Communication

Episode 149 – Some Keys To Effectively Giving And Receiving Criticism

Prickly is ineffective

‘Tis better to give than receive.

When it comes to criticism, it’s certainly easier to give than to receive. But I don’t think it’s always better.

Truth is, we all need correction, feedback and criticism. I don’t usually use the phrase “constructive criticism.” I think all criticism should be constructive. Otherwise, it’s not really criticism. It’s just being critical. They are not the same thing.

I’m often asked for my opinion (criticism). I work hard to put a few things up front in each case:

1. What’s the purpose here? What are we trying to accomplish?
2. Here are my biases, up front.
3. I’m not going to make the decision for you because that’s not my place.
4. Let’s consider worse-case scenarios. What’s the worst thing that can happen?

Intention is a major component of effective criticism. Do you care enough to help the person you are criticizing…or are you just being critical? Does the person helping you with criticism care about you improving…or they just being critical? Our motive behind criticism is fundamental to our ability to give it and to take it.

And today’s show ends with a discussion about the biggest question of all.

Who are you to tell me?

The context of our relationship matters. The wrong person can deliver the right message, in exactly the appropriate way…and it’ll be lost.

What do you think? What have you found that works in giving or accepting effective criticism?

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Happy Thanksgiving!

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I’ve Got Hundreds Of Followers, But I Lost My Wife To Her iPhone

A little boy wants his mom to come outside and watch him do a trick on his bike.

In high school, he wants her to watch him play ball, but what he really wants is to impress a girl.

In college, mom has fallen off the radar, but there is a girl. He’s desperate for her to pay him some attention.

Marriage doesn’t change any of that.

He wants his wife to pay attention, but unfortunately, his tricks may no longer be worth watching. Much.

From our childhood to the grave we’re all craving attention. It’s the stuff of building relationships.

Not just at home, but at work. In our social circles. Even online. Only the lonely know the way I feel.

Years ago my wife and I stepped out one evening to grab a bite to eat. Across the way was an older couple. Yeah, even older than us!

They were already sitting down when we walked in. We were there for just under an hour. The entire time – and I mean, the ENTIRE time – she was on her cell phone talking while her husband sat in silence.

Their food arrived and she ate while holding the cell phone to her ear. Quietly, her husband ate his meal while she was apparently fully engaged with whomever was on the other end of the line. As they exited the restaurant, she was still talking on the phone, leading the way out the door, with her husband quietly in tow. My wife and I marveled at it and wondered a few things. Who was she talking to? What kind of cell phone plan did she have? Serious questions.

I was reminded of a John Prine song with these lyrics, “How the h-ll can a man leave home in morning, come home in the evening, and have nothin’ to say?” (You’ve likely heard the Bonnie Raitt version, but John wrote it)

It’s now very common among people of all ages. It happens in restaurants. It happens at the table in our own homes. Electronic connections have disconnected us physically.

It’s getting tough out here though. Much tougher than it used to be. Maybe it’s time to re-evaluate what we’re doing…and more importantly, what we’re failing to do.

Meanwhile, in my ears ring the lyrics to Angel From Montgomery.

P.S. No, I didn’t lose my wife to her iPhone, but I do often have to compete with Words-With-Friends. 😉

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Cool Hand Luke – 45 Years Ago Today

Donn Pearce wrote the novel in 1965. He also wrote the screenplay made famous by Paul Newman’s brilliant portrayal of a man who refused to be broken.

Even in his personal life, I always thought of Paul Newman as “cool.” Cool Hand Luke. The movie was released on November 1, 1967. That was 45 years ago today. From them to now people often use the phrase made famous by Strother Martin.

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Episode 144 – Making Customers Happy, Keeping Customers Happy

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The Cloud of Happiness

This is the Cloud of Happiness. You may not have seen him in awhile, but he’s out there. Somewhere.

You want him in your life. Your customers want him in their lives, too.

How do you really feel about your customers? How do you really feel about your business?

Expectations

So much of our business life is centered around managing the expectations, both our own and our customers. We often end up unhappy in our business because we’re not getting the results we expect. We’re disappointed. We’re afraid. We’re frustrated.

Sometimes our customers end up unhappy, too. They’re not getting what they thought they’d get. They’re disappointed. They’re afraid. They’re frustrated.

What are you gonna do about it? Anything?

It’s time to better manage the expectations – your own and those of your customers!

Thank YOU for listening.

P.S. Do me a big favor…click here and go over to iTunes (I know it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do)…and leave me a 5-star review. It’ll help us get the word out to more people.

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Vulgarity: The Newest Popularity Building Tool Has A High Price

Profane. Vulgar.

It once meant offensive, but now it seems to be a primary tool for driving up popularity. Actually, there’s nothing new about it. The Internet just makes it seem like it.

Speech has characterized the true nature of people since the beginning of time. The Bible account of creation shows Satan taking the form of a serpent in the Garden of Eden. He utters the first lie, a specific type of vulgarity. Deception. The high price of vulgarity resulted in Adam and Eve disobeying God. They were expelled from the Garden.

Another Bible example is recorded on the evening of the crucifixion of Christ. The apostle Peter is warming himself at a fire among those who are clamoring for Christ to be executed. Repeatedly he’s being pointed out as one of the disciples, but each time he denies even knowing Christ. Finally, as though it would serve to prove his innocence he begins to curse. (Matthew 26:74) Vulgarity served its purpose. I’m sure the folks around that fire figured, “He’s one of us.”

In the late 1950’s and early 1960’s foul mouthed comic Lenny Bruce made headlines by being profane and vulgar. From 1961 to 1964 he was repeatedly arrested for violating obscenity laws. Some have argued that he was a man before his time. I’d argue that he was just a profane man before vulgarity became chic. Today, his act would likely get lost in a sea of stand-up comic acts more vulgar than anything he created. Can you be a standup comic today without vulgarity? (Bill Cosby and Sinbad notwithstanding).

The Parental Advisory warning started in 1990. 2LiveCrew’s record, Banned in the USA, was the first recording to earn the non-removable sticker. In that same year, 1990, the Motion Picture Association Of America instituted the current rating system which escalates from G to PG to PG-13 to R to NC17. We’re so protective of our youth that we won’t allow a 16 year old to view an R rated movie without an adult or parent. They can’t drink alcohol until they’re 21, but we can begin corrupting their mind much sooner.

Video recorders began to hit mainstream America in the mid-70’s. The first big content provider? The porn industry.

The Internet began its march into our lives in the mid-90’s, a full twenty years after most of us had seen our first VCR (video cassette recorder for you young folks). The first big content providers? The porn industry.

Blogging was picking up steam by the late 1990’s. You were as likely to run across some profanity laced filled content as anything, with accompanying photos.

Sure, the vulgarity has become more sophisticated. Well, that’s the term some use. A better term might be the phrase “socially acceptable.”

Browse through a random Flickr account and you’ll likely see countless photos of people flipping off the photographer. Visit just about any YouTube channel and scan the comments. Odds are the first comment will have a bomb front and center.

Remember when you were young? When you heard somebody at school cuss for the first time? Okay, I’m showing my age. I’m guessing today’s kindergartners have heard most every cuss word known to man before they enter the classroom. Many of them have grown up hearing mom and dad talk that way. Innocence doesn’t remain very long. We’re speeding toward vulgarity so our kids can become fluent by the time they hit 3rd grade.

The middle finger is now the title of a “project” that extols the value of F-bombing. No, I won’t link to it, but you can figure it out and see for yourself how debased we’ve become.

And now it has come to this.

Decency is scoffed at, ridiculed and mocked.

Shocking vulgarity does garner attention. No doubt about it. If you’re tempted to join the insanity of vulgarity, resist. Find encouragement knowing that profanity-filled content won’t bring you more honor, respect or trust.

And if there are no children in your life, then take a look at just two of the ones who are part of my life. That’s Jake and his big brother, Max, pictured above. They’re my grandsons. Max is in pre-school. He just turned 5. You don’t know him, but if you were around him would you watch what you said? I’m hoping you’ve got enough decency to answer, “Of course, I would.” (Note: Almost 5 years ago I wrote this post on Max’s site about men who influence boys.)

Vulgarity, indecency, profanity…they all contribute to greater immorality. In our lives. And in our children’s lives.

Moral bankruptcy creeps up on us. Adults, just like the kids who bullied the bus monitor with round after round of vulgarity, find themselves saying and doing things they may have once never imagined. The high price of vulgarity must be paid.

No one’s life is improved by vulgarity or profanity. Everyone’s life is improved by decency. You decide which one you’ll embrace and serve. Little pictures have big ears, but big pictures do, too.

 

 

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