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Last Friday we ended the week talking about the real power – the negative power – of our self-limiting beliefs. Today, let’s kick the week off talking about what you want. And what you want more of. 

Over 30 years ago I developed what I termed “the trifecta of business building.” I’m not a gambler. Never have been. Honestly, I don’t believe in gambling. Logically or based on my faith. But I took the term “trifecta” because it was the only term that felt or sounded right at the time. I knew a trifecta in gambling terms meant winning the first, second and third place picks in a race. And it’s very valuable! If you can do that, you win BIG.

Well, I’ve spent my life operating successful multi-million dollar businesses. And as I thought about all the issues facing me daily, and all the decisions I had to make, the fires I had to put out…and all the constraints I waged war against…I realized that every single issue fit into one or more of these 3 categories of what I most wanted to accomplish. 

1. Getting new customers
2. Serving existing customers better
3. Not going crazy in the process

I always wanted more of number 1. 

I was never satisfied with the level of success of number 2.

And I almost never was able to experience number 3. 

I can tell you exactly when it happened. When I figured out this trifecta of successful business building. It was 1983. I was 26 years old and in charge of a $14M subsidiary of a larger company. The founder, about 10 years my senior, had entrusted me with a small chain of luxury retail stores. My office was about 20 minutes away from his, but I would often visit the accounting staff and other people, including the founder. On this particular day I finished my usual rounds and made my way to his office. The door was always open. I walked to the doorway and the lights were out. He had an interior office with no windows so it was pitch black. No sound. No movement. But then as my eyes quickly adjusted to the light I noticed a figure sitting in a chair. I called his name. He responded. I asked, “What are you doing in the dark?” He said, “Contemplating suicide with this letter opener.” (No, he wasn’t serious, nor was he making fun of suicide.) 

It was the first time I really gave thought to how crazy our lives were as leaders, executives and business owners. The Rat Race is addictive. We all know it. And we’re completely oblivious to the toll it’s taking on us, sometimes until there’s no escape. But on this day, I was blessed to learn something that most people have to learn much later in life. I was only 26 and already it was clear to me that if our businesses are growing in sales and profits, what’s the point if it drives us crazy? Or if we jokingly want to cut our throats with a letter opener?

Since 1983 I’ve encountered so many brothers and sisters in arms in the business world – leaders, CEO’s, executives, owners (whatever title people prefer) – who feel trapped and smothered. The third leg of hitting the trifecta has grown in importance through the years because NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT. 

The trifecta is today, and has always been (I suspect it’ll never change) an EVERYBODY, SOMEBODY, NOBODY kind of a thing. 

Everybody is talking about marketing, sales, business development and customer acquisition. 

Somebody talks about delivering extraordinary customer service. Not many, but a few. And I know why. People are lazy and transactional. They want to make the sale, then move on to make the next sale. Often never realizing that by operating like that, they’re failing to build a sustainable customer base that will serve them in a much BIGGER way over the long haul. Besides, it’s not nearly as sexy as getting a NEW customer. And it’s hard because it demands enormous attention to people (our employees and our customers). 

Nobody talks about not going crazy in the process of building and growing our business. Mostly because people don’t think it’s possible. They think craziness is the price you pay to achieve business success. And there’s a badge of honor that goes with being a certified member of The Rat Race. So marriages get wrecked, kids end up in drug rehab, health slips and we often think, “Well, you can’t have everything.” But to avoid going crazy in the process isn’t about having everything…but it is about having better and more!

What do you want more of? What do you want to be better?

Maybe you want your marriage to be better. Maybe you want to be a better parent. 

Maybe you want a more fulfilling sex life. Maybe you want an improved golf game.

Maybe you want more customers. Maybe you want to charge higher prices. 

Maybe you want to be a better boss, a better leader. Maybe you want better employees. 

Sky is the limit. There are no bounds to what you may want more of, or what you’d like to be better. And it’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re greedy or awful. Right now you may feel terrible because of what you want. I don’t know. But I know we all want something – most of us, we want many things. We want more of some things. We want better in others. And we want some things that we just don’t yet – and may never- have!

Desires fuel us. Every day we take actions based on what we want. We want pleasure. We want to escape or avoid pain. To positively and properly harness those desires is the trick. And to deploy activities that can give us a shot at fulfilling them…that’s the real key. Sometimes we know exactly what to do. Other times we’re not sure. And sometimes we’re clueless. But those desires are still there. 

High achievers can find a spot between contentment and dissatisfaction. Never fully satisfied, always wanting more. But not miserable in the journey either. Finding joy in the trip to fulfill their quest for more. Or better.

Through the years – especially over the last 4 or 5 – I’ve discovered a powerful reality. And admittedly it hit me later than I would liked. I guess it’s the zig to my earlier zag of discovering the trifecta of business building so young. What I’ve learned is that my entire life has been spent asking and trying to answer the question of what could be. POTENTIAL has driven me my entire life. It’s not discontentment as much as it’s being able to see what might be possible. So when business is good – meaning sales are strong – I’ve always been driven by the notion they could be better. How? Trying to figure that out has been the game of my career. Seeing a future that doesn’t yet exist…one where there’s more. And it’s better!

But that’s not the realization that I discovered over the last number of years. What I discovered that I never knew before was that the potential can be more quickly and easily realized when you enjoin the help of others. If you believe in Meyers-Briggs I’m an INFJ, which means I’m naturally introverted. I often look and behave like an extrovert, but I need alone time to fuel up. When I’m running on fumes, I need solitude. Or I’ll go crazy in the process. But along the way, I didn’t realize how much I could accomplish – how much better I could be and how much more I could achieve – if I simply were more intentional about the people in my life. The people I forged an ongoing relationship with. People willing to let me help them. People willing to help me. A place where we all had a commitment to ourselves and each other. It was an epiphany and I’ve not had too many. 

You want to be better. You want better.

You want more. Maybe you want something you’ve never had before. 

Today is Monday. It’s the first workday for most of us. I’m asking you to make a bet on yourself – not a gamble, but an investment. I’m asking you to fuel your quest for more with the drive to satisfy it and realize the possibilities by working to make them a reality. I’m asking you to surround with other entrepreneurs who also want more and better. Maybe their list doesn’t look like yours, but they’re entrepreneurs like you so they get it. And they can help. They’re waiting for somebody like you to help them in return. Click that button below – you can visit BulaNetwork.com/iwantmore .

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Founders, CEO’s, Entrepreneurs. 

People think we’re among the most squared away people on the planet. We’re human. 

That means we’re good at some things and we suck at other things. We succeed at some things and we fail at other things. Some things are easy for us. Other things are insanely difficult, seemingly downright impossible. 

One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor. 

Jim Goodnight is the co-founder/CEO of SAS, the world’s leading business analytics software vendor. With over $3.2 billion in annual sales and over 14,000 employees, and a net worth in excess of $9B, Goodnight has likely managed to overcome most of his self-limiting beliefs since 1976, the year SAS was founded. I’m a big fan of his leadership skills. And his intellect. I’d imagine he would tell us that along the way there were many times he never believed the company would reach these heights. 

It’s always interesting to me to hear stories of highly successful people who confess they didn’t think their success would be so extreme. From Hollywood actors and actresses to musicians, to professional athletes, to business people. People set out to pursue a dream and a few hit a height beyond their wildest dreams. Talent, determination and whatever else is required for big success converge and some people are able to embrace new beliefs along the way. What was once thought impossible begins to be seen – beforehand – as being very possible. 

Jim Goodnight may be the CEO of a 42-year-old, multi-billion dollar company, but I guarantee he has figured out a thing or three along the way. Beliefs matter. You already know that. The problem is what you don’t know – and what you don’t yet believe. That’s my problem, too. So you’re in grand company. 

Not long ago I was talking with somebody who told me, “I’d like to know what it’s like to make $50,000 a year. I’ve never made more than $42,000.” The topic just jumped up and slapped me in the face. When the conversation was over I kept thinking about it. This person had skills. He had marketable skills, and talent and experience. My empathy drove a bit of sadness that he couldn’t see what was possible. No matter that I could see it, my vision isn’t what mattered. His did. 

I slipped on my headphones and launched some Van Morrison, Days Like This. It’s what I do when I get contemplative. I’m often contemplative…which is why I listen to a lot of music. Late at night mostly. 

I kept thinking about that statement. “I’d like to know what it’s like to make $50,000.” And I began to consider the business owners I know (and have known) who could say, “I’d like to know what it’s like to have a – fill in the blank with some amount of money – business.” Many entrepreneurs dream of growing their business to some specific dollar value, but for some it just seems like a fantasy. 

Your beliefs don’t have to deal with money.

I’ve known entrepreneurs experiencing solid financial success while simultaneously suffering extraordinary loneliness. They dream of finding a soulmate. 

Still, others dream of achieving greater happiness and calm in their personal lives. 

Dreams are fueled by a variety things, covering as many aspects of life as exist. Sometimes they’re possessions. Or accomplishments. 

Most of us have this glass ceiling. It’s not the glass ceiling imposed on us. Nobody built it and put it over our head – even though some may have contributed. That doesn’t make it less real. We’ve made choices and decisions. Likely without even knowing what we were really doing to ourselves. And by extension, the people who matter to us. We imposed these beliefs on ourselves. 

Build a bridge and get over it.

That’s empty advice. Worthless. It’s like telling the fat, out-of-shape person, “Get fit.” Oh, well. That helps! NOT.

It’s more complicated than that. And way harder than that. 

First, we have to learn how to build the bridge, which is a ridiculously tough feat when we’re dealing with our beliefs. Mostly, we don’t even know where to begin. We just believe what we believe. Like the guy who believes earning $50K a year is beyond anything, he’ll ever accomplish. 

Here’s the key thing I want you to think about as we enter the weekend. When I told you that I could easily see this guy’s ability to earn that much, and likely a whole lot more…I said it didn’t matter what I thought or believed. But I wasn’t being completely truthful. Because it does matter what I believe IF I’m part of this guy’s life. Especially if I were part of his ongoing life. I’m not and that’s okay. We were just having a casual conversation. But between the songs Van was singing in my headphones and the late night hours I kept thinking about what others believe, or know to be true versus what we know, or believe to be true. I’ll credit Van for sparking a bout of clarity. 

The people in our lives – the people we allow into our lives on an ongoing basis – have beliefs, feelings, thoughts, and ideas that matter. Well, they *can* matter if we let them. We often discount some people and overvalue others. Now I don’t know any facts of Jim Goodnight’s journey up the corporate success ladder, but I’ve watched him from afar for many years. I’ll make some assumptions based on my intuition, which is usually operating at a heightened awareness. 

He’s a serious scientist with hardcore math and statistic training. He was crafting analytics when nobody even knew what analytics were. Are we to suppose that Jim needed to naturally have beliefs that he could navigate the business world and in 40 years have a company performing in excess of $3B annually? Are we to suppose that he did it alone, without feedback, input, and beliefs shared by others? Are we to believe that only other founders of multi-billion dollar companies could have possibly helped him figure some things out? And that those multi-billion dollar CEO’s had to also be in the analytics arena?

Are you beginning to get my drift? Then let me make it really clear. Surround yourself with people capable and willing to see, hear, understand and believe things that you may be unable to see, hear, understand and believe. It’s not important for them to be where you want to be. Jim Goodnight didn’t always run a multi-billion dollar company. He figured it out. And like all super achievers, he had help. I’d wager that there’s not a single billion dollar business owner among the group that helped him figure it out. I’ll also wager that there were plenty of people who could see things, hear things, understand things and believe things that Mr. Goodnight couldn’t. They likely helped him.

The reality of self-limiting beliefs is that they’re REALLY limiting. And they’re inside of you. Which is why it’s so urgent that you have outside help – people unencumbered with your head trash to see things, hear things, understand things and believe things you’re not yet able to. But you will. With their help. Provided you get their help. You’ve got to make it happen. Right now, all you have to do is one simple, but often difficult thing – something that will potentially change your life –

ALLOW YOURSELF TO BELIEVE THAT OTHER PEOPLE CAN SERVE YOU TO HELP GET RID OF YOUR SELF-LIMITING BELIEFS

I shared this graphic earlier this week on social media because it’s at the heart of the whole matter. And it’s why much of my current efforts are driven to launch just one (maybe two) groups of 7 entrepreneurs at The Peer Advantage. I’m intent on providing you the safe, secure space required to get this level of help. Super help for super achievers.

Have a great weekend.

Be well. Do good. Grow great! 

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The owner is angry. Extremely. Business is good. Revenues are up. That’s usually what we mean when we say, “Business is good.” But if we look at the whole thing – the big picture – business is in trouble. And this owner knows it. 

“I’ve never seen this in 26 years,” he says. “It’s incredible. Look at this,” he hands me a stack of complaints. I begin to thumb through them. They all seem fixable. In fact, they seem pretty simple to fix. None of them are complex. Over the next few minutes, I digest them, making mental notes. Except for one – involving a product failure (it happens) – the rest appeared totally preventable on the front end. But I hold my opinion until I make sure I understand what’s happening. 

We talk about the issues, when things seem to go south and what the owner thinks may be happening. Before I conclude that story, let’s talk about your customer service. It’s the second leg of the trifecta of successful business building.

1. Getting New Customers
2. Serving Existing Customers Better
3. Not Going Crazy In The Process

Customer service is really about one major thing – paying close attention. Very close attention. 

It’s details, details, details. It’s the many little things that irritate customers. Think about your own experiences. We’ve all got plenty of complaints and mostly, they’re things the business could have easily prevented. 

Customer service is about one other major thing – let’s just focus on these 2 – commitment. How determined are you to dazzle your customers? It shows so don’t tell me you care when my experience is more likely to be lackluster than not. Don’t tell me you care when your customer reviews are filled with 1 and 2 stars and all sorts of negative feedback. You can’t preach one thing and live another. Nobody is buying your sermon. 

I’ve recently been battling some swimmer’s ear. I figured I’d find an ear, eyes, nose and throat specialist. So I asked another doctor for a recommendation. I contacted that doctor’s office and tried unsuccessfully three times to navigate through the automated phone system. Each time I got to the option of “new patient,” and the phone would then ring, and ring, and ring. One time I let it ring over 30 times. Nobody ever answered. 

I jumped on their website and used their contact form, telling them I was a new patient trying to get an appointment. Three days later somebody called. Left a voicemail. I returned the call. An automated greeting answered, then promptly disconnected me. I tried two more times. 

Talk about friction for customers (patients)! I reached out again using the contact form to tell them about my experience. My hope was that the practice manager would see my challenges and help out the doctor, who came recommended. I confess, my hope is very low. I strongly suspect this practice manager isn’t terribly concerned. It’s likely the doctor has plenty of patients. Like so many businesses, where business is GOOD (meaning we’re hitting that first leg of the trifecta), they’re not likely thinking of how much better it could be. It’s not about potential. It’s just about keeping up. Bully for them!

I tapped out. 

The other day my wife and I are wanting to grab lunch. We didn’t want some big, long, drawn-out affair. Just a quick, go in, sit down and enjoy 30-40 minutes. She suggested Panda Express. We’re fans and usually, we get it to go and take it home. But on this day we wanted to go inside. We had somewhere to be a bit later. 

We get our food, sit down at a table for two. The food is fine. The place is clean. It’s perfectly good. But details matter.

In case you’re unfamiliar with Panda Express inside (and I’m not talking about a mall food court location), they have a drink bar where you get plastic forks and napkins from dispensers. About halfway through our lunch, some customer drops a napkin on the floor. These are the things that grab my attention. I can’t help it. 

I notice the General Manager is in the store. He’s maneuvering around with a clipboard in hand, talking to various team members, one of whom I assume is a manager of some sort. He grabs a small cup and goes to the drink bar to get a drink. I’m thinking, he’ll pick up that napkin. Nope. He goes back toward the register area with his drink, pointing things out to team members. A bit later he and an employee go back over to the drink bar, where he refills his drink. Now we’ve got 2 employees, one of whom is the guy in charge. Surely one of them will pick up this napkin on the floor. Nope. 

He takes his drink, says goodbye and out the door he goes. The employee goes back to her post. Fifteen minutes pass. Five separate employee interactions with the napkin produce no action. As we’re leaving, my wife and I top off our drinks, put lids on our cups and I tell my wife, “I can’t stand it anymore.” I bend down, pick up the napkin and throw it in the trash. 

No, I’m not complaining. But I’m pointing out how easily remedied these things are. It’s largely opening our eyes and ears. Paying close attention. I’m going to tell you that MOST businesses don’t do it. Or they don’t do it well consistently. I’m fanatical. I admit it. Years of operating successful retail companies will do that for you. I’d have fired that General Manager on the spot. If you’re blind enough to nearly step on a single napkin occupying the floor in front of you…twice…then you’re not observant enough to work for me. But I’m serious about customer service. Most aren’t. 

Back to our owner. Do you know what the majority of the complaints were involving? Guess.

They weren’t complaining about pricing. They weren’t complaining about rudeness.

Almost 80% of the complaints were a lack of follow through. Employees didn’t do what they said they’d do, when they said they’d do it. 

One complaint was about a product that failed (again, it happens), but when you examined it more closely…that really wasn’t the complaint. The complaint was the employee took too long to make it right. The customer had to jump through hoops like I did trying to make the doctor appointment. Here was a prime opportunity to really dazzle a customer (in an upcoming episode we’ll talk about how valuable the opportunity is when a customer has a problem), blown. 

The rest of the complaints were what I’ll call “nobody cares” complaints. Things like phones not being answered. Or not answered promptly. Emails were not replied to. Simple matters of neglect. 

The good news is 100% of these problems were easily fixed. Simple really. 

The bad news is that the owner had inadvertently generated big problems inside his company. He structured a bonus program based on revenues with a manager who was driving sales as hard as he could. Like a Pony Express rider, the manager was riding this horse for all it was worth. Happy to put the horse down at the end of the quarter when he’d collect his fat bonus. His bonus didn’t hinge on another other than driving up sales. It was completely the owner’s fault. And his responsibility. 

Be careful what you wish for. Be more careful what you reward. 

As business increased, so did the complaints. The owner was wisely now fretting over the company’s reputation. Social media reviews were hammering his company like never before. He was experienced enough and smart enough to know sales wouldn’t remain good unless he fixed this problem. 

So he finally got sick and tired enough to try to figure out how to fix it. What about you? When will you get sick and tired of it? And if you’re getting complaints, be thankful. Most customers just leave without saying a word. Or they go online to slam your company. It’s not an overstatement to say that if you’re not fanatical about customer service then you’re not doing it right. 

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Great is the descriptive term I use because other terms like “best” are comparison terms. Comparison to others. Or something else. Great, in the context I mostly use, is only in comparison to yourself. It’s your greatness. And your greatness has nothing to do with anybody else. Or anything else. It belongs to you. It’s your responsibility. 

That doesn’t’ mean others can’t contribute to helping you. They can. And do. Who we surround ourselves with matters! The people we allow in our lives make a big impact. For good. Or bad. 

Growing is my verb of choice because it’s present tense, just like the title verb I use, GROW. It’s a now verb. It doesn’t care if you failed yesterday. Or if you’re planning to do something different tomorrow. Do it now. 

Yes, I want to encourage you to keep doing it, but right now is all we have. Let’s make the most of it. 

Growing great isn’t for wimps because wimps spend time comparing themselves with others.

Cowards won’t grow great because they’re busy feeling better about themselves by putting others down. Or by choosing lower standards of comparison. It’s judgmental and foolish. So I’m really supposed to feel good because I can single out somebody who is suffering, or less fortunate, or has had fewer opportunities? That doesn’t sound like the path toward growing great. 

Cowards won’t grow great because they’re busy feeling worse about themselves by exalting others. Sometimes our cowardice isn’t judgmental in the negative sense. Sometimes we’re busy admiring others and excusing our own lives. It’s jealousy. Envy. It fosters bitterness, but it comes at the price of feeling badly about ourselves. If we were only as lucky as them? Or as educated? Or given the breaks they were given? Then we’d be great, too. 

Wimps won’t grow great because they’re not able to see themselves accurately as they continue to gauge their lives by how others are doing. Put any guitar in Mark Knopfler’s hands and he’s a master. Put a guitar in my hands and I’m not even able to successfully fret a chord. He spent years learning, playing and practicing the guitar. I’ve spent years listening to guys and gals like him play. It’s an unfair comparison. But when young Mark was learning guitar, a younger me was learning about sales, marketing and operating business. We both love the guitar, the comparisons of our lives are completely worthless. 

Growing great isn’t for wimps because wimps spend time wearing a mask.

Sure, we all want to put our best foot forward. We want others to admire us. Sometimes the masks are necessary, if not downright helpful. I’ve met with people or stood in front of a group and not felt at my best. I don’t stand up and make an honest declaration, “I really don’t much feel like talking to you people today. I didn’t get much sleep last night. So I just want you folks to know that right now, I’d rather be just about anywhere other than here.” I may feel like that, but that won’t help me, or them. So I grind it out. So do you. That’s hardly hypocrisy, but it is a mask of sorts. 

Then there are other masks that aren’t helpful. Or honest. 

Some years ago I remember hearing a social media guru urge people to use various media logos on their websites and personal profiles. He taught hacking tips on how you could get yourself on the websites of places like ABC, CBS, and NBC. Then he’d encourage people to alter their profiles to say, “As seen on ABC.” If I put “as seen on ABC” you’d think I had been on a TV show, some news interview segment or something more legitimate than simply appearing on the ABC affiliate in Gotibow, Texas website. By the way, there is no such place. And I was never on their website. Or their TV signal. 😉

But we want to impress people. So we often misrepresent ourselves with embellishment, keeping that chinstrap tight on our mask. We can’t afford to have our mask inadvertantely, or intentionally knocked off. It’s our everything. And it’s wimpy. 

Fake it ’til you make it might have some degree of validity if you ever made it. But the practice of faking it mostly supersedes the activity and behavior necessary to make it. Old habits can be crazy hard to break. Faking it is a habit. 

Growing great isn’t for wimps because wimps won’t intentionally and purposefully surround themselves with people who can help them grow.

Wimps prefer people who will support them or sympathize with them no matter what. Wimps enjoy the company of people who will feel sorry for them. People who will listen to their excuses without challenge. 

Wimps do this because in the short-term it feels good. We enjoy getting sympathy. The problem is it’s unprofitable over time. It doesn’t serve us, except at the surface level. It’s superficial.  

Growing great isn’t for wimps. It’s for the bold, audacious, adventurous and courageous. It’s for people like you. Why else would you be listening to a podcast with a title, Grow Great?

Business leaders – bold, audacious, adventurous and courageous leaders – willing to grow great (or to grow greater) are willing, even anxious, to put in the work. There are some things they know that others haven’t yet learned. 

1. What others have, or do, has no bearing on their performance, leadership, business or lives. 
2. That knowing what they’re good at – potentially great at – is unique and not dependent on the strengths of others. 
3. That putting themselves in the company of people with whom they can be completely transparent is vital to their growth. We all need people who won’t judge us without our mask.

How willing are you to step up so you can give yourself bigger opportunities to grow great? You’ll grow older no matter what you do. You may as well spend that time growing great.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Likable is powerful. And it’s so ridiculously easy. Or should be.

Back when dinosaurs roamed the planet and I got my first real #1 job running a company – a retailing company – I knew something that didn’t seem apparent to my competitors. For that matter, it didn’t seem it was being practiced by hardly anybody who served the public. It was 1982. I was 25. I held a morning meeting with just one focus, being polite. I remember saying, “Who knew there’d come a time when manners would be a competitive edge, but here we are?” For half an hour or so we talked about making sure we always (100% of the time) incorporated, “please” and “thank you” and “sir” and “ma’am.” 

Politeness pays.

It’s at the core of being likable. Without it, we don’t even get out of the gate successfully. It’s true in our personal relationships. And with our customers. And with our employees. 

We could direct any discussion about being likable to a host of worthwhile points. It’s such a valuable quality you’d think it’d warrant more attention. Maybe it just seems so elementary people discount it. 

But once again, I’m going to say what I remember first saying 36 years ago. Who knew there’d be a time when being likable would be a competitive advantage? Truth is, being likable is always – and has always – been an advantage. 

To be liked by some requires a willingness to be hated by others. 

That means you’re going to stand out. Stand apart. Growing up, it’s not something many of us wanted to achieve. High school taught us how invaluable that could be. The pressure was intense to be like everybody else, and not stand out. Fitting in was the objective. We wrongheadedly thought that was the path to success. 

Then life showed us how foolishly wrong we were.

It’s funny. Through the years I’ve talked with people about their 10th, 20th and even more advanced high school reunions. No, I’ve never been to one. My family moved to a different town when I was in the middle of my junior year so I was forever scarred by a horrible high school ending. 😉 (yes, I’m kidding)

People often talk about the people they thought would rise to the top of some endeavor because they were so popular in high school. Sometimes it happens. Often times, based on the stories they share, it doesn’t. I pretty regularly hear people say, “It’s like they peaked in high school I guess.” What a sad time to peak, huh?

Some of those kids were snooty. Unapproachable. Downright mean. 

And sometimes those sweet, kind kids were seen as weak. 

I’m old. I hope things have changed since I was in high school. Something tells me kids can still be cruel and mean. And popular at the same time. Just consider the venom being published today. The comedy shows that feast on a President, and making fun of anybody else available…well, is there a show that doesn’t follow that model? Insulting people is a full-time job for some. A part-time hobby for others. 

Civility is gone. Popularity is King. And being likable isn’t polarizing enough to be popular. Last week the President decided to slam LeBron James using his favorite medium, Twitter. Trash talking has reached galactic heights, or maybe it goes the other way. Maybe it’s reached abysmal lows. No matter, it’s a professional pastime. 

Back in January 2013, NPR’s Alix Spiegel wrote an article entitled, “No Mercy For Robots: Experiment Tests How Humans Relate To Machines.”

In the article, Alix cites some research going back to the late 90’s where computers interacted with people with politeness versus computers that were more direct without the niceties. She quotes Stanford professor Clifford Nass…

“Every culture has a rule of reciprocity, which roughly means, if I do something nice for you, you will do something nice for me. We wanted to see whether people would apply that to technology: Would they help a computer that helped them more than a computer that didn’t help them?”

When robots/computers were polite people behaved in kind. In fact, in one experiment where people were told to unplug the computer if the computer begged politely for them to not unplug…people displayed an apparent moral quandary. They’d engage in dialogue with the machine as though they were speaking with another person. Proof that likability pays, even if it’s our digital devices like Siri, Alexa, Echo or some other digital assistant. Do you say “thank you” or “please” to your digital assistant? 😉 

Politeness is a big part of being likable. It’s part of our ability and desire to connect. 

I see it every day during early morning walks. There are people I see almost daily. As we pass each other, they’ll make eye contact, smile and reply to my greeting, “Good morning.” There are other people I see almost daily who never look up, clearly wanting to avoid eye contact…and others who are looking up, but acting as though they don’t see you. Uninterested in replying to your, “Good morning” or your subtle wave. There are about 3 people who have never responded to me, but I keep greeting them. It’s a challenge to see if one day they’ll become more polite. So far, they’ve chosen not to.

I see it every day in the gym. Except there the circumstances may warrant different behavior. If a person is dialed into a weight lifting session, etiquette requires the polite thing to do is to give them space and don’t distract them. It’s interesting to watch people selfishly invade somebody’s space. Politeness fosters likability. Impoliteness (aka rudeness) fosters us being annoyed. 

I’ve never seen a person or company gain new customers, much less serve existing customers better, by annoying them. I’ve seen annoying people make a sale, but never create a happy customer, which is the first leg of hitting the trifecta of successful business building. 

It’s equally impossible to serve existing customers better without kindness, politeness and being likable. Being likable is marketable. And not just to prospects. It’s also marketable to potential employees, suppliers and anybody else we hope to attract. 

In short, being likable is attractive!

Being real, truthful, honest, forthright and human are just a few elements of being attractive. There are some elements of likability that may be less general, and more specific. When I was single, I mostly was attracted to blondes. I don’t know why. Sometimes we just like what we like. It works if we – and our company – are liked by the prospects we hope to serve. It doesn’t work at all if our likability factors aren’t congruent with the market we hope to serve. I’m attracted to candid conversation, but not everybody rolls that way. Some people are intent on keeping the mask of “I’m great, and everything is fine!” on. I’m disinterested in working with people like that, so I suspect neither of us find each other attractive. That’s fine. It works. For both of us. 

You’ve got to figure out who you’re attracted to, and who finds you attractive. It’s a big part of marketing. But for today, let me leave you with a challenge to incorporate being nice – kind, generous, polite and whatever other terms you want to incorporate into it – into your daily behavior and culture.

Be likable. Genuinely so. You’ll figure the rest of it out from there, and it may change your life and your business because it remains a competitive edge. 

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

P.S. Steven Page, one of the founding members of the BareNaked Ladies (now a solo artist), posted this a few days ago on Instagram. Fitting. “If you must, point out your politeness.”

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