I needed $1.25 to pay the toll, but I didn’t have it.
I was following people in another car. We were headed to a gentleman’s office. It was business.
I didn’t know a toll road was involved, but I was faithfully following along in my own car. Alone.
As we entered the toll road I was desperately looking for signs to tell me how much the toll might be. Why?
Because I was broke.
I didn’t have a single dollar on me.
Panicked, I opened the center console hoping to find some loose change. I did. Just not enough. Not nearly enough.
45 cents. I wasn’t even half way there.
I couldn’t pull the car over to the shoulder and scour under the seat cushions or the floor board for more money because I was following another car. I certainly wasn’t going to let them know my situation.
I felt sick at my stomach. How in the world had I gotten to this point? What sort of horrible decisions had I committed to drag me down this low?
Today’s show is about coping with despair, defeat and the bewilderment of wondering, “Will I ever escape this?”
If you’re feeling down and out, this show is for you. If you’re feeling all alone, this show is for you. If you’ve ever felt like you couldn’t fall any farther, this show is for you.
Okay, you’re right – today’s show is for EVERYBODY because this is a universal experience!
A friend of mine has a wife who is very inquisitive. Her name is Patsy. No question is too foolish, or too embarrassing for her to ask. He’ll say, “Patsy has questions. Lots of questions.” And we’ll laugh. Because it’s true, and funny.
We all need to be more like Patsy I suppose whenever we’re facing an important decision. Today, I’m thinking of business or career choices. The decision to take one job over another. The decision to launch this business or that business.
Weighing opportunities isn’t easy work. It can be agonizing, especially if we’ve got lots of input telling us what to do.
Well meaning friends and family urge us in a specific direction adding to the pressure. Instead of things becoming more clear, they often get murkier as we try to figure out our best choice!
Historically, I have engaged 3 questions to help me. Let’s see if these three things help you. I’d love to know what questions you ask to help you making important decisions.
1. What’s the worst thing that can happen? 2. What’s the best thing that can happen? 3. What feels right?
Today’s show was sparked by a sporting incident. A major league baseball incident. Ironic since I’m not a baseball fan at all.
LA Dodgers pitcher Zack Greinke threw a 3-2 pitch in a one-run game that hit the shoulder of the batter, Carlos Quentin. A bench-clearing brawl ensued resulting in a broken collar bone for the pitcher, Greinke.
Dodgers’ manager, Don Mattingly, was furious. “That’s just stupid is what it is,” Mattingly said. “He should not play a game until Greinke can pitch. If he plays before Greinke pitches, something’s wrong. He caused the whole thing. Nothing happens if he goes to first base.”
I immediately thought of teams I’d coached, both in sports and in business. I loved them.
Mattingly loves his team. Every good leader does. He stood up for “his guy.” As you’d expect.
I loved my team. Still do.
Years ago I coached a college roller hockey team, University of Texas at Arlington (UTA). That’s my team to the left after winning a 4th consecutive league championship. That group achieved Elite Eight status at a national tournament. I didn’t love them because they won. I loved them, and that made me want victory for them.
I didn’t hate opposing teams – except when we played them! But that’s what competition is about, victory. Beating your opponent.
Love.
Competition.
I hate to lose. I love to win. I want my team to win. Yes, that means at the expense of my opponent or competition. I’m sick of this wishy washy, “there’s enough for everybody” mindset. No, there are a finite number of customers. If you love your business and believe you’ve got the very best solution for the customer, then losing is unacceptable – for both you and your prospect!
Today’s show is about these two seemingly contrasting ideas that I know belong together.
Trees grow toward the sun. I’m trying to grow toward wisdom.
On May 28, 2010 I released the first episode of a podcast called Leaning Toward Wisdom. As you’d imagine, it was at LeaningTowardWisdom.com. I registered that domain on February 1, 2005.
Years earlier, in 1999, I had started my first blog – we called them “journals” back then – at RandyCantrell.com. Podcasting was yet to come. According to the history of podcasting at Wikipedia, “audioblogging” started in the 1980’s, but I wasn’t savvy enough to know about it.
In 2005 I was blogging fairly regularly at Leaning Toward Wisdom. I went through a few variations of the website design. I even got a local tech whiz to give me a killer design, built on Expression Engine. WordPress wasn’t yet on anybody’s radar.
I continued to blog there – mostly focused on subjects I felt were part of my own efforts to grow wiser. Topics ranged from books read, to music heard, to lessons life had taught to business challenges I had learned to overcome. It was much more than a personal journal, but I included tidbits of personal information every now and again.
By 2010 I had discovered podcasting so I launched a podcast, releasing one episode to every 2-4 blog posts. The topics didn’t change, except now I was able to add my literal voice to the content.
Within a few months I had morphed toward a topic my son and I were passionate about – education. I was weary with talking mostly business. Besides, in 2008 I had begun podcasting right here at Bula Network. Most of the topcis here were related to business. It just didn’t make any sense to have that focus somewhere else, too.
I began to blog and podcast about teaching children and education from the perspective of a entrepreneurship and business building. The very meaning of ENTREPRENEUR means “accepting responsibility for the outcome.” That seemed fitting to any human endeavor, especially the field of education where so many people point fingers at others.
Children suffer because too many adults are busy looking for others to blame while another generation enters society less prepared than they could be. Everybody wants to blame the government. Others want to blame the teachers, or the teachers’ unions. There’s plenty of blame to go around, but when I took Leaning Toward Wisdom into the field of education, I was irked that nobody seemed to be accepting responsibility for the outcome.
My idea – which is still sound – was to approach education as an outsider, a business guy. The focus was on that meaning of entrepreneurship, namely, accepting responsibility for the outcome. The effort was focused on all of us. I posed the question, “What would happen if we ALL accepted responsibility for the outcome of raising wise children?”
About a dozen episodes in I knew it wasn’t going to resonante. What a lifetime of business experience had taught me wasn’t resonating with people in education. At least not yet. And my resolve to continue started to weaken. And die.
I still felt strongly about the idea. Today, I still think the field of education has much to learn, but too much time in academia has jaded the great majority of educators. I grew increasingly jaded myself, but in a different direction from what I was encountering in educators. I was jaded against their stubbornness to consider anything outside their known norm. I found quite a few teachers who were as politically motivated as the politicians. I had too many conversations that never focused on the kids – the students. It reminded me of my days coaching young kids with overbearing parents and thinking, “We’d all have a grand time if we could get these idiot parents to stay home!”
Adults can ruin just about anything.
Let’s sit and talk.
It’s time to invite you into my backyard where we can sit on the steps, look up at the trees and talk about wisdom. It’s time to remove the focus from anything specific, other than wisdom.
Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about wisdom:
Wisdom is the judicious study and application of knowledge. It is a deep understanding and realization of people, things, events or situations, resulting in the ability to apply perceptions, judgments and actions in keeping with this understanding. It often requires control of one’s emotional reactions (the “passions”) so that universal principles, reason and knowledge prevail to determine one’s actions. Wisdom is also the comprehension of what is true coupled with optimum judgment as to action. Synonyms include: sagacity, discernment, or insight.
It can be difficult to define Wisdom, but people generally recognize it when they encounter it. Psychologists pretty much agree it involves an integration of knowledge, experience, and deep understanding that incorporates tolerance for the uncertainties of life as well as its ups and downs. There’s an awareness of how things play out over time, and it confers a sense of balance.
Wise people generally share an optimism that life’s problems can be solved and experience a certain amount of calm in facing difficult decisions. Intelligence—if only anyone could figure out exactly what it is—may be necessary for wisdom, but it definitely isn’t sufficient; an ability to see the big picture, a sense of proportion, and considerable introspection also contribute to its development.
Pick either one of those and I can accept it. That’s what’s going to start happening at Leaning Toward Wisdom. This is the pre-launch episode to just let you know what’s on my mind and how I’m planning to relaunch it soon. I’d appreciate any feedback you care to give me.
Those of us with the “heart of a teacher” have an innate urge to explain so we can foster understanding. Or greater understanding. Especially when we’re asked a question.
The other day I was talking with a gentleman and attempting to answer his question. It was a question I had been asked before so I didn’t hesitate to provide a thorough, albeit succinct answer. The answer is tried and true. Honest, forthright, to the point, but very authentic.
But first, a bit of background about this conversation.
We’re a time zone apart and at least a dozen states separate us.
We had been missing each other all day…by now we had each engaged in a short voicemail dance. He wanted to talk with me. We had exchanged emails prior to the voicemail exchanges. This wasn’t a call he was avoiding. He sought out this conversation.
So “tag,” I was it. I called him back. This time, he picked up right away. I did what I always do (a professional habit developed when I was young), I asked the question, “Is this a good time to talk?”
“Yes, it’s an ideal time,” he responded.
“Great, I know you’ve got questions so I’ll answer anything I can,” I said.
Within seconds the question was posed and I began to answer. Comprehensive, but only about 3-minutes long. Maybe 2.
“I hope that helps clarify this project for you. Do you have any other questions?” I asked.
“I think that’s the longest answer I’ve ever heard to a single question,” he said.
Offended, but not showing it, I sincerely replied, “I apologize.”
Then…I shut up.
He didn’t do what most people would do in that situation…say something like, “Oh, that’s quite alright, I appreciate the details.” No, this man insulted me, then went right on with another question.
Even my dogs learn pretty quick when I scold them. Last time I checked, I’m smarter than my dogs. My wife doesn’t always think so, but I think she’s wrong.
Hesitant to even answer any more questions, I kept my answers as short as possible. I was careful to avoid coming across like a jerk (like him). I concentrated on NOT giving as I had received. It just usually never works. Whoever said “fight fire with fire” never successfully put out a fire. Besides, turn the other cheek is sound advice.
My mind said, “Say no more!” I obeyed. Sorta. Short, concise answers with extremely limited details. They seemed good enough for him. Not a naturally inquisitive fella, I supposed.
“Fine,” I thought. No problem. I’m not trying to be his buddy. I’m just trying to explain a project that has big benefits to him and no cost whatsoever, aside from a bit of his time. It’s a non-business project for me, but it has some serious business benefits for him.
For the rest of the call I purposefully toned down the energy in my voice to mirror his lack of personality. Hopeful that if I sounded more like him in tone and pace, he might warm up.
Nope.
I carefully measured my words, tone, pace and length of my talking. The call ended well enough, but I thought of the countless thousands of interactions I’ve had in my life – with people from all over the world. And I considered (thankfully) how infrequently this has ever happened to me. I’m pretty accomplished at breaking the ice with people. Mr. Iceburg won this round.
After more than 15 minutes on the phone it was very clear to me – he’s just not a friendly man. Silently I wondered about this man’s family and friends. Surely they see somebody very different than the man I saw (heard). But I don’t know.
My conclusion, which admittedly may be incorrect, was that he’s a self-centered, impatient man mostly interested in his own gain.
Which is perfectly fine with me, given the nature of my interaction with him (or any future ones I may have). It’ll take a lot more than his crassness to put me off. I’ve got more tenacity in my left (non-dominate) hand than he’s got in his whole body!
It’s just likely his nature. I’m too experienced to take it personally even though I did take the challenge very seriously. The challenge to crack his communication code.
We’ve got another call scheduled soon. We’ll see how that one goes, but I’ve learned my lesson. I’m going to shut my mouth and let him lead the way. I’m going to do everything I can to see if I can’t find a way to get him to warm up. Challenges like this invigorate me. It’s a study of psychology and communication.
I’m determined to win the next round. I’ll let you know how I fare!
“You can’t win a chess game by protecting every piece on your side of the board.” I read it. Or heard it. Years ago. Somewhere.
I never was much of a chess player, but I understood the comment. It resonated with me and I thought, “That’s brilliant.”
The point was about business. It was just another way of saying you can’t be all things to all people. You’ve got to figure who you are, what you do and go narrow.
Today’s show is about focus, concentration and addition by subtraction! It’s about how we often fail because we’re trying to be This, That and The Other when a better strategy would be to pick one and let the other two go.
A friend of mine has a wife who is very inquisitive. Her name is Patsy. No question is too foolish, or too embarrassing for her to ask. He’ll say, “Patsy has questions. Lots of questions.” And we’ll laugh. Because it’s true, and funny.
