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“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”  – Aesop

The return we get – let’s start out thinking about ourselves because that’s what we tend to do anyway (put ourselves first) – from kindness is immeasurable. Never mind the benefit we can provide to others.

Then why is compassion so rare?

“No one has ever become poor by giving.”   – Anne Frank

In a word: pride.

Pride gets in our way. It’s the kryptonite for everybody.

Self.

That’s another word you may be better able to relate with. We put too much emphasis on ourselves and not enough on others. Culture fuels it, too.

If you don’t take care of yourself, who will?

I’m even guilty, having been a longtime fan of Jack Welch’s statement, “Control your destiny or somebody else will.” I’m re-thinking that these days, just so you know.

In one context (perhaps others) it’s wise. It means, “be responsible.” Don’t wait for somebody to do it for you. Don’t sit back, doing nothing, hoping others will rescue you. That’s not a good or wise way to go through life.

But on the other hand, it diminishes the value others can bring. It may spark us to isolate ourselves thinking we alone have to do it all. And that makes us critical of others because we’ve now elevated our own view of ourselves. We’re clearly the most important person on the planet – in our minds.

That’s why judgment is easy. We can easily and quickly spot the deficiencies in others while our glaring weaknesses can go unnoticed. Your weaknesses make me feel better about myself, but that better feeling is like an illegal drug. It’s short-term gain with long-term pain.

It doesn’t make me a better human. It does nothing to help you. It won’t improve me. Instead, it stunts my growth and helps me remain stuck in my self-centeredness.

Then, you’re gonna go post terrific pics of your vacation or some other trip. I’m gonna see your Instagram and Facebook posts. Jealousy is going to soar. My life isn’t so grand. I can’t afford to make that trip. My life doesn’t measure up. Bitterness and resentment settle into a comfortable place in my mind.

How am I supposed to exhibit compassion when your life appears so much better than mine?

Again, it boils down to pride and self. I’m looking at your life – and all the other lives around me – through the lens of my own life. The constant state of comparison prevents me from feeling or displaying compassion.

Compassion doesn’t cost. It gives. To everybody.

Pride’s payoff isn’t nearly as great. But pride promises the big payday. Which is why we can so easily lean into it. By putting the attention on ourselves maybe we’re deluded into thinking others will pay us more attention. Self-promotion and all that.

This isn’t about avoiding putting our best foot forward. Or for those comfortable doing so, it’s not about avoiding self-promotion. The issue is whether or not we’ll incorporate compassion into our daily habits.

Humility and compassion provide fuel for so many positive things in our lives – and in the lives of others with whom we interact. Connection and communication are greatly enhanced. Both are hindered when compassion is missing. That alone ought to make us think more soberly about how we can increase compassion in our lives.

Compassion is missing when these qualities are absent:

• Humility
• Curiosity
• Empathy
• Open-mindedness
• Cooperation

Guess what else is missing when these qualities are absent?

Team performance. Group performance. High performing groups and teams tend to always have the same traits that fuel compassion. That doesn’t mean they have no conflict or disagreement. It means they can work through it in a productive way that doesn’t tear them apart.

I regularly ask people about extending grace to others. In just about every conversation it quickly becomes clear that people are reluctant to give grace (compassion) to others. Especially when there’s conflict or disagreement.

Yet that’s when compassion is needed most.

When things are smooth and easy…well, we don’t have to work very hard. It’s when there’s disagreement or conflict when we need to amp up the compassion.

Lest you think this is about nothing more than kindness – which should be ample reason for doing it – there’s a practical reason behind deploying more compassion.

Understanding

Compassion is the missing link when understanding goes out the window. Or when understanding seems almost impossible. Or when people stop seeking understanding.

We shut down. We refuse to listen. We dig deeper into our position.

“I’m dug into what I think.” A common statement heard when a person has made up their mind they won’t exercise compassion. You may as well walk away because that person will never understand what you say or how you feel. They’re disinterested in learning more. Growth and improvement aren’t as important to them as their pride.

If you find the performance of your group or team faltering, gauge the compassion. If it’s lacking then work to elevate it by stressing the high value of it. When you begin to elevate compassion you’ll find understanding going up, too. Along with it, performance. Test it and I guarantee things will improve.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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High-performing groups and teams are fixated on one big thing – understanding!

The key to understanding is one simple, but not always easy activity – asking questions.

