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This week’s theme is your mental health. Each week we’ll explore a single topic that impacts the lives of small business owners. Usually, the topics apply to executives and leaders in most any arena. You’re smart. You can make the application as it suits you. I’m just here to help you figure it out.

Randy

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You wake up, scan the headlines on whatever home page you use for your browser. The headlines are easy to categorize. Celebrity stuff. Weirdness. Politics. Lots of venom spewing. Scandal.

Sex sells, but so does fear and anxiety. I’d argue fear sells more effectively and efficiently. It fuels us to play catch up because of our dissatisfaction. So common is this that there’s a cultural meme about it, FOMO. Fear of missing out.

If FOMO isn’t impacting us, then the fear of something awful happening to us may haunt us. We’re driven daily to fear many things that are improbable. Just because some specific bad thing happened to somebody doesn’t mean it’s likely to happen to us.

Fear mongering is rampant. From conspiracy theorists to moms against vaccinating their children we have plenty of things to fear. Violent crime, storms, global warming…there’s pending doom all around us.

Among the things that define us is our fear. In the quest to learn more about who you are, hon in on what you worry about and you’ll gain some clarity. Largely, our fears feel justified. After all, life is full of uncertainty. Anxiety lurks around every corner. Life is filled with things to fear.

Exaggerated fear wrecks the daily lives of Americans. According to The Chapman University Survey On American Fear for the first time in 5 years (since they began this survey) the majority of Americans are generally afraid of all the top 10 fears. The top fear? 74% fear corrupt government officials! (as though there is another kind 😉 )

“More Americans are afraid than ever before” – there’s your headline. I’d propose that we’ve never had such depth of information and data, but most of it is pure garbage and inaccurate. Just go back to that home page on your browser and look at the headlines designed to get you to click. An awful lot of them are deceptive at best, outright lies at worst.

Look at that list produced by The Chapman University. What jumps out at me is how ridiculously close pollution is to things like not having enough money for the future, or people you love getting ill or dying. We seem to love fear and outrage.

How can we resist it? It’s in our face constantly.

Ben Michealis, PhD wrote a piece in 2015 that echoes what I’ve always believed. He writes that the opposite of FOMO is gratitude. I’d only amp it up slightly by arguing that gratitude is the way forward past most fears, including the FOMO.

Gratitude leads the way to build up our resistance to the daily dosage of fear mongering. 

It’s not lost on me that of those top 10 fears of the survey, only one is very personal. The 4th one, not having enough money for the future. And it could be argued that many people don’t feel a personal responsibility for that one. It doesn’t mean we can’t contribute but look closely at the list. We can easily remove our responsibility for each of them. They’re things that can happen to us. Things beyond our control…if we choose to see them like that. And based on behavior, that’s how most of us prefer to roll. Victims.

It seems we’re easily convinced that the biggest threats to our well-being are external. Things foisted on us as opposed to things we do to ourselves.

Don’t misunderstand me. Fear is a valid emotion in the right context. It fuels achievement and drives us when we channel it well. It cripples us when we don’t. I even did a video a while back on being a fan of fear, especially for entrepreneurs.

Fear presents a problem. It’s not a long-term strategy. Fear won’t drive lasting change. It can be a great short-term catalyst, but that’s why Dr. Ben’s advice is sound. Embrace gratitude and seek self-respect. Those will impact our actions and behaviors to propel us forward.

Random bad events. Our own mortality. The mortality of our family. These are the facts of our lives. All of our lives. Logically we know that hiding in a cave won’t stave off some things that are inevitable, like our own death. But we can resist the daily grind of fear mongering by doing two things.

One, increase gratitude.

Count your blessings. Literally. Figurately.

Be as comprehensive as possible. Air. Water. Food. Clothing. A bed at night. Safe shelter. All the things we tend to overlook because they’re just so basic.

Then expand out to the unessential things that make your life pleasant. Air conditioning. Indoor plumbing. Tasty food. Ice to make a drink cold. And to preserve food so we don’t have to hunt today for the food we’ll eat today.

And this is stuff. Focus on people. Focus on what the people who love you have done for you. Focus on what others have done to give you the opportunities.

Devote some quiet time each day to sit back and reflect on all the things for which you should be grateful. Then concentrate on becoming grateful (or more grateful).

Put some power behind it. Reach out to the people for whom you’re grateful. Let them know you’re thankful for what they’re doing for you.

Don’t take a day off. Do it as often as you can.

Two, limit the noise of fear.

You can’t completely shut it out because it’s all around us, but you can be more intentional in resisting it or ignoring it.

Manage. That means you take control of your exposure to fear mongering.

Limit, ditch or improve your management of social media. Pay close attention to the impact it has on you. Gauge your emotions. Go on a social media fast to see how different you feel without it.

Pay attention to the internal noise, too. Figure out what fuels your fears and anxiety. Then devise a solution to better manage the noise that sparks your feelings.

Don’t aim for perfection. You won’t rid yourself of all fear or anxiety. Nor should you. Some of it works to serve you. It drives you to take the actions necessary to get things done. Aim your work on increasing your self-respect at the end of each day. Promote that instead of fear.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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This week’s theme is your mental health. Each week we’ll explore a single topic that impacts the lives of small business owners. Usually, the topics apply to executives and leaders in most any arena. You’re smart. You can make the application as it suits you. I’m just here to help you figure it out.

Randy

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Mental health professionals continue to see alarming increases in clinical depression. The use of antidepressants has doubled since the 80s. Young people, old people and all those in between are more prone to feeling depressed in 2019 than in years past. Some speculate that it’s our pace and all the push/pulls of technology in our lives. Others point out the damage of false expectations set up by social media where we busy ourselves comparing ourselves. I’m not a scientist so I’m not able to speculate with any valid insights about depression. Even so, I certainly have seen plenty of anecdotal evidence that all those factors (and others) likely play a part.

Contradictions

I see people wrestling with all the confusion and contradiction that surrounds us. On one hand, we hear people yelling about inclusion and tolerance while simultaneously being completely intolerant. We see people given second chances while others are vilified without so much as a fair hearing. We have people behaving poorly while Instagram models embrace lasciviousness.

Largely, we’re a society that preaches one thing and does something different.

From excess to minimalism we’re surrounded by advice that we should grab all we can, work as hard as we can, spend more time at work…or live frugally, save as much as we can, live off the grid and enjoy nature.

Build the business as big as possible. Versus create something small, but meaningful.

Big houses versus tiny houses. Large luxury automobiles versus small, electric cars. YouTube channels and Instagram profiles chasing millions of followers. Ditching social media altogether, choosing to remain as anonymous as possible.

Life at the extremes. It’s taking a toll on all of us. Even if you claim you don’t want to participate, you’re still living in the society and culture impacts you.

Depressed people often can’t remember the last time they laughed out loud. 

These same people may easily say “yes” when asked, “Do you have a good sense of humor?” Have you ever met a person who admits they lack a good sense of humor? Me neither.

When people are gloomy, sullen, or stubborn and harsh — ask them to tell you about the last time they laughed out loud. If that’s their typical demeanor they’ll likely have a tough time with the challenge.

When I was a child I’d sometimes thumb through my grandparent’s copy of Reader’s Digest. Each edition had a joke or funny section about laughter being the best medicine. Sometimes the content would make me smile. Other times not so much. But I was a kid. What I did understand was that laughter did improve our lives. I couldn’t have imagined life without it. Even more so now that I’m older.

Why would we talk about our growth as leaders and business owners by focusing on laughter? Because it’s important. And because in too many instances it’s missing. Our lives aren’t improved by being stoic, reserved and humorless.

This human condition is hard. For all of us. To laugh at ourselves and the circumstances we wrestle with is to acknowledge our humanity. We don’t have all the answers. We’re all still working to figure it out. So many things are out of our control it makes us feel ridiculously stupid. And here we are getting out of bed day after day to give it another go.

Emotions. Some say there’s no place for them in business. Or any other serious-minded endeavor. Hooey!

Head and heart. They go together. There’s no separating them.

Courage isn’t just head stuff. Or heart stuff. Neither is humor.

Highs and lows typify all our lives. Tears. Laughter. All those in-between things, too.

Living demands courage. Courage requires laughter. Especially the ability to see the absurdity in our lives, and our own stumbling and bumbling our way toward whatever success awaits us. It’s not only courageous, but it’s also healing.

John Prine is a favorite singer/songwriter. One of my favorite lines is in his song, Far From Me.

Well, ya know, she still laughs with me
But she waits just a second too long.

Laughter is life stuff. Real.

The lack of laughter, or in John’s case with a girl who broke his heart – the timing of the laughter – speaks to the lack of light or optimism in life. Why let the darkness overrun us? We’ve got too much to be thankful for, too much yet to accomplish and too many people to impact. And too many more laugh out loud moments in which to shine.

Be well. Do good. Grow great.

And laugh out loud today. Often.

RC

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Culture is defined like this…

the customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group

Investopedia offers this definition of corporate culture…

Corporate culture refers to the beliefs and behaviors that determine how a company’s employees and management interact and handle outside business transactions.

It’d be easy to take issue with that last part about handling outside business transactions. But the site goes on to list a key point about company culture…

Corporate culture refers to the beliefs and behaviors that determine how a company’s employees and management interact.

Personally, I prefer to just use that key point as the definition. Simply put, culture is the beliefs and values that determine behavior and decision-making.

Culture is the beliefs and values that determine behavior and decision-making.

Think of culture as the operating system of your organization. It’s the architecture upon which decisions and actions are based for your team, your division, your organization or your business.

Some take issue with me putting culture on the list. They argue that culture isn’t something you do, but it’s something that’s created. To which I simply ask, “By whom?” Who do you think is most responsible for creating the culture that best serves the operation and the people in it – no matter if they’re inside it or outside it? Employees or customers?

Leadership matters.

I started playing tackle football in 5th grade. When I was growing up there was no flag football. By the time I entered high school I was growing increasingly interested in other things. But my buddies and I who had played together for years all hit the football field for the first spring tryouts. It was a less than stellar outing.

The coach stood before us and made what I thought was a ridiculous declaration. Here at Buba Gump High School (no, that wasn’t the name of it) we use the 3-point stance. He then commanded us to all get down into a 3-point stance. We did. I had a smile on my face. A “you’ve got to be kidding” kind of a smile.

He at least knew who I was, which may not have played to my favor.

He then starts lecturing us on the physics of the 3-point stance. Now, I was no physic whiz kid, but his next statement tickled me. “Whichever way you take a man’s head, that’s the direction he’ll go.”

Well, chop my legs off and call me, Shorty! Amazing.

My smile widened.

“Cantrell, you think that’s funny?”

That’s when it went south for me.

“Yes, sir. Kinda.”

The next thing I knew I was joining a few other guys running laps around the field. Yes, I was smiling with every stride. It was my final football practice. I figured any coach that stupid wasn’t worthy of my athletic prowess. 😀

However, there’s a lesson in all that coaching rhetoric. Leadership determines the direction of the culture. “Whichever way a company’s head goes is the way the company will go.”

Since it’s the operating system behind everything it’s the culmination or apex of the principles.

Compassion leads to Connection which enhances Communication which enables Collaboration which results in establishing and maintaining the Culture we want.

Beliefs and values – they’re the stuff of culture. They drive you. They drive the people on your team. You could approach the topic of leadership and culture from a number of angles, but the one I find most helpful is character strengths. These are broken out like this by the researchers at The VIA Institute on Character, a non-profit organization. They list 24 character strengths.

The thing about character strengths is they are what they are. They’re subject to change over time, but they give us a solid snapshot of who and where we are right now. It’s not some fanciful, what-I’d-like-to-be thing. It’s an accurate depiction of our current operating system.

Why does that matter? Because as the leader you drive the culture of the team. Just like Jim “Monty” Montgomery started driving the culture of the Dallas Stars hockey club almost a year ago. It’s what a head coach should do because Monty is doing his best to serve the organization by serving the players under his leadership. It’s his job to help them reach their potential. Hopefully, all the way to being able to hoist the Stanley Cup. The team is a proper reflection of Monty’s character strengths. When the players and the coach have aligned character strengths, then that whole “buy in” thing we all talk about happens. When the leader and the team members don’t have congruent character strengths buy-in is difficult, maybe impossible.

You are who and what you are. You can learn, understand and grow…resulting in changes (improvements) to who and what you are. But you don’t operate on who you may want to be. You operate on who you truly are right now. All the more reason to devote yourself to personal growth so you can improve.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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Collaboration defined –

the action of working with someone to produce or create something

In short, it’s high-level teamwork.

In our context of leadership, it’s vital for you to have successfully built the foundations necessary to foster this. If you’ve not yet listened to the 3 earlier episodes on compassion, connection, and communication, then do that right now. Leading collaboration isn’t giving orders. It’s working together.

We’re about to begin round 2 of the Stanley Cup playoffs. Thankfully, the Dallas Stars advanced and tonight they’ll begin a new series with the St. Louis Blues. It’s only the second time in NHL history that a rookie NHL coach has taken a team past the first round of the playoffs. Stars’ coach Jim Montgomery is proof positive of a leader who understands the value of all these components, including collaboration.

Did it help that he spent time coaching at the college level? Likely. But when he arrived in Dallas he made it clear he had one BIG objective — to change the existing culture of mediocrity. He wanted the Dallas Stars to have a winning culture. Like all NHL teams, the Dallas Stars have endured their share of adversity and success in the 2018-2019 season. Thankfully, their summer hasn’t yet started…and it’s due in large part to Monty’s leadership to work with the players to change the culture. He’s done it by incorporating each of these components, including collaboration.

Coaches used to yell instructions to players. Players had to comply or risk being in the coach’s doghouse. Or worse. Some coaches still do it, but most winning coaches have learned, improved their understanding and grown.

Dallas Stars players report that Jim Montgomery has likely “gone off” on them less than half a dozen times this season. He picks his spots to make a point. The team responds.

Part of Monty’s first work was getting to know the players (connection). As he deepened the conversations (communication) he asked for their input (collaboration). Monty wanted to know what style of hockey the players enjoyed most. He wanted to know what players they felt most complimented their skills – and which players their skills most complimented.

Jim Montgomery cared what the players thought (compassion). He wasn’t threatened by a group of millionaire professional NHL players. That alone was a big feat for a guy leaving a college dressing room for one in the NHL. It would have been easy for him to have thought he needed to exert his leadership, thinking that might have been the path to getting the team’s respect. Instead, he opted to be open, candid and caring.

Professional athletes don’t enjoy losing. The Dallas Stars core group have never won a championship together. Only a few have ever won the Stanley Cup with prior teams. Monty threw gasoline on that desire and spent this entire first year behind the Stars’ bench fostering an intense will to win. His role – as the leader – meant helping the players figure out how they could best do that. It’s the very definition of collaboration…

working together to accomplish something none of you could do alone

Players play. Coaches coach. Trainers train. Medical staffs heal. Salespeople sell tickets, advertising, and sponsorships. There are a ton of people working at every NHL franchise. The top teams on the ice tend to also be the top teams off the ice. A whole bunch of people working together to win Lord Stanley’s Cup, something none of them could do alone.

Hundreds of people putting in the work to make the engine run. Even the worst teams in the league have those same people. The difference? Well, there are likely lots of differences between the top tier teams and those who habitually occupy the basement. Talent differs. So does willingness. And resilience.

Every business (or team) that I’ve been part of – the ones that really win – work together better than the competition. They collaborate more. They trust more. And as a result, they work harder (and sometimes longer). Winning means more to them. They want it more.

Every year during the Stanley Cup playoffs coaches really focus on the will to win, especially when a team is playing an elimination game. There are four rounds, each being a best of 7 series (which means the team that wins the Stanley Cup must win 16 playoff games). When a team’s back is up against the wall they tend to fight harder. And if they don’t, then you know there are likely other things happening in that dressing room that just won’t foster success. The guys who band together the most trust each other the most. They listen to each other. They work together. They collaborate. Those are the teams who hoist Lord Stanley’s Cup while the others realize they must endure a long summer before hope springs forth again come fall.

When you go together you go further. You also go there faster. Jim Montgomery is in year one of coaching the Dallas Stars. He arrived here on May 4, 2018. A team that failed to make the playoffs last season has just advanced to round two. Don’t tell him or the roster of the Dallas Stars that these principles don’t work. Don’t tell any of them that collaboration is overrated.

Go Stars!

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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Five C’s comprise the work – and the progress – of transformational leadership. In this series, we’ll briefly go through these:

1. Compassion
2. Connection
3. Communication
4. Collaboration
5. Culture

Today, we’re focusing on communication. Let’s start with a dictionary definition:

the imparting or exchanging of information or news

Again, I’m going to redefine it with a more practical perspective:

 the act of conveying meanings from one entity or group to another; the exchange of ideas and information for the purpose of increasing understanding

The key word is UNDERSTANDING.

Communication requires 2 or more parties. We tend to focus on the giving or sending of ideas and information. The talker. The writer. The broadcaster. The vlogger. The blogger. You get the idea.

Common wisdom says it’s incumbent on the sender to make sure the communication is accurately received and understood. Makes sense because you don’t have much control over the other person or party. So control what you can. Use language that resonates with the recipient and employ other tactics that can help you properly convey the message.

Permit me to draw your attention to another term in my definition, EXCHANGE.

That means it’s not a one-way street. This podcast is built on the broadcasting model. I’ve got the microphone and the platform (the station if you please). But you and I are still exchanging ideas and information. Some of you contact me through social media. Some of you email me. Some of you call me. The fact that I’m the only one here with a microphone doesn’t make this podcast a one-way form of communication. In fact, I went to a shorter, daily format almost 200 episodes because of the exchange that took place between us.

Rather than concentrate on how we can speak or write better, I want to flip this on its head and think about the burden we each bear to understand.

Have you ever communicated something as clearly as you possibly can and somebody still either misunderstood it or misrepresented it? I know you have. Well, was that your responsibility or theirs?

Some time ago I crafted a very clear document. It was comprehensive and straightforward. I know that because I shared it with about 3 people very close to me to get their feedback. Over a three to four week period, I refined it, edited and solicited their feedback every step of the way.

Off it went to a number of people involved. Within less than 2 hours I got a response from a person that seemed to indicate he hadn’t read it. If he did, he clearly didn’t understand it. Truth was, he was biased and blinded by his own narrow-mindedness. He inaccurately characterized my communication. The only truth I found in what he said was, “I’m dug into my position.” Well, there you go!

How do you help a closed mind understand? You don’t.

When those who don’t understand are the exception to the hoards who do understand, it demonstrates that there’s something necessary on the part of the receiver. Of course, when you build on the foundation of compassion this is less problematic.

We all enter communication with a perspective formed by our experiences, our knowledge and our level of understanding. Our viewpoint isn’t necessarily bad or harmful, but it can be if it stands in the way of helping us understand others. People who fail to understand others – and those who lack the desire to – tend to be folks prone to self-delusion. Nobody is helped when this happens.

Know yourself. Know your audience.

Understand yourself. Understand your audience.

This is our personal responsibility.

Yes, we bear the burden of conveying what we intend. It’s possible we get it wrong. Wrong enough to cause confusion. Wrong enough that folks don’t accurately understand what we’re saying.

Enter compassion and exchange!

When did we decide to stop asking questions? When did we begin to conclude it’s just better to jump to whatever conclusion suits us?

My most recent situation with a person who crafted his own narrative, which didn’t resemble what I wrote or accurately represent what I said, proves the point. The man never asked a single question. He never had a conversation with me other than a brief 3-minute conversation where he simply reiterated his stance. “I’m dug into my position.” It was an adult version of the little kid who doesn’t want to hear mom’s scolding, so he holds his hands over his ears.

No compassion. No exchange. No understanding.

In my case, I know I got it right because I sought feedback from people who have readily challenged me. Additionally, almost all others involved understood what I wrote and said so.

What can we do to improve?

Assuming we’re leaning heavily into compassion and the foundation it serves to help us become better leaders (and better people), there’s quite a lot we can do.

If you’re delivering the communication, think of others. How can you accurately convey your idea, thoughts or information? Craft it carefully knowing it can (and likely may) be misunderstood.

Solicit feedback. Urge people to ask questions. Sometimes leaders don’t get this because the connection work hasn’t been done. People don’t feel safe enough to ask questions. It’s easier for them to leave your presence confused. Now you may better understand why I put compassion and connection ahead of communication.

Lastly, let me address a phenomenon I see more often than I care to – intentional confusion. It happens when a leader intentionally communicates with cryptic messages. Politics and other drivers are often behind it. Know this – if you’re a leader and candid, honest communication isn’t consistently delivered, then your leadership is a mess. You may be the boss, but you’re not a leader. You’re not serving anybody except yourself. You’re selfish. Great leaders aren’t selfish!

Remember, it’s not about you. It’s about them. But it requires you put in the work to improve and grow yourself. Because your objective is to help them improve and grow!

Keep your intentions where they belong – in service to others – and you’ll conquer many difficulties.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC

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Five C’s comprise the work – and the progress – of transformational leadership. In this series, we’ll briefly go through these:

1. Compassion
2. Connection
3. Communication
4. Collaboration
5. Culture

Today, we’re diving into connection. Once again, let’s begin with defining the term so we all understand. Here’s the dictionary definition:

a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else

I’m going to make some adjustments to that definition. You knew I would.

a relation of sufficient intimacy to foster mutual service, support and growth

Some folks argue that I’ve got things out of order. They think communication should precede connection.

The reason I put connection before communication is because the level of communication I’m talking about doesn’t happen unless a connection is first established. For example, you encounter somebody at a chance meeting. You exchange pleasantries, but for some reason, you don’t enjoy the meeting. You don’t like this person. They’re just not your cup of tea. Yes, you’ve communicated, but without forming any meaningful connection.

Contrast that with another chance encounter. After the initial small talk, you’re drawn to this person. They’re drawn to you. The chemistry is working and you find yourself deep in conversation, exchanging thoughts, opinions, and ideas.

In both cases, there was communication – small talk. But in the former, the connection just didn’t stick. In the later, things clicked.

As leaders, we must connect if we have any hope of effective communication. Now you understand why we began yesterday with compassion.

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Theodore Roosevelt was right. 

Your leadership, fueled by compassion, has the best opportunity to forge deep enough connection so you can truly serve people. I’m not suggesting that every person on your team becomes your best friend. Or that you become their best friend. But I am suggesting – even pushing you – to make sure you provide an environment where people feel safe with you. Safe enough to trust you. Safe enough to speak up and speak out. Safe enough to know you truly want them to succeed.

If that safety doesn’t exist then everything stomps down right here. Your leadership will not move forward. It’ll only be a matter of time before things catch up with you. But if you’ll do this work. Till the soil of the hearts of the people you serve (and lead) and watch them grow.

Connection demands truth, trust, and transparency. 

That’s why connection and communication go so congruent with one another. And why they may be best viewed as 2a and 2b.

Be human. Don’t be afraid to reveal yourself to the people you hope to serve. It’s leadership. That means you have to go first.

Too many leaders mistake forcing others to go first. They want people to open up to them about things, but they’re unwilling to open themselves up. It doesn’t work that way. You can’t remain super guarded around people hoping they’ll be vulnerable with you. It’s a reciprocal behavior that requires you to make the first step. Be bold. At some point we’ll talk about the prerequisite for all these Cs – it’s another C word, courage. Embrace the courage to show yourself to be a good human being.

Connection precedes communication because I’m putting the burden where it belongs. On us as leaders! It’s up to us to get this thing going forward.

That means you’re going to have to trust before you ask for or get trust in return. This trips up many leaders and wrecks their success. They simply can’t or won’t trust first. They demand people earn trust without ever stopping to think it’s a 2-way street.

A leader who isn’t trusted is doomed. Don’t violate the trust of the people you serve. Step out there and give trust first. You have no path forward until you do.

Head trash will prevent you. You’ll recall many times when people have let you down. Your cynicism will soar. You’ll hear voices telling you how only weak people do it. There will be a million idiotic reasons why you’ll try to talk yourself out of giving trust first. They’re all wrong. Fool’s gold. Fake.

Play out the game by asking, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

Don’t just ask the question. Answer it.

What’s the answer? The person will prove untrustworthy? Then what? How is that worse than giving trust at the outset?

You see, you have nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain. Perhaps you’ve never given yourself the opportunity for that kind of gain. I’m asking you to trust me, and yourself, and your people. It’s how you’ll develop the connection necessary so you can become an outstanding leader. It won’t just transform your relationship with the team, it’ll transform you.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

RC