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I’ve learned quite a lot since I became a grandfather. If you want to learn some valuable things, pay close attention to the little kids in your life. 

They’re learning everything. Lots of firsts. No experience. 

It’s interesting to see how their personalities impact their actions. You can watch them approach something they’ve never done before and figure out what you’re doing to foil your own success. Well, you can do that if you’re not so quick to judge them. And their hesitations. 

Some of us are prone to not give things much thought. Others of us are prone to think too much perhaps about things. But it’s not a binary thing where people always avoid overthinking or where others always overthink it. Some things are attempted without hesitation while others things cause almost paralyzing hesitation. Because some things are more fearful than other things. Some things make more sense than other things. It’s this ever-sliding gray scale of emotions that we all have to figure out. And manage. Somehow. 

I’ve got five grandkids. Among them are two brothers, Easton and Cason. Easton is the oldest, 5. Cason is the younger, turning 3 in July. It’s summertime so swimming is a big activity. They spend quite a lot of time in our pool every summer. Clearly, Easton is the more experienced having spent twice as many summers than his younger brother. But compared to his younger brother, Easton is more fearful of the water. He learned to swim a few summers ago. Took lessons and learned all the proper ways to protect himself, like relaxing and flipping over to float on his back. Around water, he’s timid. Almost never relaxed. There’s nothing in his experience to create this. It’s hardwired. It’s just who he is. 

Cason has had 4 swimming sessions. FOUR. Ten minutes each. Just a week ago. This past weekend – Father’s Day 2018 – Cason was jumping in even though he clearly doesn’t quite yet know what he’s doing. We’re watching him (and all the kids) like a flock of hawks! We almost have 1 adult per child keeping a watchful eye on this beggars. This weekend we remarked that we wish Cason had a bit more fear, but he doesn’t. He just goes for it. 100% of the time. 

Meanwhile, older brother (over twice his age) will often stand near the pool debating on whether to even get in. No amount of coaxing, cajoling or persuading seems to matter. He’ll get in when he’s ready, but if you wait for him to get ready – you’ll be sunburned. You can see him overthinking it 8 ways to Sunday. Internally he’s talking himself out of it instead of looking to see all the other kids have fun. Even his success – he knows how to swim – doesn’t seem to affect a quick repeat performance. Sure, some days he’ll get on a roll and be fine, but we’re all guaranteed to experience him halt and hesitate pretty regularly. We’re hoping this summer will be his breakout performance, but we also know it’s up to him. He could have broken through at least 2 summers ago. Two whole summers!

Yesterday, we had a combo-celebration – my wife’s birthday and Father’s Day. All the grandkids were over. The pool was a tidal wave of frolicking. Easton was doing his usual thing and I was watching him carefully, as I always do. That fear is real. We know it’s in his head, but we also know whatever he’s imaging is his reality. He’s physically, mentally and emotionally afraid. It’s guaranteeing his failure to relax and enjoy what he already knows to do. He’s missing out. And he’s the only person who can change it. 

Easy to see when we’re watching a 5-year-old. Way more difficult when we’re looking at ourselves. 

It’s Monday. A new week. 

You’re afraid of something. It’s highly possible you’re overthinking it. Like Easton, you’re thinking about it too much. It’s WHAT you’re thinking that’s killing you. 

I hate the simplification of overthinking because it implies that thinking about something is hazardous or detrimental. Thinking should be prized. I’m using overthinking the way we generally use it, to mean we magnify our fears. We dwell on them. We let them dictate our behavior rather than getting past them. It’s less about overcoming our fear as it is doing what we fear anyway. Overcoming fear is a process. It may take Easton many attempts before he finally conquers whatever fears he’s got about swimming. 

This week – and every week – if you want to guarantee your failure at something, then embrace dwelling on your fears. But there’s a problem. Easton’s fear is easy to see. That is, we can see what he’s afraid of. We may not understand what he’s afraid of, but the fact that simply getting into the pool is fearful displays his fears. Our fears aren’t so clear-cut. As adults we can be good at masking our fears, making them see like something else. 

We need more information. 

We need to let things play out a bit more.

Today isn’t a good time. 

We can come up with reasons that sound good, but until we face the reality that we’re overthinking because we’re dwelling on our fears of what can go wrong. 

I’ve tried reasoning with Easton. Just yesterday, I’m in the water, attempting to get him to swim to me – about 15 feet away. He says I’m too far away. I ask him if he’s ever seen anybody hurt at our pool. Nope. Has he ever seen all of us (the adults in his life), let anything bad happen to any of the kids? Nope. Can you tell me what you’re afraid of? Nope. 😉 

It just is what it is. 

I’m learning that our fears aren’t always based on anything other than how we feel at that moment. But I’m also learning that focusing on those fears just amplifies them. Over a year ago, author Mel Robbins released her book, The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage. 

Back in 2014 he released this video presentation on her 5-second rule. But go back to 2011 and you’ll be able to watch her TED Talk which currently has over 14 million views. That talk was entitled, “How to stop screwing yourself over.” She was the 1st person I heard mention the scientific research that revealed the odds of you being born – the when of your birth, the to whom you were born – at 1 to 400 TRILLION. The fact that you’re YOU is remarkable. Why let your fears rule you, or sabotage this one thing you’d like to do, you need to do.

Mel talks about why we put things off. It’s kinda sorta the same thing as overthinking, but maybe not entirely. I point to her because the single message she preaches is that you’re never going to feel like it. So you do it anyway! 

Easton isn’t going to drown. We’re not going to let that happen. He’s a kid. We’re watching out for him.

You’re an adult. You feel nobody is watching out for you. Maybe not. And that’s stopping you? 

Nothing horrible is going to happen. And even if it does, you’ll able to recover. 

So be afraid. Just stop halting. Hesitating. Do it anyway. Force it. At first. Then force it again. And again. Over time, it’s like lifting weights. It gets easier to lift the same weight the more you do it. 

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Yesterday four university professors published an article in the Harvard Business Review entitled, “In Interviews, Female CEOs Say They Don’t Expect Much Support — at Home or at Work.”

The female leaders we spoke to expected little outside support, either at home or in work.”

That one sentence just made me sad. I kept thinking about it throughout the day yesterday and quickly concluded (merely anecdotally, based on my experiences) that this statement can also apply to many men. Kinda sorta.

Men often express loneliness. But I realize there’s a difference.

It made me wonder if men expect support more than women…even if they don’t always get it. It seems from the interviews with 12 CEOs the professors found these ladies didn’t expect it. That sent me down the rabbit hole of wondering about disappointment. 

I’ve long argued in favor of optimism. When challenged, I tell folks I just don’t see a downside to optimism. Save one thing. Disappointment. But, I argue, we’re going to be disappointed anyway so it just doesn’t seem like a risk. Even so, disappointment is a real thing. I get it.

Men. Women. No matter. We all need support. Both at work and at home. Too few of us have it. Too many of us are disappointed. And way too many of us are living with that disappointment, not knowing how to remedy it.

Later in the article, this sentence got my attention.

Interestingly, they emphasized trying to develop networks that would help them to do their current job better, rather than to get a better job, which is typically how men employ networks.”

Networks, support. We all need them. For what purpose?

For our own purpose. To help us. If the researchers are correct, and women leaders leverage their networks more for doing their current job better, then there’s another interesting distinction between men and women. These are generalizations made based on their research, but it still intrigues me. Here we are – men and women – needing support. Craving it. Maybe not often expecting it, or getting it. Feeling like we need a new, better job…or feeling like we could use support to perform better where we’re at. 

Business leaders can be resistant to ask for and accept support. There are lots of likely reasons. 

For starters, most of us have a certain wiring to be in charge. No matter how you’re wired personality-wise, you’ve likely spent some time embracing the loneliness of your leadership. You’re good with it. Some days you even relish it because it makes you feel special. Important. Significant. 

But it’s chipping away at you. Especially on those days where you could sure use some help and support. Not the kind of support where somebody leans over your shoulder telling you what to do, but the kind of support where somebody can listen to you, understand you and be a safe sounding board. 

When the women CEOs told the researchers they didn’t expect that kind of support at home or work, it made me wonder how much better their lives might be if they not only expected it but if they got it. That’s my wiring. I’m a what-if guy. A what-could-be sorta person. I do it constantly when I examine business challenges and opportunities. 

If high achieving CEOs and business owners could soar a bit higher – grow even greater – what would that look like? What sort of impact would that have on their businesses? Their employees? Their customers? Their families? Their communities?

Success can morph quickly into complacency. That notion that we’ve made it. Check the box. 

Never understanding that the box can more quickly become UN-checked. 

Eric Barker, author of the book, “Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong”, offers 4 points of emphasis in this never-ending discussion about work/life balance:

1. Happiness – what you’re enjoying?/ what you’re doing?
2.  Achievement – are you getting ahead? Are you making money?
3. Significance – is what you’re doing benefiting the people you love?
4. Legacy – are you making the world a better place?

Every person on the planet needs support to achieve these things. Grow Great is based on the premise that none of us are as good as we can be. We all have room for improvement. It’s the lifelong pursuit that drives us. Business leaders, because of our quest to make a difference, may have even greater needs for support because we’re trying to do big things. 

Be intentional about surrounding yourself with people willing and able to support you. Don’t limit yourself to the usual suspects. Or by falsely assuming your support system will just happen organically. Act with purpose. Make it happen. Your professional life and your personal life have room for growth. 

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 6:26 — 6.3MB)

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You know you need to do it. You’ve been needing to do it for days. Maybe weeks. But you’re dreading it. So you keep putting it off.

Without any idea what you’re waiting for. It’s not like it’s going to miraculously go away. You convince yourself that now isn’t the time. Besides, there are other things that seem more pressing. Next thing you know, another day has gone. You’ve escaped handling it once again. 

But it doesn’t feel as good as you’d hoped. Instead, the dread grows. And grows. 

I don’t know what it is. Some leaders report to me that handling an employee situation can be right near the top of things they dread handling. Through the years of doing it myself, and coaching leaders through the process, it almost always goes much better than people thought it might. Mostly, it’s because people don’t fully think through what’s actually going to happen (or what should happen). They have it framed incorrectly in their head so it becomes dreadful. 

Maybe you’re not vexed by needing to handle a poor performing employee, but I’m going to use that to illustrate the point. You’ll be able to apply it to whatever you’re putting off. Something you know you should handle right now instead of next week!

Let me tell you the story of a man I’ll call Ralph. Ralph is a manager. He’s in charge of a sizeable team of people, a lot of resources and his role is crucial to the company. A year ago Ralph appeared to be an excellent hire. He interviewed well. Had an impeccable resume. And figured to be an upgrade. 

The first 90 days went well. Ralph was doing a great job, confirming all our notions that we’d hired the right guy. 

Somewhere around the 120-day mark things started to go weird. Ralph would step out at random times during the day. Things continued to go well, but this change in his schedule was strange. Not something where I would call him into my office, but something employees were noting. It drove curiosity among Ralph’s troops, but nobody noticed any other oddities. And when Ralph left work at these odd times they weren’t uniform. He might step out at 1 pm and be gone for 30 minutes. He might leave around 3 pm and be gone for an hour. Ralph was a leader who established his own schedule so I was just keeping a close eye on things. Maybe I did what you do – I put off having the conversation with him, “Ralph, what’s going on with your schedule? People are talking and it’s becoming a distraction.” I wish I had done it.

Fast forward now to about month 8 into the role and Ralph is a serious problem. Work has slipped big time. His schedule has grown odder. I sit down with him and address every item specifically, in detail. He basically denies that anything has changed, but he can’t deny my evidence (performance standards weren’t being met). I put him on a performance improvement plan. That means, I write him up and tell him he’s got 30 days to get his act together and I commit to do whatever is necessary to help him. He signs it, shakes my hand and thanks me.

Thirty days later we’re doing the exact same thing again. Same result. I tell him there won’t be a third opportunity. “Ralph, I’m pleading with you to let me help you get back on track.” He denies he’s failing in spite of overwhelming evidence. He signs the second document, stands up, shakes my hand and thanks me. 

Thirty days later I’m terminating Ralph. It’s over. Months and months were wasted because I didn’t confront Ralph at the first sign of weird behavior which was distracting his team. Completely my fault. FYI, turns out Ralph was used to being fired. And then trying to collect money, either from his old employer or unemployment. I fought the fight against him collecting unemployment or threatening wrongful termination. And won! Ralph had some kind of a weird job hopping habit. I was at least the second of his potential victims. 

My putting it off cost the company MONTHS of poor performance that I could have fixed much sooner. But I convinced myself that Ralph wasn’t doing anything I could really confront. Maybe not, but I could have certainly had a conversation with him. Sure, he’d have likely lied to me, but I may have been able to start my PIP (performance improvement plan) sooner so I could be rid of him. 

Delay is more costly than speed. I’m not urging you to abandon thoughtfulness, but I am urging you to avoid hesitation. 

Maybe you’re delaying any number of actions because of fear. You don’t want to hurt somebody’s feelings. You don’t like confrontations. Who knows? The excuses are as varied as our personalities. No matter. Delaying will likely cost you way more than taking action right now. 

Besides, if you act right now you’ll be it over with. That means you’ll be able to move on and get rid of that weight of dread. 

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 6:17 — 6.2MB)

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Culture defined: (biology) “the cultivation of bacteria, tissue cells, etc., in an artificial medium containing nutrients”

Too frequently that defines the culture inside our organizations. It’s like a bacteria-filled petri dish. Not like a sports team locker room where everybody is doing their part so the entire team can hoist the championship trophy!

We’re going to use this definition of culture, “the set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution or organization.” Let’s cut to the chase and call it what it is. Your business has a culture. It’s what your company believes! Belief drives people to behave in ways that are either congruent with what you want. Or not. 

So let’s start with YOU since you own the joint. What do you believe? 

Do you believe honesty and integrity are so important, that even when it may cost your company some revenue (a’hem, profits) you insist your people do the right thing? No matter what?

Do you believe that innovation and creativity are so important that attempts should be celebrated rather than penalized?

Do you believe that collaboration is so important you reward it?

There are countless things you can choose to believe. Those beliefs drive your actions. As the top leader, they also set the tone for everybody else in your organization. 

It necessarily has to begin with YOU. Let’s consider some questions that may help.

How negotiable are your beliefs about how your business should operate? Are there circumstances where your beliefs would be suspended? If honesty is a critical value to you – one you deeply believe in – if an employee behaves dishonestly, but it results in a big sale, what will you do? The crux of this question is really this – will there be consequences for violating these beliefs? If not, then they’re really not beliefs. They’re more feeble. Kind of like moderate wishes. 

Do you hire people based largely on how well they’ll fit in with what you and your company believe? Or do you hope the talent you hire will fall in line with your beliefs after the fact? If people don’t believe what you believe, do you really think you’ll convince them once you hire them? How many Republicans do you know who have converted to the Democratic party? Or vice versa. Oh, it can happen. And blind pigs can find acorns, too. 

Do you think you can mandate beliefs? Many small business owners seem to think they’ll just impose their will. Reminds me of parenting. When our children are small we can impose our will. Then one day, we realize we’ve got a teenager in our house and suddenly that ability is lost. They have a mind of their own and oftentimes, they rebel. Your employees will, too. Unless they also believe what you do.

Culture is non-negotiable beliefs held by the entire organization. It’s the place from which you operate. Everybody makes choices congruent with the culture. It establishes not just what’s expected, but how to meet those expectations. Culture is the heartbeat of your company’s operating system. It’s just how things work around your place.

Since 1984 I’ve been an Apple Mac guy. The Mac operating system is different than the Windows or Linux platform. It just works differently. I’d argue it’s better, but that’s admittedly my bias. It’s a non-negotiable operating system just like the other operating systems. Each is different. They don’t mix or mingle. I’ve got programs on my Mac that are only made for Mac. There are other programs that aren’t made for Mac at all. Apple made that decision a long time ago. So did Windows. It’s not so much a judgment thing as it is a choice. A belief. 

What have you decided to believe? And follow, unapologetically? Without hesitation or negotiation? 

People need to know the reason. They crave knowing why. 

Dallas Stars’ Stanley Cup winning coach, Ken Hitchcock, retired last season from coaching at the NHL level. Over 3 decades of coaching professional hockey players taught him a thing or two. Last year he remarked the changes he’s seen in players since he began his career. There was a time, he said, when you could simply ask a player to do something and they’d follow the instruction. Today’s player, he remarked, wants to know why he’s doing it. Welcome to the culture dilemma that too many business leaders fail to solve. 

Step 1: Know what you believe. Make sure it’s a non-negotiable standard. That means, failure to comply will cost people the opportunity to remain on your team. 

Step 2: Evangelize the beliefs. Don’t just preach about them. Put rewards and consequences in place to reinforce them. 

Step 3: Hire for fit. Get the talent and skills you need, but if the candidate doesn’t believe what you do, kick them to the curb. Find somebody who shares your beliefs. 

Step 4: Go back and repeat each step constantly. Your work is never done. Culture (beliefs) can erode over time, or be disturbed by replacement beliefs. Be intolerant of movement away from what you believe and value. 

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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I was listening to a conversation between some folks the other day. Smart people. 

I found myself making mental notes of phrases, acronyms, and other terms that just seemed overly complicated. I’m watching facial expressions and body language. Looking for signs of any engagement, which is impossible if you’re unclear what’s being communicated.

At some point I know I broke out in a smile. I was trying to suppress it somewhat. I was thinking of some old books by famed newsman Edwin Newman. He was a language guy, really bent on clear communication. I’m sure his books are out of print, but they’re worth finding. I’ve got my copies of Strictly Speaking: Will America be the Death of English? and A Civil Tongue. I’m watching, listening, but thinking of what Edwin Newman would say about all this jargon and jibberish. That’s when I smiled. 

Nobody caught me. Smiling. If they did, I’m sure they thought I was amused by their intellect. Likely thinking, “This moron just wishes he were as smart as me.”

Some time ago I was describing a person to a friend of mine as “word proud.” I said, “You know the type. He’ll use 200 words when 20 would do.” Some weeks later, after an encounter with this person I had accurately described, my buddy called. “Boy, did you have that right.” He went on to describe a rambling monologue delivered by said word proud guy. 

Business-speak exists in every industry. We have terms that we’re familiar with that those outside our industry may not be. Some of these are quite meaningful. To us. 

But there’s another form of business-speak that is vague, unclear and confusing. 

In a Forbes’ article from 2012 you can find this piece of gold…

“Jargon masks real meaning,” says Jennifer Chatman, management professor at the University of California-Berkeley’s Haas School of Business. “People use it as a substitute for thinking hard and clearly about their goals and the direction that they want to give others.”

The title of the article is The Most Annoying, Pretentious And Useless Business Jargon. The article lists a few but links you to a more extensive list of 45 annoying, pretentious and useless words or phrases. 

I’ve concluded that mostly this problem stems from people wanting to appear smart. Or smarter. 

Turn that goal on its head. Better yet, lose that goal altogether. Instead, adopt a better goal. To be understood. And to understand.

I don’t remember when I first heard the term “tiger team,” but I do remember the situation. I looked around the room, figuring I may be the only person without a clue what it meant, so I asked, “What’s a tiger team?” The earth didn’t stop rotating. The person who used the term appeared to struggle a bit to help me understand. Finally, he said, “Well, it’s a just a smaller group of people assigned to tackle a problem.” I was far more embarrassed for him than myself…since the definition didn’t just trip off his tongue easily. I joked with the room, “I started to just Google it, but figured I’d ask.” Later I did Google it. People shouldn’t have to Google words or phrases you use in order to understand.

Who do we think we’re going to impress when we speak in ways that are hard to understand? 

It reminds me of the preacher who would hold forth for over an hour each sermon. The congregation had no idea what he had preached, but after services most would comment, “He sure is smart. I wasn’t able to follow much of that.” To which an old-timer replied, “Everybody thinks muddy water is deep.” True story. And it’s a true adage among some. I don’t understand what he’s talking about so he must be smarter than me. Is that what we’re going for? Convince me of the profit in that strategy!

Listen, I realize I’m in Dallas, Texas and I know our clocks don’t operate using New York seconds, but man alive, can we just say what we mean and mean what we say? 

I speak with people every week from all over the world. Folks who are more educated than me. Folks who have subject matter expertise I don’t have. People who have very different experiences than I’ve had. It doesn’t mean me inferior to them. Nor does it make me superior. What it does do is compel me to work harder to make sure I can understand them (and I’m not talking about their ability to speak English), and to make sure I can be understood. If we lack mutual understanding, then we’ve got big, big problems. 

Sometimes in our businesses, we’ve got big, big problems for the same reason. 

If you were to list all the jibberish business jargon that has crept into your organization…how long would that list be? Forbes’ list is up to 45, but it’s also 6 years old. But in that same year, the same magazine – Forbes – published another article entitled, 89 Business Cliches That Will Get Any MBA Promoted And Make Them Totally Useless. I confess I didn’t compare the two lists. I’m not that interested. But plain speech isn’t hard for me. 

Don’t make it hard on yourself. Or the people with whom you’re communicating. It’s like telling a joke. If you must explain it, it ain’t funny. If people have to ask you to explain what you mean, then you failed. Work on it.

It slows things down. And speed it your friend. Business jibberish is the enemy. The smart folks are unimpressed. The rest of us are just plain confused.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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Yesterday we talked about avoiding being stupid. Let’s stick with this theme of avoidance. Today, let’s figure out better alternatives – and a way to avoid playing the blame game.

William James McAuley III is better known as Bleu. He should likely be a household name. He’s a musician, artist, songwriter and producer from Boston living in L.A. In 2009 he released a song, “The Blame Game.” He sings, “We all get good use from a bad excuse. All of us need somebody to blame.”

Two great lines. One universal truth. Everybody blames somebody or something. Sometimes.

I love Bleu’s music and find the lines rather brilliant, but I don’t agree with them. Not from a practical or helpful point of view anyway.

Relying on an excuse is a very bad, destructive habit. And we don’t need excuses. We enjoy them though. We can even crave them. 

They make us feel better because it helps us with our delusion to think we’re not responsible. Or accountable. 

Culture and society train all of us to embrace being victims. Yes, I fully understand that bad things happen to people. Often beyond our control. But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about our sometimes (I hope it’s not frequent) reliance on excuses when we’d be better served to face the reality that it’s our own fault. 

Today’s message is short, simple, but powerful. Avoid the blame game completely. Even if you really lean toward feeling like somebody or something did it to you. Try the rest of this week to develop the habit (that will hopefully live with you beyond this week) of accepting responsibility for everything that happens in your life. 

I should qualify that this is NOT about beating yourself up. Or complaining.

It’s about building a bridge without excuses and getting over it. Moving past whatever hurdles you’ve got with a thought, and belief that you need to learn, make adjustments, and fix what ails you. Take control of your own life. 

That includes what you think, how you feel and how you choose to behave. It’s all on you. And only you. 

If that last marketing campaign didn’t work out as well as you’d hoped, quit trying to figure out who to blame. Step up, as the owner, and accept it yourself. That’ll protect your troops from becoming too bashful to try anything innovative. It’ll show everybody that you’ve got their backs, too. Besides, what difference does it make even if you were to assign blame? That’s a culture killer!

Instead, play a different game. Play the LEARNING game. What did we learn? Blame is often championed when things don’t go as planned. That means, it didn’t work. No better time to figure out what you can learn. Why waste the entire experience? Instead, focus your employees on the question that will push things forward, “What did we learn that we can now use?”

That’s a much more productive game to play. Infinitely more fun, too.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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