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How do you elevate your performance so you can add value to your team? How do you make a bigger difference?

It’s not about you, but it begins with you because we’ve already defined leadership as influence. Namely, your influence!

But how?

There are six components of effective leadership influence. Don’t look at these as a recipe. Instead, look at them as ingredients you can use…some perhaps more than others depending on how you’re wired. You must accurately understand your natural talents, those things that come more easily to you. Sometimes they’re your default behaviors. You shouldn’t work too hard to be something you’re not. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work to develop new skills, but it means you must not fail to leverage those things that come so naturally easy for you. Those strengths will make the biggest difference in your effectiveness.

All of these components are important, but they’re not equally weighted. Additionally, situations dictate which component may be most suitable. Your ability to properly read your team, individually and collectively, and to assess the circumstances you all face – it’s key to knowing how to deploy these components. 

I’m intentionally putting each component in a verb form because I want to help you understand these are actions words. They’re not intellectual concepts aimed at high-brow thinking. They’re practical reality. Not scholarly ideas. I’m also intentionally starting with one specific one because from that one stems all the others. 

Connect.

How we relate to people and how we foster their ability to relate to us – it’s foundational to all we’re about as leaders. 

Some connect with political prowess. They know how to work situations for their own end. 

Some connect with candor. They don’t pull any punches. Ever.

Some connect with personality. They have a charisma that draws people in.

Some connect with compassion or a variety of other attributes others find engaging. 

Connections can be made by deploying any number of behaviors, styles, or personalities. Even tyranny. I don’t advise it, but tyranny can work. History proves it. History also tends to prove it stops working. People connect to fear…until they decide to stop being afraid. Then the tyrant is in trouble. Or soon will be. 

How can YOU best connect with people, especially your team? Don’t be shocked if you’re not able to fully discover that by yourself. Insights from others who know you are most helpful. Unfortunately, too few people take advantage of such insights. You should make sure you seek out help so you can identify the most positive way you can authentically connect with others. Then cross your fingers that tyranny isn’t your natural leaning. 😉 

There are a few things everybody is capable of. Honesty. Integrity. Doing the right thing. Making things right. Fairness. Caring.

We can all decide to do those things. The strongest leaders commit themselves to those and other principles of high character. 

It’s up to you to figure out how you can best connect with your team as a whole, and how you can best connect with the individual members of the team. Don’t be tempted to think it’s too hard. “Too much work.” This is the work. Ignore it and you’ll never influence higher performance.

Train. Educate.

Leaders who simply bark out orders or take care of daily business are a dime a dozen. And ineffective. Leadership isn’t about maintaining. It’s about growth and improvement. It’s about creating a high impact. Making a difference. 

Leaders who train/educate address the big challenge of, “How?” Teams and individuals wonder how they’ll grow and improve. Leaders have to forge the way with some strategic answers. 

Don’t confuse this training and education as addressing the specifics of all the work being done. Or the work that needs to be done. It may be more accurate to describe this as providing your team with the why, than the specific how. The why provides people with the how. Let me give you an example. A CEO may determine that customer service is paramount. He may train and educate his team that a key barometer of how he measures the team’s success will be how happy they can make customers. 

The depth of the training – and the specific nature of it – is up to the leader. You may decide there are specific things you want to be done in more precise ways. It’s not a problem unless you stay in the “dirt on your boots” area (what others sometimes refer to as being “in the weeds”). 

High-performing cultures instill proper training and education that ensures high accountability. That means processes and systems are the foundations of training and education. Things aren’t left to chance or legacy communication. You won’t hear high-performing cultures talk about conversations or emails from months or years past because that’s not where their learning comes from. It’s much more formalized than that, which is why every team member is held accountable for delivering predictable results time and time again. Everybody follows the process and system.

If you don’t have systems in place you cannot have a high-performance culture. And if you lack processes, you’ll never achieve high levels of accountability. Now you know why I listed this second, only behind connecting with the people who need to be educated so they can deliver superior performance.

Persuade.

Evidence-based leadership is based on data, facts, and observable truths. While there’s plenty of room for intuition (gut feel), that’s mostly useful to spark curiosity so those can be verified or nullified. Following the evidence to the best of our ability means we’re providing our team with compelling reasons to be persuaded. Evidence-based leaders aren’t attempting to get people to follow simply because “I said so.” We want people to learn and understand the reasons behind our actions. And those reasons are logical and persuasive. 

Unpersuaded people do not high-performers make. Our team members must be the first ones we sell on what we’re doing and what we aim to do. Call it “buy-in” or whatever else you’d like, but it all boils down to the same thing. Leaders provide their teams with ample evidence to persuade them. We bear the responsibility to present the facts in a compelling way that is hard to refute. Even if our designed course is subjective in the sense that we could pursue multiple courses…but we’ve chosen one in particular. What are the reasons for our choice? Share those. 

It involves another component I break out on its own – INFORM.

In some instances informing precedes persuading. But in most cases, it’s a context thing. It provides our teammates with a deeper understanding. Employees left in the dark are uninformed teammates. Ignorance is not bliss. 

That’s not to say that we share every detail of every situation or circumstance. For starters, that’s not the best way to serve our team. It’s not helpful to burden them with information that won’t help them perform better. But keeping our team in the dark, thinking we must shield them from information that can help them avoid false assumptions, misinformation (or worse), is fully our responsibility. 

Inspire.

Let’s make a distinction between motivation and inspiration. In the past few months, I’ve had a number of clients who have attended various conferences and seminars – in person – for the first time in over a year (due to the pandemic). These events often inspire attendees to do better. But by the time next Tuesday rolls around that inspiration is often long forgotten. Very rarely do such events produce lasting results. And maybe they’re not even designed to do that. However, many people go hoping to find some inspiration. The truth about inspiration is that it doesn’t often last very long. We continue to need to get an inspiration fix. 

Motivation is the inner energy we generate. It’s the energy we have to get out of bed and do anything. It’s up to us to provide that and manage it. I’m not saying we can’t have help from people close to us…to better manage it, but our motivation is on us. Nobody can do it for us. It’s our personal energy to accomplish something. Anything. 

We call them “motivational” speakers, but they’re really inspirational speakers. Leaders must inspire their team to higher performance. And like all the other components mentioned here, inspiring others is an ongoing effort. People don’t just stay connected without any effort to be connected. People don’t remain trained or educated unless there’s ongoing reinforcement. People don’t stay persuaded unless evidence is continually supplied to keep them persuaded. The same goes for information…things change and people have to continue to be informed of the changes. Leaders have to daily inspire people, too. But how?

That’s for each leader to figure out, but there are some basic principles to consider. People are inspired by systems and processes that work. So developing these and training them can serve to inspire. 

People are inspired by being in the know so informing people can be inspirational, too. People are inspired when they’re persuaded that their work matters – and when they better understand how their work contributes to the outcome. 

Inspiring your team isn’t a singular action. It’s wrapped up in many things that happen daily within your team. 

It isn’t necessarily a rah-rah speech delivered regularly. It could be, but not every leader rolls that way. 

A leader’s ability to inspire is directly linked to the ability to connect to every individual and to the team collectively. Like many other leadership components, the ability to inspire is largely based on candid truthfulness. Honesty. 

Mostly, inspiration is about helping people better understand where they fit – how they make a positive difference. It’s about giving them a story – a true story. Leaders who fail to provide that story fail to inspire their team. Don’t minimize this verb. Inspire.

Entertain.

Leaders don’t have to be stand-up comics. But having a good sense of humor helps. It connects us. 

Two words likely exemplify this component. Happy. Fun.

A sullen demeanor isn’t likely to foster a high-performing culture. Nor is a person who can’t or won’t show enjoyment or fun. Dour may work in the short term for some, but I would never bet on it for an intermediate or long-term leadership strategy. 

Sometimes being entertaining is simply being interesting. And interested. It’s engaging. So don’t confuse entertaining with constant belly laughing at work. Think of it more as engaging, but I still stick with the term “entertain” because effective leaders need to be engaging in each of these activities. Boring is a tough row to hoe. Don’t be boring. 

When a leader entertains he learns to pick moments where the team needs relief from tension. Or maybe she understands now would be a good time to openly acknowledge some embarrassing outcome. Situations dictate the appropriate use of humor or fun. Be congruent with what’s going on, but search for openings where you can entertain your team and show them your humanity. 

Be human. Be a good human. 

That’s likely a great place to end this conversation. We didn’t dive deeply into any of these, but let me encourage you to set aside some time to ponder each one. As you do, judge yourself as a leader. How well do you think you do at each of these? What might you be able to do to improve in these areas? If you’ll think about it enough, face the truth of where you currently are, and decide to improve — you’ll figure it out. I’m here to help.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Perspective matters. 

How we see the world and our place in it largely determines our behavior. Take some time today and think about that more deeply. Here are some questions that can help get you started. 

1. Why am I doing what I’m doing?
2. How would you describe what you do?
3. If you were one of your employees, how would you grade yourself?
4. What are you doing today that you didn’t do earlier in your career?
5. What have you stopped doing that you did earlier in your career?

The Bula Network Progression Of Leadership demonstrates a stair-step progression and an endless loop. Both at the same time.

Each component is important with humility leading the parade because the absence of humility foils the progression. Without humility, all progress stops because it stomps down everything else. 

Lean into humility by coming to terms with what you don’t yet know. Or understand. That’s going to require courage and generosity, two major components of leadership humility. There likely has always been an epidemic – a shortage, anemia – of leadership humility. Especially here in the United States where we can quickly fixate on hierarchy. Too often we’re more interested in being the boss than being the leader. They are not the same!

So maybe that’s where we should begin. How do you view being the boss versus being the leader? Do you make any distinctions between the two? If not, that’s okay. I’m happy to provide compelling evidence to prove they’re very different. 

Bosses do have a degree of power. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It depends on how that power is used. So let’s wrestle that down. 

What’s the purpose of your power as a boss? 

Is it your job to solve all the problems? To come up with all the solutions? To be seen as the smartest person to whom everybody else goes?

Permit me to challenge that viewpoint. When you look at the number of people on your team or in your organization I’m guessing it’s a number greater than you. It’s not uncommon for me to work with a leader of a small team of a dozen or more. Nor is it uncommon for me to work with a leader who is in charge of thousands of employees. Size doesn’t matter, but what does matter are the varieties of people with whom we do our work. Lots of people doing lots of different things. People who have some opinions about the work they do. Don’t jump to the conclusion just yet, “Yes, but they don’t all understand the things I understand.” True enough, but tap the brakes on their lack of understanding for the moment. 

Too often leaders use that excuse as a reason to not listen to employees. I’ve two counterpoints to that argument. One, listening gives you the opportunity to enlighten them on what they don’t understand. But more importantly, two, it gives you the opportunity to be enlightened by them on things you don’t understand — but you don’t know it. Any more than they know it. Both of you are benefited and most of all, the enterprise benefits by your collective efforts to share insights. 

I don’t often give advice to clients because I choose to let them live their own lives, make up their own minds and figure things out that work best for them. However, I always begin by sharing as honestly as I can how I see the world of leadership because I don’t want to impose. I want to persuade. I want to be a leader with a high impact. 

Here are some truths that begin every coaching engagement. 

We lead people. We manage the work. They aren’t the same.

Leadership is influence. Period. It’s not power. It’s not being a boss. 

When the boss – the one with the power – has the highest influence – leadership – then it’s remarkably powerful. Everybody benefits.

Leaders do for others what they’re unable to do for themselves. Leaders who have boss authority, even more so!

Leaders take aim at helping people perform better by making sure they have the resources they need. That includes removing the roadblocks that prevent high performance. 

Leadership is based on humility where the focus is on others. It’s all about helping others do great work. 

My clients may have never heard these things. Or maybe they’ve never heard these things expressed in that way. They never disagree though, and I think that’s mostly because these are leaders who are open to, anxious for, their own self-improvement and growth. That means, they’ve already got a high degree of humility before I’m ever engaged to serve them. As long as there’s sufficient humility to accept responsibility for ourselves and our influence, there’s my high expectation that growth and improvement are probable. I’ve never found an exception. 

Blindspots are the bane of every leader. What we don’t know will hurt us and our organization. We avoid that by refusing to silo ourselves thinking that every problem is ours alone to solve. Or that every good idea must come directly from our mind. By understanding that we’re surrounded by people who get up each morning wanting to do good work, we’re better able to contribute to giving them a garden in which they can grow best.

Great leaders grow people. Growing people perform the best work. 

That’s my point of view. What’s yours? 

Are you interested in growing your leadership? Do you think a personal, confidential one-on-one coaching experience might suit you well? Then call or text me at (214) 682-2467. I’m here to help.

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To say yes, first we have to say no. No to the other things that would require our time and attention. Yes to the things we want to pursue. 

This podcast has morphed as my life and career have morphed. It’s never been a drastic change, but over time a change in just a few degrees alters the outcome significantly. It’s time to morph once more. And I have my reasons.

Reason Number 1

Over the past dozen years or so my coaching career has shifted from hardcore business-oriented work where I focused almost solely on the trifecta of business building: getting new customers, serving existing customers better, and not going crazy in the process. My roots are steeped in business. Selling, marketing, managing, operating, leading – these are activities I’ve engaged in for almost 50 years. They’re second nature pursuits. 

Shortly after I began coaching I noticed a bit of a shift in the requests, the things clients wanted me to help them figure out. Things like succession planning, how to work with family members, how to train emerging leaders – these kinds of things began to bubble up more and more. 

Over the past few years, about a year prior to the Pandemic, I’ve increasingly worked with local city government leaders where the trifecta of business building isn’t in place. Serving customers (citizens) is the only part of the trifecta that really applies to the space of local city employees. These are not elected officials, but rather, they’re the professional leaders and staff members who do the work given to them by the elected officials, a city council. 

 Reason Number 2

We manage the work. We lead the people. All the work focused on both sides of this same coin. My view of it was being “an operator.” Great operators know how to both manage and lead. Well. 

Most folks dub such work as “leadership,” but I saw a distinction between it all. Good leaders may not be good managers. Good managers may lack superior leadership abilities. In my experience, the best operators were both good leaders and managers. I was yearning to no longer be bound by the term “leadership” coach. And “executive” coach seems too pretentious, especially when tasked to serve a client who didn’t see himself as “an executive.” 

Reason Number 3

For many years I’ve taught clients that leadership is a two-fold endeavor: influence and a focus on others. Over and over I continued to focus on that word, “influence.” Daily I worked to help clients influence their own behaviors and performance…then, to influence the growth in others. Sometime last winter I was feeling the increasing urge to shift away from pursuits that weren’t congruent with what I most cared about – helping people have a greater impact by influencing growth in themselves and others. 

When The Epiphany Arrives, Listen!

Influence. 

High impact.

Making a positive difference.

That was THE work. 

That needed to become the focus of the podcast, too. 

Stay tuned for more details…especially about a brand new 90-day online course with live Zoom coaching session with me.

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Do more of what works. Do less of what doesn’t. 

But that sounds easy. Empty even. 

Kind of like urging people who want to be rich with an admonition, “Get a million dollars!” Great advice. But how?

Today’s show is going to be full of vulnerability. Not whining or complaining, but explaining. Experience and insight are valuable. Expertise isn’t always transferrable – from person to person. Each of us is on our own unique journey. But we can all derive some benefit when we lean into understanding somebody else’s journey. It can help us figure things out for ourselves, which is the ideal outcome in all my coaching work. 

Success leaves clues, but so does failure. And modern culture often fools us into thinking the path forward is something different than reality. I recorded an episode over on my “hobby” podcast, Leaning Toward Wisdom that speaks to this.

There is enormous power in a mind made up. But that can work for bad, as well as good. A person bent on destructive behavior has made up their mind. Nobody can convince them that their behavior is harmful to their own life – and others. 

We want to make up our own minds. In spite of the times when we wish somebody would just tell us what to do – mostly, that’s not what we want. I’ve found that people crave somebody with whom they can shell things down. The obstacle is always safety. It’s hard to find people who are safe enough because we desperately want to figure things out, but we want to be responsible for our own lives. We don’t want others imposing on us, even if we do seek their help. Being helpful isn’t as easy as it seems. Mostly because selfishness gets in the way. 

These are important truths because every high-achiever or would-be high-achiever is chasing traction and momentum. We all want to build up speed so we can get some lift and go higher. But there are no principles of aeronautics to help us. This is life stuff. Everybody is unique in their environment, situation, natural tendencies, talents, connections, experience, and most everything else you can think of. 

Last week a client asked me for an answer – something I rarely do because my work isn’t about telling people what to do. Rather, it’s about helping them explore more deeply so they can figure it out for themselves. But once in a while, usually provoked by some specific challenge, a client will blurt out, “Just tell me what you think I should do.” This time I responded with more questions.

“Were you born in Ada, Oklahoma in 1957?” I asked.

“No,” he said.

“Then it doesn’t much matter what I’d do ’cause I’m not you. So let’s explore your options,” I said. 

We spent the next 45 minutes examining the choices before him. He settled on two and together we wrestled those down until he saw a clear winner. So it goes.

With that context in mind, I want to share with you my professional journey over the past dozen years since leaving the C-suite to set out to serve and help business owners, executives, and leaders. Traction and momentum are critical goals for every person I work with. And likely for everybody who aspires to their own growth and improvement.

One of the biggest questions we ask ourselves is, “When should I quit? When should I give up or pivot?” You don’t have to be an entrepreneur launching a new business to ask yourself those questions. Whether it’s about a relationship, a hobby, a fitness routine, or anything else we pursue – all of us wonder how long should we stick with it without seeing meaningful progress. 

Seth Godin wrote a book in 2007, The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (and When to Stick). It’s a short, but worthwhile read. I’m not certain it actually teaches you when to quit and when to stick, but I found it helpful even if it didn’t provide absolute answers. Frankly, I was never expecting Godin, who is quite smart, to provide absolutes. He provokes thought and that’s plenty good enough for me. 

We jump into the water and begin to pursue some outcome. After hours of swimming, it may be tough to know if we’re any closer to that far shore we were aiming to reach. At what point do you turn back? How much longer do you keep swimming? 

There are many stories of mythical failures – times when a person made a nominal investment at an early critical time in a company that wound up becoming a global behemoth, but the person accepted a modest return on their investment and walked away. They quit too soon, we think. Well, it’s easy to see that now, but perhaps in real-time that person made a choice that seemed best for them.  

How can we know? 

Sometimes we can’t. Time and chance happen to all of us. Sometimes good fortune falls our way. Sometimes not. 

Failure is our more commonly shared experience than success. We don’t want to admit it. Or talk about it. Ignoring or avoiding conversations about failure is more harmful than not though. We fret about our ego, our appearance, our image. Forget that we likely should fret more about our ignorance and our lost opportunities to learn so we can become better people. And in the process, perhaps find the traction and momentum we seek. 

I get it. We don’t want to be vulnerable to just anybody. Or everybody. I’m not suggesting we should be. It’s a decision best made by each of us for ourselves. 

I am suggesting that more of us step forward to be that somebody though because the world could certainly use fresh honesty. And wisdom. Plus learning. All of which can be had when we talk about, listen, and understand our failures. And the struggles we endure to capture traction and momentum. 

You drive through some muddy ground when suddenly you’re stuck. You give the car more gas. You put it in reverse. You put it back in forward. You’re going nowhere.

Eventually, you get out to take a look. It can’t hurt to examine the situation. The faster you do this, the better. I mean, how about stepping out to look when you’re first stuck? Isn’t that better than gunning the car and digging yourself in deeper?

Well, you’re outside staring at this wheel that’s about 3 inches deep in slimy mud. Nearby you spot some rocks and decent-sized sticks. It may not work, but you’re stuck. Best you can figure, putting a few good-sized rocks and sticks under the tire can’t hurt. So you give it a go. 

Back behind the wheel, you put the car in a forward gear and gun it. You hear the sound of the sticks breaking. But you’re still stuck. No traction. No momentum. 

Back outside you begin to think you made a mistake. Not with the sticks and stones, but in giving the car too much gas. You have an idea. You’ll repeat the process except this time, you’ll gently give the car some gas and attempt to ease out of the mud. 

Here you go. Nice and easy! The car begins to inch forward. You’ve got traction. It’s not racetrack traction, but it’s enough to get you unstuck. And right now, that’s all the traction you want or need. You inch your way out of the hole and within seconds…you’re free. Traction and momentum. And you’ve learned. You won’t make the same mistake of gunning it the next time. 

Our lives are like that. All the time. We’re making adjustments based on what didn’t work. Working to figure out what we don’t yet know. Or understand. 

So what can I share that may help you? Plenty! 😀 I have failed more than not, but I don’t suspect I’m much different than you. Or anybody else. Here’s the real rub. Some of us have won bigger than others and that can dwarf the failures. Others of us haven’t won so big so our failures can appear larger. It’s just a relative perspective. Mark Cuban’s failures and struggles don’t seem much to us as we admire his wealth ($4.4B net worth). But compared to Jerry Jones ($8.8B net worth), Cuban’s failures look larger. Fact is, we’ve all been fortunate, unfortunate and we’ve all failed and succeeded. Others can quibble over the difference and the magnitude. Who cares?

Professionally I ran companies until about a dozen years ago. It was then that I started doing roll-your-sleeves-up-get-your-hands-dirty consulting work. After a few years, I realized I didn’t enjoy the work. It was too disconnected from the people side of things to suit me. And my natural talents. So I pivoted into coaching entrepreneurs, CEOs, executives, and leaders in city government (that last one was purely serendipitous and I was thankful to one young man who reached out because he knew me…from there, word of mouth took over). Unlike consulting, this coaching stuff fit me like a glove. Deep, private, confidential conversations helping people figure things out – that’s how I’ve always rolled. It played into all the things I naturally do pretty well. Frankly, things that are easy for you. Best of all, it moved the needle in people’s lives and careers. Not me, but having somebody like me who could help THEM do the work of figuring it out – it made all the positive difference in the world. It’s rewarding. 

About 6 years ago I was introduced to the professional peer advisory world. Namely, CEO peer groups. I’d never been in one and I still wasn’t. But I was asked to form one here in DFW. As captivated as I was (and still am) with the notion of CEOs banding together to help one another, the situation just wasn’t an ideal fit for me. Culturally, I wasn’t a good fit. It happens. But I was still completely sold on the power of a group of people with one major commonality joining together in a peer advisory group. 

That’s when I introduced myself to Leo Bottary, co-author of The Power of Peers. Leo and I started a podcast. Today, our podcast is branded PEERNOVATION, after Leo’s company devoted to helping groups, teams and organizations elevate their performance through the incorporation of the five factors of peer advantage, as outlined in this book. 

For the past 5 or 6 years, I’ve studied the topic, talked with dozens of people who’ve been able to teach me firsthand the value proposition of people supporting and serving one another. I was a ready convert a long time ago though so it wasn’t much of a challenge for me to increasingly see the high value of peer advantage – people learning together by sharing insights, experiences, and wisdom. 

Almost 2 years ago, just months before the Pandemic kicked our butt, I’m sitting with a client and we’re talking about doing more of what works and less of what doesn’t. He asks, “How can you know? Sometimes I feel like things are very subtle.” As we talked through his circumstances, challenges and opportunities we both understood even more deeply than we had before – it’s difficult sometimes to discern. Recognition of traction and momentum – as well as recognition of the lack of those – isn’t always dramatic. His career was proof (so is mine) that sometimes it’s tough to figure out if you’re making progress. 

So I asked, “When you feel like there’s a lack of evidence, what do you do?”

He took a deep breath and mumbled, “That’s a good question. I’m not sure.” I encouraged him to think about it. We sat in silence for a few minutes. Finally, he said, “I suppose I follow my gut.” 

“What does that mean?” I asked. “Tell me what that feels like and what you’re thinking when you’re following your gut.”

He recited instances where he simply didn’t want to quit. He didn’t feel like giving up, even though there were no strong, definitive signals that things were working. As I probed more, he admitted that during these moments of determination, he believed success was possible. Even probable. He concluded that unless he had compelling evidence to show him progress (or failure), he based his actions on his confidence or belief in the thing. “I think I give up when I lose faith in it.” 

So we wrestled down whether he was losing faith in himself or in the activity. Sometimes both, he said. “Sometimes I finally conclude that the idea might be valid, but I’m clearly not able to carry it out. Sometimes I suppose I’m just the wrong man for the job.”

It wasn’t a statement of insecurity. Rather, it was a statement of big-time confidence and self-awareness. I told him about my son who operates a home inspection business. He got a master’s degree enabling him to rise in the land of public education. After a decade in that arena, he was completely bored, burned out, and sick and tired of being sick and tired. He loved the kids, but hated the system. Besides, he had an entrepreneurial bent. And he’s an extrovert. 

I told my client how different I am from my son. Now, you should understand that a big part of my work – especially early on in an engagement – is encouraging clients to become the best version of themselves. “Lean into being exactly who you are. Don’t try to be something or somebody you’re not.” 

Well, my son has skills that come naturally to him. Skills I don’t have. And I have skills that aren’t natural for him. I often envy what he’s able to do with ease…things I could never do, even with intense effort. It’s that old adage about asking a fish to climb a tree. Not going to happen. But squirrels do it with ease. While fish operate in the water with ease. 

Sometimes our failure isn’t really a failure. It’s learning. Sometimes we’re unaware of just how much of a fish we are. No wonder climbing the tree isn’t working out for us. Self-awareness is hard work. Coming face to face with ourselves is THE work I help clients accomplish. All our progress emanates from our ability to face our reality and if we’re displeased with it, to transform. Not by becoming something completely different, but by improving and growing. 

That encounter provoked me to think about my own traction and momentum. Within a few days, I had spent considerable quiet time looking more intently at my own progress – especially in this arena of peer advantage. My interest in it hadn’t waned, but over time I found myself doing exactly what I urged my clients NOT to do. Push water a hill. It’s a metaphor for attempting to do something not likely in our best interest. Or attempting to do something with such inefficiency that it’s basically not worthwhile. It’s a catchall phrase for futility. 

Staring into the mirror, I realized how guilty I had been in trying to push water up a hill. And like my client, I was going on gut – my faith and belief. I had no evidence my attempts were working, or moving me closer toward success. Fact was, I had very little evidence. But I so believed in it, I refused to quit. 

Meanwhile, other endeavors that I wasn’t even that focused on were growing. I was ignoring traction and momentum in these areas because I just wasn’t paying close enough attention. I eventually came to understand – with more clarity than I’d had in a long time – that I was a hypocrite. I was urging clients to do more of what worked and less of what didn’t. Yet I was doing just the opposite. I was paying almost no attention to what was working because I was obsessed with making what wasn’t working work! 

For weeks and weeks, I refused to quit simply I wanted it so badly. This thing I wasn’t succeeding at. Namely, my desire to build a professional peer group. I had long ago dubbed it, The Peer Advantage. So some weeks ago, in the middle of the night (when I do some of my better thinking and pondering), I decided to come to grips with it all. I coached myself through the process with tough questions and challenges. By the time I was done – and growing sleepy – I concluded that the idea is still valid, even terrific. But I’m not the right guy for the task. Like those things my son does so well that are almost impossible for me, I simply was unfit for getting traction and momentum. Rather, I’m ideally suited to facilitate groups when they’re gathered for a specific purpose, to achieve something specific. I’m also ideally suited for ongoing one-on-one deep interactions to help clients figure things out. But I am NOT ideally suited to sell and market and enroll folks into a professional peer advisory group. I love deep conversations, but I’m an introvert who despises selling in spite of the fact that I’ve spent most of my career selling. Influence is easy. Selling is hard. For me. But there’s something more important. A truth I came to better understand.

I love to craft and create content. Content to help my clients better understand. Content to help them figure things out. Content to help them paint themselves into a corner so they can at long last come face-to-face with themselves and move forward. 

I love to write. And to podcast. All that talk of “be a media company” is right up my alley. I’ve been a one-man media company for more than 20 years. I’ve just used it for more auxiliary purposes rather than more overt ones. And it makes sense. 

Couple my introversion with my need (and natural talent) to engage in deep conversations – and my natural curiosity to ask questions (and carefully listen so I can understand) – and it makes sense that the transactional nature of what many endeavors require…is something I simply don’t have. I could lean into trying to do the things I know work, but I’d have to go against my natural wiring to make it happen. And the older I get, the harder that is. And the less inclined I am to do it. 

I’m making notes. Pondering. Doing the mental wrestling we all do when we’re engaged in growth exercises and experiments. 

I come to terms with what I’ve long known about myself. Mostly by looking more closely at the things I do by default. Productive things. Things I love. In no particular order, I make notes. Writing. Podcasting. Videos. They all fall in the category of trying to share insights, experiences, wisdom – not in the spirit of “do this, don’t do that” but in the spirit of “this is what I’ve learned so far and it may help you, but I’m not telling you to do it this way – I’m challenging you to figure out if you can make application to your life.” 

Deep curiosity about others. I want to know as much as others are willing to share. The past dozen years of coaching have taught me that almost 100% (there’s always the very rare outlier) crave somebody with whom they can be completely free and uninhibited to share their fears, concerns, challenges, hurdles, and whatever else stands in the way of their progress. I love being that safe person for others!

So mentally – and emotionally – I made up my mind. I could hear Tom Petty sing, “It’s time to move on…it’s time to get going.” It was weeks ago, but I was afraid to go public. I told nobody. Not even my wife. Shame of failure was hitting me. Until I realized what I constantly preach to others – NOBODY IS PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU. They’re too busy with their own lives. We delude ourselves sometimes thinking that folks notice every time we trip and fall down. And we think if they do see us, they laugh. 

It was almost 4am when I smiled at the thought. And figured, if folks laugh, then it means they ARE paying attention. Good enough. Besides, it’s my life, not theirs. And I know what I’m really good at – and am not ashamed of what I’m not good at. It is what it is. 

Mostly, I was really tired of what I now saw as the reality – the hypocrisy. Soar with your strengths was a concept that the father of Strengthsfinder, Donald O. Clifton had taught me in his 1992 book entitled that exact admonition, Soar With Your Strengths. It resonated with me. And fit everything I’d long urged of my clients. Be more (and better) of who are you…instead of struggling to be something you’re not (and probably never will be). 

I was preaching solid sermons. It was now time to live them more fully. Mostly, to be true to myself in order to provide more value to others. 

So I’m pulling the plug on any attempt to build a professional peer group. I’m still very focused – as I’ve always been – in building and sustaining a high-performance culture (environment). It begins with helping leaders build the highest-performing careers possible so they can be more impactful. From there, it’s about growing people so we can have groups and teams that accomplish great things. It’s about leveraging high-performance right where we live and work so our organizations can benefit. It’s leadership. In a word, influence!

And now, for me, it’s about leveraging all my best skills, insights and experiences so others can derive the most value. Which, for me, means it’s about creating instructional, educational, inspirational and challenging content to help more people figure it out for themselves – faster and better!

What might that look like? I’m not sure, but I have some strong ideas. But I’ve learned this much, in order to grab onto something new and better, we’ve got to turn loose of something old that isn’t working. So happy Friday, June 4, 2021. I’m turning loose and it feels…pretty grand. Relief. 

Be well. Do good. Grow great.