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Getting your vehicle stuck in a rut ain’t fun. And it can be difficult to get yourself out. Which is why sometimes we have to get somebody to pull or tow us out of a rut.

In life, our ruts are just our habits. Sometimes we call them what they truly are, but more polite language makes them seem less destructive. They’re the habits that prevent us from moving forward. We get stuck. In a rut. Or in multiple ruts.

It happen when the habits have persisted for so long we’ve worn such a deep groove into our life that we can’t escape it. Not without some help. Maybe a lot of help if we’re really stuck.

Are there ruts in your life that have you stuck?

Need some help being towed out of them?

Or…

Are you just going to sit there and remain stuck?

This is the week to do something about it. Shake it up. Jump out of it and jump into an improved track so you can move forward.

Unfortunately, it’s not that simple or easy.

Experience has taught me a few things about ruts. Largely, they’re habits. We sometimes refer to them affectionately because we fool ourselves into thinking they’re serving us…when in fact, they’re restricting us. Holding us back. Digging us in. Sticking us so we can’t move.

There’s a phenomenal impact that happens to us when somebody cares enough about us to ask us challenging questions. Understanding, compassion, and support from people willing to invest in us, and willing to let us invest in them, will either pull us or push us out of our sticky habits. First, by making us aware of them. Until we see our habits for what they are – sometimes they’re excuses, sometimes they’re crutches, sometimes they’re something else – we’re unlikely to change them. That’s where the friendly, safe challenges serve us. But the phenomenon I see is how people react when those habits or assumptions are challenged and they then see things more clearly. Sometimes they see clearly for the first time.

Some get physically ill. No, nothing serious. Nothing worthy of seeing a doctor necessarily, but I’ve seen people quite literally get sick finding it tough to get out of bed for a day or two. The shock to their system is so severe they physically need some time to process the clarity and deal with the truth that THEY have become the problem.

Has that ever happened to you? I know the feeling. As awful as those hours are, the impact is powerful. For me, it was the realization that I had it so terribly wrong. As much as I didn’t see it earlier, once it was pointed out to me…I couldn’t resist seeing it. And glaring at it. It made me sick! But the sickness didn’t last because determination quickly set in.

And that’s the other side of the phenomenon. Making up your mind to face and deal with the habits that have become the ruts of your life.

It’s possible to do this work alone. It’s just highly improbable because comfort is more important to us than challenge. So we stay comfortable with our bad habits. The ones that are holding us back. Sometimes, the habits are more properly assumptions.

It’s why business performance plateaus. And why performance can largely become stagnant. It’s why leaders once thought to be superstars can lose their starlight power over time. It doesn’t feel like complacency. Until it’s too late.

Leaders don’t confess, “I’m comfortable. I’m complacent.” Because it doesn’t feel that way to them. “I’m working as hard as I can,” they’ll say. Or, “I’m working just as hard as I ever did.” But that doesn’t always address the real issue. It doesn’t address their now stale assumptions or bad habits. Facing those is best done with outside help. Safe people brave enough to serve because they want to see you accelerate past those assumptions and habits.

New levels of performance rarely happen organically. They need drivers. Those drivers can be competition. They can be the quest to survive. Humans own and lead companies. Humans need other humans willing and able to push or pull them toward something greater than the status quo.

There’s no need for our bad habits to become ruts. No need for our blind spots to expand into something bigger. We’re without excuse to be stuck because we’re humans with an enormous capacity to connect and engage with other humans who can help us.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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For the past few years, I’ve worked with and alongside Leo Bottary. We do a podcast together – WHAT ANYONE CAN DO PODCAST (the title is taken after Leo’s latest book). On Wednesday we recorded an episode centering around an article Leo wrote for CEO WORLD Magazine entitled, How Great CEOs Maximize Peer Relationships. Today I’m going to share that conversation with you here on The Peer Advantage podcast because it speaks to how CEOs and business owners can better leverage the power of others.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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It was one of the first business books I ever read. I can’t be sure, but I think my grandfather (my mother’s father) had a copy. The book was published in 1949. It’s the classic book on selling by Frank Bettger, “How I Raised Myself From A Failure To Success In Selling.” 

There’s been a copy of this book in my collection ever since I started reading and collecting books. I picked it up for the umpteenth time the other day. The first page is by Dale Carnegie, followed by the author’s forward. These few pages demonstrate how powerful friends can be, especially friends who are peers with professional experience and know-how. Listen to them and learn.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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I’m an introvert who can often appear like an extrovert. I follow a few social media accounts dealing with introversion. Just because. I chuckled over the weekend when I saw an Instagram post by IntrovertDear.

