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We can be a miserable lot. Humans.

History has proven our capacity to treat one another poorly. The first children ever born demonstrate it. Cain killed his brother Abel.

According to the FBI, 24.8% of homicides are committed by family members. Just imagine how horrific we can behave toward people we don’t even care about. Or love.

Before you think I’m pessimistic about life and people, tap the brakes. I’m optimistic. Truly. And I’m hopeful.

But I’m realistic and practical. Fact is, people have stuff. Their own stuff. It’s natural for us to say we care about somebody else…until it comes down to them or us. Then, we choose us.

Jeffrey Gitomer has illustrated the point for years in his live presentations by asking the audience, “Who is the most important person in the world?” Universally, people shout out, “The customer!”

Gitomer chuckles, then says, “No, you don’t understand. There are two people on the planet. You and the customer. One of you must die. Who will die?”

The crowd laughs and in unison shout, “The customer!”

Yes, indeed. In the battle between us and death, with the customer being part of the equation – the customer will die before we do. At least if we have our way about it. Says Gitomer, “So we’ve now established that YOU are the most important person in the world.”

Which clearly explains why we’re able to treat each other shabbily.

It also explains why I made YOU the central character in today’s title. But let’s step back and begin with your leadership because that’s all about your willingness to serve others.

Do YOU want what’s best for your people? And I don’t mean in the context of what they can do for you or your business. I mean do you care about what’s best for them, period. No strings attached. No hidden or open agenda. Most importantly, no judgment on your part. Meaning, you don’t try to live their lives for them. You don’t second guess their choices. And no, I’m not talking about supporting people who engage in behavior that is detrimental to what’s best for them. For example, a husband involved in an extra-marital affair needs to look elsewhere to get any support from me. I don’t choose to support immoral, unethical or illegal behavior in spite of the person’s desire to engage in it. But otherwise, my personal conviction is that I have enough trouble living my own life. I have no desire to live yours – or anybody else’s.

Let’s make it real. You have a remarkable employee who tenders their resignation because they’ve accepted an incredible opportunity that you simply can’t best. Are you happy and supportive because it’s what’s ideal for them as they see it? Or, are you angry because they’re leaving and how you’ve got to endure the hassle of replacing them?

Don’t lie. Tell the truth.

Remember the question – who is the most important person here?

In this context, it’s them. Not you.

Work on becoming a superior leader who puts the welfare of your employees ahead of yourself. Yes, the business has needs that employees must meet. Things work well – best – when those needs are mutually met. When the scales tip in either direction, then the balance is lost and something must give. When the company needs are met, but the employee’s needs aren’t – the employee will leave. Rightfully so. When the employee needs are met, but the company needs go wanting – then a compromise must take place or the employee will likely need to find a new home so they can continue to fulfill their needs.

Now let’s talk about YOU.

Who cares about you? Who cares enough about you that you don’t question the fact that they absolutely, positively want what’s best for you?

Here’s the acid test. Who in your life wants what’s best for you and they’re willing to support your dreams and ambitions without judgment?

Does it shock you that in my experience very few people declare having somebody in their life who passes the acid test? It’s far more common for me to hear, “I’m not sure I’ve got anybody like that.” Or, “Well, that’s asking for quite a lot, isn’t it?”

Sadly, people crave people who believe in them and want what’s best for them. We all do. It’s such a big void in people’s lives.

So big in fact that some time ago I began talking about it at my hobby podcast – Leaning Toward Wisdom – in a project I’ve labeled #CravingEncouragement. I even registered the URL CravingEncouragement.com.

It’s a universal desire and void. People who want what’s best for us.

Today’s call to action isn’t so much about you finding such people as it is about you becoming such a person for others. It’s the best path forward. For us to begin the movement by leading and showing others the way. By daily committing ourselves to learn, understand, and grow as we help others achieve the things best for them. Do that and it’s bound to lead to good things for you. Somewhere along the way you’ll encounter or befriend somebody – hopefully a group of somebodies – who will reciprocate. But if you don’t, then you’ll know you’re doing a major work and making your part of the universe more powerfully good.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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Recently I’ve been leveraging the power of character strengths to help leaders and business owners figure out improved team alignment. It begins with leaders having an enlightened awareness of their own character. This isn’t a talent or skill based strength. Rather, it’s character. It’s much more geared toward the essences of who you are at a particular moment. Think of it as how you roll. Your default operating system.

When it comes to any conversation about the people who surround us alignment is important. Especially when it’s people who make up our team. But it’s important when it comes to who we allow to influence us.

No man is an island. True enough. Even loners suffer impact from others. Today more than any other time in my lifetime, people are influenced by complete strangers. People we don’t know. People we’ve never met. People we’ll never meet. People we interact with – or listen to via Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and Linkedin. There’s a collective noise that impacts us even though these people are largely people who don’t know us. Certainly not well enough to understand the context of our life. But still we may listen to them.

Today I’m focused on just two groups of people: people aiming higher or people aiming lower.

You may be thinking, “Who aims lower?” Plenty of people. Just look at their behavior and choice. Foolishness knows no bounds. These people aren’t aiming higher. Many aren’t aiming at all. They’re just putting one foot in front of the other pursuing whatever they most want at the time.

If people aren’t aiming higher does that mean they’re naturally aiming lower? Yes. Otherwise, you’d have to argue that being aimless isn’t aiming lower. 😀

Before we get to that though, let’s think about who we listen to. Who influences us. There are 2 groups: a) those we recognize who influence us (the people we intentionally allow) and b) those we may not be aware of (the people we may not consciously give permission, but we really do care what they think).

Think about both groups. Be thoughtful enough to improve your awareness of these people.

Now, armed with that, dig deep and be even more mindful about whether these people are aiming higher or lower. Don’t be wishy-washy. Make your determination quickly. You know the answer.

Let me help you. People either fuel you and help you reach higher, climb higher and perform better. Or they don’t. It’s binary. It’s one or the other. No middle ground.

Go through your list of people and think arrow UP or arrow DOWN. Arrow UP means they elevate you. Arrow DOWN means they sap you diminishing your energy.

Go as deeply into the roster of people who surround you as you’d like. Family. Friends. Business acquaintances. Company teammates. Direct reports. Social media connections. Cultural figures you pay attention to. Anybody. Everybody.

Brace yourself because many people who dare do this exercise find the roster filled with people who don’t help them at all. Rather, many rosters are filled with people who drain energy, deter high performance and squash courage.

Let’s start with the negative influencers – the folks aiming low. You won’t change them. Why spend any energy or time trying to convert them? People who see the storm clouds off in the distance even though the skies above us are clear…what do you suppose you can do to change them? NOTHING. Well, that’s not entirely true. You can waste your time and pump more energy into trying to get them to embrace the clear skies directly overhead. But it’s a losing proposition. Unless you just enjoy evangelizing to unbelievers who will never convert — because they don’t want to.

That’s why being surrounded by victims will rub off on you. And why fear mongers will increase your fears.

So what do you do? First, identify these people. Until you do that, nothing will improve. Next, jettison them from your life. If not altogether, then to the biggest degree possible. Squeeze them out of your life by making up your mind that there’s just no room for energy robbers.

You don’t allow thieves into your house because you know they’re going to rob you. Then why are you allowing energy thieves into your life knowing they’re stealing something more valuable than your stuff?

Contrast these folks with the people on your list who are aiming higher and pushing you to aim higher, too. These people are encouraging. Maybe not always comfortable because they’re not sitting back admiring life. But you know they benefit you. They make your fuel needle go higher!

When you’re around these people you leave feeling energized. Or challenged. They help you see things more clearly. They don’t tell you what you want to hear because that’s not their motive. Their motive is to help you grow. They want what’s best for you.

Every person who is suffering a wrecked life has too many people surrounding them who are aiming low. Like a limbo dancer, their lives are epitomized by the question, “How low can you go?” It’s remarkable how low a life can go, thanks in large part to listening to low aiming marksmen intent on hitting their target.

Every person who is experiencing high achievement has a number of people surrounding them who are aiming high. They constantly wonder how much higher they can go. What grand achievements may be possible…pursuits they may have yet to chase because they didn’t think big enough. But the high aimers in their life nudge them to consider such things, pushing them to dream bigger and to give their dreams the effort they deserve.

1 Corinthians 15:33 “Be not deceived: Evil companionships corrupt good morals.”

Every parent knows it. Every criminal knows it. Every cheater, liar, and thief knows it.

Our greatness as people hinges on being people with good character. That means we exercise increasingly good judgment to surround ourselves with the best people possible – the people who are always aiming higher.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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Happy Monday! I’m picking on today’s topic because today is my wife’s birthday. And she’s living proof – at least to me – of the power of others. We began dating as teenagers and have been married for over 41 years. To imagine going through this life without her power is beyond what I’m able to fathom. Thankfully, I’ve not had to. Happy birthday to her!

If you happen to connect with me at Linkedin – I’d encourage you to do that by visiting ConnectWithRandy.com – then you’ll see the first line of my tagline says…

Helping Small Business Owners & Entrepreneurs Leverage The Power Of Others

“The Power Of Others” is a critical phrase because it’s one of the very best points of leverage any of us can have. And we can all have it if we want it.

It’s also critical because of how strongly I believe in it. Belief is a major component in our lives because our beliefs drive our behaviors. This belief in the power of others drives my behavior to serve small business owners by helping them leverage the enormous value they can derive from being inside the smartest room possible. It’s not about being the smartest person in the room. It’s about being in a smarter room.

Why not? 

It’s the question that has driven my entire professional life. It’s the point of Friday’s Daily Brief – pursuing unreasonable and impractical achievements. When others question whether something can be done or not I’m going to ask, “Why not? Why can’t we figure out a way to do it?”

Why not leverage the power of others? That’s a great question, but it’s not today’s question. Today we’re answering the question, “Why should you ignore the power of others?”

Answer 1: Because you don’t believe in it.

Many people who don’t believe in leveraging the power of others think they’re smarter than everybody else. But they don’t realize it’s not about intellect, education, skills or know-how. More often it’s about vantage point. It’s about perspective.

But if you don’t believe in the help you can seize from others – or the help you can provide them – then nothing else matters!

Answer 2: Because you won’t listen to anybody else anyway.

Some folks are know-it-alls. Maybe that’s you. I hope not, but there are many people who still won’t listen to others. You don’t have to be a know-it-all. You just have to be stubborn enough – and arrogant enough – to think nobody’s viewpoint, opinion, insight or experience is comparable in value to your own.

Answer 3: Because you’re more focused on what you know than what you don’t.

People who fixate on their knowledge tend to not be curious enough to desire more deep understanding. Or learning. Nevermind how they came to learn what they already know (somebody likely helped teach them).

We can get snarky and nickname them, “Bliss.” As in, “Ignorance is bliss.”

The gaps in their understanding go ignored, trumped by the vast knowledge they feel they already have.

Answer 4: Because you discount the value of others.

Prejudice and bias corrupt the opportunity many would have to learn, understand and grow based on the insights of others. For example, it’s common for owners of big companies to discount whatever insights might be offered by a business owner operating a company with lower revenues. “Why should I listen to anything he’s got to say? He’s doing half the revenue we’re doing.”

That level of bigotry is a valid reason to ignore the power of others.

Answer 5: Because you’re uninterested in growing your business, your leadership, and your life.

Maybe you’re the person who answers questions about growth with, “No, I’m good.” I won’t shoot down complacency. It’s your life and if being complacent is what you want, then bully for you. I’m not going to judge you.

It’s not how I want to roll. Nor is it who I want to serve but those are my choices. Each of us have to go the way we want. I want to help small business owners who aren’t offended by the label, “operator.” People who love their customers and love the work they do. Owners who are close to the work. Owners who want to grow – and owners willing to define “growth” any way they choose!

Serving small business owners (regardless of revenue or headcount) driven to achieve more — these are the people I’m attracted to serve. These are “my people.” I love them and respect them.

Imagine being surrounded by 7 other small business owners who, along with you, make up the safest room possible for every member. What is said in this room, stays in this room. What happens in this room, stays in this room. It’s a sanctuary where nobody is tempted to violate the confidentiality. A room where nobody is judging each other because everybody respects each other. Each person has a business to run and how each person chooses to operate is completely up to that person – not the group. In short, this room is ruled by compassion, courage, and confidentiality.

The group is driven by those C’s I’m always talking about:

Compassion • Connection • Communication
Collaboration • Culture

Now, bring to the forefront of your mind THE one thing that troubles you. Not the one thing troubling you right now, but the one thing that seems to be a recurring problem for you. The thing that you know is holding you back and holding your company back. A problem you can’t quite seem to conquer and keep it conquered.

You’re now surrounded by these 7 people who get it. Every single one of them. Seven other people surround you who understand what it is to endure what you’re enduring. They can each relate. That drives their empathy to become compassion. Compassion requires action. Empathy doesn’t. These people are driven to help you.

As you think about this big ongoing problem – this big constraint – you realize you’re not having to work very hard to summon up the courage to ask these people for their insights. A systematic discussion is led as the group dives in to help you finally conquer this problem. Nobody is making the decision for you, that’s not why they’re there. But they are all working hard to help you figure out what decision you most want to make. As you listen and answer their question – they’re asking questions to make sure they (and you) understand the problem as clearly as possible – you hear the stories of their experiences. Some of them have experienced very similar problems in their own lives. Hearing them share those insights is valuable and causes you to think of some things you’ve never thought of before.

The process makes you aware of why you love this group and this experience. If people think we live in a 3-dimensional world, you’ve learned that you’re in an 8-dimensional world that provides you with so many different viewpoints and angles, the clarity you now experience is vastly improved from what it was before you surrounded yourself with these people. You’re exposed to perspectives, experiences, insights, talents, know-how, and strengths that you would have never had access to were it not for these people’s willingness to surround you. And their willingness to have you be part of the group that surrounds them. Everybody wins.

Because the result of all this is another big C word, CHANGE. We all call it “growth” but that’s exactly what this change is all about. It’s about the joint commitment of each member to grow and to help the others grow.

The Peer Advantage is the culmination of my life’s experience and know-how to create the smartest virtual rooms possible to serve small business owners. I’m smart enough to serve. Smart enough to help assemble a very smart room. Smart enough to guide and direct a group intent on high achievement. And plenty smart enough to know that me plus 7 dynamite small business owners has exponentially more power than anything I know of in helping every member grow great.

I’m currently building the first group of 7 and looking for a few specific members to enroll. Now if you’re not among these categories I still want you to apply because I’m building more than one group. So what I’m about to say isn’t a restriction, but more of an immediate request.

I’m looking for a female entrepreneur who owns a construction trade company. It’s such a novel thing for a woman to own and operate a blue-collar trade-oriented enterprise I believe her insights and experiences can be highly valuable to the group.

I’m also looking for an entrepreneur who is steeped in economic and financial data. I don’t have a specific industry in mind, but I’m interested in a business owner whose business necessitates being very aware of economic trends and financial analysis.

I’m looking for an entrepreneur in manufacturing. Any type of manufacturing.

Lastly, I’m looking for business owners headquartered here in America, but who conduct business both inside and outside the United States.

Again, this doesn’t mean I’m uninterested in others. I’m interested in enrolling business owners from just about any industry or sector. I hope you’ll visit ThePeerAdvantage.com and complete the application today.

The focus of our work together is squarely aimed at hitting the trifecta of successful business building:

1. Getting new customers
2. Serving existing customers better
3. Not going crazy in the process

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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I’m a practical person. And rather proud of it. But the strength can be a weakness when it’s deployed too much. Or in the wrong way. For instance, it can prevent me from thinking big enough. But it never prevents me from idealism – so I can be a walking contradiction much of the time. It makes me special. 😉

Idealism is the ongoing pursuit of the way things SHOULD be. The dictionary defines idealism this way:

the practice of forming or pursuing ideals, especially unrealistically

An idealist is a person who follows their ideals even to the point of impracticality.

This week we’ve talked a bit about beliefs and perspective, especially how we see things. It’s the Pogo cartoon line circa 1971, “We have met the enemy and he is us.”

Indeed we often are our worst enemy. Especially when it comes to dreaming big, thinking big, aiming high and pursuing the impractical.

I choose to end this week on a note of innovation, creativity and impossibility thinking. I’m bored with possibility thinking. And with practical. It’s much more fun to consider what’s impractical and what may be impossible.

I’m blessed with five grandkids who range in age from 12 (almost) to 4 (almost). Even the oldest is more ideal than practical. I’m curious when the idealism will give way to the practical. I know it’s coming because it comes for all of us.

The interesting thing is how easy impractical is for kids. They don’t know any better. What kid would have as much fun by being practical? There’s no fun in that.

I’m sure the adults in these kid’s lives will tell them that’s not how the real world works. We’ll send them other signals that will methodically squash their idealism. I’m sad about that, but I don’t know to fully prevent it. I can only hope to instill in them my encouragement to keep dreaming and thinking as big as they want.

It’s the Ying and Yang of being responsible (practical) while embracing a safe margin of dreaming (being impractical).

Cason is my almost 4-year-old grandson. I nicknamed him Road Rash Roy over 2 years ago because he’s adventurous and always had some scrape on his face. Road rash from a fall or something.

Roy was scaringly fearless the first couple of years of his life. He’s still pretty fearless, but he was afraid of water. Even after taking swimming lessons for two summers, he’s still not a big fan of getting in the pool. Such is the nature of fear. It is what it is. Who knows why?

I mention “Roy” because nothing in his life is based on practicality. Well, nothing I can think of. Roy’s whole life is the pursuit of the impractical.

He grabs a PlayStation game controller from an older cousin without any idea what to do. When the older kids try to show him what to do, he’s completely uninterested. He’ll jerk away from them, controller in a death grip, and declare, “I can do it.” Nevermind that he can’t. He doesn’t care what you or anybody thinks. The kid is stubborn and determined. Best to leave him alone and let him figure it out.

Seconds go by and he’s frustrated out of his mind. He’ll carry on unleashing his frustration. But you can’t help him ’cause he won’t let you. He’s completely unreasonable. 😀

We grow up (and out of) being unreasonable. But we tend to do it across all areas of our life. And it stifles our creativity, innovation, and dreams. I don’t want Roy to stop dreaming. Or to stop dreaming big.

In 2007 author Paul Lemberg wrote a book entitled, Be Unreasonable: The Unconventional Way To Extraordinary Business Results. It’s been years since I read it but it still sits on my shelves. I admit I bought it when it came out because of the title. I’ve had a longtime fascination with impractical and unreasonable pursuits. 😉

Impractical and unreasonable are synonyms as I’m using them today. I don’t mean unreasonable in that it defies logic and reason when it comes to us behaving responsibility with the resources we’re managing. But it does defy the ordinary, conventional and typical.

Paul puts forth the notion that unreasonable is a must if you want to be extraordinary. Who can disagree? Ordinary is so reasonable it’s average. Well, at least ordinary.

Unreasonable ignores conventional wisdom. It’s doing more than you’re asked. It’s asking more than most are willing to give. It’s giving your best in every situation, even if your best isn’t required.

Unreasonable and impractical is about saying yes to yourself when everybody says no to your idea or pursuit. It’s acting on the prospect of greatness without fretting over whether it’ll work. Impractical and unreasonable increases the chances of success by helping possible things become a reality.

It’s also about making improbable but needed things to happen. Unreasonable and impractical question why things considered normal are normal. Then it figures out how to improve them.

Impractical is about expecting the best and success every time. It’s expecting greatness. Our own, our business and our ideas. It’s about questioning why and why not!

Weirdness is impractical. Unreasonable is impractical. So is creativity. And innovation. And improvement.

Let’s pursue the impractical because that’s where the biggest success is found. That’s where the fun is found.

Today is the day. The best day. To start thinking bigger. To start dreaming about what could be — all those things that seem impossible or improbable. Today is the day to start asking, “Why not?” And when people tell you your idea is impractical or unreasonble, today is the day to start tell them, “It doesn’t matter. I’m gonna pursue it anyway!”

Winners win. Go big! I’ve got an almost 4-year-old grandson who doesn’t yet know better. And it’s worked out terrifically well for him so far. Here’s a video of him when he was 2. This was 50% of his life ago!

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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“That’s not how I see it.”

We’ve all used that sentence. Some more than others.

Question: how open are you to understand another perspective?

About anything. But let’s keep this business related.

In the past few weeks, my work has revolved heavily around helping CEOs deal with roster issues. In some cases, the CEO doesn’t feel like he’s got the right people in place. In another case, an owner isn’t quite sure if certain people are doing the work they’re most ideally suited to do. Discussions about handling people challenges can be some of the most personal conversations possible. There’s emotion, sentiment and all kinds of stuff that has to be processed.

It’s just one area where “how I see it” impacts our behavior and the actions we take. Or the actions we refuse to take.

Bob sees a team member underperforming. He draws conclusions about why. That gap between what Bob knows and what he doesn’t is filled in with Bob’s opinions. It’s how he sees it.

When he confronts the team member with his assumptions he then – for the first time – realizes he wasn’t looking at accurately. Turns out the employee, married for 8 years, just found out his wife had a boyfriend. He’s wrecked and it’s obviously impacted his ability to work. Bob had no idea. How could he? He thought this employee was loafing, “slacking off.”

As you may imagine, it ended up being a very conversation than the one Bob had planned. So it goes. We see it the way we see it — until we see it differently.

Bob wonders how he may have improved his perspective. Being the candid communicator I am I simply say, “You could have talked with him and asked him what was going on.” Call me Captain Obvious, but Bob knows he could have done that. He also knows he chose instead to make assumptions based on how he saw things. Nevermind that he wasn’t looking at the whole picture. There was a major piece of the puzzle he couldn’t see – infidelity in the employee’s marriage.

Yesterday we talked about how you see things inside your head, something supremely important. Today it’s mostly about how we see the outside world, but let’s leverage both ideas for our benefit because outside perspectives can serve us in both cases.

Lately, I’ve been fixated a bit on the parable Jesus told about the prodigal son in Luke 15. Here’s a young man who wanted his inheritance in advance of his father’s passing and the dad gave it to him. He promptly leaves home, goes to another country and lives it up. He indulges in every sinful behavior he can while he does whatever he wants. It’s all great and wonderful until the money runs out and the friends all leave. Destitute he wanders around until he gets a job feeding pigs. He’s so hungry he’ll eat what the pigs are eating, but nobody is there to help him. There in the pigpen the Bible says, “he came to himself.” He decides to go back home and beg his father to forgive him and take him back – not as a son, but as a servant.

“He came to himself” is a powerful phrase signifying the value of another point of view. This young man left home seeing things very differently. He likely felt stifled in his father’s house. He wanted to do what he wanted to do. He didn’t realize that everything the father had was his, too. He didn’t realize how good he had it at home. Good clothing. Good food. Safety. Love. Care. He took all that for granted when he was there. But today, he has “come to himself.” He doesn’t see it the same way now. Now that he’s broke and broken.

How can we improve our vision without being broken? How we can improve our perspective without suffering what he suffered?

Step 1 – Be humble.

Be humble to realize you may not have it right. The way you see it today may be right, but it may be completely wrong. Bob saw his employee’s performance through a lens that only allowed for the employee’s performance to be explained by neglect or laziness. Turns out he was neither neglectful nor lazy. He was broken hearted. Bob never considered that possibility because he was confident he had it all figured out.

Step 2 – Be open.

What if this isn’t really how it is at all? Humility will fuel your ability to openly consider something other than your current viewpoint. But humility isn’t enough…you’ve got to intentionally open your mind to other possibilities.

Step 3 – Be curious.

Ask. Find out.

I never cease to be amazed at people who predetermine wrong “facts” that could so easily be prevented. Bob could have likely easily, and quickly, discovered the problem his employee was having. All he had to do is deploy curiosity and ask, “Hey, your performance is really dropping off. I’m worried about you. What’s going on with you?” But Bob didn’t do that. He wasn’t curious enough to find out if how he saw it was accurate or not. He simply rode with his assumptions. Big mistake!

Step 4 – Be clear. Understand.

Be clear in your understanding and in your communication. Be clear in the questions you ask to feed your curiosity.

Clear vision – and clear thinking – aren’t possible with muddy thinking, understanding or communication. This is no time for babbling incoherently – come to think of it, IS there ever a time for that? Don’t tell Capital Hill there’s never a good time for that!

This is a bit of an amplification of step 3 in that you need to dive deeply enough into curiosity to get the answers and information necessary so you better understand.

Step 5 – Be changeable.

Armed with new information and a new outlook the prodigal son went back home apologizing to his father. He didn’t have to. He could have been resentful and bitter at his failure. He could have been too humiliated to go back home. And the father could have berated him when he came back. But none of that happened. The father ran to him, fell on him and kissed his neck, then he put a robe on him, a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet. His son had come home. He wasn’t a servant. He was a son. A son who had learned, understood and grown – enough to change.

The only point of leveraging an outside perspective is to see things more clearly so we can change – aka grow and improve.

It often takes an outside perspective because we only know what we know. We only see what we see. Again, it’s not always a matter of right or wrong. It’s always a matter of clarity though. Can we see things more clearly? Absolutely. Can others help us do that? Of course!

There’s one big hurdle with the outside perspective. Judgment.

Quite often outside perspectives love to judge our current perspective. They like to tell us what we should do. What we shouldn’t do. They enjoy criticizing what we’ve already done or what we say we’re about to do. That’s not helpful. Kick people like that to the curb. Ditch them. You don’t need those people in your life because they’re not serving you. They’re serving themselves. They don’t care about you more than they care about themselves.

Instead, surround yourself with people willing to listen and understand how you see things. And, people courageous enough to share with you alternative ways to look at it. Ways that promote a more meaningful way to consider it. Ways that provoke you to find out if you’re seeing it accurately or not. And ways that provoke you to put in the work to make sure you’re seeing it as clearly as possible. People who want to help you be better without regard for themselves because they understand this is YOUR life, not theirs.

It’s why you hear me constantly say, “You’ll figure it out. I’m just here to help.”

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy

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That line is part of the first page of Og Mandino’s book, The Greatest Salesman In The World.

I will persist until I succeed.

That’s another line from the same passage.

Both lines address something other than a positive affirmation of the desire to achieve something, but they speak to one of our greatest challenges – overcoming our self-limiting beliefs.

Back in 2013, an online article was published over at Tiny Buddha entitled, “Overcome 8 Common Limiting Beliefs That May Keep You Stuck.” 

The author pointed out 8 that were especially vexing to her. They figured out these were the limiting beliefs causing her to be stuck. I suspect it’s an all too common list.

1. I lack motivation.
2. I procrastinate too much.
3. I don’t have time.
4. I don’t have enough resources.
5. It’s too late to change.
6. I have too many responsibilities.
7. I have no clue who I am.
8. I have no clue where to start.

Your list may look different. But you’ve got a list. We’ve all got a list.

Dr. Bruce Lipton likes to say that the movie – The Matrix – isn’t sci-fi. It’s a documentary. 😀

So many classic books focus on beliefs – particularly on overcoming our limiting beliefs. I don’t know who first put that verbiage to the idea, but we can all relate to it. Nobody is immune.

ChangingMinds.org gives us this insight thanks to a keynote by Alan Stein, Jr.

Limiting beliefs are those which constrain us in some way. Just by believing them, we do not think, do or say the things that they inhibit. And in doing so we impoverish our lives.

We may have beliefs about rights, duties, abilities, permissions and so on. Limiting beliefs are often about our selves and our self-identity. The beliefs may also be about other people and the world in general.

In any case, they sadly limit us.

They go on to say this…

I do/don’t
We may define ourselves by what we do or do not do. I may say ‘I am an accountant’, which means I do not do marketing and should not even think about it, and consequently fail to sell my services well.

Another common limiting belief is around how we judge ourselves. We think ‘I don’t deserve…’ and so do not expect or seek things.

I can’t
We often have limited self-images of what we can and cannot do. If I think ‘I cannot sing’ then I will never try or not go to singing lessons to improve my ability. This is the crux of many ‘I can’t’ statements: we believe our abilities are fixed and that we cannot learn.

I must/mustn’t
We are bound by values, norms, laws and other rules that constrain what we must and must not do. However, not all of these are mandatory and some are distinctly limiting. If I think ‘I must clean the house every day’ then this robs me of time that may be spent in something more productive.

I am/am not
The verb ‘to be’ is quite a pernicious little thing and as we think ‘I am’ we also think ‘I am not’ or ‘I cannot’. For example we may think ‘I am an artist’ and so conclude that we can never be any good at mathematics, or must not soil our hands with manual work.

‘I am’ thinking assumes we cannot change. Whether I think ‘I am intelligent’ or ‘I am not intelligent’, either belief may stop me from seeking to learn. ‘I am’ also leads to generalization, for example where ‘I am stupid’ means ‘all of me is all of stupid and all of stupid is all of me’. A better framing is to connect the verb to the individual act, such as ‘That was a stupid thing to do’.

When coupled with values we get beliefs about whether a person is right or wrong, good or bad.

Others are/will
Just as we have limiting beliefs about ourselves, we also have beliefs about other people, which can limit us in many ways. If we think others are more capable and superior then we will not challenge them. If we see them as selfish, we may not ask them to help us.

We often guess what others are thinking based on our ‘theory of mind’ and beliefs about them. These guesses are often wrong. Hence we may believe they do not like us when they actually have no particular opinion or even think we are rather nice. From our guesses at their thoughts we then deduce their likely actions, which can of course be completely wrong. Faced with this evidence, it is surprising how many will still hold to the original beliefs.

From Napoleon Hill who wrote in Think And Grow Rich, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve” — to every self-help author who has ever written and published anything about positive thinking, we’re smothered with quips and quotes about the value of controlling our thinking. If the sheer volume of words would provoke major changes, then major changes would have happened over a century ago. But we still battle our thoughts.

You’re thinking, “What does this have to do with me and my business?” Good question. But I have a better answer, “Everything!”

Everything.

As a leader, executive, business owner – frankly, as a human – everything begins in our mind. Everything.

That doesn’t mean we control everything, but it means the things we do control first happen in our brain.

Acceptance that failure isn’t our necessary destiny or path may be foundational to us thinking bigger. And better!

It’s often a subtle, even gentle killer of ideas, creativity, and innovation among leaders. A nagging thought shooting through our mind telling us, “This will never work.” An ever-present fear that we’re reaching too high. Or not high enough. An idea that the slaughterhouse of failure is bound to be the fate of our idea or endeavor. Or worse yet, our destiny!

“If it is to be, it’s up to me!”

I want to encourage you to carefully consider what you think. Exercise self-control when it comes to your self-talk. There is no more powerful voice in your life than your own. There is no opinion in your life more influential than your own. So let’s invest more in this. In this person – YOU – who so drastically impacts the outcomes of your life.

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Randy