re afraid to make…make it anyway. If there’s a chance you’ll find success by making that call, make that call. “But what if I fail?” Then you’ll fail. Not making the call is a sure fire way to fail. Take whatever actions you’re avoiding because you’re afraid. Do them anyway. Before long, taking action will be your habit and the fear will subside.

Be ruthless in your pursuits. Dogged persistence is the path to accomplishment.

This doesn’t mean you’re ruthless with people. Don’t be a jerk. Or insensitive. Or selfish, like a giraffe. Just be focused on what you’re trying to accomplish and find a way to get it done.

You haven’t accomplished what you want because you haven’t taken enough action – or you haven’t taken enough of the appropriate actions. Do more. Watch the results, then adjust your actions. Keep doing what you fear most because it’s the fear that’s defeating your dreams (and plans and strategies).

Lesson #5

Leave an impact. Create footprints, fingerprints and any other mark that will affect people.

If you want to chase money, go ahead. Not me. Sure, I want to make as much money as possible, but at my age it’s not about stuff. It’s about people. It’s about the things I’d like to do for my family and close friends.

Money is a tool. A vehicle to do meaningful things for people I love. My wife. My kids. My grandkids. In that order.

It’s a resource for good. The congregation where I work and worship. That’s a major driver for me. To contribute to something vastly bigger than me. And more important than me.

Making money isn’t the same as making a mark. I’m much more interested in making a mark. Specifically, professionally I want to make money by making a mark. Personally, I just want to make a mark.

That means making a difference in somebody’s life. It means being a friend, supporter, mentor, or “fill-in-the-blank” for people so they can’t imagine their life without me. Does that sound selfish? Maybe. But it’s honest. I want to live so people will miss me when I’m gone. That’s demanding and it challenges me every day to find ways to be valuable. Some days (maybe most days) I fail, but I’m still trying. I hope to become more accomplished with practice.

Lesson #6

Do something. Make a difference. Yes, you’ll make enemies, but you’ll also make some solid friends.

Stanley and I knew as teenagers this truth – “If you’re not willing to be hated by some, you’ll be loved by no one.”

Some people misunderstood our snarkiness. Others resented our friendship. We didn’t care. The people who were most attracted to us were the people we were most attracted to. That’s how it works. Birds of a feather and all that.

I prefer fewer really close friends over a vast number of casual friends. I know a lot of people. I’m close to very few. That’s intentional. It’s not snobbish, it’s just a preference. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about people, including casual friends.

Life isn’t infinite. Neither is my energy or emotion. If I’m going to be the most helpful I can be, then I have to watch where I invest myself. Professionally, I can invest in a broader audience because the scope of influence is narrowed. Personally, I have to restrain myself because I have extraordinary empathy – it’s just my wiring. I can’t temper how much I care and how much I get wrapped up in trying to help friends. Truth is, I have to make sure I’m not intruding and overstepping my bounds. Mostly, I think I stay inbounds, but not always.

I’m driven to make a difference and I’m perfectly willing to accept that some won’t like me for it. I remember having a conversation with my son when he was a teenager.

If you’re going to be a person of action, you’re going to be judged harshly by some.”

I taught both of my children to be people of decision and action. And I’ve always warned them that some people aren’t going to like it because some people will throw rocks at anybody who tries to make a difference. Throwing rocks at the action takers is a full-time hobby for some. You know you’re not taking enough action if you’re not making somebody angry with you. Focus on the friends you’re collecting along the way, not the enemies.

Conclusion

Okay, Stanley’s death didn’t teach me these things necessarily, but his passing did reinforce their importance to me. It’s hard to explain how one friend’s passing can compel such introspection. He was the one person – the only guy in my life – who I could talk to about anything. My wife is clearly my closest confident, but Stanley was my sole male sounding board.

He was sick most of the last year of his life so my loss was slow, then sudden. Even though our last conversations didn’t make much sense because his mind was quickly slipping away…there was something to the fact that I knew he was still here. Maybe I was hopeful (even though there wasn’t much hope, if any) things would get better. I knew they wouldn’t. I knew the inevitable. But I wasn’t wrecked until it happened.

Yes, I wallowed in sorrow for weeks, and months. Like a diver who has gone deep to the ocean’s floor, I knew it wouldn’t be safe to come up too quickly. My ascent back to normalcy took time. Slow and steady.

My best skills continue to be empathy, communication and problem-solving. Those have always been by 3 biggest assets. Stanley’s death refocused me to handle up better on that last one, problem solving. Over the past few years my skills to help others find solutions to their problems left me alone struggling to solve my own. Things would leap out at me whenever I helped others. I could search intently for answers to my own problems and be completed baffled how to even begin. It was a struggle that I suppose every person experiences at some point in life. I was just puzzled that I was experiencing it so late in my life.

This Friday would have been Stanley’s 57th birthday. In a few weeks I’ll be 57. It’s weird to think that I’ve reached an age beyond any age Stanley ever did. His death wrecked me, but his life impacted me like no other. That’s his legacy for me. I hope I had the same impact on him. And now, I’m hoping I have a similar impact on others.

Randy

P.S. I hope you stayed tuned to the podcast until the very end because I inserted a recording of Stanley sitting my living room playing my guitar and singing. It was on a Sunday afternoon, July 18, 2010. 

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