Dentist: Open up, please.

Me: Sometimes I get sad.

(Oh, you meant my mouth)

There seem to be three basic groups of people when it comes to opening up. There are those who open up to everybody. If you’ll listen, they’ll talk. And talk. And talk. And talk.

Then there are those who won’t talk. Hardly ever. They barely open up about anything to anybody. These are the “cat has your tongue” people.

Then there are those in the middle. Perhaps these make up the largest group, but I don’t know. These people open up sometimes. To some people. They’ll open up, but they’re discriminating.

If my 3 category theory is correct, then it means two-thirds of us have some difficulty opening up. Really opening up. We need the right circumstances and the right people. Without a safe space and safe people, we’re not likely going to open. And only those who exercise no discrimination don’t much care about the conditions for opening up.

I’ll argue that even those non-discriminating folks who talk and talk and talk with anybody and everybody aren’t truly opening up very often. Mostly, they’re just blabbering without reaching any depths that can accomplish something positive.

That likely means 100% of us (okay, we’ll allow a small degree of variance in case I’m not completely correct), find it tough to open up and engage in deep enough conversation to help us unearth the source of our challenges or the reality of our opportunities (and I’m not talking about our pie-in-the-sky-dreams). Depth of discussion required to get to the heart of a matter!

A decade plus of coaching executives, leaders and business owners has given me sufficient evidence to know how rare it is for most of us. People of all ages, all walks of life, all levels of formal education and experience have shown me how infrequently they’ve been able to find a safe place with safe people. I see it in their eyes. I hear it in their voice. It’s both a relief and a challenge.

The relief to finally open up and face something head-on without searching for hiding place is cathartic, but mostly – helpful in finding ways to move forward.

The challenge is in finding another strength – one beyond the strength to open up. It’s the strength to face the truth and deal with it. That process isn’t the same for everybody. Some process it more quickly and easily than others. Others can get ill. Physically. Nausea. Headache. I’ve watched it happen.

But those who make up their mind to lean into the process for the high value they know they’ll get — they put in the mental and emotional work knowing it’s safe and for their best outcome. Once they battle through the fear of false belief that their vulnerability will be used against them (and when they’re in a safe place among safe people that will never happen), then they take off like a rocket. They soar finding new altitudes that were impossible before. The weight of the constraints and challenges prevented them from going higher. Now those weights are lightened or removed. It doesn’t mean there are no problems from now on…it just means now they have a new resource with which to face them. And deal with them.

It’s amazingly rare though. The resource, that is.

There are 17 rare earth elements. No, I don’t know all their names. Or even have a rudimentary understanding of their power. Shoot, I can’t even pronounce their names. That’s how rare they are! 😉

But I know that entrepreneurs (really ANY humans) finding a safe space with safe people surrounding them so they can leverage the power of their peers is equally rare. It’s the 18th rare element – surrounding yourself with people who can be helped by you and who can help you.

Because it’s so rare some don’t even believe it exists. I mean if you’ve never seen it or experienced it, you may think it’s just somebody’s fantasy. But it’s very real. Fewer than 1% of entrepreneurs know it firsthand. I told you it was rare. Like most rare things, it’s extraordinarily valuable. But it’s not valuable because it’s rare. It’s valuable because it works. It transforms businesses and lives. It generates greater revenues and profits. It solves problems. It seizes opportunities.

There’s nothing like it because the resource is the human brain. Multiple human brains engaged in helping each other. Multiple viewpoints. Multiple experiences. Multiple approaches to problem-solving and opportunity-seizing. AI may be in the uptick, but leveraging the power of other human beings who are individually pursuing the same thing we are (entrepreneurs and business owners) is powerful because it provides us with the strength to open up, which gives us the opportunity to grow.

Tinker Bell said it best…

All you need is faith, trust and a little bit of pixie dust.

Be well. Do good. Grow great.

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 10:29 — 13.0MB)

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Was Magic Johnson pushed by the likes of Larry Bird and Isiah Thomas? Were they benefited by competing against him?

Did Phil Mickelson push Tiger Woods? And vice versa?

People playing the same sport, but competing. Peers, but competitors. Each likely benefiting from the sheer presence of the other, knowing if they didn’t do their best – they’d be defeated.

It just speaks to the power of positive pressure, but in these cases, it’s the competition of the sport. For us, we’re competing in a market battling to hit the trifecta of business building:

1. Getting new customers
2. Serving existing customers better
3. Not going crazy in the process

We have competitors who we want to best. Maybe we’re driven to excel because we want to defeat them, but our inner drive to excel needs to be deeper than that. Magic wasn’t just driven to defeat his opponents. He wanted to be world-class. And Tiger is still chasing a record-setting career.

What are you chasing?

Every human endeavor may involve testings, measuring, changing (trying something else) then seeing if that change is working or not. It’s the activity of forward progress.

In the case of professional athletes, the pressure of competition likely provides sufficient inspiration to try different things. A new move here or there. A different shot. Perhaps even a new strategy. To see if it may work against them better. And if it does, then to work harder to master it so you can keep advancing. And keep winning against them.

Business owners and entrepreneurs aren’t in a business that feels quite as personal as the world of a pro athlete. We don’t have an opponent on the schedule. Every day we face opponents. Things that would crush our business. Pressures from the market, regulations, relationships and more.

No sooner do we get one area pretty ironed out then we hit a snag in another area. Opponents are coming from every direction and we can feel overwhelmed to even spot opportunities. It’s the ongoing game of whack a mole that every business owner plays.

Our internal motivation is high. If it weren’t, we’d be doing something different than running our own business. But even our internal motivation can be tested after awhile. Energy to move forward is often tested. Complacency can settle in. And it can be hard to spot, harder still to overcome.

Enter the help others can provide. For us, as business owners, the persona of an individual competitor doesn’t do the job, but peers do. By surrounding ourselves with peers – other business owners, but not competitors – we’re able to experience the push to test, change, measure and move forward. Being part of a professional peer advisory group brings out our very best. It does for us what Bird did for Magic. But it’s very different because it’s not at our expense. Magic wanted to win. That meant Bird had to lose. Sports is a zero-sum game. Business isn’t.

A group of business owners is gathered. They’ve agreed they want to review their financials. A financial/accounting expert is going to help the group. Everything is confidential. This is a safe place.

The members are interested in key numbers and the ratios that indicate company health. Most admit they’re not as comfortable with this stuff. Some are savvier than others because the group is diverse. Not all of them have a financial background (or knowledge). Some admit they wish they were more fluent in financial understanding, but they’re just not as interested in it. That’s the reason they’re doing this.

Most admit they’re feeling a bit uneasy about it all. This isn’t comfortable. It’s like showing folks your underwear. It’s a level of vulnerability that everybody is feeling. But they know each other well enough to know nobody is going to judge them. They trust each other. And each of them is in an industry pretty unique to them. Profit margins vary wildly. So do costs.

The financial/accounting guru begins by telling them about key numbers worthy of their ongoing focus. He suggests a one-page dashboard each of them can craft for their own business by inserting some key numbers. He explains what the numbers mean so everybody can better understand how those numbers reflect their own company’s performance. They learn it’s like the dashboard of your car – it indicates what’s happening at this very moment. But the moment may change. Watch the numbers long enough and you’ll likely get some sense of a trend or direction he says.

They’re excited about what this push is going to do for them and their business.

As they dive into their own numbers, doing the exercises presented by the accounting expert, they’re filled with questions. The discussion is lively, energized by business owners who are sharing, asking questions and figuring out new things to test, measure and change. They’re all driven to grow by learning and understanding. Many of them admit they’ve never done anything like this before.

At the end of the meeting, they go around the room to provide any feedback on today’s session. Every member says it’s been one of the most profitable meetings they’ve ever been in. Not just a meeting with this group, but any meeting. Ever.

Almost every member mentions being pushed. Many confess entering into the meeting with some dread. None of them doubt the value of using what they’ve learned. In fact, they want their next meeting to focus on how they can incorporate what they’ve learned into their weekly management. So the agenda is set with unanimous approval to not let this excitement dwindle. “Let’s make this a permanent improvement in how we operate our business,” suggests one member. Agreed.

A private survey at the end of the meeting reveals that these high achieving, successful business owners would have NEVER done something like this were it not for this group. Wrote one member…

Never in a million years would I have told you I’d share my financial information, but it was eye-opening. It left me feeling more confident that my company is performing well, but I now know some things I can do to make it perform better.

Another said…

I was quite nervous about this meeting. I wasn’t sure how my company would stack up. So happy this happened though because my company’s success doesn’t depend on anybody else. Thank you.

Would this have happened without the group? Each member would tell you, “No!” And they all know they’d have lost one of their very best opportunities to grow and move forward.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 9:33 — 11.9MB)

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A group of business owners is gathered. They’re from different industries and different markets. But they’re all safe with one another because they share a common existence. They’re business owners. Each well acquainted with the strains, struggles, and joys of running their own enterprise.

This isn’t some good ‘ol boys network club. Fact is, almost half of them are women so they’re not boys at all. It doesn’t matter because each of them is respected by every member of the group. Not just for their similarities, but for their differences.

The discussion is almost always focused on the trifecta of business building: getting new customers, serving existing customers better and not going crazy in the process. Today’s discussion is based on a question posed by one member, the owner of a remodeling company. She’s got a hypothetical question to ask the group. Well, it’s hypothetical for her.

After telling the group how she’s feeling bogged down in too many details, unable to give much consideration to a bigger picture – or look a bit more long-term as she’d like – she’s wondering,

“Should I hire a COO, somebody to help lighten the load, able to take the company to a new level of operational efficiencies?”

She tells the group she’s not taking any actions. Yet. She’s just wondering if it’s something she should more seriously consider. She’s never hired a COO before. Her right-hand person is more of a supervisor of the projects, as she describes him. He’s a talented project manager who has proven skillful at overseeing the various projects. She’s feeling the need to create a more formal organization to bridge the gap between some of her duties and the supervisor’s duties. So here she is thinking aloud with the group – a group of her peers – about what her best course of action might be.

For the next 40 minutes, the group leans into the conversation, asking her specific questions. They’re drilling down into areas to help her figure this out. Nobody is telling her what to do. In fact, at this point, nobody is even making suggestions. They’re working hard to understand – and help her better understand – what she may need.

Some of the questions are easy for her to answer. Others are very difficult. Not because they’re confrontational, but because she’s not considered them before. So she has to think carefully about them. In real-time.

Here’s what brings depth to the discussion. She trusts everybody in the room. They all trust her, too. Everybody is there to grow their business, their leadership, and their lives. They are NOT there to hold hands and sing kumbayah. They’re there to serve one another and to make this group the most effective, powerful business-building endeavor possible.

By the time the discussion moves to possible suggestions – the time when her peers can respectfully suggest she consider one course of action – or another…she’s thinking of a number of critical things she hadn’t thought about earlier.

The group has given her three different suggestions. They’ve shared their own experiences inside their companies. More discussion narrows the suggestions down to two. That’s her decision and the group supports her in kicking one of the suggestions to the curb.

What will she do?

She’ll do what she wants to do and the group will support her. They’ll all tell you the same thing. They don’t want anybody telling them what to do. That’s why they’re business owners. Each will declare they’re happily unemployable. 😉

For the final few minutes, there’s discussion to help her figure out the big question. “What next?”

She tells the group what she’d like to do next. In fact, she commits to about two critical steps to take toward her goal of building in more bandwidth so she can concentrate more on the longer-term vision of the company. She even commits to a faster timeframe that surprised some members of the group.

All the while there are three other members of the group who are thinking through the same thing for themselves. And every member is making an application to their own lives and situations.

This happens in internal groups, too.

A city government has seven directors. Each report to the City Manager. Their responsibilities are quite diverse. From a police chief to a director of economic development. What do they have in common? Quite a lot.

They all work for the same city and the same city manager. They all regularly perform work that impacts another department. When the department of public works needs to do some drainage improvement, the police department needs to be involved in traffic control.

The problem? It’s easy for each department to silo up and declare, “That’s not our job.” By putting them in a room together to have a peer-led discussion, they’re able to more clearly see how their work impacts others, and how they can improve collaboration to improve everybody’s performance.

In one meeting a director poses a hypothetical. “Have any of you thought about changing the role of your deputy directors? My deputies have separate responsibilities and duties based on our traditional hierarchical management. I’m wondering if there might be a better way and I’d like your thoughts.”

What follows is a high-energy creativity fueled conversation. Most of the directors have two deputy directors, but some just have one. Those with one work differently than those with two. Their insights prove helpful and the discussion deepens.

The group considers how changing the role might better serve their departments, the city, and the deputies. They want to elevate engagement and employee retention. They even are forced to face how they may feel threatened by having strong deputies. By the end of the hour, all seven directors confess it’s been one of the most profitable meetings they’ve ever had…all because a hypothetical situation was tossed onto the table.

Sometimes when we think the unthinkable we’re able to reach new heights of achievement. If I’m unable or unwilling to bring up a topic, I’m benefitted by your courage to do so. That’s why we surround ourselves with multiple peers. When I lack courage, others may bring it. When they lack it, I can bring it. It’s the power of the room and our collective ability to serve ourselves by serving each other.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy