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For the past few years, I’ve worked with and alongside Leo Bottary. We do a podcast together – WHAT ANYONE CAN DO PODCAST (the title is taken after Leo’s latest book). On Wednesday we recorded an episode centering around an article Leo wrote for CEO WORLD Magazine entitled, How Great CEOs Maximize Peer Relationships. Today I’m going to share that conversation with you here on The Peer Advantage podcast because it speaks to how CEOs and business owners can better leverage the power of others.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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It was one of the first business books I ever read. I can’t be sure, but I think my grandfather (my mother’s father) had a copy. The book was published in 1949. It’s the classic book on selling by Frank Bettger, “How I Raised Myself From A Failure To Success In Selling.” 

There’s been a copy of this book in my collection ever since I started reading and collecting books. I picked it up for the umpteenth time the other day. The first page is by Dale Carnegie, followed by the author’s forward. These few pages demonstrate how powerful friends can be, especially friends who are peers with professional experience and know-how. Listen to them and learn.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 8:03 — 10.0MB)

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I’m an introvert who can often appear like an extrovert. I follow a few social media accounts dealing with introversion. Just because. I chuckled over the weekend when I saw an Instagram post by IntrovertDear.

Dentist: Open up, please.

Me: Sometimes I get sad.

(Oh, you meant my mouth)

There seem to be three basic groups of people when it comes to opening up. There are those who open up to everybody. If you’ll listen, they’ll talk. And talk. And talk. And talk.

Then there are those who won’t talk. Hardly ever. They barely open up about anything to anybody. These are the “cat has your tongue” people.

Then there are those in the middle. Perhaps these make up the largest group, but I don’t know. These people open up sometimes. To some people. They’ll open up, but they’re discriminating.

If my 3 category theory is correct, then it means two-thirds of us have some difficulty opening up. Really opening up. We need the right circumstances and the right people. Without a safe space and safe people, we’re not likely going to open. And only those who exercise no discrimination don’t much care about the conditions for opening up.

I’ll argue that even those non-discriminating folks who talk and talk and talk with anybody and everybody aren’t truly opening up very often. Mostly, they’re just blabbering without reaching any depths that can accomplish something positive.

That likely means 100% of us (okay, we’ll allow a small degree of variance in case I’m not completely correct), find it tough to open up and engage in deep enough conversation to help us unearth the source of our challenges or the reality of our opportunities (and I’m not talking about our pie-in-the-sky-dreams). Depth of discussion required to get to the heart of a matter!

A decade plus of coaching executives, leaders and business owners has given me sufficient evidence to know how rare it is for most of us. People of all ages, all walks of life, all levels of formal education and experience have shown me how infrequently they’ve been able to find a safe place with safe people. I see it in their eyes. I hear it in their voice. It’s both a relief and a challenge.

The relief to finally open up and face something head-on without searching for hiding place is cathartic, but mostly – helpful in finding ways to move forward.

The challenge is in finding another strength – one beyond the strength to open up. It’s the strength to face the truth and deal with it. That process isn’t the same for everybody. Some process it more quickly and easily than others. Others can get ill. Physically. Nausea. Headache. I’ve watched it happen.

But those who make up their mind to lean into the process for the high value they know they’ll get — they put in the mental and emotional work knowing it’s safe and for their best outcome. Once they battle through the fear of false belief that their vulnerability will be used against them (and when they’re in a safe place among safe people that will never happen), then they take off like a rocket. They soar finding new altitudes that were impossible before. The weight of the constraints and challenges prevented them from going higher. Now those weights are lightened or removed. It doesn’t mean there are no problems from now on…it just means now they have a new resource with which to face them. And deal with them.

It’s amazingly rare though. The resource, that is.

There are 17 rare earth elements. No, I don’t know all their names. Or even have a rudimentary understanding of their power. Shoot, I can’t even pronounce their names. That’s how rare they are! 😉

But I know that entrepreneurs (really ANY humans) finding a safe space with safe people surrounding them so they can leverage the power of their peers is equally rare. It’s the 18th rare element – surrounding yourself with people who can be helped by you and who can help you.

Because it’s so rare some don’t even believe it exists. I mean if you’ve never seen it or experienced it, you may think it’s just somebody’s fantasy. But it’s very real. Fewer than 1% of entrepreneurs know it firsthand. I told you it was rare. Like most rare things, it’s extraordinarily valuable. But it’s not valuable because it’s rare. It’s valuable because it works. It transforms businesses and lives. It generates greater revenues and profits. It solves problems. It seizes opportunities.

There’s nothing like it because the resource is the human brain. Multiple human brains engaged in helping each other. Multiple viewpoints. Multiple experiences. Multiple approaches to problem-solving and opportunity-seizing. AI may be in the uptick, but leveraging the power of other human beings who are individually pursuing the same thing we are (entrepreneurs and business owners) is powerful because it provides us with the strength to open up, which gives us the opportunity to grow.

Tinker Bell said it best…

All you need is faith, trust and a little bit of pixie dust.

Be well. Do good. Grow great.

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 10:29 — 13.0MB)

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Was Magic Johnson pushed by the likes of Larry Bird and Isiah Thomas? Were they benefited by competing against him?

Did Phil Mickelson push Tiger Woods? And vice versa?

People playing the same sport, but competing. Peers, but competitors. Each likely benefiting from the sheer presence of the other, knowing if they didn’t do their best – they’d be defeated.

It just speaks to the power of positive pressure, but in these cases, it’s the competition of the sport. For us, we’re competing in a market battling to hit the trifecta of business building:

1. Getting new customers
2. Serving existing customers better
3. Not going crazy in the process

We have competitors who we want to best. Maybe we’re driven to excel because we want to defeat them, but our inner drive to excel needs to be deeper than that. Magic wasn’t just driven to defeat his opponents. He wanted to be world-class. And Tiger is still chasing a record-setting career.

What are you chasing?

Every human endeavor may involve testings, measuring, changing (trying something else) then seeing if that change is working or not. It’s the activity of forward progress.

In the case of professional athletes, the pressure of competition likely provides sufficient inspiration to try different things. A new move here or there. A different shot. Perhaps even a new strategy. To see if it may work against them better. And if it does, then to work harder to master it so you can keep advancing. And keep winning against them.

Business owners and entrepreneurs aren’t in a business that feels quite as personal as the world of a pro athlete. We don’t have an opponent on the schedule. Every day we face opponents. Things that would crush our business. Pressures from the market, regulations, relationships and more.

No sooner do we get one area pretty ironed out then we hit a snag in another area. Opponents are coming from every direction and we can feel overwhelmed to even spot opportunities. It’s the ongoing game of whack a mole that every business owner plays.

Our internal motivation is high. If it weren’t, we’d be doing something different than running our own business. But even our internal motivation can be tested after awhile. Energy to move forward is often tested. Complacency can settle in. And it can be hard to spot, harder still to overcome.

Enter the help others can provide. For us, as business owners, the persona of an individual competitor doesn’t do the job, but peers do. By surrounding ourselves with peers – other business owners, but not competitors – we’re able to experience the push to test, change, measure and move forward. Being part of a professional peer advisory group brings out our very best. It does for us what Bird did for Magic. But it’s very different because it’s not at our expense. Magic wanted to win. That meant Bird had to lose. Sports is a zero-sum game. Business isn’t.

A group of business owners is gathered. They’ve agreed they want to review their financials. A financial/accounting expert is going to help the group. Everything is confidential. This is a safe place.

The members are interested in key numbers and the ratios that indicate company health. Most admit they’re not as comfortable with this stuff. Some are savvier than others because the group is diverse. Not all of them have a financial background (or knowledge). Some admit they wish they were more fluent in financial understanding, but they’re just not as interested in it. That’s the reason they’re doing this.

Most admit they’re feeling a bit uneasy about it all. This isn’t comfortable. It’s like showing folks your underwear. It’s a level of vulnerability that everybody is feeling. But they know each other well enough to know nobody is going to judge them. They trust each other. And each of them is in an industry pretty unique to them. Profit margins vary wildly. So do costs.

The financial/accounting guru begins by telling them about key numbers worthy of their ongoing focus. He suggests a one-page dashboard each of them can craft for their own business by inserting some key numbers. He explains what the numbers mean so everybody can better understand how those numbers reflect their own company’s performance. They learn it’s like the dashboard of your car – it indicates what’s happening at this very moment. But the moment may change. Watch the numbers long enough and you’ll likely get some sense of a trend or direction he says.

They’re excited about what this push is going to do for them and their business.

As they dive into their own numbers, doing the exercises presented by the accounting expert, they’re filled with questions. The discussion is lively, energized by business owners who are sharing, asking questions and figuring out new things to test, measure and change. They’re all driven to grow by learning and understanding. Many of them admit they’ve never done anything like this before.

At the end of the meeting, they go around the room to provide any feedback on today’s session. Every member says it’s been one of the most profitable meetings they’ve ever been in. Not just a meeting with this group, but any meeting. Ever.

Almost every member mentions being pushed. Many confess entering into the meeting with some dread. None of them doubt the value of using what they’ve learned. In fact, they want their next meeting to focus on how they can incorporate what they’ve learned into their weekly management. So the agenda is set with unanimous approval to not let this excitement dwindle. “Let’s make this a permanent improvement in how we operate our business,” suggests one member. Agreed.

A private survey at the end of the meeting reveals that these high achieving, successful business owners would have NEVER done something like this were it not for this group. Wrote one member…

Never in a million years would I have told you I’d share my financial information, but it was eye-opening. It left me feeling more confident that my company is performing well, but I now know some things I can do to make it perform better.

Another said…

I was quite nervous about this meeting. I wasn’t sure how my company would stack up. So happy this happened though because my company’s success doesn’t depend on anybody else. Thank you.

Would this have happened without the group? Each member would tell you, “No!” And they all know they’d have lost one of their very best opportunities to grow and move forward.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 9:33 — 11.9MB)

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A group of business owners is gathered. They’re from different industries and different markets. But they’re all safe with one another because they share a common existence. They’re business owners. Each well acquainted with the strains, struggles, and joys of running their own enterprise.

This isn’t some good ‘ol boys network club. Fact is, almost half of them are women so they’re not boys at all. It doesn’t matter because each of them is respected by every member of the group. Not just for their similarities, but for their differences.

The discussion is almost always focused on the trifecta of business building: getting new customers, serving existing customers better and not going crazy in the process. Today’s discussion is based on a question posed by one member, the owner of a remodeling company. She’s got a hypothetical question to ask the group. Well, it’s hypothetical for her.

After telling the group how she’s feeling bogged down in too many details, unable to give much consideration to a bigger picture – or look a bit more long-term as she’d like – she’s wondering,

“Should I hire a COO, somebody to help lighten the load, able to take the company to a new level of operational efficiencies?”

She tells the group she’s not taking any actions. Yet. She’s just wondering if it’s something she should more seriously consider. She’s never hired a COO before. Her right-hand person is more of a supervisor of the projects, as she describes him. He’s a talented project manager who has proven skillful at overseeing the various projects. She’s feeling the need to create a more formal organization to bridge the gap between some of her duties and the supervisor’s duties. So here she is thinking aloud with the group – a group of her peers – about what her best course of action might be.

For the next 40 minutes, the group leans into the conversation, asking her specific questions. They’re drilling down into areas to help her figure this out. Nobody is telling her what to do. In fact, at this point, nobody is even making suggestions. They’re working hard to understand – and help her better understand – what she may need.

Some of the questions are easy for her to answer. Others are very difficult. Not because they’re confrontational, but because she’s not considered them before. So she has to think carefully about them. In real-time.

Here’s what brings depth to the discussion. She trusts everybody in the room. They all trust her, too. Everybody is there to grow their business, their leadership, and their lives. They are NOT there to hold hands and sing kumbayah. They’re there to serve one another and to make this group the most effective, powerful business-building endeavor possible.

By the time the discussion moves to possible suggestions – the time when her peers can respectfully suggest she consider one course of action – or another…she’s thinking of a number of critical things she hadn’t thought about earlier.

The group has given her three different suggestions. They’ve shared their own experiences inside their companies. More discussion narrows the suggestions down to two. That’s her decision and the group supports her in kicking one of the suggestions to the curb.

What will she do?

She’ll do what she wants to do and the group will support her. They’ll all tell you the same thing. They don’t want anybody telling them what to do. That’s why they’re business owners. Each will declare they’re happily unemployable. 😉

For the final few minutes, there’s discussion to help her figure out the big question. “What next?”

She tells the group what she’d like to do next. In fact, she commits to about two critical steps to take toward her goal of building in more bandwidth so she can concentrate more on the longer-term vision of the company. She even commits to a faster timeframe that surprised some members of the group.

All the while there are three other members of the group who are thinking through the same thing for themselves. And every member is making an application to their own lives and situations.

This happens in internal groups, too.

A city government has seven directors. Each report to the City Manager. Their responsibilities are quite diverse. From a police chief to a director of economic development. What do they have in common? Quite a lot.

They all work for the same city and the same city manager. They all regularly perform work that impacts another department. When the department of public works needs to do some drainage improvement, the police department needs to be involved in traffic control.

The problem? It’s easy for each department to silo up and declare, “That’s not our job.” By putting them in a room together to have a peer-led discussion, they’re able to more clearly see how their work impacts others, and how they can improve collaboration to improve everybody’s performance.

In one meeting a director poses a hypothetical. “Have any of you thought about changing the role of your deputy directors? My deputies have separate responsibilities and duties based on our traditional hierarchical management. I’m wondering if there might be a better way and I’d like your thoughts.”

What follows is a high-energy creativity fueled conversation. Most of the directors have two deputy directors, but some just have one. Those with one work differently than those with two. Their insights prove helpful and the discussion deepens.

The group considers how changing the role might better serve their departments, the city, and the deputies. They want to elevate engagement and employee retention. They even are forced to face how they may feel threatened by having strong deputies. By the end of the hour, all seven directors confess it’s been one of the most profitable meetings they’ve ever had…all because a hypothetical situation was tossed onto the table.

Sometimes when we think the unthinkable we’re able to reach new heights of achievement. If I’m unable or unwilling to bring up a topic, I’m benefitted by your courage to do so. That’s why we surround ourselves with multiple peers. When I lack courage, others may bring it. When they lack it, I can bring it. It’s the power of the room and our collective ability to serve ourselves by serving each other.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:34 — 14.2MB)

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Safety and encouragement. They’re vital to our ability to grow, overcome adversity and battle whatever life is tossing our way. Here’s a worthwhile daily admonishment…

Help somebody feel safe today.

The topic had a genesis over at my hobby podcast, LeaningTowardWisdom.com, which I’ve dubbed #CravingEncouragement. The idea took form out of the professional conversations I have with top-level leaders. I started asking CEOs and business owners to share with me a time when they were encouraged in a meaningful way…encouragement that made a positive difference in their life.

The startling result in every single instance was a story that went back years. Most of the stories went back to childhood or teenage years. Nobody ever begins their story with, “Just the other day…”

The question then becomes, “When was the last time you gave encouragement in a meaningful way? I don’t mean an atta-boy pat on the back. I mean a true, genuine expression of belief in somebody.” After all, that’s what real encouragement is.

Almost always the person will struggle to remember the last time they did that. Especially in a professional setting.

Yet we all know what encouragement feels like. We all understand how valuable it is when we’re the recipient. And I added the verb “craving” because it’s what I’ve found we all do. We yearn for it.

Why this, is it so elusive? Why don’t we do it more often?

One answer I’ve found is in this notion of safety and emotional energy. There’s no separating safety and emotional energy. They go hand in hand.

Many of us are far more acquainted with how it feels to live under the threat of judgment and have to wrestle through the emotional drains that accompany it.

But judgment is easy. Compassion is hard. And compassion is required in order to deliver encouragement.

Additionally, emotional energy being elevated is hard. Draining is easy.

So perhaps it’s that whole “path of least resistance” thing happening. We judge. We criticize. We drain energy. Because those are likely experiences we’ve mostly received. Maybe those behaviors have been so modeled in front of it, we’ve become experts at them. Failing to pause long enough to understand there must be a better way.

Emotional energy surrounds you. Personally. Professionally.

Some of it is positive, some negative.

Some emotional energy is achievement-oriented.

Some emotional energy is healthy, fostering growth. Some is unhealthy, stunting growth.

Who drains your energy? Who gives you energy?

What drains your energy? What gives you energy?

It’s high time to come to terms with the security or safety of your life and the energy in your life…with the intention of making sure you’re surrounded by the right people who can deliver both. It’s been my experience that a person who provides safety for you also elevates your energy. Again, I’ve found the two inseparable.

As a business owner, it’s especially urgent for you to be in touch with the truth. And to avoid that whole “emperor has no clothes” problem.

To do that means you need the right people around you. People who may serve different roles for you, but people who – in their diversity share the common qualities of safety and energy giving.

This isn’t’ some self-centered exercise in autocratic tyranny where the world exists simply to serve YOU though. It begins with your leadership. Your courage and vulnerability to challenge yourself.

How can I become a person with whom others feel safe and energized?

While that question is directed at the man in the mirror, appropriately so, it’s really the thrust of a bigger question.

Who can I help feel safe today? Who can I energize today?

No, the rhetorical (or practical) answer isn’t “everybody.” You’re not going to make everybody you contact or know feel safe. Some people aren’t going to trust you and it may have nothing to do with you. Or anything you’ve said or done. They simply will not trust you.

Maybe it’s because of your position or title. Maybe it’s because of your authority. Maybe it’s because of your lack of position or title. Or your lack of authority. The point? It could be for a million reasons over which you have no control or influence. It’s like making every sale. You won’t. Some will buy. Some won’t. And it won’t matter what you do. It’s just how things go. Don’t dwell on the failure. Move on to find somebody willing to let you serve them as well as you can. It’s a big world filled with people craving encouragement. You have plenty of them in your life to keep busy for a very long time. We all do.

By working to become such a person you will learn how to better attract the right people. They’ll likely be people naturally bent that way, or people working hard to become that way. It won’t be somebody with no idea about it all. Nor will it be somebody who thinks in shallow, limited possibilities. It will be the person with enough self-lessness to listen, understand and grow. Those people are best able to help you do the same.

It’s reciprocal. So today, I’m encouraging you to first give. Find ways to carefully look at the people in your life – personally and professionally. Figure out how you can increase their sense of safety. Make them feel safe enough to lean on you. To trust you more deeply. To believe (not because you’re pulling the wool over their eyes, but because you’re genuine) that you want the best outcome for them and you’re confident enough to let them decide. It’s not about living their life for them (judgment), but it’s about helping them live their best life.

Do that and you’ll be unable to avoid amplifying the energy in their life. Once you prove yourself they’ll want more. The experience is so extraordinary, people learn to crave it more and more. It will provide strength and depth to your leadership because we’re all attracted to people who make us feel safe and give us more energy. The rarity of these resources is your leadership edge and it’s ENORMOUS.

But this is all one big chicken versus egg dilemma. Which comes first? Both. And simultaneously. My conviction is that you can’t just go looking for the right people to surround you without working (at the same time) to become a person others need.

Give yourself to finding and delivering on it. Commit to it. Not as a tactic, but as a way of life. A way of living. A non-negotiable daily behavior that defines you. That’s how you’ll make the biggest impact on the world, your business and your life.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy