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My buddy Leo Bottary gifted me a book by one of my favorite authors, Dr. Henry Cloud. It was late last year and my stack of books in the reading queue was high so I didn’t get around to reading it until recently. It’s entitled, The Power Of The Other.

The book is about the impact other people have on you. In every area of your life. A friend has told me it should be the next audio book summary I do. We’ll see. But today I want to share with you an ancient idea – and truth – that Dr. Cloud addresses in the book in a section entitled, “The Mask Of Inauthenticity.” 

We employ our capacity to protect ourselves and establish effective boundaries by donning masks. “Never let ’em see you sweat,” is indicative of our need to protect ourselves by not showing exactly how we’re feeling. Or sharing what’s really may be going on with us.

I was in my 20’s when I got my first real #1 leadership role running a company, a luxury retailing outfit. Retail is largely about engaging the shopping public. Front line people can make or break your success. Quickly I learned that how I entered a store and engaged with employees would impact people. People were reading signals that I wasn’t even intending to put off. Visual signals. Tone. Facial expressions. Body language. They all mattered. It was too long ago for me to remember how I was made aware that my entrance could have a somewhat lasting impact on front line people, but I was glad to learn it – and somewhat dismayed at how to better manage or control it. 

It had nothing to do with hitting the door in a foul mood. For me, it was mostly preoccupation. I wasn’t accomplished in “being in the moment.” I had no idea people could mis-read me so badly, but I knew I had to take responsibility for it. So I learned to sit in the car and take a few seconds to get focused on where I was and understand that front line people would be watching me closely. I grew accustomed to wearing a mask because it’s what people needed from me. They needed to see that things were fine and that, if I found things going well, they knew I approved. Likewise, if things weren’t going well, they needed to know my disapproval (I didn’t have much of a problem with that).

Let me read this brief section by Dr. Henry Cloud on the mask of inauthenticity. As a business owner, CEO or leader you’ll be able to relate. I promise. But first, let me read you a segment that appeared just today over at RollingStone.com about Tom Petty:

Petty “was so smart,” Campbell says, as well as “one of the funniest people I’ve ever known. And he had a good heart.” The guitarist recalls a point “several tours ago” when he was having “some real personal problems. I was doing my job but struggling to keep my vibe up.” One night, in the middle of a song, Petty came over to Campbell, “stood next to me, and he goes, ‘Just remember, up here, nobody can touch us.'”

Masks are exactly about that. Being in a place where nobody can touch us. Safe. Secure. Protected.

Of course, there’s a downside. Like medication that serves us well and has big benefits, there are side affects that may be unpleasant, or even more deadly than the thing they intend to cure. 

I highly recommend Dr. Cloud’s book (I can highly recommend any and all of his books). The masks we wear – and when we wear them – have an impact on our lives. They’re necessary components of our life as leaders. But…

Every person needs a place where the masks aren’t necessary. A safe, secure place where we can shell things down and feel free to be ourselves more fully. Do you have such a place? Are you surrounded by any people with whom you can be unfiltered, unmasked? For your personal growth, professional effectiveness and most positive relationships – you owe it to yourself to find a mask free zone. It may require some diligent searching. Most certainly it’s going to demand that you be purposeful and intentional. You rarely stumble onto high value. Sure, it can happen, but great leaders don’t rely on hope or happenstance for their success. They work hard to put themselves into the best position possible for greater success. It’s precisely what I’m encouraging you to do.

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The new director gathered his staff of direct reports. Four people. All of them with over 2 years tenure and extensive experience in their respective roles. He hadn’t been hired to perform a turnaround, but instead had been tapped for his vast experience as a solid technology expert. The CTO had heard terrific things about Don. The interview process went well. All signs appeared to prove that Don would be a great director. But the signs didn’t reveal Don’s view of humanity.

In their first staff meeting Don held forth with blunt, almost offensive directives, treating these four people as though they lacked basic intelligence. Shell shocked, the team sat in silence, answering only when directly spoken to and did their best to simply get a lay of the land with their new boss. They’d heard he was very bright, but they had no idea he thought himself so much smarter than everybody. And anybody.

Immediately he began listing things that were important to him. And imposing a variety of rules that instantly put a choke hold on decision making. He wanted everything – and I mean EVERYTHING – coming through him. It was clearly a new day and the four direct reports left the meeting in stunned silence. Fearful of being seen huddling they secretly conspired to meet after work.

A very smart guy with newly appointed power, Don was making a strong impression. A bad one.

Within 8 months Don’s exit seemed 8 months too late. Half of his direct reports had accepted new positions elsewhere. Only one had been replaced as Don struggled to get the team back to full strength. One idiotic move after another. A litany of stupid rules and procedures had turned a once stellar team of four into a lack luster team of 2 very demoralized people who hoped they could outlast Don. The toll was extensive. And costly. Resulting in lost productivity, numerous resignations of good people and greater pressure on the CTO to “get it right” next time (that’s how the CEO expressed it).

How can smart bosses (and leaders) impose and even love stupid rules? Well, let’s be clear. Smart leaders are often smart mostly in their own estimation. But sometimes they might outsmart themselves. Or they may have their ears and mind stopped up to listen to anybody else, always thinking they know best. It could be they’re sometimes insecure, feeling as though they have to prove they’re worthy of their position. Somebody way smarter than me will have to figure all that out. But I do know this much after decades of running successful companies – even smart people can do stupid things, including imposing stupid rules or implementing stupid procedures. Let me give you just 2. The two biggest ones I continue to see.

The Distance Between The Decisions And The Work Is Sometimes Too Great

This is often the case when the rank and file find procedures or workflow frustrating. Daily they’re involved in doing the work. But sadly top brass won’t involve them in finding better solutions. Stupid rules and decisions happen whenever the leaders are further away from the actual work impacted by the rules or decisions.

Such an easy thing to fix. But it requires a humility that sometimes evades leaders. Sometimes it’s fear and not knowing how to effectively engage with the work, and those who perform the work. Relating to people is necessary and not all leaders (or title wearers) have the ability. Most often, in my experience, it stems from the belief “I know better than you.” That arrogance can cause smart people to make stupid decisions.

Get out of your own way if you’re that kind of a leader. Realize that if you were doing the work – the actual work – 8 or more hours a day, you may have some insights that others would lack. Sure, there could be other factors that would escape you, but engaging the people who do the work can also provide you the ability to listen, and to share. Everybody can learn. Everybody can better understand the problem and devise an effective solution. There’s a lot of brain power on that front line. It doesn’t matter if you’re running a business in retail, medical, manufacturing, hospitality or any other sector. Every smart leader will work hard to close the distance gap between the actual work and the decisions that affect that work.

The Unintended Consequences Aren’t Considered (or corrected)

We have a specific problem. So we address it. We think we fix it. Inadvertently we’ve created problems we didn’t have before. We’re either too blind to see those new problems, or we minimize those problems as we focus on how well we did addressing the first problem.

A company had no onboarding procedure. Like many companies they simply had a new employee report to a new post and left it up to each boss to welcome that employee and deliver whatever training might be necessary. Sure, there were the required HR type things. The company manual was handed out, requiring a signature that the new employee had received it and would comply with the contents. But the company had no structured process and it was creating quick turnover of new hires.

The braintrust decided that the central office of the region (within an hour or so of all the locations) would be a great place to conduct a few days of onboarding before employees reported to their designated offices. They spent weeks designing a training program, complete with slide decks and scripts for live training. Given the size of the operation they figured they’d perform this onboarding every month at a predetermined time. The schedule was established and the first sessions went off without much of hitch. Great! Problem solved.

The company had mandated that before any new hire could report to the office which hired them, they had to complete the 3-day onboarding at regional headquarters. Okay, that seems reasonable. Until you realize that offices were now held hostage on when they could actually start their new hires. If the 3-day onboarding for the month had just completed, then it meant the new hire would have to wait a full month before starting. People would accept the job offer, then bail out when they found a job that would allow them to start immediately. New hires weren’t able to go a full month without a paycheck waiting on the onboarding schedule. Sometimes they’d notify the company they were taking another job. Quite often they simply wouldn’t show up for the onboarding. The result was an enormous problem in understaffing at area offices. The offices were constantly feeling the pressure to not only find qualified candidates to hire, but trying to line up those candidates to fit the onboarding schedule. Their work load didn’t matter. Smart people had implemented a dumb process that created new – even bigger – problems. Unintended consequences were more devastating than the original problems of not having an onboarding process.

You’d think such problems would be quickly addressed. You might be wrong. Sometimes leaders are so dug in on a decision they refuse to admit their fix has caused new problems. That was the case with this onboarding problem. Dozens of potential good hires got lost in the shuffle. Countless man hours of frustration ensued at offices that were woefully understaffed. All because leaders didn’t open their eyes to the problems they had created.

Did they not care? Were they indifferent to staffing challenges? Who knows? Who cares? The fact was, one problem was addressed, but the solution created a new, bigger problem that impacted the business.

Humility. Openness. Honesty. 

Let me leave you with one powerful suggestion. Learn to recognize the power of people – namely, your people. The people in your organization. The people doing the actual work. The collective group is far smarter than you by yourself. They always will be. It doesn’t matter how talented you are, how high your IQ, or how advanced your degrees. You and a room full of people doing the work is infinitely smarter than just you.

Smart leaders – the very smartest ones – are people who know the value of collaboration and connection. They intentionally engage others with a strong desire to learn and understand. When they get it wrong – and we all do – they readily accept it, and correct it. It’s not about saving face or looking good. It’s about being the best. It’s about making a positive difference. Serving the good of the organization by serving the people doing the work…that’s the goal. It’s always the goal.

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 17:55 — 16.7MB)

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Mental health is woefully silent in business conversations. Entrepreneurship is cool. Mental health challenges are not.

According to the National Alliance On Mental Illness 1 in 5 American adults will experience mental illness in any given year. The numbers, both raw and percentages, are staggering when you stop to carefully consider them. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America. It’s the dark, often not talked about, downside ending for too many businesspeople, including business owners or entrepreneurs.

Right now, if you’re feeling that you may be battling that feels too large for you to handle – emotionally or mentally – do yourself, your family, your friends and your business a big, big favor. Reach out to a mental health professional. Make an appointment to see a doctor and keep the appointment. YOU are the horsepower and operating system behind your career and your business. You’ll regularly run software programs to keep your computer working properly. Don’t ignore the work to keep your mind working properly. The baddest computers on the planet need help getting rid of extraneous files and other things that clog up the works. Your brain is no different. It doesn’t mean the computer isn’t state-of-the-art. It means we have to make a wise, smart investment to keep things operating at a top notch level. Make the call right now!

These facts are important because too frequently we’re bombarded with advice and admonition that may be beyond our capabilities. Worse yet, some advice may be dangerous because it assumes we don’t have any serious issues threatening our mental health. I admit that the headline for today’s show could be considered such advice — but it’s not. It’s not intended to pressure you into thinking that anything is easy. Truth is, changing your mind is very difficult. Especially changing your mind to reach out and get the help you suspect you may need. Or changing your mind to at long last find some willingness to talk with somebody about things that may be big hurdles for you. Anxiety. Fear. Depression.

So many things can get in our way and it’s perfectly understandable that we sometimes need help. You’ll quickly engage a professional expert to help you with a variety of business challenges. An accounting firm gets a call when we need to have outside folks dig deeper into our numbers to make sure there’s high integrity in our company, and to ensure that our processes are rock solid. An HR firm gets a call whenever we need help with our recruiting or our dotting i’s and crossing t’s with the legal personnel issues in our firm. An attorney gets a call when we’ve got a big contract to execute. We want protection, for ourselves and our company. So we lean on people with an expertise beyond our own capabilities. I’m urging you to do the same thing when it comes to your own mental health. Exercise the same wisdom with your life that you do with your business.

That’s a big change your mind, change your life action.

Great business operators understand the value of facing realities. Ignoring problems is never a wise course. Facing them, no matter how bad they may seem, is always better. It’s the only way we’re able to effectively confront and address what ails us. Hopefully, with the best possible solution.

Mental health applies to all of us. 100% of us.

We all need to take good care of ourselves. It’s foolish to think we’ll be able to operate our business in the most effective and efficient ways while we’re only operating at a fraction of our best. Success doesn’t hinge on us being perfect, but it may hinge on us being healthy. Both physically and mentally.

You’ve achieved whatever success you currently experience because at critical points in your life you made up your mind about something. You decided something and took proper action. You kept taking proper actions to move your idea, your business, forward. Sure, you battled all kinds of problems, hurdles, obstacles and challenges. You endured whatever you couldn’t overcome. Tenacity helped you get to where you are. And that tenacity started in your mind.

That was then. What about now?

I grew up during the Johnny Carson era of The Tonight Show. Actors of a bygone era would often sit across from Johnny and talk of their early days, living in an apartment in New York City where they shared space with buddies. Stars like Kirk Douglas and others would often tell Johnny about other famous actors who rose to stardom from humble beginnings in a small flat in NYC. Comedians would often talk of the other famous funny men in their lives who battled together to make their way in the world of stand-up comedy. I was always fascinated at how small groups of people would congregate, collaborate and connect.

Music was my thing. During the days of my youth – the mid 1970’s – I would often read of how musicians would spend time around each others. Jackson Browne, Glen Frey, Don Henley, Joni Mitchell, Linda Ronstadt and others lived and created music in a particular area of southern California. Meanwhile, up in Haight-Ashbury in San Fransisco there was another group of people doing the same thing, but producing very different music.

On TV’s Intervention we can regularly see addiction fueled by friends willing to drink and do drugs together. Some congregate to fuel creativity while others congregate to fuel destructive behavior. From one extreme to the other we regularly see the impact people have on our lives. The people in our life have an enormous impact on us. They can lift us up and help us reach success that would have otherwise eluded us. Or they can drag us down and propel us toward the ground faster. It’s why every wise parent of teens urges their children to pick their friends carefully. We know the influence friends have on our kids. Sometimes, we forget the impact they have on us as adult business people.

That’s where changing your mind can completely change your life.

There may be no deeper loneliness than the loneliness when you’re surrounded by lots of people. Being alone in a crowded room is a real thing. You likely have a long, long list of people in your contact list. Some are closer than others. Others aren’t close at all. But you’ve got some sort of connection with each of them. Suppliers. Vendors. Service providers. Professionals. Other business owners. Company leaders. Front line people. C-Level people. All kinds of people. The list is extensive. It’s broad and deep.

But you may be very alone.

Wishing you had somebody who would just listen to you.

Somebody willing to understand what you’re going through.

Somebody who may be able to offer you their experience so you could better figure out what you should do.

But you’re not that open. With anybody. You figure it’s your problem and you’re unwilling to share it with anybody. That’s a vulnerability you don’t enjoy. Your dad told you, “Never let ’em see you sweat.” So you don’t.

The loneliness can be devastating though. You push through.

Or you try.

Anxiety. Loneliness. Fear. Dread. Depression. Panic. Sadness.

You figure they just go with the job. Of being a business owner. An entrepreneur.

There’s a reason why successful people can readily tell stories of others who came up with them and how those relationship continue as they work to stay on top of the mountain. There’s also a reason why the alcoholic or drug addict who never gets better continues to surround himself with people who embrace the same destructive behavior. People make the difference. Particularly, the people we intentionally put around us.

Change your mind, change your life.

Courage is the willingness to share your problems. Courage is the willingness to be vulnerable. Courage is the tenacity to grow, improve and transform.

It can be scary to change your mind. But it’s far scarier to refuse. And to stay the course as you struggle with the things that can destroy you, your family and your business. So today, as we’re on the verge of entering the 4th quarter of 2017 I’m encouraging you to change your mind about how you go through life dealing with your issues – whether they’re challenges or opportunities. I’m pleading with you to consider reaching out to people who can serve you – people who can be there for you, and people who will let you be there for them, too. Improve your mental health. Improve your life. Improve your business. Protect all these things that really matter to you. Invest in them and don’t ignore your need to make up your mind so you can continue to grow your life.

P.S. Visit The Peer Advantage – a mastermind group of just 7 business owners from around America who meet regularly to help each other grow as leaders and as business owners.

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ponder (verb) – to spend time thinking carefully and seriously about a problem, a difficult question, or something that has happened 

But it’s really broader than that. It also includes spending time carefully considering things you may have learned, or things you’re trying to learn. Activating things we’ve learned often requires a certain degree of pondering.

It’s not getting any easier. Every business owner, CEO or leader will quickly tell you how busy they are – always pressed for time. The ones who enjoy reading lament how little time they have to do “serious” reading, instead having to be satisfied to scan articles, blog posts, white papers and whatever else crosses their desks. Some people claim “the average CEO” reads as many as 60 books a year, but I certainly see no evidence of that. I know many CEOs who’d tell you they’re lucky to read a handful a year. Still others who declare they hate to read. No matter — business leaders experience a barrage of information and data. Internal and external. Reading and listening. Watching. We all live in a content rich – and content heavy – world. Whether we feel we have time or not, we’re consuming input during almost all waking hours.

Reading. 

Listening.

Watching.

Consuming information and content.

Something more important is happening here.

Learning.

Learning things like leadership and other business skill requires execution, but first – they need time to take root in our mind. That’s why we so frequently attend seminars and conferences without any lasting results. We hear things – learn things – then go back to work and resume our normal life. Nothing changes. No improvement. No growth.

Human beings have a magical ability to make up our minds. That is, we can decide something in a moment. And it can change everything.

Forgiveness. Bitterness. Hatred.

These are just examples of what I’m talking about. You can make up your mind to be rid of any of these, or all of them. It can happen in a single moment. But getting to that moment is going to require some thoughtful consideration. There are likely things you need to resolve in your own head. Pondering is needed.

Devoting time to sober considerations is how we grow to reach these decision points in our life. Then, we put them into action.

None of that can happen when we’re busy jumping from content to content, from conference to conference, from seminar to seminar, from book to book – or podcast to podcast. It’s a fascinating merry-go-round we get on. We go round and round looking for the easy button, the fast answer, the quick solution. The addictive nature of acquiring information fosters a growing desire to get more. And more. Hopeful that somebody, somewhere will have just the thing we need to make it all come together.

There is no such thing!

It’s our fantasy. Or a lie told by marketers.

Right now, without much thought, you can likely identify a couple of things you wish you’d already incorporated into your life as a business owner or leader. Go ahead. Take a moment and jot them down. Do it right now. If you’re driving or doing something where that’s not possible, then open up a recording or voice memo app on your phone and record them.

STOP. Hit the pause button your information consumption. Give yourself some time to consider what you want to improve. Knowing isn’t likely the problem. You already know what to do. Doing is the problem. You’ve not yet made up your mind to incorporate it into your life. Sit down. Take a few deep breaths and figure out how to make it happen in your life. Learn. Do.

Make that your new habit.

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Thank you!