Being high-performing isn’t easy. Ever. It takes hard work, dedication and know-how. It also requires discipline to engage in continuous activities that will foster high-performance. Most teams or groups lack the ingredients, but it’s not technical prowess, or proper structure or even good intentions that are missing. No, the missing ingredients are the things necessary for improved understanding.

High-performing groups or teams lean into the areas of activity that foster great work. And it’s far less technical than most think. Instead, it’s social. It’s about people.

It’s human interaction and our ability to improve those interactions.

Mostly, it’s about our collective ability to have productive discussions. If we’re unable to do that, then it’s over. Any chance we have to be high-performing is out if we can’t have profitable conversations that foster deeper understanding.

High-performing teams.

High-performing groups.

High-functioning relationships. Including marriages and families.

They all depend on understanding.

The quality of our questions determines the quality of our understanding. And the higher our understanding the more likely we can have high-performing groups or teams made up of high-performing individuals.

What happens when you don’t understand?

You have a few options. You can make something up. Assume meaning. Think you know. Don’t work to find out. This is the option taken by many people (which is, in part, why high-performing groups or teams are so rare). The gaps in our knowledge – those things we don’t know or the things we don’t understand – get filled in with what we think or assume.

You can ask questions. You can seek understanding.

Why is that so hard? A few reasons. For starters, you have to admit you don’t understand. Many people would prefer to feign understanding. But that doesn’t work at any level. Pretending you understand is about as effective as pretending you’re a high-performing person. Imagining it won’t make it so.

It’s also hard because we’re human. We have emotions. We react to things. Including words others say.

We can get defensive and combative. Understanding isn’t the initial instinct for most people. Fighting back is. Or running away. Fight or flight. The space between the two is mindful understanding. That just means it’s intentional. We set our minds to understand ahead of time, knowing that during the conversation we’re going to likely be sparked to feel like fighting or fleeing. Special, high-performing people determine in advance to pursue understanding. They can check themselves in real-time to behave in ways that foster understanding instead of conflict for the sake of disagreement.

It’s hard. Very hard. Which is why it’s so rare.

Your team is meeting. The conversation is perfectly fine while the topics are easy, but suddenly a difficult conversation begins. At some point somebody says something that causes another member of the team to bristle. They blurt out, “I completely disagree.” That can derail the entire discussion…or not.

What’s going to happen next? I many cases it turns into a fight. A he-said, he-said ordeal. No increased understanding. No improvement in the discussion. The productivity falls like a rock. The conversation either ends or quickly moves to safer topics. It’s evident the team isn’t going to be able to discuss this tough subject. It’s the mark of a low-performing team. They just can’t handle hard discussions.

What if instead of blurting out, “I completely disagree” the person remained quiet, listening with the intention of understanding the speaker? It doesn’t mean there’s going to be agreement. But it does mean understanding has a chance!

Then, at a proper time, what if the disagreeing listener asks a question without any intention of inciting negative emotions. “Can you tell me more about why you feel the way you do…so I can better understand?”

By asking the question we’re omitting our favorite thing to do though. The thing that fosters nothing productive. We’re not telling that person – or the team – that we disagree. Instead of drawing a line in the sand we’re working to understand.

Very few people can do that instinctively. The fact is, I’ve never seen it, but I’m supposing such people may exist. Maybe there really are unicorns in the wild. Somewhere. I don’t know. But I do know we can make up our minds to behave like that because I’ve seen it in every high-performing team or group.

Questions. Not statements. That’s the key.

Curiosity. Not judgment or reaction. That’s also a key that precedes the questions.

Reaction is easy. We hear something that irks us. Or something we disagree with. Before we can even think we’ve blurted it out. “I completely disagree.” We’re not trying to understand anything except our need to be heard. We must voice our disapproval. Right now!

Why? Where’s the value for the group or the team? How are we pushing understanding forward when we do that?

We do it because we’re selfish.

We do it because we’re judgmental, not understanding.

We do it because we think our view matters more than anybody else in the room. So we MUST speak up.

There is no value for the group or the team. There’s no value for the person voicing the objection either.

A Better Option: Ask Questions Aimed To Increase Understanding

The questions can be statements. It’s important they be candid, but safe and non-threatening without your insertion of opposition.

“Tell me more.”

“Explain more about why you feel that way.”

“Tell us why you see it that way.”

Sometimes people technically think they’re doing good work, but they’re only behaving in a passive-aggressive way to appear like they’re doing good work. They’re really behaving poorly and not helping the group better understand.

“I’d like to know why you feel that way because I don’t see it like that at all.”

“Please enlighten us on why you see it that way.”

Tone matters. It’s communication so it all matters. Facial expressions. Body language. Pay attention to all of it.

Fact: We overvalue our intentions by thinking our intentions are always good. We undervalue the intentions of others thinking they have bad, even nefarious motives.

That’s why we have powerful angry reactions to people who cut us off in traffic. We choose to believe such a person thinks their time is more valuable than ours. They think they deserve to be ahead of us. They’re jerks.

Nevermind they could be rushing to an emergency. We’d rather not think that. Instead, we prefer to think they’ve wronged us. But they’re unaware of how we feel. Our emotions – the ones we choose to embrace – impact us, not them. Why don’t we choose emotions that better serve us? Mostly because we react without pre-thinking. Such an event might ruin our entire day.

That’s the high price we pay for failing to understand or see things in ways that better serve us and the groups or teams of which we’re a part.

So here I sit. In this moment listening to somebody say something that I completely disagree with. I can immediately object. Or I can turn my emotions in a different direction toward curiosity thinking, “I wonder why they feel that way?” Only one way to find out. Ask. But do it in a way that fosters a candid reply. That means it’s on me to do it in a way that won’t make them bristle, shut down or be tempted to be combative.

Because the performance of our group hinges on my performance and everybody else who is a member of this group. My poor behavior doesn’t help. My provoking them to behave poorly doesn’t help things either. How can we ALL benefit? By deepening our understanding.

Stop filling in the blanks with assumptions that may be false. Instead, find out. Seek understanding. Learn how to be part of a high-performing group or team by first learning how to be high-performing yourself. Get busy doing great work to deepen your understanding of others. Until you do…you’ll never be able to leverage the power of others.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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The power of others is most evident when we get into trouble. The trouble that we create through our own foolishness, negligence or stupidity. I know you don’t want to admit it, but we’ve all experienced it. Nobody is immune.

All of us have written awful chapters in our lives. Hopefully, we didn’t make them the longest chapters of our lives. Worse yet, let’s not make them multiple chapters that end up defining our whole story. The most wasted lives in society are lives like that – lives devoted to ongoing, constant foolishness (or worse – evil and wickedness).

Most of us are guilty of youthful indiscretions and idiocy. Sometimes we weren’t so young when we did it, but if we’re surrounded by people who care about us then we can more quickly course correct. That’s why our associations are crucial for our well-being.

The wrong people can influence us to extend our worst chapter. They foster the continual writing of a bad story.

The right people can influence us to shorten our worst chapter by helping us get on with writing a much better story.

We’re responsible for our own story. This isn’t about diverting the blame onto others. It’s our life. Our story. And our decision on how we write it. And our decision on who we’ll surround ourselves with.

Being responsible means it’s up to us. It doesn’t mean it’s solely up to us. It means we can decide to silo ourselves and go it alone. Or we can decide that’s stupid and we need help.

Why struggle alone?

Lots of reasons. None of them very good. But there are reasons why we do it.

We don’t trust anybody enough to be fully candid. Or vulnerable.

We don’t think anybody can help. Or is willing to help. We think people need some special skills or knowledge to help.

We don’t want to impose on anybody.

We don’t think we need help.

But here’s the thing…when we’re struggling we may not be at our optimal self. Remaining in the struggle – going it alone – prolongs the chapter. Not likely our best chapter either.

Read any biography of a successful person and you’ll read about failures. Sometimes lots of them. Sometimes long periods of failure.

Do you feel like a challenge? I’ve tried this numerous times and the results are universally true (so far). Think of the times you’ve struggled. Times when you were failing.

Think of how you escaped it. When you found your way out and began to succeed.

Was there a person involved in your turnaround? One person who showed up at just the right time? A person who gave you a helping hand?

I’m guessing there was such a person. I’ve not yet met a person, who after just moments of sober reflection, could say they dug their way out of the abyss all alone. People tell stories of a friend, some stranger, a relative…somebody helped them get to their feet. Without that assistance, they admit their struggle would have continued. For who knows how long?

In retrospect, people tell me about the bad chapter of their life. Some had a few bad chapters. But everybody happily admits those bad chapters were not their whole story thanks to the people who provided just what they seemed to need.

I’ve never talked with a successful person – measured just about any way you’d like to measure it (financial, accomplishment, achievement) – who claims they were able to do it alone. They were able to write better chapters, to craft a better story by leveraging 3 basic behaviors:

1. They figured out what they were good at (which in most cases, wound up being the things they most enjoyed doing). They devoted themselves to doing more of that.
2. They were relentless in pursuing their goal. This was made possible because they figured out a goal that was congruent with their natural talent.
3. They were able to move forward because somebody helped them. In some cases, they found help to achieve 1 and 2.

