Randy Cantrell

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New information is invigorating. Especially if you’re curious. You ARE curious, aren’t you? Curious enough to figure out what you may not know? Or to figure out something a bit better that you thought you may have already figured out?

The other day I was discussing books with a friend. We were challenging each other to remember a book that really made a lasting impact. During the conversation, we both concluded that we benefited from many books with snippets of new information here and there. It’s the value of reading – the quest to learn something you may not have known before.

Reading is great for those of us who love to do it. Podcasts are pretty terrific, too. 😉 But these are quite passive. We consume them. It’s the author or the podcaster communicating to us. Highly valuable, but still very lacking.

A New Relationship With Somebody Who Has Different Experiences, Skills, And Viewpoints

Some years ago I formed a relationship with somebody new. I was attending a small conference. I didn’t know anybody else attending. But I met someone. Someone who felt like a kindred spirit, but somebody very different from me.

That was close to ten years ago.

Since that time we’ve pushed each other, challenged each other, supported each other and shared common beliefs as well as differing ones. The meeting was organic – kinda sorta – but we both leaned into it and made it intentional. We’ve been purposeful in leveraging the power we can each have on one another. It’s a one-on-one peer advantage. Just like reading, it’s highly valuable and more so because it has dynamic interaction. But it’s still very lacking.

Self-improvement is at the heart of growing great.

It’s about YOUR self-improvement, but not just yours. It’s about mine, too. And that guy over there. And that woman over there. Yes, and her, too. And him.

When you intentionally leverage the power of others you’re both giving and receiving. When you give more, you get more. Way more. And I’m not just talking about some intrinsic feeling knowing you did well. I’m talking about a real, substantial life-changing benefit.

It’s The High Energy Of Community – The RIGHT Community

Do me a favor. Think of a time when you were in a conversation where your energy was elevated. I mean a time when your energy soared and you felt the impact of instantly. If your life had an energy meter it would have hit a much higher number than normal because this conversation was different. Special.

Research has shown the positive power of community. Support groups prove the point. Alcoholics Anonymous. Weight Watcher. There are plenty of examples. But don’t restrict your thinking of community to traditional support groups. It’s much broader – and often deeper than that.

The true peer advantage is about more than taking advantage. It’s also about giving an advantage to others.

There are a few things I hear more often than anything else. Among them are business owners concerned about what they don’t know. They’re worried about the things they can’t see. Or the things they can’t see clearly enough.

Blind spots. I hear leaders fretful about theirs. And trying to figure out how to eliminate them or at least reduce them.

It’s tough to be truthful with yourself. And that may be among our biggest blind spot of all. How we see ourselves.

Where do we go to improve that?

To whom do we turn for assistance with that?

It’s The Power Of A Room. The Right Room.

“The smartest man in the room” syndrome is real. You know people like that. The opposite isn’t the dumbest-man-in-the-room, but the man (or woman) who realizes the power isn’t completely within themselves but in the room itself. It’s the power of the collective. The group of people in the room.

Let’s get back to that energy. You remember. The time when you felt energized because you were in conversation with people who lifted you up (however you care to define that). Fact is, the more we surround ourselves by other people trying to achieve what we’re trying to achieve (people all trying to train for a marathon, for example) or by other people all determined to grow and improve…the greater our probability of success. We can all do more. Together. We just have to get in the right room. The room where the power is.

What do you look for?

A few things. Trust. Information. Learning. Insight. Experiences.

Peer pressure is often thought of negatively, but it also works in the most positive directions. People helping people. People helping themselves in the presence of other people also helping themselves.

When we’re in a community focused on learning and understanding growth happens. It happens because it provides the energy necessary to grow. It’s why people achieve more and find richer success together. It’s why so many solo efforts fail. Nobody else is in the room to help us to our feet when we fall. Nobody is available to give us a leg up when we need it most.

It’s support and help coupled with intensely deep learning together – and from one another. It makes the room the most powerful room we can be in. If we’ll just go inside open to all the value we can provide for others and for the value others can provide to us.

The Peer Advantage by Bula Network is my effort to do just that for small business owners who are close to the work. Operators.

I’m now accepting applications for enrollment at ThePeerAdvantage.com. This is a paid for peer group of just 7 U.S. based entrepreneurs intent on putting themselves in a room where they can grow their businesses, their leadership, and their lives.

We’ll meet twice a month, every other week, online using a video conferencing platform. That means it’ll be super convenient and easy, reducing wasted time. Your time is highly valuable and so is mine. There are tons of positive reasons why this is your very best opportunity for growth. Go visit that website for all the details. I hope you’ll go there right now and complete the application. Only those who dare to intentionally leverage the power of others will do it. I hope you’re a person like that.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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How do you measure up as a business owner?

How do you measure up as a leader?

How does your business stack up?

People mostly gauge such things by looking externally, not internally. We look around at other people and other businesses. Then we mentally (mostly emotionally) compare ourselves and our business. We don’t feel so good afterward.

This is especially personal when we look at direct competitors. And some of us view everybody and everything as a competitor. Years ago I learned that the zero-sum game I was taught when I was young…is wrong. It’s a major distraction to becoming our best.

But today’s title isn’t quite 100% accurate. There’s often much to learn from the competition, but it’s not what you think. It’s the innovation in looking at industries and companies with a dedication to figure out how to best fix their problems. But when we do that, are we really looking at the competition or are we looking at how an industry or company can better serve customers?

It’s a powerful distraction – fixating on the competition. It leads to excuse-making, copy-cat execution and becoming average. It robs businesses of bravery and leadership.

Unless you’re looking at the competition to architect how you’re going to beat their brains in. But as you may or may not know, I’m a big fan of Jack Welch and his strategic planning.

“Our strategic plan is to ask, ‘What can the competition do in the next 18 months to nail us to the wall?’ Then we ask, ‘What can we do in the next 18 months to nail them to the wall?'”

I’m a kid from the 70’s so I was taught to be competitive and have a strong desire to bury the competition. Working in retail as a teenager though quickly taught me there was a much better way and I admit I’m a product of my experience. I learned that trying to figure out how to best the competition was a waste of time with shoppers. They didn’t care about the competition. They only cared about what they most wanted. Very quickly I realized the futility of thinking about the other stereo shops in town. Instead, I learned to pay close attention to the shoppers. I made sure to listen carefully, watch their body language and pay attention to shopper behavior. My goal was to dazzle every shopper so they’d become a customer. Then I wanted to make the customer so happy they’d become a client (a repeat customer).

By the time I was operating a multi-million dollar retail company it was well ingrained in my business DNA…

Don’t take your eyes or ears off the customer!

There’s one simple reason why it works. It’s not limiting.

Fixate on the competition and you’re instantly limiting your operation. You’ll get stuck in industry standards and traditional thinking.

Fixate on the customer and you’re free to think beyond anything ever done in your industry. All the rules get tossed out when you concentrate on the customer.

There’s another big reason worth mentioning though. Your competition isn’t paying your bills. Customers are. By thinking and looking at the competition you surrender yourself to become their servant. They’re not who you’re serving! So why look at them?

Lastly, let me encourage you to embrace quantum-leap thinking. When you look at the competition you avoid quantum-leap thinking. Instead, you tend to dwell on incremental thinking. Being just a little bit better than the competition is comforting when you’re focused on them. That’s boring. For you and for all your employees. I’ve never found a 3% improvement a very effective battle cry for the troops. But most everybody can get behind doing something nobody else may be doing or doing something most others think impossible.

Quantum-leap thinking is possible when you continue to focus on the customer, not the competition. Live and die by the questions, “What can we do to make ourselves remarkable to the customer?” And, “How can we dazzle the customer?”

Be ordinary by looking at the competition.

Be remarkable by looking at the customer.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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This week’s theme is the customer experience. Namely, customer happiness!

Today let’s focus on the user interface of your business. The easy way to think of this is touchpoints. Sit down and make a note of every touchpoint your business has with a prospect or customer.

Over the past few weeks, you’ve heard me talk a lot about becoming a better human being. I did that because it’s how I see the world and our place in it. We owe it to ourselves and to each other to be better people. Kindness. Compassion. And all the other things that go with being a good person are critical to our business ownership and leadership. I believe that.

Yes, I know miserable people who are financially successful. They win at the expense of most people they interact with and they do it without shame. I know others who are poor humans because they have a wife and children, along with a handful of mistresses around the country. I know money is agnostic about how good or bad a person is. That’s why drug dealers are wildly financially successful. Money doesn’t care.

But people do. God does. The world does. And you do, too. Because you’ve got to live with yourself.  So does your family. Those are all compelling reasons to work harder to become better.

Now, back to touchpoints with prospects and customers. Let me define the term for you – it’s every point of contact you make with them and every point of contact they can make with you.

For most of us it starts with marketing and sales. Examine the first touchpoint, which is likely going to be advertising of some sort. That’s you reaching out to touch prospects so you can convert some of them into customers.

I realize that’s a full-blown discussion – advertising – but look at it through the prospect’s eyes and feelings, not your own. What’s the goal of your advertising? You have to know. Otherwise, you won’t know if it’s working or not.

Turn of the century merchant John Wanamaker is credited with saying, “Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don’t know which half.” That was likely very true in John’s day. He died in 1922. But today most of us can structure advertising in such a way that we can measure the effectiveness.

Are we looking for leads? Sales? Sign-ups? What are we hoping to gain from the advertising? I’m looking for the specific thing you want the ad to accomplish.

This touchpoint is critical because it’s how you present yourself to the market and it costs you money. You have to get this more right than not. Be critical about this touchpoint. Ask every question you can think of. Scrutinize it 8 ways to Sunday and be relentless to get it more right all the time. The bottom line is that this touchpoint should deliver big returns that you wouldn’t otherwise get.

Your list of touchpoints might include things like:

• How the phone is answered
• How the website looks (and how users navigate, including on mobile devices)
• How the emails look
• How problems are handled
• How “thank you” is delivered after a sale
• How follow-up happens
• How invoices look
• How billing challenges are executed
• How marketing makes people feel

We’re talking about every single contact you make and every single contact your prospects and customers make. What does it look like? Is it presenting your business the way you want? Is it ideally serving the people it intends to serve? Or is it ridiculously cumbersome?

“May I have your phone number please?” You give it. Five questions later you have to give it to them again. “But I just gave it to you,” you blurt out. You know why that happens. The person on the other end of the phone is going through a series of screens, forced on him by the computer program, and it doesn’t auto-fill your first answer. So the poor guy has to ask it again. And you’re hacked!

Don’t do that to your customers! Fix that stupid stuff. Right now.

Too often we assume all these touchpoints are happening exactly as they should. And we’re also incorrectly assuming they don’t make or break our success. But they do.

Get every single touchpoint right. Then keep working to get it even more right. Don’t ever take your eyes off it. Because when you do, it’ll slip. And that slippage will the sound of your customer base eroding.

No interaction is too small or insignificant. Every single one matters.

Gather your leadership brain trust and review them all thoroughly. Test them. Improve them. Train them. And hold everybody accountable for their perfect execution.

Think about your own lack of tolerance for a poor interface. If things don’t work the way you expect, how does that make you feel? How long do you tolerate it? How happy are you?

And that’s what we’re after – customer HAPPINESS. Not satisfaction!

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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Yesterday we talked about figuring out what you want to change about yourself. Today let’s focus on where you want to go.

I’m not assuming that where you are currently isn’t where you want to be, but I will assume it’s not where you want to stay. I’m not advocating feeling dissatisfied, discontented or unhappy with your current position. You may be those things – and that’s okay if you’re not close to your ideal, but it’s not going to be profitable to dwell on it without taking action. So the bottom line for today is the goal of figuring this out so you can do something about it.

What do you want to be known for?

That’s the deal. It’s the culmination of figuring out where you want to go.

When people think of you, what do you most want them to think? 

These get to the heart of what’s important to you.

A person who wants to be known for something behaves in ways congruent with BEING that. And it doesn’t matter what IT is.

When I was in college I remember reading quite a lot about writing and writers. Somewhere along the way I read something profoundly simple, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it spoke to any activity. It was a two-word sentence (and I’d happily give attribution to whoever wrote it, but it was far too long ago to remember)…

Writers write.

I thought about that for a long, long time. I still think about it because it’s ridiculously accurate.

Writers write. It’s what they do. It’s what they’re known for. It’s what people think of when they think of them.

I’m not saying it’s all-encompassing and that people don’t think of anything else about them, but it’s likely the primary thing.

Now apply that sentence structure to where you most want to go – the thing you most want to accomplish. Start by going macro, big picture. Drill down to the micro and go as deep as you’d like, the details.

Leaders lead.

Bosses boss.

Painters paint.

Musicians play.

What do you do? Mostly?

You’ll quickly discover that this is largely about your identity. It begins with how you see yourself. From there, it morphs into how others see you. That’s a big part of figuring out where you want to go…coming to terms with how you most want to see yourself.

All week there’s been this underlying focus on a very important element of self-awareness and your personal growth. It’s your self-respect. Being comfortable in your skin because you like who you’ve become. You agree and approve of what you’re trying to become. Sure, you know it’s a journey but so far, so good. You’re pleased with the direction and the progress. Mostly.

Or you’re not.

In either case, you can do better. We all can.

It’s about feeling good about the effort. Last week I talked about why happiness may not the very best goal because it’s a moment we’re chasing. Joy may be a better representation of what we want because that’s long-lasting.

Let’s focus on the effort of figuring out where we want to go because it’s active, not passive. We have to do something other than merely thinking about it.

Writers write.

So once again, what do you DO?

What do you most want to do?

If those are different, why? Are you sure you know where you want to go? Are you sure it’s where YOU want to go and not where somebody else wants you to go?

When I was a kid there was a TV show on called, “This Is Your Life.” Here’s an episode featuring Betty White, the actress.

The host of the TV show would surprise the celebrity and walk them into the studio where the show was produced. Along the way, he’d tell their story and surprise them with people from their past and present. It was considered a big honor and most shows were filled with emotions.

This is your life.

Nobody else will account for YOUR life. You answer for it. Just you.

We’ve already stressed the importance of accepting responsibility for your own choices, decisions, behavior, and actions. So this is on YOU. May as well make the most of it. May as well accept it as fact…because it is fact.

When people think of YOU and who you are, they’re thinking of YOU. They may associate you with others, but you are you. So, like we said yesterday, let’s own it all. Every bit of it.

Where are you right now? It’s perfectly fine – likely beneficial – for us to examine how far we’ve come. You’ve learned some things. You now understand some things. You’ve grown. Take some time to reflect and give yourself credit.

Give thanks. Be grateful for where you are. Count your blessings.

Where do you want to go from here? This is the heart of figuring out where you want to go. Sure, it’s partly an ideal you may be chasing long-term, but it’s largely some things you’re unhappy with about yourself. Don’t go too many days in a row not liking yourself (there’s that self-respect again). Start being more true to who you most want to be by defining your direction more precisely.

I call you up to come get me. I text you the address where I’m at, “2024 Easy Street.” You could go to 2024 Easy Lane and I won’t be there. You could go to 2025 Easy Street and still not find me. Close isn’t on target. It’s not precise enough to get the job done so stop being too general in figuring out where you want to go.

Think. Then do.

Put in the work that your ideal self would put on. When I was young I wanted to write. So guess what I did? Yep, I started writing. A lot.

Don’t wait until you think you’ve reached the destination. That’s not how you’ll find me at 2024 Easy Street. You’ll have to get in your car and drive there. You can’t instantly teleport yourself there…you have to take the actions necessary to take you there. Ditto for figuring out where you want to go.

Lean in hard to the verb, GO. And do it.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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Today’s show is brought to you by The Peer Advantage by Bula Network, a professional paid peer advisory group – a mastermind group – for small business owners from around the United States. Find out all the details at ThePeerAdvantage.com.

Today we’re continuing our series on self-awareness by focusing on accepting responsibility for ourselves. All of ourselves. Every bit of it.

Isn’t it ironic that most of us want more control over our lives, but when we’re faced with accepting control we sometimes would rather defer to something else, or somebody else? Right now we’re going to do our best to change that. We can at least get started and if we keep it up, we can make this a permanent change.

That doesn’t mean we’re isolated, alone or solely responsible for everything. It’s not the minimization of others. Truth is, it’s doing right by others because it helps us stop blaming others for things we can (and should) control.

Years ago a guy here in Dallas, William Oncken, wrote a book entitled, “Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey?” It’s really a book about delegation and getting things done, but there’s an underlying subtext of ownership. Taking ownership of the work can kill our ability to delegate. On the flipside, when it comes to our own lives, we must take ownership. In this case, delegation is tantamount to believing we’re the victim so we give ownership or our problem to somebody else. The problem? That means we surrender ownership of changing our situation to somebody else, too.

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”  – Eleanor Roosevelt

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”  – Theodore Roosevelt

“The final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”
– Anne Frank

Step 1  You Must Be Done With Excuses

This is an enormous variable in our lives. Some of us hit a point quickly when we get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Others of us delay and embrace being sick and tired.

Seems to me one of the distinctions between the two – and something that can contribute to how long we stay comfortable with our excuses – is the value or benefit derived from living with excuses. The notable value I see is attention. Some people garner more attention (because they seek it) for suffering. They enjoy the sympathy others express toward them. If that sympathy stops, they forge ahead into some new problem that can stir up new sympathy. They’re hooked on the attention so they fall in love with their excuses. Without those, the sympathy river dries up.

Ask yourself, “Do I want to be seen as a victim or as a person in control of their life?”

Victims even answer it as you’d expect. We all want to be seen as people in control and command of our lives. But…

With victims it’s conditional. When things go well, they want credit. When they don’t, they need an excuse.

This is hard because logic and reason don’t often enter into it. Emotions take over. Feelings, which we’ve likely had for a long time, are hard to change. That’s why I’ve urged us all to change what we’re doing in order to help change how we feel – and what we believe.

Question: What value do YOU provide others by embracing your excuses? How do your excuses make you bring higher value to the people who surround you?

Finish it. For once, be brave and answer it as fully as you can. Here’s what you’ll discover. Your excuses serve somebody, but they don’t serve everybody. Only one person derives anything from them. And even though the excuses feel like a positive because people feel sad or sorry for us, they’re damaging us every time we get sympathy.

Excuses are selfish. It’s the mountain top of selfishness. It’s where world-class losers reside.

Everybody suffers. Everybody loses. You lose the most because you believe external circumstances solely determine the outcomes of your life. You’re just a blob of flesh with strings attached to the universe, who can pull them at will. What’s the point in even having a brain if you’re only going to use it to suck sympathy from everybody around you?

Don’t think entrepreneurs are capable of this behavior?

Just ask a dozen small business owners about how sales are? Good or bad doesn’t matter. Now ask them why? Brace yourself ’cause you’re not likely going to be hearing empirical evidence. You’ll be hearing the excuses they’ve learned through the years.

“People aren’t buying because the weather has been dreadful.”

“Business is strong because people got their tax refunds.”

What you’re not likely to hear are things like…

“Business is awful because we’ve done a pitiful job of buying what people want.”

“Business is great because we did an excellent job of buying exactly what people want and we managed to negotiate great deals giving us strong profits.”

See how subtle it all is?

Find a place where you can just be done with it. Kick excuse-making to the curb. Divorce yourself from the habit.

Step 2 Find Pride In Owning Your Own Outcomes (it starts with owning your own behavior)

Few things are as empowering as realizing that our brains – head trash – stand in the way of our reaching greater heights. We’re the enemy of our own achievements, accomplishments, and performance.

What happens if I own it all? The good, the bad, the ugly, the success and the failure? What does that look like?

Confidence soars. That’s one thing that happens. Increasingly we feel in control. And when we’re not in control we accept the things we do control.

What can I do about this?

It’s not a question, “Can I do anything about this?” What if we accept the fact – the truth – that there is something we can do? Maybe it’ll be the correct thing. Maybe it won’t. But we’re still in control of doing something – whatever we decide to do.

Courage is key.

The courage to act and the courage to readily accept the outcome.

We’re now at the heart of learning, understanding and growing. LUG happens only when we’re able to face the realities that this is our life and we’re fully in control of what happens. Being fully in control doesn’t mean we’re in 100% control of our lives. It means we’re 100% in control of our decisions, behaviors, actions, and choices. What we choose to do with a circumstance that we had no part in is totally on us.

Find pride in accepting and recognizing that a failed outcome was because you got it wrong. But, now – armed with this new data – you’re confident you’re closer to getting it right because you now know more than you did before. Thanks to the failure. It’s one of the biggest things you can do to elevate your confidence, which is the feed your courage needs to move forward.

Contrast that with the shrinking demeanor of a victim constantly in search of sympathy. Stop exhausting others trying to get them to feel bad for you. Stop feeling bad for yourself. It’s better to feel pride in the outcome, knowing you’re working toward success and achievement.

Pride trumps sympathy. As usual, this is largely about how we can put in the work to feel better about ourselves. Self-respect is impossible when you’re a victim. It’s automatic when you’re the commander of your own life.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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This week’s theme is self-awareness. I landed on this theme due to the many people I encounter who spend way too much time comparing themselves. It’s why I intentionally built the foundation last week focused on your mental health. Now we’re going to work at getting very real with ourselves. It’s not about who or what you want to become, it’s about who and what you are right now. Sure, we’re all subject to growth and improvement – which means we can change, but I want to push you to consider innate strengths, talents, and abilities. I also want you to think about your beliefs, convictions and character traits. It’s time to look deeply into the mirror.

Randy

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We’re talking about you. Your self-awareness. Your beliefs. Your decisions. Your actions. Changes YOU need to make so you can improve.

It’s not about what other people need to do. Or what you think they need to do. This week we’re being selfish in that we’re looking into the mirror so we can grow. We want to become better human beings.

New flash: It may appear to have anything to do with your business. But it does.

You may wonder how being a better person can serve you at work. Well, let me offer up a few pieces of evidence – proof of why you should put in this work.

The Pacific Gas and Electric Co. continues to be in the news for bad behavior. Well, if you think criminal behavior is bad. And I do.

Uber’s rocky road toward an IPO was commented upon by TechCrunch. The company has a history of bad behavior from the top down.

Boeing may have known about the safety issues with the 737 Max before that fatal crash last year.

Daily big companies and small companies make the news because of illegal, immoral or questionable behavior from the C-suite. Nevermind that many other companies don’t make the news for doing good work, behaving honestly with high integrity. But the pursuit of business success is a strong siren call that lures many founders, CEOs and executives to ignore whatever character and moral compass once defined them. Others were likely scoundrels from the get-go. It just took some time before they were found out.

Still think being a good human has no correlation with growing great at running a business?

John isn’t his real name, but John is the CEO and founder of a software company that has passed the $100 million mark. He’s a programming fool. Gifted. A skill beyond my comprehension really. Forget computer languages, I’m still trying to master English, my native tongue.

John is hard-charging and proud of it. He has no reservations in being a jerk. Or being considered a jerk. I joke with him that he’s read too many stories about Steve Jobs. But I suspect it’s true.

He churns through developers with a rapid clip. Ask him and he’ll admit he’s constantly surrounded by inept people, incapable of crafting clean code. Maybe he’s right. I just know his tactics aren’t serving him. Or the business. At least not serving either of them to grow great.

I’m patient with John though because he realizes he’s learned this behavior. Those early years of having to do most of the coding himself taught him what it took to succeed. And it also taught him what it would take to fail. But he refused to fail.

Privately, John hates it. He hates “having to be like that.” That is being a jerk, berating people, exhibiting intolerance for even the slightest error. “Man, I just don’t know any other way,” he says. We work mainly on finding out if he’s capable (which means finding out if he’s willing) of believing his life can be far better – and it’ll make his people and his company better, too.

At first, he had doubts. But he was hopeful.

Now, he believes it. So he’s putting in the work to figure it out. I’m trying to help him do that. Not by doing it for him – which is impossible – but by helping him see some things he’s never seen before. So far, so good.

This week we’ve talked about beliefs, convictions, and character because experience has taught me how valuable those are to our growth. John isn’t entrenched with the belief that in order to build a high performing company he has to be a leader with a bullwhip in hand. Yes, that’s how he behaved, but after a while the toll of that behavior on the company and on John personally was apparent. He’s a smart guy.

“What does it mean to be a good person?”

I ask John. I ask other people, too. It’s often similar to what others might say, but not always. I drill down. A more personal question.

“Describe what it would look like for you to live your ideal life.”

Paint me the picture of your ideal version of yourself. This isn’t who or what you are right now. It’s who and what you’d most like to be but avoid including things like skills, talents or interests. For example, it’s out of bounds for me to say my ideal version of myself would be somebody who loves being in big crowds. Fact is, I don’t. And nothing is likely going to change that. Best I accept that truth about myself and create my ideal version of myself around that aspect. So if you’re doing this exercise at home (and I hope you are), then accept those innate things that make you, YOU.

Now let’s amp it up. Every single bit of it.

For most of us it starts with the things in our life – the qualities or components of our life that irritate us, irk us or make us unhappy with ourselves. No, we’re not going to spend time berating ourselves. We are going to spend time recognizing that there are some things (maybe many things) that we really do need to change so we can be better people.

Jeremy is an effective executive, but he admits a lifelong habit that drives him crazy. He’s not able to use “NO” as a complete statement. It drives him crazy. He’s “always telling these small lies to protect myself.” Making up excuses. Figuring out things to say to other people. Compelled to give reasons when no reasons are necessary. Seems small, but it’s a daily nagging aggravation for Jeremy. Besides, lying – even lying about seemingly small or insignificant things – isn’t helping Jeremy become a better person. He’s learning to say, “No” or “No thanks” and leaving that as enough. Says Jeremy, “It’s much nicer to feel a bit uncomfortable doing that than living with how I feel about myself by making something up.”

No change is too small. No change is too big.

Figure out what you think your ideal self would look like. How would your ideal self behave? How would your ideal self talk? How would your ideal self make decisions? How would your ideal self work with others, manage the work and lead people? Figure that out. Write it out if you like. Paint the most detailed picture possible.

Now, figure out how to get from where you are to this ideal that YOU created. Don’t fret about getting there in a single step, but commit to making a step (just one) in the right direction. You want to make the change and you want to feel better about yourself for putting in the work.

Don’t worry about what people will say or think. You have to live with yourself. The things you’ve always hated about yourself should likely be the top things on your list. Stop accepting bad behavior as being who you are. That’s the toxic danger of self-resignation. “Well, I just lie because I don’t want to be that candid.” No excuse. You’re eroding your self-respect. And that’s the bottom line to this work. We’re trying to elevate your self-respect. We’re trying to put in the work so we’re feeling good about the effort we’re making to become a better person every single day. No matter what!

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC