GROW GREAT - A Podcast About City Government Leadership

Gratitude’s Role On Leadership #4030

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Gratitude's Role On Leadership - GROW GREAT Podcast with Randy Cantrell

Leadership is never identical because people are all different. Even identical twins aren’t identical in how they think, or how they communicate, or how they view the world.

There’s no telling how many books I’ve read on leadership, or how many hours of conversation (and lots of questions) I’ve engaged in to learn more about it. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to unlock the keys to being a great leader. My early fascination with it wasn’t because I aspired to it…as much as it was about just wanting to understand how a leader could influence the outcome.

I remember reading about how effective some tyrants (like Harold Geneen) were and being somewhat depressed that a bad guy could be effective. When I was young I wanted to think that only the best behavior paid off in the executive suite. Today I’d still like to believe that, but I know it’s not true. Bad people can be effective leaders if we measure only results (and lots of people do).

Effective leadership can come at the hands of evil, ill-behaving men. No, I’m not suggesting we do that, but I do acknowledge that it can happen. “Over the long haul, better leadership will prevail,” someone once said to me. I was in my early 20’s. He was in his 60’s. I wanted to believe him, but I was skeptical at the time. Now I sit here decades later and I know he was wrong. Yet I’ve not wavered in my convictions — the very best leaders produce results by being a positive influence on the lives of the people they lead.

That context is important for today’s show because our subject isn’t one embraced by all leaders. Not even by all effective leaders. But I’ve never met a single effective leader who agreed with my convictions who didn’t devote himself or herself to the practice. As tempting as it may be to join the ranks of the autocrats who rule over their enterprises with Vise Grip™ kind of control, it’s not the best course in my opinion because I think being a good person matters. It impacts people’s lives for good. Thanksgiving is a major building block for effective “good guy” leadership.

Let’s talk about being true to our course, or the course we most want to pursue. I don’t know where you’re at in your career. Maybe you’re just starting out, or maybe you’re early in still trying to figure out who you are as a leader. Maybe you’re well into the curve and you think you’ve mostly got it figured out. Or maybe you’re coming out of the curve of knowing it all and coming to terms with how little you know. It really doesn’t matter where you are as long as you’re still in the game.

I’m encouraging you to assume that service is at the heart of leadership. Yes, we can all cite examples of miserable people who effectively led wildly successful organizations. Don’t get distracted by their example and think tyranny is the way to go. Instead, let me challenge you to consider another possibility – what if they were effective not because of their tyranny, but in spite of it. We often attribute the brilliance of Steve Jobs to his mania without regard to people. But what if Steve Jobs found wild success in spite of his poor behavior. What if he’s behaved better toward people? Could he have pushed people as hard – maybe harder – if he had be able to show better appreciation? We’ll never know.

Unfortunately, we look at such characters and attribute their success to their tyrannical behavior. Yet, that’s not necessarily the reason for their success. It’s just as easy to assume they may have achieved even greater success if they had behaved with more grace. Maybe not. We’ll never know. All we can do is roll the best way we know how – and go in a way that’s true to who we are, and who we most want to be. I’m optimistic that you want to be a force for good in the lives of the people in your company or organization. I’m hopeful you want to produce spectacular results by building remarkable people!

Remarkable. Dazzling. Those are 2 words I latched onto when I was in my 20’s running a company. For good reason. I was grateful for the opportunity to operate a company at such a young age. By that point I had a decade of experience working for a variety of leaders, most of whom were not my vision of ideal. Many didn’t spend any time developing people, or even looking for ways to help people elevate their performance. So I was intent on first building an organization, which meant I wanted to build an environment that fostered ongoing, continuous improvement in the individual performance of people — so that together the team’s performance could soar. I was in the luxury retailing business, which meant our service had to be extraordinary every single time. But the genesis of it all was gratitude.

My own gratitude stemmed from a sense of responsibility to do great work for the company by first serving the employees, then the customers. Obligations are powerful motivators. More powerful still is the gratitude we should feel and acknowledge.

Gratitude provokes service. Service is at the heart of quality leadership. But gratitude serves one fundamental driver that can fuel leadership like nothing else.

Adaptability.

Leaders who approach work with a single focus on what they want, concentrating only on imposing their will, are stuck in their thinking, their approach and their creativity. Leaders who remain focused on their blessings with a sense of thanksgiving and gratitude necessarily understand a bigger picture. The universe doesn’t bend to their every will and they’re okay with that. Rather, gratitude compels them to consider how they can most benefit those they lead. They see a bigger picture – one where all the team members fit together to accomplish what might otherwise go undone.

I’ve been watching this Audience Channel (DIRECTV) series on My Fighting Life about the soldiers serving in Afghanistan. The video is all produced by the helmet cams from the solider’s themselves. Over and over we hear these young men talk about the power of serving in a deployment of mere months and how it bonds them to their brothers in arms. When it’s all over and they return home, they mostly miss the camaraderie of being part of a unit – something bigger with a purpose.

Being grateful is good. It’s valuable. It’s right.

But it also serves leaders to consider different approaches, to morph their ideas and creativity based on those they serve and the outcome being pursued. That adaptability has enormous benefits in the market. Gratitude also helps leaders with external feedback, too. Besides being grateful for the things inside the organization, good leaders are grateful for the market they serve.

Customers are people, too. Behind every purchase order or invoice paid is a human being served. Great leadership never forgets that. Gratitude for and toward customers provides fast, valuable feedback that no focus group can match. When the CEO or top leaders is plugged into their own gratitude, their teammates and their customers (or potential customers), they’re going to be tough to compete against.

It’s more than being a good person. It’s smart. Wise. In practical terms it’s fast and agile because the connectivity with people provides direction that the ungrateful leader will never recognize (or they’ll see it too late).

Randy

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Do The Work: Influencing Your Destiny #4029

Entrepreneurship, On Being Extraordinary, Podcast / By Randy Cantrell

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Do The Work: Influencing Your Destiny #4029- GROW GREAT Podcast with Randy Cantrell

It is the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we will go. – Jim Rohn

Truth is, you still need wind. Fuel of some kind. Every engine – your career, your business – needs to be fed. Now before we get too deep in allegories let’s narrow things down just a bit. And let’s try to get specific enough so it can help us. There’s internal fuel and external fuel. We need both. I’m no sailor, but if we stick with that imagery, a sail boat won’t sail itself. There have to be people who operate it. Somebody has to set the sails, navigate and guide it. That’s the internal power. The wind is the external. Without wind you’ve just got a bunch of people sitting around on a boat going nowhere. Some call it a party barge! As fun as it may sound, you don’t want your career or business to resemble a party barge.

What’s Your Inner Fuel?

It’s more than desire. It encompasses things we don’t want, things we want to avoid — but mostly it includes the actions that energize us. Actions over results is really tough because we romanticize results. We envy the big house, the nice cars, the scenic vacation sites. Results, results, results. It’s what everybody wants. Unfortunately, no matter how badly you want more money, or the things more money will bring – that doesn’t address actions.

I live in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. Eleven hours up the highway is Nashville. If I’m chasing a result of being in Nashville, I’ve first got to decide what actions will get me there. Supposing I prefer driving over flying, then I’m going to lean toward driving if time will permit. Why drive when you can fly? Because I may prefer to drive. Driving may be action I love while flying may be action I hate. I’ll do what I hate if I have to, but left to my own devices — I’ll always do what I love over what I hate. You will, too.

The result is getting to Nashville from DFW. How to get there is answered by an inner fuel. Or indifference. Maybe I just don’t care. A bus. A car. A plane. Hitch hiking. Motorcycle. Bicycle. I don’t care. Just get me to Nashville. That’s how some of us are with our careers and businesses. That’s a tough row to hoe.

I’ve long been fascinated with creative spaces, especially musicians. Speaking of Nashville, thousands of people move their annually looking for stardom. Some just want to be a music star. Maybe they don’t care how they get there. “Just get me there.” Others go there because they’re in love with an action – songwriting, playing or performing. Or all three. I’m not saying you can’t be successful by merely focusing on the result, but it’s MUCH bigger grind than getting up each day loving what you do.

People call it passion. That’s too cliché for me. And it’s too shallow, if not limiting. We’ve got to have some kind of aptitude for what we love. Remember, we’re focusing on actions, not dreams. What do you love to DO? What do you love to do that you do reasonably well?

This is about the spot where some people would urge you to answer, “Why?” Purpose is important. So is significance. Sometimes though, we love what we love. And we hate what we hate. If I’m given the option (and the time required) to drive to Nashville versus flying — I’m driving because that’s my preference. Why? I don’t know. I hate the hassles of flying, but sometimes we just like (or love) what we love. Like cheese. I love cheese. I don’t know why. I just do. I know people who hate cheese. I really don’t know why…or how that’s even possible. 😉

Some things just are. And it can be unexplainable. Just like natural ability, or aptitude.

This inner fuel can be difficult to figure out because it hinges on self-awareness. Mostly, it hinges on knowing what your super powers are. Yes, you have them. Their degree of super-ness might not be spectacular, but they’re your strengths. It’s what you’re best at – and it’s what gives you energy. You love it. You enjoy talking about it. Thinking about it. Planning it. Practicing it. Doing it.

Here’s where it gets cumbersome. Is it something you can translate into a career or business?

I’m a practical guy so I’m going to go ahead and answer the question. “Yes!”

Throw me a curve ball if you want. I’ll hit it. I may not hit it out of the park, but I’ll make solid contact. I’ve never sat down to examine what somebody gets excited and energized about and been stumped at how to help them translate that into their business or career. More often than not, it’s not that hard either. Sometimes we just have to make a minor adjustment in our perspective.

I’m a rock solid behind the scenes guy. Some people are “front of the camera” people while others of us are “behind the camera.” I’m behind. That’s where I’m more comfortable. Now, that’s not to say that I don’t enjoy public speaking, or being in front of people. My “behind the camera” wiring is slightly different than that. I love helping other people climb higher. My fuel gauge moves closer to FULL when I’m helping somebody figure out something that will move the needle on their business or career. That self-awareness helps me go all in on one of my super-powers. I don’t worry about trying to be something I’m not. I’m way too happy to shove my chips into the middle of the table to help somebody reach the next rung on the ladder. The real heart of it is the depth of the service though. It’s a lot less about being behind the camera and it’s more about going deep with people. It’s not even a conscious thing. It’s one of “how it is” kind of things.

So my career has pretty much mirrored that because to go any other way is more draining on me. Fly-by service frustrates me. Well, that’s an understatement. It drives me nuts. I sit down with somebody and they confess some struggle…I have to help if I’m able. I can’t just sit there passively, listen, then get up and say, “Well, good luck. I hope it all works out.” No, I’ve got to get involved.

Years ago during a period of reflection – especially on my youth – I realized I did it as a kid in grade school. I’ve always been a person who got involved. If friends got into conflict, I stepped in to make peace. If a classmate was crossing the line that might get them in trouble with a teacher, I’d urge them to stop before they got in trouble. Look closely enough and you’ll see things in your own life (and childhood) that indicate where you get an energy boost.

Is it the work or is it the results?

Destiny usually denotes results. Of course, without the work there are no results. As for ownership, it’s easy to own the results if they’re positive. Less so if they’re not.

What about all the days, hours and minutes we spend doing the work? That’s the real focus of today’s show – the work. The things you do every single day. The stuff that consumes your time, your energy and your mindspace.

The painter paints. The writer writes. The singer sings.

The painting, the writing and the song all matter – but every single day, the art is found in the work, not the object created. Destiny is influenced not by what we dream about, but by what we do. It’s in the actual work!

What do you love to do? What actions (and thoughts) give you energy? That’s where you should focus more attention.

Too many business owners and executives devote themselves (or they devote too much time) to areas too far from their strengths. Sometimes they think it’s required…that if they don’t, their teams will see them as weaker. Sometimes they lack self-awareness to know their true strengths and how to best leverage those. And sometimes it’s completely different — we’ve all got stuff that gets in our way.

Stop being something you’re not. Stop trying to be somebody you don’t want to be.

There are 2 fundamentals I commonly see that prompt people to devote too much time and effort to be somebody other than who they most should be:

They listen too much to other people who don’t have their best interest at heart.
They compare themselves with others.

Quite often, it’s both.

When you think about the actual work you do – ask yourself what impact these two things have on your work. Who are you listening to? What are they telling you?

Think about things from their perspective. What considerations are important to them? It doesn’t make them wrong, or bad. You just need to understand. We all have wants and desires. We approach situations with a viewpoint that most often strongly considers what’s ideal for us. That doesn’t make us selfish. It makes us human. Even so, it’s possible for a person to fail to consider the outcome for others. It’s also possible for a person to strongly consider the outcome for others. There are no truly objective perspectives. We all have viewpoints that enter our judgments.

Perhaps the best we can hope for is to accurately identify them. Let me confess my viewpoint and my bias. As a servant to top leaders and business owners, I want my service to be highly valuable. I want my clients to not only sense value in my work, but I want it to make a meaningful improvement in their career and work. While I’d like to work with them for some length of time, I’m not working to make them dependent on me. I’m working to make them better and hoping that ongoing improvement prolongs my opportunity. But it’s very individual in my work. For some, the objective is navigating through some present distress. When that distress is passed, I feel like my work is done and I’m like a proud parent ready to see a grown up child go make his own mark on the world. It’s not hard to walk away knowing I’ve served well.

I’m a mature, seasoned business guy though. And that plays a major role. All my work – ALL of it – is currently legacy work. Yes, I want to earn money. I want to provide for my family a comfortable lifestyle, but that’s not the driver. The driver is to pass on what I’ve learned. To help. To serve. To teach. To train. To provoke. I’m never shy about my end game. It’s neither right, nor wrong. It just IS. But I’m honest and candid about what it is. No client ever has to wonder where I’m coming from. Most appreciate it. On very rare occasions, some don’t. That’s fine. I make no apologies and I maintain complete candor. The rest is up to the client.

Problems enter when people behave or act as though they don’t have an agenda. We all have an agenda. I’ve just confessed mine. When a CEO has board members who encourage a decision, saying they just have the company’s best interest at heart – maybe they do, maybe they don’t. The CEO has to figure that out. You’re not shocked to know that not every board member has the best interest of the company in mind 100% of the time. CEO’s can be pressured or swayed into actions – work – by well-intended board members who have an agenda that may not be congruent with the agenda of the CEO. That doesn’t mean the relationship has to be adversarial. It just means the CEO better have a a good understanding of what’s really going on, or he’ll find himself doing work that isn’t in his best interest, or the company’s. He may end up trying to be something he’s not. The corporate landfill is heaped high with CEO’s who surrendered their strongest skill set (and love) with things others thought was best.

Comparing ourselves with others is a hazard we’re all prone to step into. Sometimes it’s a shallow puddle. Other times it’s quicksand that we can’t find our way out of.

This is your life. Nobody else’s.

When I was growing up there was a popular TV show called, This Is Your Life. It was hosted by Ralph Edwards and somebody famous would be fooled into coming on set, thinking they were going to a party or something. The show would chronicle the person’s life, going back to childhood and a number of important people from the person’s past would appear, surprising the show’s guest. It was live TV’s version of a biography of a living person, with that person sitting on the sofa on set. It indeed was THEIR life.

Your life may not be the subject of a live TV show, but it may as well be. What if you thought of it that way? What if starting right now – at this very moment – you considered your life as being on that old TV show?

I’ve watched many episodes of that show and never was the focus on the guest’s life compared to somebody else’s. What a boring show that would have been! No, it was always about their life – warts and all. It was a story of what went right, what went wrong, what they learned, who was important, what role they played and what the guest had accomplished. It was their story…uniquely their own. And so we watched, because their story was different from others.

Stop trying to copy others.

It won’t work anyway. Except to frustrate you, make you feel inferior and fuel your discontentment.

I know CEO’s and business owners who don’t crack 6-figures in annual income. I know others who make millions every year in personal income. What difference does it make? Should the $90K CEO pay closer attention to the $40M CEO? If they should, why? What is there to be gained other than jealousy or envy?

That brings me back to the work. Are there things Jeff Bezos is doing at Amazon that fascinate me? Absolutely. I pay attention to his work and his genius. I’m not him and I’m not going to waste a second trying to be. But his work is interesting. His personal fortune has no impact on my life. Or yours. My life, my family’s life, your life and your family’s life is not influenced by the personal wealth of Jeff Bezos.

But I know CEO’s and business owners who grow fixated on the new house or new car of a rival, an acquaintance or somebody else they know (or know of). I saw the other say an article on Matt Lauer’s new place in the Hamptons, a mere $33M estate. That news didn’t impact my life or my family’s life one whit. Nor does the fact that Mr. Lauer earns $20M a year. Or the rumors that he may not be renewed when his present contract expires. That’s his life and it’s important to HIM. To HIS family. His public celebrity aside, I don’t much care. And since I don’t watch his morning TV show, it really hasn’t got anything to do with me.

But there are other people who do have an influence on me. I catch myself falling into the trap of comparing myself with them. And they’re not so unlike Matt Lauer to me. They don’t have an impact on my life…except I let them. People can hold themselves up as the bastion of success and I can fall into the trap of looking more closely than I should at who they are, what they’re doing — and I can briefly (I try to snap out of it as quickly as I can once I see what I’m doing) succumb to changing my actions. No, it never works out well for me. It’s always a set back. And I have to work twice as hard to regain the ground I lost with the distraction. You’d think I’d learn to stop doing it altogether, but I’m not that strong. Sometimes the siren call of somebody’s success catches my attention and like the rubberneckers peering at a traffic accident, I have to look. And I have to keep looking. Until I realize what a stupid mistake I’m making.

You can’t completely avoid these two pitfalls, but you can manage them. Be aware. Find out what’s really going on and ask yourself, “What really matters here?”

It boils down to your work. Like the old TV show, this is YOUR life. The stuff you fill your days with is going to determine the outcome. What you do, what choices you make, who you let into your life…all these things matter. It doesn’t matter how big your house is. Matt Lauer’s place in the Hamptons once belonged to Richard Gere. Richard has moved on. One day Matt will, too. Their lives aren’t where they live. Yours isn’t either.

You have to live with yourself and your own choices. Own it. Do the work you most want to do. Say “no” to the things that rob you of your energy to be your best. Avoid the distractions other throw in your path, intentionally or not. You may not be able to control your destiny, but by becoming more devoted to the work that matters most to you – and by doing it the way you most want to do it – could be your best bet to influence your destiny.

Randy

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Leadership Challenges 005: The Road To Success Is Not Paved With Misery And Dread

Entrepreneurship, Not Going Crazy In The Process, On Being Extraordinary, Podcast / By Randy Cantrell

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Leadership Challenges 005: The Road To Success Is Not Paved With Misery And Dread

Today’s short episode (about 15 minutes) is about a common problem I encounter with business owners and top leaders. Misery and dread. Unhappiness. People who buy into the false idea that unless you’re suffering misery and dread then you’re not on the road toward greater success. Let me talk you off the ledge today. Let me help you soar higher and find your way to greater happiness and significance. That’s how I battle my own misery and dread.

Randy.Black

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Maverick Moxie: An Important Leadership Quality #4028

Leadership, On Being Extraordinary, Podcast, Randy Cantrell / By Randy Cantrell

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Maverick Moxie: An Important Leadership Quality #4028 - GROW GREAT Podcast with Randy Cantrell

Full Definition of moxie

1: energy, pep

2: courage, determination

3: know-how

I’m using the word by incorporating all three definitions of the word moxie. I’m also choosing to focus on the order used by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary definitions, but first — a back story for today’s show.

There have been times in your life when you were excited and thrilled at the prospect of doing something. Maybe it was something brand new, something you’d never done before. Maybe it was a job, or a new responsibility at work. You weren’t completely sure of yourself, but the thought of it gave you energy.

That energy gave you courage to dive in. At first you didn’t know exactly all the nuances of the activity. Maybe you weren’t even sure of how to go about fulfilling the role, but it didn’t matter because you were so thrilled at the opportunity you didn’t care about those details. They seemed minor to you. Besides, you likely told yourself, “I’ll figure it out as I go.”

Think back to your childhood and Saturday’s spent playing. Whether it was a backyard, a ball field or anywhere else you gathered with friends — the act of playing accomplished the first definition. It gave you energy. Well, to be more exact, it gave you energy if it was something you really wanted to do.

Sometimes my friends and I would sit around and toss out ideas of what to do next. Somebody might suggest something that wouldn’t fuel my energy. Like baseball. I was never fond of it, even as a little kid. I’d go along if it appeared everybody else was into it, but if I could negotiate to do something else, I would. Football. Basketball. A game of HORSE. Building a fort. Going into the woods to play hide and seek. All of those were far more energizing to me. You had things that energized you. Think about what they were.

Something magical happened when we played. Our imaginations soared. We thought about being bigger than we were. This week the Cleveland Cavaliers held their NBA Championship parade. It’s been decades since the city of Cleveland had a championship. Ask any of those players about this moment in their lives and they’ll all tell you about memories they had as kids playing basketball. They imagined making the game winning basket. They imagined being winners. Champions even. Those dreams first emerged when they were little boys. It was our first experience with moxie.

Our moxie wasn’t identical to the moxie of our buddies. I had a buddy who enjoyed boxing. So did I. We boxed a lot. Other buddies didn’t like it. They weren’t energized at the thought of boxing. I was. My buddy was.

At first, he was the only one with any experience. And he owned the boxing gloves. He was a bit of a fighter at school, sometimes. I had never fought. I’ve never been in a fistfight. Ever. Still.

But the idea of boxing – whenever it first came up as an option of something to do – sounded good. My energy level went up thinking about it. Just considering it gave me some oomph. I don’t know why. Maybe because I had never fought. I don’t know. But instantly I thought (and probably said), “Yeah, let’s do it.”

My buddy whipped me pretty good at first because I didn’t have that 3rd trait of moxie – know-how. I didn’t care. The activity was cool. And fun. I was engaged. Doing it was exciting and energizing. As a result I didn’t have to work up any courage or determination to do it. I wanted to do it. I don’t imagine anything could have stopped me from wanting to do it. If getting hit in the face repeatedly doesn’t deter you then I guess you know you’re onto something that fuels your moxie.

I’d frequently ask my buddy, “Let’s box.” I’m sure he even got sick of it, but I wanted to do it more and more. And over time I learned. I figured out how to avoid getting hit in the face. I embraced in myself all the things necessary to be effective. I wasn’t afraid of being hit in the face. I wasn’t afraid of hitting my buddy in the face either. We were friends and it never got out of hand. It was sport and thankfully we both – even as grade school and junior high school kids – kept that perspective. If one of us was getting the best of the other, we’d stop. And find something else to do.

Sometimes know-how happens quickly. Sometimes it never happens. You never know until you try.

A maverick is a person who refuses to follow the customs or rules of a group, but I don’t think of them as a rebel. Others may. Rather, they’re people with higher self-awareness. And they’re people who are mostly unwilling to try to be somebody they’re not.

Mavericks aren’t people who refuse to become the best version of themselves. No, that’s exactly what they are trying to do. Others look at them and think they’re non-conformists, but that’s not right. The maverick is trying to conform to his own ideal. Mavericks believe in soaring with their strengths. They’re not overly concerned with what they can’t do, or what they don’t want to do. Others are concerned about that, and constantly try to impose on them their own ideals. Mavericks push back. Sometimes they have to push back with substantial force or people won’t back off.

Like my left jab against my boxing buddy – I had to use it to keep him at bay. If I didn’t, he’d keep moving forward with aggression. I couldn’t let him do that, unless of course I wanted to eventually get hit in the nose.

You’ve incorporated maverick moxie in your life before. Like me, you likely started doing it when you were a kid playing with your friends. There were times you held your ground because you simply didn’t want to give in. It wasn’t all the time. I didn’t want to box all the time. I never would have chosen baseball as the thing to do, but I’ve played in plenty of sandlot baseball games because I cared enough about my friends who did want to play it. My maverick moxie couldn’t rule the world. That’s not moxie at all. That’s just pure selfishness.

But when it comes to leadership – when it comes to us doing what we want to do, what we need to do – it is up to us. Leadership starts with our lives. First, we’re the leaders of our own lives.

“If it is to be, it’s up to me.”

I have no idea which positive thinking guru first came up with that, but there are parts of it I love. Self-accountability mostly. It certainly starts with us, but there’s quite a lot more to it. I knew if I wanted to box, then I had to take charge and suggest it. Well, not always, but often. I couldn’t box alone. I needed my buddy’s willingness. So it wasn’t entirely up to me even though maybe I initiated it more often.

Your life is your life. It’s a mistake to let somebody else try to direct or drive your moxie. Mostly because it’s not their role or ability. How would my life be if I let a buddy with baseball moxie determine my own moxie? Miserable! That’s how it would have been. I didn’t like baseball. Could I have learned to love it? Maybe, but not likely. Would I play it sometimes and enjoy it? Yes, sure. But faced with other options, I could easily list at least 10 other things I’d rather do. Baseball just didn’t hit the first mark of moxie – energy.

Your energy is personal to you. Let somebody direct your energy and you’ve already lost. You know that because it’s happened to you before. It happened when you were a kid. It’s happened to you as an adult. People have attempted to hammer you into a space that just isn’t shaped like you are. Square pegs into round holes and all that.

Like Popeye, “I am what I am.” Again, you can and should work to become a better version of yourself. And yes, you should improve things that need improvement. As you look at your strengths and your inner leanings where your capacity is high (and your natural aptitude is also high), you should ignore what others think and say.

Think back over your career – no matter how short or long it may be. People (probably quite a few people) have tried to get you to do things you knew weren’t right for you. Things that hit that first moxie trait – they gave you energy – but people ruined it for you. Your courage and determination got tested and you decided it simply was no longer worth it. I had that experience in high school football.

I started playing football in 5th grade. That was when kids could first play football (I’m old and that’s how things rolled back then). It was full pads, tackle football. By the time I got to high school I had played football for a few years. I enjoyed football. It was physical. I enjoyed hitting, mostly tackling. It enjoyed being with my buddies. I liked everything about it.

Weeks before school started, in high school, we gathered on the football field in the summer heat to participate in try outs. No gear. Just workout clothes and sneakers.

It was a brand new high school. The defensive coach was fond of me. I worked hard. I hustled. I was quick to the ball and had good vision. The head coach was a jerk (why is that often the case?). Here we are a bunch of guys who have played ball together since 5th grade and this guy is talking to us about a 3-point stance (how guys get down prior to the snap of the ball). It started going south for me rather quickly when the coach said, “Whichever way you take a guy’s head, that’s the way he’ll go.” DUH. The snarkiness in my brain couldn’t be contained. I chuckled.

“You think that’s funny, Cantrell,” said the coach.

“Yes sir, kinda,” I said.

He then directed me to get down into a 3-point stance. I did. He stood over me, holding down the top of my head. “Now, try to raise up,” he commanded. Of course, I wasn’t able to. Proudly, he said, “See, I told you.”

Unable to leave well enough alone I pointed out how we weren’t allowed to hold. The next thing I remember is doing duck walks for 400 yards. It wasn’t a fun punishment. Then again, I don’t suppose punishment is supposed to be fun. I loved football, but this guy was now going to be in charge of my football life so I quit. I walked away, happily. It had nothing to do with energy for the game, or know how. I no longer had the courage or determination to endure his idiocy. Has that ever happened to you?

Was it moxie to quit? I think so. I had to take control of my own life and my own choices. Giving up football mattered more than submitting to a moron head coach. I never regretted it. I’m sure he didn’t either, even though the defensive coach tried to get me to reconsider. Saying yes would have meant surrendering energy and so the moxie would have died anyway. It had nothing to do with football. It had everything to do with people involved.

People Make The Difference

If you’ve listened to me at all you knew it might come around to this. It almost always does. Mostly because few of us can operate in a vacuum all by ourself. I needed my buddy to box with me. I needed a coach I was willing to play football for. My love of boxing and football only carried me so far. And if I hadn’t had any skill for either, well all bets would have been off. I wouldn’t have likely enjoyed either of them. Did love fuel skill or vice versa. I don’t know. It probably works both ways. I think it did for me.

It’s about doing your best. It’s about being the best YOU.

Your energy, courage and determination coupled with your know-how comprise your moxie. Remove maverick from the equation and where are you? Nowhere. You need maverick moxie. No other kind will do. Not if you’re going to be a real leader. A leader of your own life and a leader of others.

You’ve got to have the courage to decide for yourself. And pay the price for it.

The thing that pumps you up…the thing that excites you can be ruined by other people who enter your life (or are already there) and want to urge you to do something else. They have expectations and objectives in their own lives or careers. Everybody has a vested interest in things going a certain way. Rarely will you encounter people who want to serve you to help you with whatever YOU want. It can happen, but it’s not common. Far more common are people who will act as though they have your best interests at heart, but there’s something else going on. I know all that sounds terribly selfish. And it is. It’s also mostly true. Not always, but mostly.

“You should…”

“You need to…”

These are two of the most common phrases we hear from people who don’t agree with our choices. Maverick moxie means you ignore the voices except those who have proven they’re ready and willing to help you reach your potential. They’re out there. Hopefully you’ve already got a few people in your life like that. If not, start looking. Find them. They’ll help accelerate your growth and they’ll help you become more of who you want to be. That little kid version of you that dreamed big and imagined being wildly successful…it may be possible. How will you ever know if you don’t try? But surround yourself with people who are able to see what you see. We all need people who see that big dream in us, and are willing to help us achieve it.

But before you can find those people you’ve got to get rid of the people who drag you down. They pose as helpers, mentors and trusted advisors. They’re not always as they appear though. Many are charlatans, pompous people who privately want to feel better about themselves by feeling superior to you. It’s just too easy for any of us to feel better about ourselves by pretending to help others, when all we’re really doing is making ourselves feel superior. Hence, those two common phrases: “you should…” and “you need to…”

Yes, listen to the sound counsel of people you know who have your best interest at heart. Yes, kick to the curb quickly everybody else.

Does this look the same for all of us? No. It’s individual to you. And me. And everybody else. Each of us has to decide what this will be in our life.

In Nashville there are plenty of people who want to be music artists and stars. Some want to play country music. Others want to play rock, or alternative. Some want to write songs. Others want to perform. Nashville is like many other places filled with creative people chasing dreams. Why do these people pursue such dreams in such a competitive place and such a competitive industry? Because it hits that first definition of moxie. It gives them energy. That energy may not look the same for each of them, but they’re all energized by the pursuit. Like my love of boxing with my buddy, these people are highly engaged when they’re doing it – whatever IT is. Writing songs. Playing guitar. Performing. They love it.

That love – the energy they get – drives their courage and determination to do what they need to do. They hold down full-time day jobs to make a living, then at night they go play some club for tips. They do it night after night while other people are enjoying friends, watching TV or relaxing. These people are sacrificing those things, but it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice to them. They’re doing what they want to do. They love doing it and that love elevates their energy every time they do it. What may cause dread or anxiety in us drives them to take the stage.

Just like my first boxing bout, they’re not all great at it when they begin. They don’t care. Courage and determination propel them forward knowing they’re going to improve. They’ve got a big dream. They can see what the rest of us can’t. Success. It doesn’t matter that they won’t all get it. Not now. Right now, the only thing that matters is their willingness to try. It’s the only way they can find out. They simply have to make the attempt to see if their big dream has legs. So they embrace courage and determination to get up on stage night after night and get up in the morning to go to their day job. They pay prices most of us wouldn’t pay because this is their dream. Not ours.

Over time they gain know-how. Even people with limited talent can gain a degree of know-how. A person can be a competent musician in Nashville and still not achieve success. Nashville, like any other big city, is filled with talented musicians we’ve never heard of. It’s got nothing to do with moxie. It’s got everything to do with serendipity, timing, uniqueness, popularity and a host of other things…many that are beyond our control. I know, I know. We want to think we’re in command of our lives. We are, to a point. It’s up to us to assume responsibility for what we can control and to not get too wrapped up about the things beyond our control. In short, we have to do our best to give ourselves the best opportunity. Maybe we’ll hit. Maybe we won’t. Still we try.

Read interviews with music stars and you quickly see people who were determined to do things the way they most wanted to do them. It didn’t mean they refused to listen to wise counsel. They just leaned heavily toward being who they most wanted to be, doing things that felt most congruent and authentic to them. That’s the maverick part of the deal. Doing what works for YOU.

That’s important because we’re all different. There’s absolutely something to finding our own way. Sure, it can help to see how others may have done it, but they way they did it may not feel right for us. And it may not work either. I don’t know about you, but I’d had to tell quite a few folks to step back along the way. My biggest successes have often come when I got my gut full of listening to other people trying impose on me, and rob me of my strengths. I’ve been told that my empathy is a problem, when deep down I know how remarkable it is – and what a gift it is. I’ve been told my ability to be present and to see people’s vulnerability is a weakness that I should manage. When I know how rare it is for any of us to experience others who are genuinely interested in us and able to see our pain. Again, I’m arrogant enough – self-aware enough – to know that empathy and being present (some call it emotional intelligence) are two of my super powers. I don’t have many so I have to be protective of the few I do have.

You do, too!

Be a leader. Own it. Be who you are when you’re most alive. When the fire burns the hottest. When you can’t wait to get to it. The people in your life need to see it. Those you serve do, too.

You need moxie. You may as well make it maverick moxie!

Randy

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Maverick Moxie: An Important Leadership Quality #4028 Read More »

When People Behave Badly #4027

Communication, Leadership, On Being Extraordinary, Podcast / By Randy Cantrell

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 28:49 — 26.8MB)

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When People Behave Badly #4027 - GROW GREAT Podcast with Randy Cantrell

He ambles to the front of the room, clicker in hand. Up on the projector is some nondescript slide with too many words. It’s evident that he’s not had a Red Bull this morning. I suspect he may have taken a fist full of tranquilizers within the last hour, but I can’t be sure. Surely not, it’s 7:30am. Maybe he’s just not had his morning coffee.

He’s going to take the team through some new initiatives. Weeks of preparation with his team members are about to finally come together in this conference room with about ten of the company’s top leaders. This meeting has been scheduled for over 2 weeks. The team knows he’s been pumped preparing the plan, and excited to share the whole thing.

Looking closely at him you can tell it’s not a lack of energy we’re seeing. He’s angry. I mean REALLY angry.

As everybody takes their seat folks begin to wonder who is going to be on the hot seat. Turns out the culprit isn’t in the room. One seat is vacant, a VP who has been with the company for 4 years.

Just before 7am the CEO’s cell phone rang. It’s the absent VP. He was arrested last night for driving while under the influence. Profuse apologies abound. The VP says all the appropriate things. He was out late entertaining some clients. The clients called a car to take them back to their hotel. He really thought he would make it home just fine. He was wrong.

Blowing through a red light he admits he never saw resulted in being pulled over. Thankfully, that was the only result. It was late and no cars were coming from the other direction, but a police cruiser was parked nearby to witness the event.

Now the CEO is pre-occupied with too many thoughts having nothing to do with his new proposed initiatives. What should he do with this VP? Fire him? What’s the press going to be like? Who will assume the VP’s responsibilities? It’s just a flood of thoughts and concerns.

Here sit nine people who have blocked the entire morning for this meeting. The CEO opens up a bottle of water, takes a sip and puts the clicker onto the table. His chest heaves as he takes in as much air as he can. He removes his glasses and announces that he’s got to inform them of their missing colleague.

He doesn’t elaborate too much. “If this were you, I don’t think you’d want me to dive into it too deeply. Suffice to say, it’s a serious matter and the outcome is yet to be determined.”

Some of the people around the table admit later that they were thinking, “Man, alive. That could have been me.”

The CEO went straight to the VP of HR/Talent Acquisition after getting that phone call. They discussed some immediate actions to take, then the CEO asked him to speak briefly with the rest of the team about their behavior, especially when behind the wheel — and when they’re with clients, or officially representing the company.

The CEO says, “I know you’ve cleared your morning so we could have this meeting, but given this news I just don’t have it in me to do this today. Instead, I’ve asked Mike (the HR VP) to speak with us – all of us – about making sure we learn from this. I told Mike I wanted this to be about 50% telling us things we likely already know, but need to hear again — and 50% questions. I’m going to ask that we dismiss this meeting promptly at 8am. I know you guys can all adjust your schedule and I’ll make sure I give you ample time to reschedule today’s topic.”

Mike proceeds to candidly, but professionally remind them of what they’ve all heard many times before. But Mike is a pretty decent storyteller. He proceeds to tell them of an event that happened early in his career. A co-worker drove under the influence, had a crash and severely injured the driver of another car. It had a major impression on Mike before he ever got a shot at a leadership role.

Mike then urged the team to discuss real scenarios that may have challenged them in the past. That proved very profitable. Nearly everybody in the room had a great question — one they had encountered before. The meeting ended with the CEO giving each of them permission — well, it was more of a commandment — to use their company credit card to call Uber, a cab, “I don’t care if you call a limo,” he said. We will happily pay that to keep you and everybody safe. Mostly, they were encouraged to behave wisely and soberly when with clients, but the CEO was understandably angry. He didn’t spare the room of his anger, feeling it was necessary to demonstrate how serious he was about this.

It was just a few minutes before 8am when the meeting ended. Nobody was smiling. Everybody was properly sober-minded by the ordeal.

“I’m so mad I can’t see straight,” the CEO confessed afterward. He had displayed an appropriate amount of anger. No ranting or railing. Hurt, disgust and serious disappointment.

The team needed to see it. He’s right. Yes, the circumstances were serious, but his reaction was appropriate — and it wasn’t just for affect. It was genuine. Real. Authentic. Warranted.

What You Tolerate…You Get

Every leader learns it’s true. It doesn’t matter how educated or mature your team may be. Smart people do stupid things.

Some argue that highly successful people, who operate in some of the most stress-filled arenas of work are more prone to party hard – and blow off steam – because that pressure has to go somewhere. Maybe they’re right. But that doesn’t mean the pressure has to go into poor behavior. Or risky actions.

In recent years we’ve seen high ranking United States military officers – including Generals – charged with sexual harassment and a variety of other poor behaviors. These are supposed to be some of the most disciplined people in our society. U.S. Presidents often make seemingly idiotic choices (see Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky). So it’s got nothing to do with brain power, or training, or pedigree, or position, or authority. None of us are immune from making a poor choice – or a series of poor choices. To be sure, the former is far less problematic than the later.

Some organizations are filled with habitual bad behavior. If the CEO tolerates, or even fosters it, it becomes engrained in the culture. Back in the late 70’s and early 80’s I was exposed to some company cultures where alcohol consumption was an art form. Open bars at company functions were the norm. And these weren’t simply open bars…they were open bars without restraints. It was also an era of heavy drug use among some particular cultures. Was it promoted? No, of course not. Was it tolerated? Absolutely. In some cases, it was even expected in the sense that people viewed it as the norm.

Sexual promiscuity, overt flirtations and other poor behaviors have been a part of some cultures, too. These behaviors aren’t limited to Wall Street stories of greed and lust. Main Street businesses throughout the world experience these things. I wasn’t yet out of high school, working at a hi-fi stereo store owned by a man who constantly flirted with the young girls who worked behind the counter, running the cash registers. One young lady was particularly busty and he was always making inappropriate comments and suggestions to her. She seemed perfectly okay with it, even leveraging it to her advantage…but I still remember how uncomfortable it made many of us who had to witness it.

You Must Have Standards

Some have joked, “We’ve got standards. If you’re still conscious, then you’ve not had too much to drink.” Maybe it sounds funny, but not only is it improper…it’s stupid. Foolish. Irresponsible.

I’m not sure when I first began to encounter HR departments that would focus on ethics. Ethical behavior wasn’t talked about very much when I began my career. Thankfully, I mostly found myself in environments where my comfort level wasn’t taxed. Of course, that was probably because I chose to work in situations that wouldn’t make me uncomfortable. You likely did the same thing if you’re my age. That is, if you were like me – a T totaler and non-party guy. While I could make some religious and moral judgments, that’s not the point. Today’s point is pure business. And from a purely business point of view, tolerating bad and unethical behavior is as risky as being fiscally irresponsible. It’s DANGEROUS.

Female workers with dresses too short, clothing too tight, necklines too low.

Male workers habitually making suggestive comments, inappropriate innuendos and improper physical contact.

Drugs, alcohol, pornography, lying, cheating, stealing, bullying, violence, sex…I wish there weren’t much I hadn’t seen affect a workplace, but there’s not been much. Honestly, it would take quite a lot to shock me anymore. One of the many wonders of growing older and being experienced I suppose.

It’s the leader’s job to set the standards. If you own the joint or you run it, it’s up to YOU. Don’t expect your team to behave better than you do. Or better than you demand.

And you can’t have different standards based on the roles people serve. My roots are in sales. The whole business development sector is focused on the old wine and dine mode of operation. That doesn’t mean it can operate without standards. Nor does it mean a CEO should chuckle it off as just being part of that division. If you’d tolerate in one division, why not tolerate it in every division? Just because your R&D guys and gals have a different role than the Biz Dev crowd doesn’t mean you should give them completely different ethical play books.

Don’t confuse imposing personal convictions or religious beliefs and establishing standards of conduct as being synonymous. Standards are necessary so performance can be expected and predictable. They’re also necessary so chaos doesn’t rule the day, and so the company isn’t put at risk. Having standards – and enforcing them – is the job of every owner, CEO or top leader. If there’s no accountability, then you have no standards. No, it doesn’t matter that you have them written down somewhere and you’re able to show them to me. Let me ask your people if anything happens when they’re not met and I’ll quickly find out how meaningful they are.

Response Specifics Aren’t Universal

Binary reactions can’t be employed. If a person does this, then you (as the leader) will always do that. It just can’t work that way because circumstances and situations are different. However, generally, leaders should have a pre-thought out response. Too often I find leaders haven’t thought about it ahead of time. Then, when it hits the fan, they’re angry, frustrated, or overcome with any number of other feelings that fuel decisions. Sometimes those decisions aren’t always the best, or most appropriate.

What’s right is right. What’s wrong is wrong. Severity differs. Consequences do, too.

Should our VP arrested for DUI lose this job? I don’t know. It wasn’t my call. It was his first ever arrest of any kind. He had no history of inappropriate behavior. No discipline had ever been taken by the company. None. Of any kind. He had taken one of the top 10 clients to dinner. A few bottles of wine had been consumed by all six people at dinner, including the host – the VP. He lived 4 miles away. None of the six people, including him, felt they were intoxicated. They were likely all wrong, but one of them didn’t drink alcohol. She reported they all seemed fully in control when they left. She was shocked the VP had been arrested. News traveled quickly, especially with this client who felt terrible since they had been the recipient of the entertainment.

No business was lost. In fact, the client was at a celebration dinner with the VP because they had just signed a new contract for additional services that resulted in a significant increase in their investment. They assured the CEO that as a client, they had seen no bad behavior on the part of the VP. He had been the perfect host that evening. They felt badly that they hired a car and would have happily given him a ride home had they suspected he wasn’t able to drive.

The blood alcohol level of the offending VP was right at the minimum required to be arrested for DUI. The blown red light was the tipping point. That’s what got the officer’s attention. And the dominos started falling.

It’s a misdemeanor. Company attorneys don’t get involved, except to advice the CEO. They’re confident the VP will suffer minimum penalties given his clean background and other details. As for liabilities and any other exposure for the company — it doesn’t currently seem worrisome. The PR issue is something entirely different though.

So there’s quite a lot to consider. Time will tell how it all plays out.

There’s a precedent in the company for helping employees with substance abuse issues. And the company is diligent in leaning on the HR department to make sure employees have a clear understanding of what is required for them to remain employed. This VP has never been subjected to any of those. His record is spotless and I’m confident that’ll factor into whatever the CEO does. So far, there doesn’t appear to be any PR issue, but that shoe could fall at any moment.

Timing is everything and it so happens the VP has a scheduled vacation beginning Wednesday. Two full weeks. The CEO urges him – at the recommendation of the HR staff – to keep that vacation schedule. It’s been on the books for almost 60 days.

All these details. All these moving parts. You can easily see why one-size won’t fit all.

One thing is universal in this company. The CEO and the company do not tolerate this behavior. The company has no history of encouraging or tolerating it during company work, or even privately. Had the VP been at dinner with his own family, it would have only changed things slightly for this company. A DUI arrest for any reason is unacceptable to them. And as a member of the executive team, the VP is certainly held to a higher standard, not a more slack one.

The response is always universal in that there is one. A blind eye isn’t turned. It’s not swept under the carpet. It’s always dealt with. How? Well, that’s where those universal specifics can’t really exist.

What Should You Do?

First, you should pre-think and establish the standards.

What behaviors do you want to encourage? What behaviors do you simply not want, ever? Figure out your non-negotiable standards. That doesn’t mean the things you’re willing to list. It means the behaviors you’re willing to enforce. It means the behaviors you’re going to hold people accountable for. If you’re unwilling to hold people accountable for them, then don’t list them.

Second, you must teach and preach them.

No secrets. Everybody must know what the standards are and what’s expected of them. People can best avoid trouble by knowing what may get them into trouble. Don’t blindside people with some secret rule they know nothing about. Make the rules known loudly and often. And provide people with training to help them avoid trouble. It’s your job as the leader to help people succeed. That includes keeping them out of trouble.

Third, you must have high accountability.

This includes consistency, too. That is, you can’t look the other way with some and hammer others. Do the rules apply equally to everybody? Perhaps not, but they must apply fairly. An employee with multiple DUI arrests who is already on a PIP (performance improvement plan) isn’t going to be handled identically to this VP. It doesn’t mean people aren’t held accountable though. If it’s a standard, then it’s worthy of enforcement.

Fourth, you must protect the company.

Sexual harassment issues have put many organizations including virtually every branch of the U.S. military at risk. Some rogue employee who behave inappropriately will put your company at risk, too. This last step or response is an intolerance of poor behavior that violates company standards and puts the company (as well as the employee) at risk. The bottom line is — it’s unacceptable. So don’t accept it.

Conclusion

Maybe it’s been some time since you addressed any of these things. Get it on your calendar. Do it sooner than later. Don’t wait until some crisis hits. Prepare. Plan. Think about it. Form a strategy and get it going.

It’s just like any other form of protection. You have insurance. You have contingency plans. You need a plan to combat bad or unethical (and immoral) behavior. Get on it. Today.

Randy

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When People Behave Badly #4027 Read More »

Pain: It Doesn’t Care If It’s Work Or Personal #4026

Entrepreneurship, Leadership, Personal Development, Podcast / By Randy Cantrell

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 30:57 — 28.7MB)

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Pain- It Doesn't Care If It's Work Or Personal #4026 - GROW GREAT

When I read Dustin McKissen’s article on Inc. I was already filled with a fistful of stories of top executives and business owners. Dustin’s article, entitled “3 Things I Did to Come Back from Career Failure” resonated with me because I knew how true it was. Not because I know Dustin personally, although he’s totally the kind of person I’d love to get to know. No, it was because there’s just so much fraud among business people, especially leaders. Even this morning I noticed a friend, Marcus “The Sales Lion” Sheridan posted a short video about comparison-itis and trying to find balance.

Conversely, it seems easier to find content online that extols the virtues of hustle, outworking others and making choices to fuel your career or business. Success evangelists like Gary Vaynerchuk, Grant Cardone and others (whose work I respect) preach loudly sermons of 16-18 hour workdays, hitting the ground at 5am, putting in the work, giving up things so you can devote more time to the hustle of your business. Gary at least is very clear that it’s how he’s choosing to live. Sure, his sermons insinuate that it’s the way to go, but he says you should make your own choices. I know it’s hard for some of his disciples to make their own choices though because they so desperately believe and follow his advice. I don’t blame him for that. It’s just these two fundamental differences in how people approach life. Nobody doubts where Gary is placing his bet. All his chips are in the middle of the table toward buying the New York Jets one day by accumulating as much wealth as possible because that’s what it’s going to take to buy the Jets. Entry into the NFL ain’t cheap. Just this week Gary announced the start of VaynerSports, a new sports agency collaboration.

I’m not here telling you what to do. Nor am I going to judge whichever side of this debate you embrace. Roll the way you want to roll. There are prices to be paid for either choice. The work/life balance crowd perhaps could find greater financial success and business accomplishment if they spent additional hours at work. The spend-all-my-time-working crowd perhaps would find greater family/relationship success if they spent less time at work. Trade off’s abound.

CEO’s and business owners aren’t robots. Yet.

They’re people with a past. And with hopes of a better future. Sounds a lot like everybody else, right? That’s because they’re not different. Not really.

They had parents who may have failed miserably, or who may have succeeded wildly. They did well in school. Or they failed. They have advanced degrees. Or no degrees. They’re extroverted. Or terribly introverted. They drive fancy foreign exotic cars. Or they don’t even own a car. They wear $3000 custom made suits. Or they wear jeans and t-shirts. They’re articulate, able to easily express their thoughts and feelings. Or they stumble, battling to express one easily understood idea. Some are engineers. Others are artists. Some show off the money they make. Others appear to be penniless.

Welcome to the world of absolutes. This much is absolutely true – 100% of the time. There are no absolutes. For every CEO or business owner who did it one way, there are dozens of others who didn’t do it that way at all. Time and chance happens to all of us. For good. Or bad.

There’s another absolute — everybody hurts, sometimes. Cue the REM hit song. Pain is universal. Money won’t cure it. Business success won’t remedy it. Not in terms of getting rid of pain completely or preventing it. Life is a grind no matter if you’re failing or succeeding. And sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. Some months ago I remarked to a friend that success can sometimes feel like failing. I’m sure the reverse is also true sometimes.

Many things aren’t universal – like how you choose to approach business. But pain is very universal. We do all hurt. Sometimes.

During a regularly scheduled business meeting with the leaders of the organization, the CEO notices one of the VP’s isn’t himself. It’s Thursday afternoon. Just after lunch. The group is normally very business-like, but fun loving. That’s how the owner (who is also the CEO) operates. He takes business seriously. Himself, less so. It’s a culture he fosters, especially among his inner circle – these 3 people seated at the table with him.

Rick, the VP of Technology, joined the team 3 years ago because it more ideally suited his personality. He often jokes with people that he’s a “geek with a personality.” Rick is the kind of perceptive technology guy most CEO’s would love to have. He’s not so in love with the technology as he is the positive impact it can have on the company. The CEO hired him largely because during the interview process Rick impressed him with a practical approach to incorporating and integrating technology…coupled with his ability to relate to and understand the perspective of non-technical people. Rick has been a perfect fit for the role here.

All week the CEO has noticed Rick is quieter than normal. Much more so. He wrote it off as a pre-occupation with a new project management software integration that’s scheduled to go live late next week. The project is going well, but the CEO knows Rick is fanatical about details and obsesses about having all his ducks in a row. It’s just another reason why the organization loves having Rick.

The meeting opens up with the CEO going around the room asking everybody to say one thing they’re thankful for. Lots of leaders begin meetings with some sort of “check in.” This leader hopes to focus his small group of leaders on something he values – gratitude. He begins with his own story. “I’m thankful for the contract we got yesterday. I know you’ve all worked hard to land that deal and it’s going to really open up some opportunities we’ve been looking for.” He turns toward the VP of Sales who talks about being thankful for his wife of 8 years. Friday night (tomorrow night), they’ll be celebrating by attending a concert of one of her favorite bands, Coldplay. The group teases him kindly about going to a Coldplay concert. Up next? Rick.

Rick’s expression quickly grows serious after the chuckles subside. He looks as though he’s about to cry. The room grows tense and anxious. Rick mutters, “I’m sorry.”

The CEO takes the reins. These guys have been together as a group for at least 3 years. Rick is the newest member. The others have been together almost twice that long. The door to this meeting is closed. This is a private setting of four men who’ve been leading this company in strong double-digit growth since things started. Fifty percent annual growth is more common than not. These are exciting times, driven by some pretty exciting people. The CEO isn’t about to let this tension get the best of them.

“Rick, you’re among friends. We’re here for you,” says the CEO.

Rick is struggling to gain his composure. Speech isn’t easy. Not right now. “Take your time,” encourages the CEO.

“I’m sorry, guys,” replies Rick.

The CEO, sensing something major is happening with Rick, decides to disrupt the meeting’s set agenda. “Gentlemen, we’re in this together. Today’s meeting agenda is now changed. We’re going to conduct this meeting for ourselves. There’s nothing on our agenda that can’t be pushed off for another day. But this – this right here – this pain deserves our best efforts. Let me tell you something else I’m thankful for — each of you. Rick, tell us whatever you feel comfortable telling us. We’re here to help.”

Rick swallows, tears are now coming more freely. “My wife left me,” confesses Rick. The VP of Sales slumps his shoulders almost immediately, as if to be guilty for celebrating his 8th wedding anniversary. Rick has been married longer – 14 years, or close to it. That’s all Rick can say before almost falling to pieces.

The CEO is a toucher. I can relate because so am I. He touches people on the shoulder at appropriate times. He’ll even hug somebody if the occasion calls for it. Sensing this is one of those times, he gets up, walks over to Rick, leans down and puts his arm around him. In a scene you just won’t see in normal business scenarios, the CEO tells Rick that he loves him.

Wait a minute, what?

“Rick, I love you man. We all love you,” says the CEO.

It takes a few minutes, but Rick begins to grow comfortable and he tells them of his wife’s decision. The details don’t matter as much as their net impact. It had happened Sunday night. Here we are on a Thursday, early afternoon. Rick has lived with this for almost 4 days, suffering in silence. And now, it’s all coming out. Rick is feeling horrible, he says, for bringing this problem to work.

That sparks the discussion of pain having no respect for where you are, or what your role is. Or how much money you make. Or what corporate title you wear, if you wear one at all. Or the make/model of car you drive. Or the square footage of your house. No, pain doesn’t care about any of those things. Pain just is.

Nobody on this management team would dare argue that personal pain impacts the workplace. Or that workplace pain often travels home. Some are pompous enough – and dishonest enough – to claim perfect skills in compartmentalizing pain. Sorry, I don’t buy it.

Pain hurts and it doesn’t care where you are what else you’ve got going on. Have you ever had a headache? I get them every now and again. When your head hurts it’s impossible to set it aside. It permeates everything you do. Or everything you attempt to do. Reading isn’t going to happen. Concentration is impossible, unless you include concentrating on how badly your head hurts. You don’t feel like doing much of anything…and unless you’ve got good meds to help you get over it, laying down to sleep it off is also impossible. It’s the biggest elephant in the room no matter what you’ve got planned. No matter what deadlines are staring you down. Your headache doesn’t care about any of that.

CEO’s and business owners can experience levels of pain unique to their role. They have the authority to make decisions that have the biggest impact on their companies. Risks are higher. Consequences potentially more powerful. Rewards are also higher. Well, their potential is. The higher up the ladder you go, the more powerful the impact of the decisions made at that level. Up goes the pain potential, too.

What do you do with your pain?

Rick was trying hard to deal with it alone. He held it together pretty well – albeit quietly – until the staff meeting, where a co-worker unsuspectedly mentioned his own wedding anniversary. That’s all she wrote. Rick lost it. All the guys understood why, too. Maybe it needed to happen as it did. Maybe it couldn’t have happened any other way. A person’s personality and company culture have quite a role to play.

Thinking about the CEO though and how often I’ve encountered a top level leader who was enduring something painful – whether personal or work related – I was made to realize how valuable it is to have an atmosphere and culture where he or she can shell things down. And feel safe. Secure. Knowing that the tears won’t diminish how others see them. Knowing the only judgments being made are, “How can we help?”

How can Rick quantify the price or the benefit of his team members as they rally to support him during what he admits is the most painful experience of his entire life? He can’t. It’s priceless. It’s value no amount of money can buy. These are relationship with people, in a culture that is extraordinary. Rick knows it.

Almost daily I tell a CEO or business owner that my role is to do for them what nobody else can – to help deal with, and overcome or endure their pain. Yes, it’s about building stronger, more profitable businesses and organizations. However, sometimes our pain has nothing to do with business yet it has the potential to negatively impact our business. Where will YOU go to have those conversations and to get some perspectives to help you manage them better? Who will you turn to, not to complain and moan, but to help you take meaningful actions to fix it and get past it? Who can you lean on and not make it a burden they’ve no business bearing? Where can you go where you’re completely safe and secure knowing that there’ll be no repercussion for you or others by letting your hair down?

You deserve to find a place where you can better manage your own pain. We both know you’ve got plenty of it. It goes with the turf, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore it. Truth is, if you keep doing that it’ll take a heavy toll on your life professionally and personally. The cost is too high. And the remedy is too available.

In a world focused on vitamins, I’m working very hard to be an aspirin.

Be well.

Randy

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