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I checked today’s Ballard Street daily cartoon and here it is. Fitting. Given that this weekend I’ve been thinking of how sometimes people think our vision of the future is nonsense. We come up with ideas, plans, and strategies that we’d like to execute only to find somebody (maybe a whole bunch of somebodies) who don’t think our idea has legs.

In the last few years, I’ve spent a considerable amount of time thinking about how important our beliefs are. Beliefs that our idea is valid. Beliefs that our execution will work, and if it doesn’t, that we’ll figure out a better execution that will. Our beliefs in ourselves and what we’re pursuing. 

Small business owners aren’t immune from caring what other people think. Generalizations about every group or segment of the population abound. But the truth is, we can’t lump everybody in the same pile by ascribing the exact same traits to everybody. 

Entrepreneurs come in every possible shape and size. Physically, emotionally, personality and any other way you’d like to measure folks. Introverts. Extroverts. Highly educated. Quite undereducated. From happy childhoods. From abusive childhoods. For every measuring stick you can find (or think of), there are successful business owners at each end of the spectrum. What binds us together is our humanity. In show 5053 I talked briefly about being human. A good human.

Last night on 60 Minutes there was a story about Elizabeth Holmes and the Theranos deception. It’s a story of greed, lies, and boldness to appear as something other than what you truly are. Raising millions and millions of dollars, the founders took the company to a one-time valuation of $10 billion. Today, it’s worthless and facing an avalanche of lawsuits and government investigations. It’s a story of intentional deception to orchestrate what people think so they’ll invest. To say it’s poor human behavior is a gross understatement. It displays the depths some people may go to in order to foster a persona that is completely fabricated. Dishonest.

Contrast that story with you. Not raising any money or looking for big outside investors. Working hard to build a profitable sustainable business that you and your family can be proud of. Serving your employees, customers, and community. Committed to doing the right thing. Overcoming all the hurdles presented by the market, regulators and whatever else would kill your enterprise. A good human being. Battling whatever odds are against you. Because YOU believe. Deeply.

And now somebody – somebody you care about and who cares about you – is expressing their disbelief. We all have people in our lives who love us – or claim to – but they don’t really believe in us. Or our idea. Or our execution. 

We’re business people. Sure, we’re dreamers, but we’re not *just* dreamers. Like Neal in that Ballard Street cartoon, we take action. Okay, I don’t advise any of us to follow Neal’s choice, but he’s making the point pretty well. He stops thinking about what other people think. 

Because we’re good people we care what others think, especially the people closest to us. That doesn’t mean they dictate our lives, but they may – more than we’d like to admit. It certainly means thoughts creep into our head when they express hesitation or outright disagreement with our plans. We can begin to doubt ourselves. Or not.

But there’s an even more practical daily application in our businesses. Thinking about what other people think can negatively impact our daily work. Not that others disbelieving in our work isn’t practical. There’s a big impact. Doubt is always an enormous enemy. I’d argue it’s THE enemy! But our day-to-day operating can be impacted, too. So it’s a double-edged sword that can cripple us.

Do you have an employee who is underperforming, but you’ve not done a good job of confronting the issue? You’re unsure how to approach it and how to coach it?

Do you have fears when you face a big negotiation?

Are you sometimes fearful to share any bad news with people who may be able to help you…because you don’t want them to think badly of you?

We’re business owners. With feelings, thoughts, ideas, emotions…and whatever else makes us US. It’s disingenuous to say, “Just don’t worry about it.” That can make us worry about it more. 

Fear is a big, big deal. Fear of what others think is a large elephant in the room for many of us. Just today I read a story posted by the World Economic Forum about being popular at work. There’s status popularity and then there’s likeability popularity. Some of us are driven to be liked. We care what people think of us. 

I’m not going to kick this week off busting your chops. Telling you how stupid that is. I get it. 

I don’t get the Elizabeth Holmes way of life. I can’t imagine living life every day knowing that you’re only growing bolder in your lies. So don’t expect me to throw rocks at you for caring what others think. She should have cared a bit more. I’d like to think somewhere she just lost her way, but I don’t know. 

Here’s what I want to leave you with today – it’s not that what others think about us, or our choices, doesn’t matter. It’s simply that you and I can’t allow what they think to matter more than what we think. It’s OUR LIFE. These are OUR CHOICES. This is OUR BUSINESS. 

Then how can we accomplish this – this caring less what others think?

1. You know that you must deeply believe in what you’re doing. That’s what has helped you get to where you are. It’s also what will take you further into the Land of Success. You know this. You believe this. Don’t stop believing this.
2. Give grace to others who express disbelief in you or your plans. They’re not you. They don’t know what you know. They don’t feel what you feel. They’re as uniquely them as you’re uniquely you. And some may not be able to express themselves clearly. Be empathetic toward them, but don’t forget that you aren’t them. 
3. Eliminate toxic people. Some people who disagree with your plans or work don’t come from a place of caring. Some want you to fail. Others are jealous. People who habitually tell you what you should do, and what you shouldn’t do are too judgmental to allow close proximity. Shove them to the outer circles of your life if you can’t kick them to the curb altogether. I’m in favor of banishment, but I realize it’s not always possible. Severely limit your interaction with these people (at the least).
4. Replace those people with people who will help you – not by agreeing with everything you plan, or do, but by helping you think more clearly. We need people who will ask us questions. Not in a judgmental way, but in a way to help us think through things we may not be seeing. Gather people around you who are capable of helping you gain insights. Safe, supportive people. But people willing to challenge us so we can grow and move forward.
5. Never forget that you control your life. Others only have whatever control we surrender to them. Do what you must do. Great leaders see the future first. Don’t expect others to always see what you see. Some will. Many won’t. You have to deeply believe in what you’re doing so you actually can visualize and feel as though it’s already been achieved. Guard that as ferociously as you’d guard and protect your family. Don’t let others penetrate the sanctity of beliefs. If they’re so easily influenced then you may want to spend time thinking more deeply about how much faith you’ve got in them (your ideas, strategies, plans, actions or whatever else). Increase your faith. That’s why step 3 and 4 are so important. 

As with many things, sometimes it’s addition by subtraction. The people who influence us in destructive ways have to be eliminated from our lives. And we have to concentrate on eliminating serious doubt from our lives. It can be done, but it takes a sober, thoughtful, ongoing approach. And some patience. It’s like developing an underused muscle. Start flexing it and it’ll get stronger. 

And add others who can be supportive. It’s the old empty and refill principle. Get rid of some stuff. Replace it with other, more useful stuff. Start today!

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

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The title is a line from William Faulkner’s 1930 novel, As I Lay Dying. I don’t know if you believe in an afterlife or not. But the line Faulkner wrote during the 168 or so odd hours he spent writing this story, from the hours of midnight to 4 am over the course of six weeks, captures not only our imagination but our emotions. It’s not lost on me that 168 hours is also the number of hours in one week. Nor is it lost on me that this work was produced in 1929 while Faulkner while worked night shifts at the University of Mississippi Power House. I suppose keeping tabs on a power plant at night isn’t arduous enough work to prevent a writer from writing. But then again, perhaps nothing is powerful enough to prevent a true writer from writing. He’s just gotten married and was only 32. 

I’m well past 32, but the line he wrote in the wee hours of one night in 1929 provides sober notions of what really matters in our life. And provides some sense of urgency about what we must do with life in this sphere. 

In 2016 a TED talk was published featuring Robert Waldinger, the current director of a 75-year study on adult development. In the presentation, Dr. Waldinger, a psychiatrist, asks and answers the question, “What makes a good life?” I only take issue with the lack of spiritual considerations, but you should take about 13 minutes and watch it. Spoiler alert: it’s relationships!

It’s not money. Or fame. Or power. It’s people. It’s connection. 

From a work perspective – and even a personal perspective – our lives are largely measured by the people in our lives. Those we surround ourselves with. Those who allow us to surround them. 

“Memory believes before knowing remembers.” 

That’s another line from the novel. Brilliant enough to make me envious of Faulkner’s wordsmithing talents. 

Hitting the trifecta of business building is hard work. Doable, but hard. 

Sometimes getting new customers seems impossible. Or it seems like we just can’t accomplish it with any measure of predictability. 

Sometimes serving existing customers is the hard part. No sooner have we gained a customer, but we face challenges to perform as we should. Systems and processes sometimes fail us. And our customers.

But today, I’m focused on the third leg of the trifecta – the not going crazy in the process. Some CEO’s and owners think it’s the froo-froo stuff they don’t want to think about, much less talk about. If that’s you, I empathize with you, but I’m not talking to you. Growing great is for more open-minded, and open-hearted business people. People willing to acknowledge that sometimes their business drives them nuts. But people unwilling to accept the notion that “that’s just how it is.”

This is about living. It’s about living in a way where we have far more great moments than not. Where we’re impacting people by helping them achieve levels of success unlikely without us. Where our suppliers, customers and employees – and their families – are all benefiting because of the business we own and operate. It’s the two words I admit drive me today: legacy and significance. 

I don’t consider Faulkner’s words to be so morose.  I consider them challenging. Challenging us to get to the heart of the matter. To face the reality of why we started our businesses, or why we currently own and operate them. Of all the things we could be doing instead of whatever it is we’re doing — we’re choosing to do this. Why?

Death is the end of life here. If we assume we’ll live to be 80 or older, it’s not a lot of time. You’re likely between the ages of 27 and 70. Maybe you’re younger. Maybe older. No matter. You’re either statistically ahead of the “death curve” or behind it. Meaning, you’ve either got more future in front of you than past, or you’ve got more past behind you than future in front of you. This timeline of life is always moving us further up the road toward the end. It’s our reality. All of us.

What Are You Doing With Your Time?

The crux of my work with CEO’s, business owners and leaders isn’t time management. For starters, I don’t believe in it. Not for myself anyway. I prioritize on the fly. Always have. I scan what’s happening and immediately (with speed) put the urgent and important thing up at the very top. Urgent but less important things tend to not be considered urgent for me. I have trouble labeling anything urgent that isn’t important. Illustration: I was out and about and my gas light came on. I pulled into a gas station and fueled up. The morning 38-ounce water bottle I had emptied was catching up with me. I had the urge, but the gas station was one of those cashier booth only kind of places. So I fill up and head toward home. By the time I got home it was urgent. Might not seem so important, but tell my bladder that. It was URGENT. And it was IMPORTANT. I guess somebody may be able to convince me there’s a way something can be urgent without being important, but I don’t live like that. So, I prioritize in real-time. Always have. 

And I get stuff done, then move on. My objective is to fix it the first time, if possible. I’m not interested in patching it up so it’ll hold for a bit to buy me more time. Why would I want to come back and mess with it again if I’m here right now messing with it? It’s a point of view. You can have a different one and I won’t think less of you. 

It all speaks to how we deal with TIME. I’ve just given you a glimpse of how I deal with it. It’s important for us to think more deeply about it because it’s all we’ve got. Our hours, days, months and years make up our lives. And the lives of the people who matter to us. 

People.

What are you doing with your time and the people in your life? 

I’m very involved in church work. The other day somebody asked me about that work and I told them how there are many young adults in my life (my favorite people). Right now, I’m completely focused on serving them to see who may be able and willing to one day serve in leadership. In short, I said, “I’m working really hard to grow future leaders.” First, I had to – and I still have to – invest in myself to become a better leader. And I do. 

I spend time with myself. I spend time with other people. I’m much less focused these days on some specific work product as I am the people producing or helping produce the work product. Yes, the work product matters, but a funny thing happens when you put the attention where it can serve you best – on the people (and this includes yourself). The work product dramatically improves. Problems get solved more quickly. More permanently. Opportunities get spotted more quickly, too. And taken advantage of. People gain energy. And enthusiasm when we begin to understand that they’re the horsepower behind the engine that is our business!

We’re all gonna be dead much longer than we’ll be alive. That is, we’ll be on this planet for a brief time. The world will go on without us much, much longer than it will go on with us.

That’s urgency!

That’s important!

It’s also why the third leg of the trifecta exists. Can we operate our businesses without losing ourselves? Can we operate our business and enhance ourselves? Can we operate our businesses in a way that drives success higher than before…while at the same time finding greater joy? Yes, yes and yes.

“Memory believes before knowing remembers.” 

You have to think about it. Then you have to believe it. That it’s possible. And you’ve got to feel it deep down where you really live. 

When you do, it’ll change everything. For the better. Your actions will be congruent to make it so. Lord willing, somewhere down the line, you’ll be able to look back with fond memories of how well you did. And it’ll happen because of the people you decided to give your attention to, and the people you allowed to give to you. 

Be well. Do good. Grow great.

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A large part of effective leadership is being a good human. Which may explain why some people don’t get it right. 

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Maybe the most powerful 2-word question you can ask. Or be asked. 

Also maybe the most painful for many entrepreneurs. And certainly, one that is sure to make some folks angry. 

So what? 😉

It’s among the most universally applicable questions. Test it.

“We’re not hitting our sales projections.”

So what?

“We’ve got to find a suitable Director of Marketing.”

So what?

“Our chief competitor just bought another competitor and managed to double their size overnight.”

So what?

It’s not “so what?” in that it doesn’t matter. It’s “so what?” as in, “What are gonna do about it?”

We love to figure out who’s at fault. Blaming somebody is job one for many companies. It’s a defeatist culture. So what? So what if you finally do figure out who’s at fault? Now what? Which is likely the second most powerful question. Actually, they’re one and the same. I often use them interchangeably. 

Sometimes we love to assume an excuse. We say “making excuses,” but it’s more appropriately assuming excuses. Looking for ways to explain a failure. Ways that will deflect responsibility away from us. Ways that will give us an out. Okay, list them. Assume every single excuse you can name is legit. So what? Now what?

Nobody remembers Harold Geneen, the tyrannical leader of ITT, the original conglomerate. But they should. He would say, “Managers must manage.” Translation: Find a way. We simply have to find a way. Or not. We win. Or we lose. Period. 

When I sit down with an entrepreneur of top-level leader and they begin discussing their calendar, I’m almost always amazed at the talk to action ratio. Or we could term it the meeting to doing ratio. It often feels like our federal government in D.C. Committees, meetings, discussions, thinking, blah, blah, blah. Not nearly enough doing. But lots of preparation to do something. For too many business leaders it feels like you’re strapped into a space rocket ready to launch, but the countdown seems to get stuck on repeat somewhere around the number 7. 10, 9, 8, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7…leaving us wondering if we’re ever going to take off. 

Hesitation. Delay. Procrastination. Overthinking.

Anything to avoid facing the truth that we’re responsible and we can do something to fix it. 

We all know something about this stuff because at some point in our lives, in some circumstance…we did it. Maybe we’re still doing it. 

So?

So what?

Now what?

Whatever challenge or opportunity facing you right now — be bold. Have courage. Ask yourself the question. 

Now, answer it.

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IDK is digital shorthand for “I don’t know.” I get it a lot. From young people. From older people. In response to a question. And it’s okay. Truth is, it’s better than okay to not know. It’s not better if you’re willing to stay there though. The value is in the quest to find out. Figure it out.

IDK Value In Hiring

Growing companies are always on the prowl for good people. But how do you define “good?” Easy. What are you looking for? 

CEO’s may tell me they’re looking for a C-suite cohort who will care as much as they do. Somebody who wants it (whatever IT is) as badly as they do. And they want skills and experience in whatever their industry may be. And they want somebody who has done it (again, whatever IT is) before. And they want somebody who doesn’t have bad habits to unwind. On and on it goes with great emphasis on finding a known quantity – the ideal person who knows exactly what to do to help get the company from here to there. 

I get it. Seems to make sense. Until you start to really think about it. Is that the right fit for your company? Are you sure? 

It may be. I’m not saying it’s not. But I am saying you may be neglecting one of the most valuable assets a future leader has – the ability to learn. Especially the ability to learn in real time. 

Think about the biggest and best companies on the planet. Just consider two of them: Amazon and Facebook. Two founders started humbly. In small rooms with limited resources. What those guys knew then is not at all what they know now. Chief among their strengths is the ability to learn and figure out what they didn’t know. 

In the case of Amazon, why didn’t the big shot, smarty pants who ran the biggest bookselling companies on the planet figure it out? All those people who knew the in’s and out’s of bookselling should have been the first to make it happen. Not some ex-investment banker who was a Senior VP at age 30. Within a few years of launching Amazon, with about $300K from his parents, he had a dinner with executives of Barnes & Noble who told him they were about to launch their own website, which would destroy Amazon. Based on their experience and know-how you could argue that it should have worked. It didn’t. 

Facebook wasn’t the first social media site aimed at connecting people. Once you get past the IRC’s (Internet Relay Chat) of the late 80’s and early 90’s you likely don’t remember a site called Six Degrees, which may have been the first real social media platform designed to enabled users to upload a profile and make friends with other users. Six Degrees grew to about 100 employees and over 3.5 million users. They started in 1997, seven years before Facebook. By 2001 they were gone after having been sold in 1999 for $125. Cue up Queen’s song, “Another one bites the dust” here. 

Both Amazon and Facebook should have been created by people already occupying their space. That is, according to the logic most CEO’s and HR folks are applying to their hiring process of looking for people who have already done exactly what you think you need done. It’s a stupid practice in many instances. Maybe even most. Sure, there are some very technical roles that require experienced expertise, but there are far more roles that not only don’t need it, but I’d argue they’re hampered by it. 

It’s called perspective. You often hear people talk about having “fresh eyes” look at something. We know the value of letting people look at something when they’re not even sure what they’re looking at. Having some people who are brave enough to say, IDK is valuable. 

Facebook and Amazon both questioned assumptions others weren’t willing to question. Both saw something larger. Jeff Bezos didn’t suddenly decide Amazon would be the “everything store.” He saw that future when he started. He began with books. It validated his idea. Traditional brick and mortar stores largely still haven’t figured it out. I know. I come from a heavy retail background. With all the vast retailing experience out there, a non-retailer entered the space in 1995 and is currently ruling the world of e-commerce with no end in sight. As for Facebook, it took off on Harvard’s campus, eventually launching on other college campuses, then high schools and by 2006 anybody over 13 could jump on board. All along the way, both companies learned, figured things out and managed to build extraordinary momentum in spaces they didn’t invent. Neither of them had done it before. Neither of them was burdened with preconceived ideas. Both knew they were figuring it out in real time. And Bezos even told early investors that he felt there was a 70% chance they’d lose their money due to failure. 

IDK doesn’t mean you’re looking for stupid people. Or ignorant people. But it may mean you’re excluding people because they lack industry-specific skills and experience. You’re looking for the wrong things and avoiding the right things. 

Clear thinkers. Brave problem solvers. 

Every business leader on the planet is looking for those two qualities, but I never heard them articulate that. Once I mention those two things they’re always quick to agree though. I know deep down they’re thinking they’d like to have those things, but those things don’t trump having already done it. Or having already seen it. 

And there’s another element in all this to consider. The person capable of saying IDK has a courage and humility that will be exceptional. Most people are afraid to admit not knowing something. They try to bluff their way through. How doesn’t that help you grow your company?

There’s high value in a learner willing to leverage what others would call “naivete.” How is it leveraged? By asking questions others aren’t willing to ask. By looking at things in ways not available to the bashful. By figuring things out deploying insights they collect all along the way with their “stupid questions” and challenging viewpoints. By not surrendering to your industry or experience based assumptions. 

Growing your company is going to depend largely on your ability to zig while your competitors zag. You can’t do that by being a copycat. Keep doing what you’ve been doing and you’ll discover (likely sooner than later) that it stops working. It doesn’t mean it was stupid at the time, but it may mean that to keep doing it without changes (that is, without growth, improvement, and transformation) — you’ll stop learning how to be better. And the market will make you pay. It always does! 

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Five little kids call me, “Papa.” They’re my grandchildren. This summer the oldest will turn 11 and the youngest will turn 3. 

When Max, the oldest, joined a soccer team when he was very young…he was paralyzed with fear. That was 7 years ago. I talked about it at the time so I’m not going to relive it here. You can go check it out for yourself. 

I’ve seen displays of fear in each of these kids. What some are afraid of, others are not. Just yesterday one of them picked up a little snake without hesitation. The youngest probably is the most fearless, but he’s even afraid sometimes. 

Type the word “fear” into a Google search and within a second Google delivers about 592 million results. Type in “fearless” and you get about 90% fewer results. Fear is a big player in our lives. Every time I hear somebody preach how we shouldn’t be afraid or I see various motivational sayings about having no fear I think of that line uttered by Robert Duvall’s character in the 1969 classic True Grit. The line was delivered to John Wayne’s character, U.S. marshal “Rooster” Cogburn. “I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man.” 

Only fools are fearless. We’re all afraid sometimes. Of something. Listening to folks brag about having no fear is reminiscent of whistling in the dark. Something else we all do, in one form of another. 

This isn’t about me as much as it’s about us. Our collective humanity. The fact that no matter who we are…we’re afraid, too. Just like my grandkids sometimes are.

My tribe has heard me confess that I’m sometimes fearful. I’m not about to humiliate anybody – especially a small person I love – about their fear. Rather, I choose to acknowledge it. When Max was fearful of joining in on the 4-year-old soccer game we had no idea what he was afraid of. He didn’t appear to know either. He just was. And no about of coaxing him was going to change it at the moment. He had to process it. And he had to mature a little bit. Out on the field, filled with kids running around without a clue what to do, we pointed out how much fun it appeared to be. Didn’t matter. He wasn’t about to join them. Over time I’ve developed some theories on what scared him, but who can be sure? He’s a smart, confident kid (sometimes downright cocky), but we’ve learned he really wants to know what he’s doing. While others might dive in and give something a go…that’s not how he rolls. He needs to know about it first. Figure out as much as he can before jumping. When he was 4 I don’t think we fully knew that. 

Like my sign in The Yellow Studio says, “It is what it is.” But we didn’t know that at the time.

Peel back who we are and our fears likely make more sense. Even the fears that seem beyond understanding. I’m not trying to dissect your fears, but I am speaking up today to declare to my grandkids – and you – that it’s okay to be afraid. I’m afraid, too. 

Today is Monday, May 7th. It also happens to be my birthday. I’m not 4, or 11. Yep, I’m old enough to have grandkids that age. And I’m still afraid sometimes. Maybe more often than you. Maybe less. Doesn’t matter. It’s not a competition. I’m afraid plenty. 

Fears change. Max isn’t afraid of playing soccer anymore. Now he has different fears. 

I used to be afraid of the dark. I conquered that fear. Now I’m afraid of more serious things, but I can be afraid of stupid things, too. Just like you. 

I can be afraid of rejection, not making a sale, failure and a host of other things. Declaring that doesn’t make me powerless to manage my fear. Instead, I think it takes the steam out of it. That’s what I’m telling you today. All this chatter – this ridiculous noise – declaring that we should live, or must live without any fear only gives fear more power. It’s delusional. And I can’t seem to find value in being deluded. Or deceived. Fear does not deceive me. I know it exists. And I also know that it’s mostly harmless, but sometimes it’s valuable. 

In the past few days my son and I have talked about somebody in his field – he has a property inspection business. You know, the folks who do that home inspection before you buy that house. An inspector in another state was apparently trying to use a metal pole of some sort to take a picture while up on a roof. The metal pole came in contact with a power line and killed him. Three of my grandkids call my son, “Daddy.” I want him to be fearful of some things so he won’t harm himself. 

My wife will text me that she’s on her way home. 100% of the time I’m going to text back that I love her and I’m going to tell her “be safe.” I want her to be fearful enough while driving so she’s careful. And she always is. 

Does that level of fear prevent taking action? No. My son still does his work. My wife still drives. The proper fear compels them both (I hope) to take proper precautions and avoid being reckless. It does the same thing for us. 

Even irrational fears – which admittedly may be the biggest player in our lives – have some basis in our own head. Telling us to not have them is empty advice. Instead, I have found value in people opening up about them, discussing them without feeling judged for having them (the most judgmental people likely are people unwilling to face their own fears). Every time I engage in a conversation with somebody about our fears we help each other figure out what’s really going on and we’re able to logically walk through our thoughts, our beliefs, and our actions. The more we face them by diving into them, the better able we are to overcome them, or at the least manage them so they don’t stall us, or paralyze us. 

People think that’s wimpy I guess. I suppose too many think that strong declarations against fear are the best methods for dealing with it. Just don’t acknowledge it, ignore it and maybe it doesn’t really exist. Nope. Won’t work. That magnifies it making us think something is wrong with us because of all this talk about not having it. Forces us to think, “Well, I’m not supposed to be afraid, but I really am. Something must be wrong with me.” Nothing is wrong with you. You’re human. 

Maybe it’s time to deal with that so you can better deal with your fear.

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