Better stories are always written by people who had collaborators. People who didn’t hesitate to help them. Not people who wanted to write the story for them, but people willing to help them create a better story. People willing to be part of their success.

What if we could be more intentional to craft a better story? What if we could take serious aim at writing a better chapter…after chapter…after chapter?

We can.

The goal or pursuit doesn’t matter. Whatever you want to do…it can be greatly enhanced by finding the right people willing to help. Help is all around you. There are three basic steps you can take.

1. Realize there are many people capable and willing to help. This continues to be THE hurdle for most people. They disbelieve this fact. They convince themselves all those idiotic sentiments that sound so wise. Such as, “If it is to be, it’s up to me.” Meanwhile, the most successful people understand that the fastest path toward a better story are people who can best help them write that story. The story they most want to write.
2. Get past your fears. Whether your fears take the form of insecurities or feeling like you’re imposing…get over them. They’re in your head. They only exist because you choose to believe them. Keep telling yourself the truth: the world is full of people who will help. People who can help. Fears will prevent you from finding them. Mostly because your fears will paralyze you from even looking for them.
3. Act. Make choices that are congruent with the story you most want to write. Think of yourself as the main character in the story…because you are. If it helps, think of yourself not as yourself, but as that character. Visualize what the story will be when it happens as you’d like. What’s the ending going to be? Now, work your way backward and reverse engineer the story so you can make it come true. Your character will have to do certain things and avoid doing other things if the story is going to play out the way you want. Get busy behaving in ways so that story will be YOUR story.

If you’re currently stuck in a bad chapter, don’t despair. Commit to get past it. End it. Fast. Solicit help. Or refuse and extend the chapter to last much, much longer.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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Last week I read yet another article about the dangers of executive coaching. One of the dangers listed was the morphing of the relationship into a friendship where the coach is no longer pushing or challenging the client. Over time they’ve become friends and now things are different.

It prompted me to go back and revisit some earlier articles, especially some appearing in the Harvard Business Review where there’s been a considerable disdain for executive coaching prompted largely by charlatans and poor practices. I read articles I’d never seen before. I revisited other articles I’d seen over the years. Perhaps I was looking for a theme, but in none of the pieces did I see myself and how I’ve worked for the past decade in helping leaders move forward.

Page after page of advice-giving, expertise, and imposing beliefs sounded nothing like how I view the process. And missing in almost every article was the first of the things that are foundational for what I’ve learned to be most effective. Compassion.

Five C’s are all part of the biggest C of all – challenge. Not adversity. Not an obstacle. Challenge in the sense of pushing, nudging and helping people see things they may not otherwise see. It’s about improved performance. It’s not about keeping a client for life. For me, it’s always been about moving forward to a place where the work is complete (at least this stage of it).

I admit it’s not an ideal business model – at least not the way I approach it. But it’s also why I’ve been compelled over the last 4 years to learn so much about the power of others. It’s the power of US. When we’re surrounded by others – multiple people – then we can better leverage the individual and collective insights, experiences, wisdom, and counsel from people whose value will grow over time. Now that’s a very different value proposition because time forges the compassion so vital for each of us. Instead of “coaching” that should likely have a necessary ending, these groups increase in value year after year where members can do for each other what nobody else can.

I start with compassion because we find it difficult to find value in the challenges of people who don’t care about us. It’s possible, but we have to work very hard to use it for our benefit.

Somebody challenges your idea or thoughts. You know they don’t care about you, or for you. Fact is, you don’t much like them either. How does that challenge work out for you? Not well. Because you both have a bias that prevents you from seeing value in each other’s opinion or feedback. The challenge may be perfectly valid, but the person isn’t valid. Not to you anyway. Nor you to them. The value proposition is extremely low because the negative emotions are in the way. Where no compassion exists there’s little or no value. So it begins with CARING.

Why should we care about others?

Maybe it’s a philosophical or religious question, but permit me to make a statement that I’d like you to consider. We should care because it’s good for US. Yes, there are plenty of arguments for how it’s the right thing to do and how others are benefited, but I know we’re mostly interested in ourselves. It’s good for us to care about others. It comes back toward us in major waves of good as others reciprocate. It eliminates jealousy and bitterness, which never serve to make us achieve more. Or perform better. It deepens relationships with others who will help us when we need it the most. There are plenty of great reasons why we should express compassion and care for others. And why we should put a premium on it when others give it to us. Somebody has to start this. It may as well be YOU.

I agree with the articles that warn how coaches can grow too friendly where challenges don’t happen. Whether that occurs because the coach is fearful of losing the client or not, I can’t say. I can only speak for myself. I’ve never entered any coaching engagement with the thought that it’d last forever. In fact, I push rather hard to establish an endpoint so clients identify what they most want to achieve. Sometimes after reaching that milestone, new milestones have been established. No problem. Sometimes new clients within an organization emerge. That’s why it’s not uncommon for my engagement to last a few years (or longer). But I’d be hard-pressed to tell you about an engagement with a single client that lasted for years without an adjustment in the goal. It’s just not how I work.

Questions. Helping people figure it out for themselves. 

These are the 2 key elements to my view – and my approach – for executive coaching. It’s both practical and effective.

The high value of caring challenges emerges when you don’t climb on the pedestal thinking you’re better than others. Not only do I think I’m not better or smarter, I know so. But I also know I have strengths that I work hard to leverage. One, I listen. I pay close attention. That makes understanding a priority in communication. I seek understanding. I want to see it correctly. Two, I ask good questions. Occasionally, great ones. Mostly, they’re born out of curiosity. And a quest to more deeply understand. Three, the objective isn’t for me to come up with the right answer because honestly I don’t always know what the right answer is. But I trust my clients to put the puzzle pieces together so they can figure it out. Afer all, they’re the ones who have to implement the solution. Not me. What might be ideal for me would be very unideal for them. Maybe they’re extraordinarily extroverted with very different skillsets than me. That would influence the solution that’s most fitting for them. There’s tremendous power in the phrase, “To each his own.”

The burden is on the caring challenge. The proper communication of the caring challenge is incumbent on the challenger. Yes, I understand that people can be overly sensitive and think any challenge is uncaring. I also understand that people can resist and resent the most caring challenges because of their own head trash. But if we assume responsibility for the delivery, then we can likely increase the odds that our well-intended challenge will result in helping the person.

A big part of the problem is challengers often spend more time on the challenge and not enough time on the caring. We get focused on the thing. The solution. Or the problem.

In order to get to the heart of the matter,
you first must get to the heart of the person. 

I’ve been surrounded by older, wiser counselors all my life. I’ve sought them out. I’ve fostered deeper relationships with them. Over time I know they care about me. I care about them. It’s the foundation for all the benefits they provide me (and hopefully, my benefits to them). I’ve leaned on them for their wisdom, insights, experiences and willingness to challenge me because they seek my very best. It’s not about them. It’s about me and them helping me figure things out.

Caring challenges aren’t about anybody except YOU, assuming you’re the one being challenged. It’s about helping you become better.

Challenges aren’t always critical. Sometimes they’re just questions. One of the most powerful and caring challengers in my life would ask, “Are you sure you can do that?” That simple question would often stop me in my tracks and make me think – which was precisely the point of it all.

Other times the same challenger might ask, “Are you sure that’d be right?” That was more critical, but not harshly so. Nothing that would make me bristle. Again, it forced me to think.

Before you act, you must think. But not too much.

The high value of a caring challenge is to think through something so you can figure it out. Figuring it out is useless without actions. We all need to figure it out so we can take some meaningful action.

Leadership is about people. Management is about the work.

When you engage in leadership then you’re influencing people by helping them. You’re serving people. Bring higher value by first caring about people more deeply. Deploy compassion so you can build on top of that to establish the culture necessary for high performance – and helping people to become the best versions of themselves.

Do for people what they need. Caringly challenge them to improve, grow and develop. It won’t always be easy or painless, but you can do your part to make it more profitable. It’s about them. Benefit them. Help them. Serve them. Care about them. Enough to challenge them to be better.

Be well. Do good. Grow great.

Randy

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Making decisions.

Solving problems.

It’s THE job of top-level executives and business owners. The higher up the food chain, the more critical the decisions and solutions. Lower level or mid-level decisions have an impact, but they’re not as high risk as those made in the C-suite. Even so, it’s important for an organization to help leaders at every level make wise decisions. Leaders can learn how to do it better. Organizations benefit when leaders advance based on their ability to make great decisions and effectively solve problems quickly.

I often use an index-card illustration with clients.

A car accident happens at an intersection. Four different witnesses, standing at each corner, saw the whole thing. As you investigate to figure out what happened, you have options. You can survey the scene and deduce what happened without talking to anybody. You can speak with the witness standing on corner 1 and draw your conclusions without hearing what witnesses 2, 3 and 4 have to say. You can single out any of the other witnesses to the exclusion of all others, or some of the others. It’s up to you.

The smart investigator will leverage the power of everybody who saw the wreck, including the drivers and passengers of the vehicles involved. There could be lots of people to listen to and understand. The investigator will find great value in anybody who can add credible testimony to help him figure out the truth. We’d consider any investigator who didn’t to be a poor detective.

Unfortunately, some organizations don’t see problem-solving or decision-making inside their operations the same way. Too frequently leaders arrogantly figure they’re the smartest person in the room, fully capable of making the decision without any help or input from others.

The combined insights gained from the four witnesses at the intersection provide the investigator with a more complete picture of what happened. It eliminates potential blind spots that could derail the investigation.

I intentionally titled today’s show using the word “creative” because creativity is a differentiator in high achieving organizations. Yes, they execute better, but they don’t follow the throngs in how they do things. Groupthink doesn’t tend to produce innovative, creative solutions. Of course, groupthink is easier because you simply have to copy cat what others do. Every industry has it and most organizations do things pretty much the same way others in the industry do. Don’t do it. Brace yourself to put in the work to be more insightful and creative. It’s going to require you to learn how to better leverage others.

Step 1 – Commit the time required.

Using my index-card illustration, the investigator could more quickly walk around the scene and decide what happened. He would likely get it completely wrong, but he might get it right. He could save a lot of time.

Taking the time to speak to every witness and carefully surveying the scene will take a lot more time, but the odds of him getting it 100% correct soar.

Realistically, sometimes time isn’t on our side. Sometimes an event or circumstance hits causing us to act now. This is when we have to quickly weigh the consequences – the risks and rewards – of taking more time. In decades of running companies, I’ve almost never been faced with a decision or problem that didn’t allow time to leverage the perspectives of others. I’m a speed freak, but there’s a big difference in being quick to act responsibly and being careless. Don’t be careless. Reckless problem-solving will create more problems than it solves, but I see it happen time and again as executives reach for that box of bandages to temporarily fix some nagging problem…when thoughtful minor surgery might fix the problem once and for all.

Make time to leverage the experience and insights of others who can help you figure out the right move.

Step 2 – Avoid conclusions until you’ve gained those insights.

It drives me crazy to hear an executive speak with somebody on their team prefacing the conversation with the opinion or conclusions they’ve already drawn.

Executive: “I think we should move forward on that, what do you think?”

Team member: “Sure.” (even though they have a very different opinion)

Don’t ruin the testimony you can gain from your team or anybody else who might help you see things more clearly. Open up your mind and you’ll make better decisions faster. It helps to leave yourself open to the possibility that you may not always be right and that things may not always be what they seem. It also helps if you give enough consideration to others, assuming they may know more than you do. Don’t you want to be surrounded by bright, smart people? Then view them that way.

Step 3 – Clarify what you’ve learned and rehearse it with your team.

After the individual talks get your group together – the people who have particular helpful insights about this issue – and rehearse with them what you’ve discovered. Confirm what you’ve learned and see if anybody corrects something you may have misunderstood. Again, it’s important that you avoid reaching a conclusion (or at least that you avoid sharing your opinion). This is where you want to distill what you’ve learned. It’s also smart to ask the group what solution they think they be best. Let them debate it. Facilitate a productive but candid conversation. If you can work to consensus, that’s great – but it’s not always possible.

Step 4 – Don’t assume there’s only one right answer. Put the top ideas on trial for their lives and let the best ones bubble to the top (hopefully, clear for everybody to see).

Make the decision and gain a commitment from the team to help execute the decision. Many a good (or decent, perhaps even great) decisions have been foiled because a team member knowingly or unknowingly sabotaged the decision. Allow no saboteurs on your team. Ever! Not once the decision has been made. This is easier to do when you’ve allowed time for debate, even vigorous debate. Team members are like disgruntled customers. They sometimes just need to vent. Don’t rob them of that opportunity. Sometimes out of that venting come some creative solutions.

Step 5 – Fix it and move forward. Don’t fix it only to revisit it constantly.

This is where creativity really earns its keep. Sometimes you must bandage something to buy yourself more time, but more often than not I see organizations patch up a problem that needs more serious attention. Why? Laziness. They don’t want to devote themselves to the issue long enough to fix it so they can be attentive to other, perhaps more important, things.

If you don’t have time to do it right, then when will you have time to do it over?

Everybody knows that question, but sometimes we still claim we don’t have time to do it right…or time to fix it permanently right now. We’ll get around to it later. But we never do. Meanwhile, the wound starts bleeding again and we grab more bandages. Sometimes I sit down with a CEO who confesses he’s got specific challenges that have gone on for years using that exact strategy. If he’d only dug deeply enough to commit the time and resources to figure this out years ago, the organization would have been further up the road to greater success.

When possible, look for a permanent (I know things can change) solution. A great long-term decision. Don’t add to your daily fires by performing a half-hearted fix.

Refuse to leverage the power of others at your peril. Your competitive edge lies in listening to, understanding and accepting the collective experience, wisdom and insights of the people around you. If you can’t do that, then my question remains, “Why are they surrounding you?”

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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2020 is getting a lot of appropriate buzz as a year for clearer vision. It remains to be seen if we can leverage it the way we hope. According to U.S. News & World Report, 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by mid-January. Other surveys report that well over 90% of all resolutions fail somewhere along the way as the new year progresses.

Due to the vast distinctions of resolutions, it’s tough to determine why they fail, but there likely are some general truths we can consider.

For starters, many of us decide to do something that we’ve never done before. Well, never successfully. Or to any degree. Even more so, we likely don’t alter our behavior. Doing the same things. Remaining in the same habits won’t result in a different outcome. And habits are very hard to change.

The old year ended professionally with a focus on disagreement. I had a number of clients who wanted to enter the new year with a focus (for some, a renewed focus) on crafting a culture devoid of blame. “That’s not our department’s responsibility,” isn’t something the leaders at the top want to continue to hear. But the blaming game isn’t limited to that phrase. Disagreement takes on many forms and faces.

I bring this up right here in the initial episode of The Power Of Others podcast because it demonstrates the point of this podcast so well. This is a podcast about how we benefit from who surrounds us. And yes, that can include those who disagree with us.

Benefit. That word is intentional.

I know we could easily focus on the negative side of the power of others. Bad company corrupts good morals according to the Bible. We’ve all seen it. Maybe even in our own lives. There’s positive power in teaching such lessons to our children and to ourselves. Be careful who your friends are. It’s wise advice.

I’m optimistic though. I prefer to lean into the sunlight of what’s possible if we just put our minds into active work. Benefits are possible – far more probable – when we put ourselves in the company of people who can help us grow.

The first disagreement that may serve us well is to disagree with ourselves. To question things we’ve long thought were absolutely true. To seek productive disagreement in our lives. Most of us will do everything in our power to maintain the status quo, even if the status quo isn’t working. We tend to hate change. Growth and improvement are often the most powerful forms of change.

It’s not about conflict. With yourself or others. It’s about learning that not everything is worth fighting. Not because we’re apathetic, but because life is more complicated than we first think. We like neat tidy packages of our assumptions and beliefs. But life is messy.

Culture is steeped in an “I’m right, you’re wrong” way of communication. It stems from the notion that we all feel completely right. We know, with great certainty, that the other person is wrong. Look inside yourself though and you’ll quickly see how complex it all is. You believe what you do for very complicated reasons. Even simple positions are fraught with complex drivers. Why don’t we ever assume it’s the same for the other side? Because we don’t want to make that assumption. It’s easy – and makes us feel better – to simply think they’re idiots who don’t know. They’re just wrong. And we’re right.

So much of our disagreement stems from the craving to feel better about ourselves. Unfortunately, it’s too often at the expense of others. That’s not a positive leveraging of the power of others. That’s leveraging the power of self-delusion, which never works to help us grow or improve.

I’ve long used the scenario of a favorite milkshake flavor. What’s yours?

Mine is going to be chocolate, sometimes. Vanilla at other times. I’ll never pick strawberry. But I love strawberries and I love that flavor.

Why do you prefer one over the other?

You don’t know. You just do. So do I. We like what we like.

I could easily judge you and think, “You’re crazy for picking vanilla when chocolate is so good.” You might think the same about me.

For you, there may be deep memories you’re not even aware of. Times when a grandparent took you to get ice cream and you wound up with a vanilla shake. Vanilla shakes have been the choice ever since, but you’re not consciously thinking of your grandfather. If you’re not aware of it, how can I be aware of it? It just is what it is.

It’s easy to think the flavor of a milkshake is stupid. Maybe…until you have to order one for yourself. Then you care which one you get.

Disagreement isn’t about caring less, but it’s about caring more. Caring more to understand. Caring more to give grace because a time will arrive when you need and want grace. It’s about leadership. Your leadership. Somebody has to start it. It should be YOU.

When we shut down disagreement or we amp it up so nothing ever gets accomplished, we stymy growth and improvement. We dedicate ourselves to being stuck. And remaining stuck. Or we go backward. We regress.

We like to believe that most disagreements are important, but they’re not. Review your arguments with your spouse. Were they really large, important issues at stake? Not likely. More likely you argued over a chore, a meal, a relative or something rather small in the grand scheme of things.

We can get amped up over very small things because we rarely give thought to the prospect of being wrong. Alone all day every day with our thoughts, we know what we know. We think what we think. It’s all been worked out in our minds for as long as we can remember. Then somebody – anybody – takes a counter position and we react. Not with understanding. Not with the curiosity to understand, but with ferocity to defend what we think.

What if we put pressure on the truth? What if we put pressure on understanding? Instead of putting pressure to defend our being right?

What if we’re wrong? What if we could be more right?

Do we seek affirmation of our correctness over our growth and improvement? Of course, we do. Too often. But is being right worth that enormously high price? Our personal development pays the price for our hardheadedness. It’s time to ditch our stubbornness and a refusal to leverage the power of others.

Stop battling everything. Approach the fight with a different mindset. Decide to seek victory for understanding. It will change everything. I know there are people in our country who actually believe some politicians want to destroy America. It’s a viewpoint. I don’t agree. I don’t agree with the approach some people take. I have a viewpoint, which is largely determined by being a capitalist. I’m fond of free and open markets. But I quickly acknowledge I don’t know enough to be a policymaker. I’m simply not interested enough and my overall viewpoint is, whatever happens in our nation’s capital or our state’s capital — I’m in control of my future. I choose to not blame my situation on our government, the economy or anything else. I could be wrong, but I choose to believe this because it serves me. I don’t struggle judging others who see it very differently. And I certainly don’t battle them. I know where my viewpoints come from and I’m happy to learn where others get their viewpoints, but it doesn’t impact my life really.

There are other things where I’ve sought greater understanding because my mind isn’t fixed and I’m curious to know what I don’t. So I surround myself with people who will question, challenge and share insights. In many instances like that my mind is changed. Sometimes completely. I went in thinking and believing one thing, emerging believing something very different. In short, I was far better for it.

Personal growth. Improvement. Those are the desired outcomes. For each of us.

I’m choosing to not be a victim of the politics that are clearly part of my life. None of us can avoid the governments where we live and operate. I believe my best play is to do what I can with my own life no matter what the politicians do or say. And honestly, I’m less interested in what they do and far more interested in what I’m able to do.

Facing a decision – sometimes a very big decision – I surround myself with people who I know want my best. People who love me enough to be truth-tellers. People capable of making sure I have no (or limited) blindspots. I often go into it thinking I’m going to do one thing, but after hearing their insights, questions and experiences…I often make a very different decision. Because I don’t resist or disagree with their efforts to help me.

I think it has much to do with our view of vulnerability. We too often hate being vulnerable.

Being vulnerable doesn’t mean what you may think. It’s not weakness. Rather, it’s courage. It’s not putting yourself in an unsafe position. Rather, it’s making sure you’re completely safe. It’s not surrendering the fight. Rather, it’s taking the fight to where victory is most meaningful.

In a word, it’s about being PRODUCTIVE. Another word, GROWTH. Yet another, IMPROVEMENT.

These are all positive, forward-moving things. Made possible only when we give ourselves permission or allowance to let others help us.

Here’s The Plan

The podcast is going to change. Translation, grow and improve.

For starters, I’m planning on a weekly show. Once a week. I may do more. I may do less, but my goal is to bring you one show each week. I’m not sure what day of the week, but it may be Tuesdays. Why not?

I’m going to bring you stories and insights from others who have figured out how to leverage the power of others in their lives. By sharing their stories I know you’ll be able to better figure out your own forward progress.

I’m also going to bring you the insights from people who have spent time studying and looking more deeply at topics that are congruent with the power of others. Some of these will be folks who specialize in studying communication, leadership, group behavior and whatever else fits our theme.

I’ll continue to share my own insights and my own journey as I try to better leverage the power of others in my own life. All areas of my life: spiritual, personal and professional.

My plan for you is simple? Not easy, but simple. I want to help you figure out how you too can leverage the power of others so you can make better decisions faster and figure out how to grow and improve your life. Thanks for joining me on the journey.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy