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This story appeared last night on CBS’ 60 Minutes. Oprah Winfrey did the story. 

One year into Donald Trump’s presidency, Americans remain divided, often unwilling to listen to what the other side has to say. It’s happening in families, among friends and at the workplace. We witnessed that schism first-hand last fall when we went to Grand Rapids, Michigan, and gathered 14 people – seven who voted for Mr. Trump, seven who did not – for a wide-ranging discussion about politics, policy and the president himself. To mark President Trump’s first year in office we decided to repeat the experiment. We never intended to go back to Grand Rapids. But then we learned that, after disagreeing on virtually everything, our group stayed in close touch. Members from opposite sides of the divide actually became friends, organizing outings and talking every day in a private facebook chat group.  All of that made us want to go back.

You should watch the segment on 60 Minutes’ website. I wasn’t intrigued so much by the political banter or debate, but by the fact that 14 people split right down the middle in maintaining very opposite views would continue to engage with each other. The conservative pollster Frank Luntz had assembled the group for CBS. He said, “I was surprised that they stayed together because there was every reason, based on the conversation, that they would pull themselves apart. But what I liked about it is that they came to respect each other, appreciate each other, and live each other’s lives to some degree so that they could empathize. That was a laboratory.”

The Peer Advantage isn’t fiction. It’s real and last night we saw a demonstration of it on a prime time legendary news magazine TV show, 60 Minutes. 

Lauren, one of the members of this 14-person group offered this:

I don’t have access to Trump voters outside of this group. In fact, during the election, I pretty much deleted everybody, who believed in the values that Trump espoused. So this group has helped me to understand perspectives that I would not have had access to. And so I’ve been able to take that out to my friends who don’t have access to Trumpers, and they come back and say, “Hey, I really learned a lot.” That’s huge. Because everybody wants to feel understood, but it’s quite a different thing to want to understand. And I think most of us have gotten that out of this.

Business owners and CEO’s can be every bit as jaded as people with strong political positions. We know what we know and mostly, we feel convinced we’re right. But as this – and many other stories – show, being right isn’t the goal. It’s about being understood and understanding. 

What You Don’t Know Will Hurt You

Business leaders hate blind spots. We grow annoyed when something occurs that we knew nothing about. It’s made worse when we find out somebody in our organization knew it but failed to share it. 

Leaders crave information, data, and facts. Because these things fuel our ability to make wiser decisions. And business leaders – perhaps more than the average person – hate being fooled, or getting it wrong because we didn’t see it correctly (or because we didn’t see the whole thing). Many of us are comfortable if we make a mistake because we were trying something new or innovative. But we can’t stand to be defeated by a lack of information, or a lack of insight – things we mostly feel could have been avoided, but weren’t. 

Why then do you continue to live with your assumptions as though they’re facts?

Why do you press on with the same thoughts, ideas, and perceptions when you’ve neglected to really put them to the test?

Like Lauren, many of us have shut off all opposing viewpoints. We’ve surrounded ourselves only by people who are just like us. We say we don’t want a bunch of “yes men” around us, but that’s exactly what we’ve done. Maybe not intentionally, but that’s been the outcome of our actions and behaviors over the course of time. We didn’t see it coming. We never sensed it was happening. And maybe today – you still don’t know it. That’s even worse. Not knowing. 

How can one person be so staunchly in favor of something that somebody else can so staunchly oppose? Because they think differently based on their experiences, insights, and opinions. They understand the issue differently. 

In business, we’re not concerned at all with imposing our viewpoints on others. In politics, that seems to be the only goal. That gives us a big advantage – The Peer Advantage. 

When a custom home builder sits across from an aircraft parts manufacturer, a car dealer, a non-profit and a host of other business owners from different spaces — he learns things he’d never have learned otherwise. He gains insights that at first tempted to think, “That’s not going be helpful to me and my situation.” Until he discovers how wrong he was. Just another assumption he made that proved incorrect.

When he brings a marketing challenge to the group and the discussion begins it’s evident that the fact they don’t build houses is helpful, not hurtful. They don’t suffer his tunnel vision. They don’t suffer his jaded outlook on his own industry. Or his assumptions, especially the ones that aren’t correct. 

Positions are explained. Experiences are shared. He sits there quietly taking it in, occasionally answering questions asked by the group to better understand his challenge. It’s not confrontational, but it’s a room of CEO’s and business owners. Everybody has the captain mentality. So the conversations are mostly to the point and quick at getting to the crux of the matter. It’s what we do. It’s how we operate. All the participants appreciate it. 

There’s disagreement. Some dissenting viewpoints. But every member has committed to first understanding. Active listening is employed. Not simply hearing the words spoken, but intently working to understand the meaning that’s trying to be expressed. That’s why this room thrives on questions. And these aren’t passive-aggressive questions either. The person leading the group won’t tolerate it, nor will the rest of the room. It didn’t take them long to figure out that their questions needed to be non-judgmental. In fact, just about all of them said it was among the first lessons they learned by being in the group — and it really helped them back at their office as they honed their skills to ask better questions. Many of them shared insights how they realized they were able to completely foil progress by asking questions that contained their personal answer. Just another component of the peer advantage.

What We Have In Common Binds Us

The group assembled by 60 Minutes were all people very involved in the political process. They care about it and are passionate in their viewpoints. They’re all Americans with a vested interest in the outcome. There’s no disputing that each of them wants America to excel in every way. 

They’re all honest in their passion and opinions. Perhaps some of them have personalities that are more prone toward contrarianism than not, but they’re not in the group to be contrary. They are all there to express their viewpoints. Well, that’s how it began. Turns out, they’re all sticking around to hear opposing views and to better understand them. 

They’re Americans. Who care. That’s enough of a bind. 

What We Don’t Have In Common Pushes Us Forward

The 60 Minutes’ group differs wildly in their opinions, viewpoints, and perspectives. That fuels the dialogue and debate. And like the business owners who gather, it provokes questions to foster better (deeper) understanding. No, it doesn’t always happen, but the process powers progress. 

Toward the end of the program, Oprah asks one man, Matt, what he had gotten from the group.

Heartache. Dead phone batteries. This is a good group of people. You guys really are. And I understand everybody’s set in their ways. It’s, it’s, it’s not the 80% that we will never change that we’re just never gonna agree on 80%. So 20% we need to figure out a way to come together on.

It’s not about changing minds by forcing opinions on others. It’s about listening, learning and understanding. It’s about gaining insights about others so we can better understand ourselves. And what we can do to grow, improve and transform. 

No, it’s not always comfortable. Like going to the gym for the first time in years, it can be painful. But if we’ll keep at it…we’ll get stronger. Healthier. More fit. Better in every way to become leaders worthy of being followed. Business owners thriving in business and in life because we’re now in the habit of seeing multiple sides of an issue, whether it’s a problem or an opportunity. And we all know that knowledge is power. 

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Melrose Plantation is located just outside of Natchitoches, Louisiana. Construction on the main house began in 1832. John Hampton Henry and Carmelite (Cammie) Garrett Henry, bought the property from their heirs in 1899. John Henry died suddenly in 1918. Cammie led the plantation into one of it’s most glorious periods. She was a committed preservationist and patron to the arts, especially literature. 

During a period known as the “Southern Renassaince,” Cammie hosted a variety of artists who were invited or allowed to stay in quarters behind the big house. She only had 2 conditions: a) they had to work on their craft and b) they had to join her for supper where each artist would report on their work of that day. Lest you think she was merely an observing patron, she was prolific in your own craft of making quilts and other sewing projects. She would frequently have all the guests at the table sign the white cloth tablecloth in pen, then she would embroider over each name to preserve it. Many of her intricate sewing projects remain, including a number of those embroidered tablecloths. Cammie would report on her projects along with all the other artists.

Those familiar with the Civil War and post-Civil War South will certainly know the name Clementine Hunter. Cammie employed her as the cook. Clementine’s family moved to Melrose from another plantation where they were sharecroppers. She was about 12 and worked in the fields of Melrose. Later she became a housekeeper, but her job as the cook that gave her the opportunity she’s most known for – painting. She discovered some discarded paints left behind by one of those artists hosted by Cammie. She had no formal education and didn’t know how to read or write. She taught herself to paint though and became prolific (today there are some 6000 pieces of her art in the world). 

In the early 1940’s an artist showed up who would chronicle life at Melrose. His name was Francois Mignon and he claimed to be from Paris, France. Turns out he was Frank Mineah from Courtland, New York. But let’s not let truthful details spoil a grand story, shall we. 

He arrived at Melrose for a 6-week stay taking full advantage of Cammie’s hospitality. He stayed 32 years! 

Daily he would journal about life at Melrose. Thousands of pages. The problem is he romanticized life at Melrose and historians have had a difficult time separating fact from the fiction of Francois’ mind. 

Cammie died in 1948, but Francois continued to live at Melrose until 1970. However, without Francois Melrose may not have been preserved or restored so he provided a valuable service outside of his exaggerated daily journals. 

Over at the Year Of The Peer podcast, Leo Bottary and I regularly review to our tagline, “who you surround yourself with matters.” Cammie began to illustrate that point back in 1918 after her husband’s death. 

What We Have In Common

Cammie hosted artists of all types as a patron. Her 2-rule imposition may have deterred some, but she was still able to surround herself – and the other artists – with people pursuing their craft. They were all creative. They were all working on their craft every day. Individually they spent time alone in their pursuit. 

These guests of Melrose, enjoying the hospitality and support of Cammie, likely got to know one another quite well. Creative people enjoy each other’s company. They’re interested in what the others are doing. The process of being creative is a tie that binds. 

What We Don’t Have In Common

Multiple writers would be hosted at the same time. But so would other artisans. It didn’t matter if the person was a painter, writer or sculptor. Or like Cammie, a person using fabric, thread, and cloth-based artistry. The “what” of your pursuit didn’t matter. The creation did. 

Diverse pursuits and points-of-view likely fueled greater creativity as each artist was seeing and understanding the projects of the others. We’ve no way of knowing the full impact a painter may have had on a writer. Different craft. Different pursuit. But value in helping each artist consider and perhaps apply lessons learned by other guests to their own work. 

Coming Together For Accountability

Each evening as the guests made their way to the big house and sat around a large table to enjoy a meal together, Cammie had them inform the rest of the group about their progress that day. That daily check-in propelled greater output and higher accomplishment as each guest would certainly feel the positive pressure to have done something productive that day. The group was waiting to hear the news of progress. You certainly wouldn’t want to disappoint them. Or your host.

Sharing those experiences of working on their art likely brought daily insights on how each of them might apply things they would have never considered on their own. Hearing others talk of their work compels all of us to think of their experience in the framework of what we’re doing. We’ll all heard somebody tell us something they’re doing which sparked us to say, “That’s a great idea!” I’m rather certain that happened around Cammie’s table.

Everybody Is Part Of The Group (even the host)

Cammie wasn’t sitting at the head of the table simply grilling each guest about their work. She was doing her own work and reporting on it. While she was the patron and host, at the table in the daily discussion, she was part of the group. Her work mattered to her just as much as anybody else. The guests wanted to hear of her progress as much as anybody. 

Her wealth and staus didn’t matter as they reported their progress. She was an artist like the rest. Nothing divided the group. The power was in the entire group and what each of them could contribute to the whole. 

This is an early 1900 example of THE PEER ADVANTAGE. 

Peer advantage goes back to the beginning of time itself. According to the Book of Genesis Adam and Eve collaborated to do the work God gave them. Mostly, God took care of them forbidding them of just one tree – the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Well, Eve was tempted and she influenced Adam…and they both sinned. So it goes with the people who surround us — they influence us for good, or evil. The good news is that we can choose. 

Choosing is hard though, as we saw in the review of the book, The Third Opinion. It’s not necessarily best to rely on luck, happenstance or coincidence. Many business leaders rely on organic relationships to provide their inner circle of insight. That’s about as reliable as how we did it as kids in the neighborhood. If Johnny next door was a hellion bent on trouble, he was likely going to get the rest of us in trouble as we foolishly followed him. But if Suzy lived next door and was a well-behaved, good student, then we likely all stayed out of trouble if Suzy had any leadership influence on our group. 

When I walked through the Melrose Plantation big house and looked around the room where the nightly suppers were held, it was easy to envision the conversation of these artists with their host, Cammie. I could imagine how some evenings a few may not have walked to the big house as briskly as other days because perhaps their day wasn’t as productive as they hoped. And they knew they’d have to divulge today’s difficulties to the group. But these were other artists – their peers. I rather suspect there was tremendous support and encouragement rather than harsh judgment. At least I’d like to think so. And given how long some of the artists stayed, I suspect I’m right. 

Which led me to wonder about the artists who may have bailed out, unwilling to withstand the rigors of accountability. Unwilling to push themselves harder to grow, improve and transform. Intuition tells me the ones who stayed benefited while the cowardly likely never discovered their best work. 

So it goes with you and me. We can learn (and replicate) these experiences for our own growth, improvement and transformation. Or we can cower at the thought of sitting with a group of peers who are committed to nudging us toward higher performance. People willing to let us serve them the same way. 

It’s been 100 years since Cammie lost her husband and began her solo efforts to restore and transform Melrose. But she wasn’t alone at all. She was surrounded each day with artists who came there to devote themselves to their craft. And each evening she was surrounded by these creative people as together they shared what they had done and what they learned that day. It’s a lesson for us all. A lesson we’ll only benefit from if we seize The Peer Advantage like Cammie did. 

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To subscribe, please use the links below:

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If you have a chance, please leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes by clicking Review on iTunes. It’ll help the show rank better in iTunes.

Thank you!